


Tale of a Legend

by Warrior_Of_Amaranthine



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:00:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 114,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21927832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warrior_Of_Amaranthine/pseuds/Warrior_Of_Amaranthine
Summary: "I'm sure you've heard my stories before, you know the ones... Hard in Hightown, Tale of the Champion, 'ahem' Swords and Shields and several others. This however, this is one you don't want to miss. It's the tale of a hero, of love, happiness, sadness, betrayal, epic fights, defying odds, wars, family, friends, death, loyalty and whole lot of moments that make you go 'what the hell?' It's got it all, this ladies and gents is the tale of a legend. So sit back, grab a mug of ale, relax, and have a listen while I tell you the story of the most incredible hero I know... and no it's not Hawke, though he is pretty great. Anyway, where to begin...."
Relationships: Female Inquisitor/Cullen Rutherford, Fenris/Female Inquisitor, Male Hawke/Isabela
Kudos: 2





	1. Another New Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the first fic I've decided to share. I've had it written for a while and keep going back and adding more to it or changing things, but I thought it would be fun to share. You'll pick up on how it's written pretty early on, so if there's any scenes or scenarios you want me to write I happily will! I enjoy writing with these characters. Not going to lie, the first few chapters might be kind of bland, but I mainly used them to set up some background info, just give it a chance :) And thank you for reading

“I think I have a friend who can help...let me call in a few favors” Varric’s raspy voice echoed in the empty main hall of their new home. He winked at the Inquisitor and sauntered out of the hall, leaving her and her advisers in silence. Josephine and Leliana whispered among themselves trying to figure out who Varric was talking about.

“Damn that dwarf, he’s going to get the both of us killed…” she muttered, wincing as she worked at a knot in her shoulder from her fall at Haven

“What makes you say that?” she cursed under her breath, she hadn’t meant for anyone to hear her , especially not him, “Vermethys what are you mumbling about?” Cullen’s smooth voice filled her pointed ears, she hated that name, especially the way he said it. _Just leave me alone_.

“Huh? Oh nothing. I just...If Varric is finding who I think, well, let’s just say Cassandra is going to kill us.”

“What? Why? She’d have no reason to, unless… Oh maker’s breath….he’s not talking about?”   
“The one and only…..and we lied straight to her face.” she raked her hands through her hair and smiled at Cullen “ Just be glad you’re not still in contact with him, you’ll be fine.” he flashed a shy smile at her.

“Yes I suppose you’re right. I also suppose I should go see to our troops, I’ll see you for dinner?”

“Sure” _Or you could leave me be!_

“Right, I’ll see you later then Inquisitor” Cullen put an accent on her new title and leaned in and gave her a small kiss on the cheek and her stomach knotted. It had been a while since anyone had done that, and there was only one person she wanted to do that, and it certainly wasn’t Cullen. She shook those thoughts out of her head, they caused too much pain. Cullen had already left and Josephine and Leliana were starting to discuss plans for renovations to get everyone settled into their new home. ‘Inquisitor of Skyhold’ she thought to herself. Kinda has a nice ring to it. She’d held many titles before, only one being more important than this one. She’d never had to lead this many people...she shook her head glancing over at the other two ladies. She shrugged and decided to go see where Varric had ended up.

She passed many of her companions along the way, stopping briefly to chat with all of them. It was only after talking to Blackwall that she found Varric lingering on the battlements. He was beckoning her over to a more secluded section. 

“So this is where you ran off to, You know Cass is going to kill us right? YOU specifically!” she gave him a playful punch on the shoulder. “So... when will he get here?”

“Ah, well considering I wrote him on our journey here and he travels fast...I’d say count to 10” the dwarf announced with a devious grin and motioned behind her with a tilt of his head. She spun around on her heels and was immediately enveloped in a hug.

“STEEL!! It’s so good to see you again! I missed you!”

“I missed you too Hawke.” she said pulling away from the hug “How is everyone? I know I didn’t really leave things as politely as I could’ve but still. How are you? You look fantastic by the way.” questions kept pouring off her tongue, she laughed at herself. Hawke really did look great, yet the same as always. He still donned his signature battlemage armour. He’d let his hair grow out a bit more than normal, his beard too. He was definitely more rugged looking than when they last saw each other. But she could still see that familiar fire in his eyes and that fire would prove to be very useful, very soon.

They talked for what seemed like hours up on the battlements. Catching up on his travels since Kirkwall, and her telling him who they were up against.

“Well now that business is done, what say we get a drink? It’s no Hanged Man, but Flissa still serves booze.” Varric pointed to The Herald’s Rest. Hawke asking questions about Skyhold their entire walk there.

“So I’ve got some news you’ll enjoy” Varric said in a very amused tone as he set three mugs of ale on the table.

“Don’t finish that thought you smug bastard” she eyed him. Hawke looked at them with curiosity.

“Oh what’s that?” Hawke took a sip of ale and winced “Uhg this dwarven stuff still tastes like shit!”    
“Oh for the love of Andraste, you won’t let that go will you?!”

“Haha, of course not, you should know this by now Varric. However it is strong which is enjoyable, but I’m pretty sure a Lowtown rat boiled in the essence of Darktown tastes better.” Varric rolled his eyes at Hawke’s musings,

“Fine! Next round is on you then!” He took a sip and let out a satisfied sigh “Right so news, Verm’s got herself a new admirer.” He grinned a devilish grin and she spit out her ale.

“Varric!” she said in surprise, wiping ale off the table in front of her with her sleeve. And wincing at the nickname.

“What? It’s true! Curly’s definitely has a thing for you. No denying that.” he grinned more. Hawke just laughed and kept his mouth shut.

“Must you do this? There’s nothing there! He may think there is but there’s not, you know this….maker help me this is torture” she rested her head in her hand.

“Uh Huh, I’m sure torture is the word you’re looking for” Varric’s teasing made her turn bright red.

“OH would you look at that, Cass just walked in! Shall I wave her over?” she said and Varric took off.

“Haha wow, playing the Seeker card...that’ll get him out of here. Anyways how you doing Steel? And if you don’t mind me asking, Cullen? And did you find him?" Hawke took another sip of ale. She smiled at her old name from Kirkwall.

“I’m good, I guess. I mean as good as I can be given the current situation. You know, I’ve got a glowing green hand that hurts all the time, I have two entire countries looking to me to save them, fucking Corypheus is back. And yeah I got nothing on that one. He kissed me….and I wanted to vomit...it felt wrong. And no...I didn’t find him.” A wash of pain came over her. A certain longing began surfacing. She played with the handle of her mug.

“Well I plan on being around for a while, so let me know if you need anything yeah? Also how’s the addiction?” he took one of her hands in his

“It’s uh….well the withdrawals are not pleasant…”

“WITHDRAWALS?!?!?! Steel no! I know you hate the stuff but you can’t do that to yourself.” he hissed

“I’m not doing it alone! Cullen is actually quitting too. We’re helping each other through it.”

“Ah...so...are you trying to move on then?” he couldn’t look her in the eye.

“No. I never will.” she took a deep breath “I miss him so much. I love him more than anything….but it’s been almost four years….I just...I’m never going to move on….I know there’s a chance we- I may never see him again….and the thought of that twists my insides into knots and makes me feel sick and weak...but he promised me….he promised….” she had to stop, fighting back the tears was becoming harder.

“I...I don’t know what to say. Steel I’m so sorry. Please, if you need anything, you’re one of my dearest friends you know that.” he grabbed her other hand and turned his head towards the door, an annoyed Varric was heading back to the table.

“Thank you Garrett...I uh, I’m going to head in for the night. I...need to be alone.” and with that she stood up and left the bar, brushing past Varric on her way out. She headed up the stairs to the main hall, where others had gathered for dinner. She was so wrapped up in her own mind she didn’t hear Cullen call out to her. When she was finally in her room she let go. She let out the tears she’d been holding in for weeks...months...years even. They were a mix of withdrawal from lyrium and longing. She kicked off her boots and walked out to the balcony, pulling her hair out of the messy braid she had it in, letting long crimson waves down her back, the singular white streak standing out in the evening light. She leaned up against the rail, her pale skin glowing in the moonlight as she wept. She didn’t hear the knocking at her door and was surprised by who appeared next to her. 

“Maker’s breath, I’m not good with this sort of thing, I um, you don’t, that is you don’t have to tell me anything, I just wanted to offer my company, so you don’t have to go through whatever it is alone.” Cullen rested a hand on her back, pausing when she flinched. He pulled his hand away noting how cold it was getting and instead took off his cloak and wrapped it around her shoulders, “ Come on, let’s get inside by the fire.” He ushered her into her room and they sat down on the chaise lounge in front of the flames.

“Thank you Cullen, you’re a good friend. I’m sorry I’m not very good company at the moment” she started to take off his cloak and give it back to him but he stopped her. Sitting next to her, he spoke.

“It’s nothing. You know how I am with people I care about, especially you. You seem to be kind of different, not yourself. I don’t know, I could be imagining things but you seem to be more reclusive and upset. I want to make sure you’re alright, you’ve been through a lot lately. But right now...we need you...well your old self.” he let his hand run down her back, noticing her flinch again.

“Cullen, I’m fine. I appreciate your concern, I really do, but I’m fine, honest.” She hoped he didn’t pick up on the blatant lie. She was anything but okay, her own mind was tearing her to pieces. Cullen caught her gaze, she’d never noticed his eyes before. They were a beautiful golden colour, they looked warm and kind and comforting. The golden flecks within them reminded her of sun shining through a glass of whiskey.Though she’s always been partial to green. Sadly his eyes were also easy to read….

“ Steel please, you know I’m here for you and will not judge you. I will help you with anything. I know you’re not fine, you wouldn’t be crying if you were. Aside from Varric I’ve known you longer than anyone, please let me help you….tell me what’s wrong.”

“Well actually...Hawke is here, so you can’t really pull the ‘I’ve known you longest’ trick. Besides you know what I’ve been apart of in Kirkwall. You don’t know me, not like they do. And I don’t really want to talk about it.” she snapped. He pursed his lips and thought for a moment.

“I suppose that’s true, but what I’ve seen you do is incredible. It says a lot about you as a person. And based on our time in Kirkwall and what we’ve done so far with the Inquisition, I’d say I have a pretty good feeling about how much I know you.”

“You know nothing! You think Kirkwall and this are all the things I’ve done in my life? That just by someone doing the right thing and trying to help means you know them? You know nothing Cullen, nothing of what’s going on in my head right now. Now drop it!” she snarled at him.

“You-”

“I said drop it! I don’t want to hear it!” 

“You’re the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. You’re kind and caring and genuinely sweet. And you’re incredibly strong. Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me that the woman sitting in front of me is not the same woman I met in Kirkwall. Tell me that you’re just a bitter and mysterious woman, and that the incredible woman I know was just an act. Tell me the woman I’ve fallen in love with never existed.” he trailed off, stunned by his own words.

“Oh you have no idea how different I am than you think. I’m being eaten alive inside every damn day. And- wait, you love me?!” she stared at him. Those words made her ill. Cullen could feel his cheeks grow hot with embarrassment. 

“Ah...you caught that….well yeah...I do. What did you think all these long nights of talking were? Did you think that meant nothing?” she could see the hurt in his eyes.

“What?! I ….I just...I-” she was cut off by Cullen’s warm lips enveloping hers. A warm yet repulsive feeling spread through her body, she could feel his every emotion in the kiss. When he broke the kiss she felt even worse, she missed the cool, stony love filled kisses with-

“I love you…..” he broke the silence between them. She took in the sight before her, she’d never seen him like this. Completely relaxed, off guard, vulnerable. As much as it frightened her, she may need him. At the moment she needed someone aside from Varric and Hawke to keep her grounded, as they knew too much.What she needed was HIM, new waves of thoughts filled her mind.

“Maker...I miss you.” A familiar face appeared in her mind with every thought, big green eyes staring at her. She missed him.

“Who?”

“Oh dammit...I didn’t mean to say that out loud….Cullen listen. You can try all you want…”

“But?” he questioned, he could tell she was trying to dance around what she wanted to say.

“But,” she looked away from him, “I’m in love. Completely and utterly in love. He was, is my everything, and I was his. But a couple years ago we had to go our separate ways for a while. It was heartbreaking, we made a promise to each other that when business was finished we’d meet up again and continue our lives together. It’s been almost four years Cullen, I am still very much in love with him. I will never not be in love with him. I need you to understand that at some point, I will get a letter, or he’ll just show up.And I will go to him, I will choose him over anything. I don’t want to hurt you by you going after me. I can’t do this with you. You’ve become too good of a friend and right now with all this chaos that’s all I need from you”

“Isn’t that how relationships work? There’s always a chance of someone getting hurt. But I’m willing to risk it. I love you Vermethys, and I think given enough time, I can make you feel the same.” He pulled her closer and found her lips with his own. She hated herself for allowing this, but she was too frustrated to stop him. She knew she had to get out of this. The only question was how...

*************************************

_ “I want to know you…. Let me know you!!!!”  _

_ “Ha! Now why would you want to be me? I’m nothing special” she gave an uneasy smile _

_ “Ohhh you deflect! How intriguing … let’s see what will open you up shall we?” The demon cackled _

_ “Fuck off demon.” _

_ “Well that’s no way to talk to your friend” the demon grinned and began shifting through various forms, trying to find one that stuck. She closed her eyes, trying not to think of the one that would let it know her best. “Ohhhh you’re hiding something!!!! What is it….what will let me know you hmmmm?” a flash of green crossed her mind… “Ohhh what is that??” she opened her eyes just as it took shape, a young face staring back at her, grinning. “I like this one!” the demon circled her, reaching out, stroking her face. “This one will let me know you!” she shuddered, closing her eyes again. “Isn’t that right m-” she grabbed the demon by the throat, bringing one of her daggers up and thrusting it into its chest. The body collapsed before her as she fell to her knees, sick with what she had just done…. _


	2. The Aftermath

_ “Ah there’s nothing like a Grey Warden. And you are NOTHING like a Grey Warden”  _ The menacing voice tore through the air and Blackwall shuddered 

“I’ll show you a Warden’s strength, beast” he growled, rolling his shoulders, standing up straighter as they continued through the jagged valley.

_ “Greetings Dorian….it is Dorian,isn’t it? For a moment, I mistook you for your father”  _

“Rather uncalled for” Dorian rolled his eyes

_ “Warden Stroud. How must it feel to devote your whole life to the Wardens, only to watch them fall? Or worse, to know that you were responsible for their destruction? When the next Blight comes, will they curse your name?” _

“With the Maker’s blessing we will end this wretched beast.” Stroud gripped his sword tighter as he pushed ahead.

_ “Once again. Hawke is in danger because of you, Varric. You found the red lyrium. You brought Hawke here….” _

“Just keep talking Smiley” Varric chuckled with nervous laughter. The demon grunted, frustrated at the lack of effect his taunts were having. She knew her and Hawke were left, she feared what the demon would say to her, her stomach tied in knots.

_ “Do you think it mattered, Hawke? Do you think anything you ever did mattered? You couldn’t even save your city. How could you expect to strike down a god?”  _ It paused  _ “Isabela is going to die, just like your family, and everyone you ever cared about.”  _

“Well, that’s going to grow tiresome quickly.” Hawke looked ahead, giving his staff a small twirl, his shoulders growing rigid. 

_ “Syl”  _ She stopped walking, her heart was pounding, not here, not now. 

“Steel you okay” Hawke turned around to look at her, the others as well

“Yeah I… Did you not hear that?” they shook their heads

_ “Quod utique non audiam. Nemo enim audit, clangore capite tuo. Indica mihi virum, quid cogitas te impetro ex hoc aliquis? Tu animam viventem mendacium, physeter capax mendacium omnes qui sequi te, non similior uicto fuerit fides. Cum illa inania falsa spe fester fide, peccatum mors contritum promissa.”  _ She could feel the fear getting under her skin. She shook her head, she refused to deal with this now. 

“What was that” Hawke looked at her

“Don’t worry about it” she took a shaky step forward.

“Steel?” 

“I...Dorian?” she whispered. She couldn’t think straight, her head was spinning.

“Of course they didn’t hear that. No one hears the screaming in your head. Tell me Hero, how do you plan to get out of this one? You’re living a lie, spouting lies to all who follow you, who have faith in you. That faith will fester with the emptiness of false hopes, failure, death, and broken promises.” he trailed off “Well I’m not quite sure what to make of that…”

“Let’s just….just keep moving…”she started to walk forward only to freeze in her tracks at the sound of the demon’s voice again.

_ “You stupid girl. You’re not getting away that easily, not when I can see straight through you. I should’ve started with what really scares you. That nagging feeling in the back of your mind, that feeling of being eaten away by longing, by the screaming loneliness. That empty void in your heart that penetrates you deep into your very soul. Just another secret you’re keeping. Oh don’t worry, I won’t tell….that is unless you want me to. Like the one about the Commander, how long will you keep that charade up. Just buying time….when even time will not bring HIM back. Nothing will. He’s gone, forgotten you. Or perhaps he’s dead? Dying hating you, on his way to keep some childish promise. Or perhaps he’s back. Back home. Oh no, not with you, no not that home, his old home, from many years ago. Before he knew you, when he belonged to someone else.” The voice cackled at the horror it was causing “Or maybe the one about the King? What’s he holding for you hmmmm??” new images filled her mind, sage green eyes and a flash of black….and then liquid red, the nightmare demon laughed viciously filling her mind with cursed images of death  _

“NO!” she fell to her knees, her hands on her temples, eyes shut, tears flowing past her lashes. “I can’t….I” she screamed in agony as the nightmare took hold of her

“Steel! Look at me” Hawke was in front of her on his knees, grabbing her by the shoulders. “Whatever it’s showing you it’s not real! I promise you it’s not real…” she shook in his hands, flashes of emerald mossy eyes laced with anger and hatred crossed her mind, a new tainted laugh filled the air...HIS voice...tainted and corrupt, but nevertheless, it was a version of his voice. The air shifted around them as an apparition of the emerald eyes appeared in the sky above them, glowing with anger as the laugh turned to words.

_ “You did this to me. If it had not been for you I would be long away from this wretched place, this nightmare. But no, instead I ended up back here, praying for death. Not mine...not yet….first I pray for yours, to see the light fade from your eyes, to see the blood run from your veins, to pull your still beating heart from your chest and hold in my hand as it stops. You deserve nothing less for sending me back to my past, taking everything from me, I never should have loved you. Love is weakness. You made me weak. I pray for your death, I pray your soul is forever tormented in the depths of the fade. I pray you die. I pray you die, knowing what you have done to me, knowing that you, are the reason I am dead. DO YOU HEAR ME? I AM DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU. YOU KILLED ME YOU WORTHLESS BITCH!”  _ The cynical laughing commenced, with several threats following suit. She couldn’t take it anymore, yet she couldn’t make herself beg for it to stop. Part of her didn’t want it to stop.    
“Steel look at me it’s not real!” Hawke’s screaming pulled her back into the horrid reality, Varric, Dorian, Blackwall, and Stroud were fighting off small fears. Hawke trying to get her to stop thinking. 

“Hawke I swear to all that is holy you better get her to calm down fast or we’re going to die! And I’m going to kill her!” Varric let a volley of bolts into the air. Hawke shook her again but she couldn’t force herself to snap out of it, which she determined she wanted to do. 

“Garrett...help….me” she whispered. He thought for a moment before standing and walking to be behind her, his staff illuminating and crackling with gold energy.

“Forgive me” with a mighty swing of his staff he struck her across the shoulder blades, the golden light encasing her as she tumbled onto her side. He looked up at the sky, the apparition disappeared. The fears were gone, and the voice stopped. 

“What the hell did you do Hawke?” Varric knelt next to her, seeing she was unconscious.

“Hit her with the most powerful calming spell I could” he braced himself on his staff. “She’ll wake up in a minute or two”

“I’m actually amazed this bloody thing got to her, I didn’t think she’d be phased by it.” Dorian chewed on his thumbnail out of nervousness. 

“You and me both Sparkles, but I guess it knew exactly what strings to pull to unravel her.”

“What strings were those exactly” the mage waved his hand in the air, referring to the eyes that were once there, Varric looked at Hawke who shook his head.

“Well that’s not really our place to say, sorry Sparkles, I’m sure she’ll share at some point, but it’s not really anyone’s place right now.” he carefully rolled her onto her back, Hawke waved his hand over her to wash away the remainder of the spell. Her eyes opened as soon as he was finished.

“How you feelin?” Varric lent her a hand and helped her up, she looked at Hawke, nodding her thanks. Without saying another word she started walking towards their way out again. 

“Inquisitor?” Stroud called after her. He was answered with her pausing her steps looking over her shoulder just long enough to utter seven words.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here” and she picked up her pace again, the others following suit. Varric and Hawke bringing up the rear of the group, she could have said anything. But she said the seven words that shook them to their core, remembering the last time they were said in such a way. 

******************************************************************

1 month later

They’d only gotten back from Adamant a week ago. The memories of the fade still burned fresh in her mind. She’s glad the only people with her already knew her fears...or at least weren’t surprised her greatest fear was that HE’D never come back. Well at least Varric and Hawke weren’t surprised. Blackwall knew to keep his mouth shut, and Dorian surprisingly said nothing. She still felt awful for leaving Stroud behind… She wished it was her instead….maybe then she wouldn’t be in this current situation. The man just won’t give up. Her deafening silence and lack of response made his heart race. He feared he messed up. She never thought she’d be in this position, not with this man at least.

“Vermethys?” he looked up at her, she shook her head, clearing her thoughts, the green stone staring her in the face didn’t help with that at all. Her stomach tied in a knot as the words flew from her mouth with zero thought.

“Yes, sorry, I’m just in shock. I…’ She fiddled with the wolf pendant that hung from her neck. She didn’t want to do this...but maybe...with the ball coming up….”Yes...I’ll marry you” she could always get out of this later… she hoped. He beamed with delight, sliding the silver band onto her finger. The ring was beautiful, the silver filigree of the band was carved beautifully, and the green gemstone on top was stunning, especially in the sun. She couldn’t help but think it looked familiar... 

“Cullen it’s beautiful! Where did you get it?’ she wiggled her finger at him, hopefully she could keep this act up….a wedding could prove a useful advantage for the ball at the Winter Palace coming up.

“Kirkwall actually, I remember finding it absolutely stunning, and that I wanted my future wife to have it.”

“Awww” She had an idea “That’s sweet. Let’s go tell the others.”

“Haha of course, lead the way.” They headed straight to the main hall to find Varric and Hawke.

“What did you do? I don’t think I’ve ever known her to be so mad..you really know how to piss off a pirate, what are you going to -oh look who it is. Hey Steel, Curly. Andraste's ass what’s got you so excited Curly? You get laid?” Varric folded up a letter and tucked it into his pocket. She punched him in the shoulder. Cullen frowned. 

“Ha ha very funny dwarf.” he deadpanned.

“Ah that’s right, little birdie says Steel won’t let you anywhere near her.” Hawke chimed in, dodging her punch for him and spinning her into a hug. “I see you like them feisty commander, interesting”

“Uhg Hawke you ass! Let me go!’ she laughed muffled against his chest. 

“On one condition” he loosened his grip enough to grab her left hand “You tell us what in the hell this is?!” he released her from his grip. Cullen went on to announce their engagement. Meanwhile she gave Varric a couple choice looks that he understood all too well. 

“Varric, in your next letters to your friends in Kirkwall, will you invite them? We were thinking of having the wedding in November, a month before the empress’s ball.” Cullen’s voice interrupted their silent conversation. 

“Sure thing Curly. You two joining us for Wicked Grace tonight?”

“I wouldn’t miss it!” she answered.The Inquisitor and Commander sauntered off to announce their engagement.

“Hawke….are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Varric turned to his favourite human, worry filling his amber eyes.

“Yeah, but let’s see how tonight goes. Benefit of the doubt and all.” Varric nodded in agreement. “I was also thinking Strip Grace.” 

“Ha! It’s been awhile since we’ve done that!....though you may get stripped earlier than that.” Varric nodded towards the door “Rivanni wasn’t kidding when she said she was coming here.” Hawke turned pale and spun to face the door to see a furious pirate in the doorway. 

***********************************************************************************************************

She looked down at the cup in front of her. She hated it, she hated what was in it, what it did to her.But she had no choice. It was either this or death. She brought the cup of shimmering blue liquid to her lips and downed the whole thing before refilling it. She paused, thinking about just what it was she was doing. The most she should be taking is three drams, or doses, of lyrium. That’s the maximum she should ever take….hell the max that Cullen should ever take is five. Yet here she was about to down another twenty. Forty...she was taking eight times the amount that should kill her commander. She shuddered at the thought of anyone finding out. The withdrawals were killing her violently. How could she be all the things she was supposed to be if she was dead? Though if she kept this up she’d be dead soon regardless. She looked at the stone cup in her hands….after they kill Corypheus. After that bastard is dead she’ll stop taking the lyrium and let whatever effects take her. She downed the glass of lyrium, almost choking on it, though it was definitely choking her insides. A knock on her door disturbed her thoughts, she stowed the philter in her desk and locked the drawer. 

“Come in” her voice echoed in the large expanse of her room. Hawke jogged up the stairs.

“Hey you coming or what?”

“Haha yeah, I just wanted to change into more comfortable clothes. Come on let’s go.” She grinned and started down the stairs,but he caught her arm.

“Sure sure, just one thing.” he pointed to her desk, “You may want to rinse that out or put it in your desk as well. That is if you’re hiding it.” Hawke pulled her back up the stairs. The color drained from her face as she darted to her desk.

“Garrett you can’t! Promise me won’t say anything! To anyone!” she shoved the glass into the drawer with her philter.

“I won’t. Don’t worry. It’s not my business...well it will be if it’s killing you. I won’t let that happen, I made a promise I’d look after you… By the looks of it you’re taking quite a lot.” his words were laced with the tone of a scornful dad.

“The withdrawals were killing me, violently. It was horrid, I can’t die...not yet. I’m too needed. Hawke you can’t tell anyone! Not Cullen, certainly not Varric! And above all not-”

“OKAY! I won’t” he put his hands up in defence. She was thankful he stopped her when he did.

“Promise me Garrett! Or so help me I WILL silence you!”

“Steel, calm down, you have my word. I swear I will not tell anyone….also you know that’s not much of a threat right?” he winked at her “Come on, let’s go watch Varric steal everyone’s money.” he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and steered her down the stairs.

When they arrived she was greeted by Varric, Sera, Krem, Bull, Blackwall, Dorian, and her favourite pirate.

“Isabela!” she immediately hugged her friend.

“Hey Steel! Oh you still look as gorgeous as ever...and I hear you tamed the Knight Commander! You must tell me everything! For starters is he as bendy as he looks? I must know!” Isabela’s silky accented voice was music to hear ears, she missed her dearly. They did such crazy fun things together. 

“Haha I see you’re still sex on legs, I’m sure Hawke is glad about that. I’m thrilled you’re here!” she let her go and was handed a mug of ale by Sera.

“Right so Strip Grace yeah? Kinda wanna see that one with nothin on” Sera winked at Isabela

“Sorry sweetcheeks, I don’t take my clothes off for just anyone anymore.” the pirate gave a sultry glance towards Hawke who blushed a deep red. “But we’ll see how it goes eh?” she took a seat next to Hawke and ran her hand up his thigh, causing him to squirm. Steel sat across from them between Dorian and Krem. Sera shared one end of the table with Bull. Varric at the other end, Blackwall next to Hawke.

“Alright, first bets?” Varric shuffled the cards with fancy gestures and the game began.

*************************************************************************************

‘AH tits! Sera threw her cards at the table.

“Join the club!” Isabela laughed at the small elf who was struggling to get her shirt off. Cassandra, who had joined after Blackwall and Bull turned in for the night, had to help her lest she fall out of her seat.

“There’s something I never thought I’d see” Varric laughed

“Ah shut it dwarf!” the seeker growled at him. Varric had only lost once so far, out of pity and chose to match everyone else and lose his shirt.

“Right well, I’m out of breeches now...all my clothes really. I’m out. Baths?” Sera got up and headed to the bathhouse, leaving the invite open for others to join.

“Wait up, I’d like to wash of the stench of ale and shame” Dorian stood up, bearing everything for all to see. 

“I can agree to that” Cassandra diverted her eyes and grabbed her shirt from the table and followed them.

“Well if everyone else is leaving, I guess we should too, I’ll be waiting for you back in our room?” Isabela got up putting on her dress as she walked out.

“Alright Steel, now that we’re alone...WHAT THE HELL?!” Varric looked directly at her as he threw his cards on the table.

“I’m sorry?” 

“Don’t think you can fool me, I saw the panic in your eyes earlier.What the hell are you doing?” she fiddled with the corner of Krem’s abandoned shirt on the table.

“I...uhg I don’t know! No one hates me more than me right now…”

“Steel please!” Hawke pleaded

“The political advantage of a wedding between the Inquisitor and the Commander of the Inquisition’s armies would be incredible, you know...with the ball coming up and all. After that, I’m getting rid of him.”

“Uh huh...and how long is it going to be before you come clean to him? About not loving him? About the lyrium and-”

“Firstly, don’t. Just, don’t. And secondly, Garrett! I told you specifically not to tell him!” she was furious.

“Woah hey calm down! Hawke said nothing. Your eyes get this slight glow to them after you take it. It was more prominent today than normal….that’s all.So you gonna tell him?

“Not at the moment. And right now I don’t want anyone knowing unless I’m dead. Goodnight gentlemen.” She got up to leave

“Steel wait…” she paused at Hawke’s words “We uh...we’re just concerned about you…..especially after Adamant…. You’ve never talked about it.” he trailed off

“Perhaps because I don’t want to” she snarled and stormed up to her room.

“Well that went well” Hawke mused.

“Yeah...right...so question for you Champion.”

“You know that’s not my title anymore.” Hawke bit back

“Whatever, you’re going to need it to be. You’re going on a man hunt.”Varric drummed his fingers on the table. Hawke raised an eyebrow. “We’re going to find Broody”

*********************************************************

Hawke knocked on the door for the eighth time before he heard a response on the other side. Moments later he heard footsteps descending the stairs to come unlock the door. 

“What?!” she barked “Oh, sorry Garrett….I’ve sorta been hiding from Josephine all day, she’s been nagging me about the ball like crazy.” she stepped aside for him to come through the door 

“I can only imagine”

“Yeah, anyway what can I do for you?” she locked the door and lead him up the stairs. She walked over to her desk and poured him a drink of the scotch she was drinking.

“I wanted to talk” He sat on the end of her bed as she handed him the drink and then sat leaning on her desk

“About?” she raised a brow and took a sip of her drink, he sighed

“You’ll have to forgive me….”

“Garrett..” she almost bit

“Adamant…” he looked down. They were quiet for several minutes before she spoke

“What about it” 

“Come on Steel don’t be like this” he pleaded

“What do you want me to say Garrett?! What could I possibly say that you don’t already know thanks to that fucking monster? What exactly is it you want to hear?” she snapped

“How you’re handling it! It tried tormenting all of us! And it succeeded with you, it dug it’s hooks into you and nearly tore you apart, I don’t care who you are, you don’t just shake that off like it’s nothing!” he yelled right back at her, she shrunk back at his words

“I’m terrified and I feel empty inside….” she downed the rest of her drink, glaring at the glass in her hands, she turned and threw it into the fire, glass shattering in the flames, she stared into the flickering orange glow, her back to him. “What….what if it was right…..what if he is dead…..what if he’s back…” her voice was just a whisper “back in Tevinter….” her shoulders fell

“Oh come on don’t be stupid, you know he’s not-”

“Do I?” she turned around to face him, her eyes red and watery, “That demon...nightmare...it knew things.”

“No. The only thing it knew was exactly how to hurt you.” 

“Garrett it knew things I’ve never told anyone. It said things I’ve never dared breathe a word of for fear of it being used against me….because I knew it would destroy me….I guess I was right…”

“It was a demon. None of what it said was real, even if there was some truth behind it, it wasn’t real. He’s fine I promise…” he downed the rest of his drink, hoping to stop himself from telling her that he knew exactly where he was. “I uh….I can see you’re done with this topic, so on to a new one yes? I’m taking off for about two weeks. Champion business and whatnot.”

“Need company? I could use a break from all this shit, and Josie wouldn’t be able to find me then.”

“I would love company but unfortunately it’s something I have to do alone. Will you be alright?” he stood and placed his glass on her desk

“Yeah...yeah I’ll be fine, just let me know when you get back yeah?”

“Of course” he gave he a quick hug and left. She stood there for a moment thinking, she sighed before giving up, she didn’t want to think at the moment. She went back to her desk and took a long sip of scotch from the bottle. She looked out the window then back at the bottle as she took another long sip, drinking half it’s contents before placing it back on her desk and going to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Always happy to answer questions and get suggestions :)


	3. Those Who Defy Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little short, the next one should be longer I promise

About a month and a half had passed, and the wedding was soon. She was slowly coming to terms with it…..knowing it was only for political reasons made it less stomach turning. What was stomach turning was walking up to warm lips pressed against hers, Cullen standing over her, clearly ignoring her request that people knock. She wasn’t sure how much more of this she could take.

“Hmm good morning love” he murmured against their lips. “Are you excited for today?”

“I suppose so” She feigned a smile.

“Oh?”

“It’s...it’s nothing I just, I haven’t heard from someone in years….I just thought he’d always be here for this. Actually I was hoping to see him sooner rather than later. Don’t worry about it.” she propped herself up and ran a hand through her hair "What time is it?"

"Almost eight, I was hoping to speak to you a bit before the others made their way up here, but I can hear Sera giggling from here." he frowned "Anyway, you still haven't told me what I could get you."

"Actually I did" She stuck her tongue out at him

"Oh come on you can't just say nothing!" He threw his hands out "You are so stubborn"

"Oh well?" she shrugged and raked her fingers through a tangle in her hair as the others arrived.

“Oi! Commander tight arse out! We gotta get her all pretty for next week!” Sera scampered up the stairs and smacked his ass. Cullen flushed as Isabela, Cassandra, Dorian, Aveline, and Merrill all ran up the stairs, Cass with a large bag, Dorian holding champagne and glasses.

“Aveline! Merrill! When did you arrive?!” she threw aside the covers and hugged her friends.

“Big Girl and Daisy just got here a couple hours ago.Seriously Curly! Get Out! We’ve got girl stuff to do, go play with your soldiers or something.” Isabela shoved him down the stairs and out the door as she blew him a kiss. He rest with his back against the door, he saw it in her eyes, the gift he could give her. The only problem was he had no idea where to start and he had limited time. ‘ _P_ _erhaps the dwarf_ ’ he thought to himself as he pushed himself off the door to find Varric.

****************************

“Oh Steel...you look stunning.” Aveline was almost in tears.

“You’re the most beautiful elf I’ve ever seen” Merrill squeaked. Isabela fluffed her dress out more. She spun around to face the mirror. Her dress was beautiful. It had three quarter sleeves that fell off her shoulders. It was a tight fit and corset backed at her torso, with a sweetheart highlighted her voluptuous curves quite perfectly. When the gown hit her hips it flared out into waves of tulle and satin. The entire gown was shimmery and had a bluish hue to it that made it have an ethereal glow.

“Oh wow….oh I’m so excited for everyone to see me. And to dance! Oh I haven’t been dancing in ages.” Not since Kirkwall…. She spun around, Dorian handing her a glass. Sera topped off all their glasses.

"Oh me too!" Isabela grabbed Cassandra and spun her around, making the seeker blush "Not since Hallows Eve that one year in Kirkwall! I don't count the chateau.." 

"Aw why not? I heard i was beautiful!" Merrill perched on the corner of the desk "Hawke made it sound like a fairy tale!"

"What fairy tale involved everyone scrubbing wyvren blood out of their armor for weeks?" Isabela raised a brow, the small elf shrugged and continued drinking her champagne.

"Only the best ones of course! Twirl around for us oh lovely Inquisitor?" she spun around at the request "My my you're almost as pretty as I am!"

"Why thank you good sir!" she looked at herself in the mirror, both loving and hating what she saw. She ran her hands through her hair, lingering along the white streak, she frowned. She didn't want to be doing this, not with him. She took a deep breath, Josephine had told her that several nobles and important parties in Orlais were very excited to hear about a wedding withing the Inquisition.

“So about your hair….” Dorian's voice pulled her from her thoughts, she smiled and took his glass as he started playing with the burgundy silk that was her hair.

************************ _meanwhile_ ******

“Cullen are you insane?!?! You can’t do that! You just-” Varric shouted at the man across from him.

“I’m not leaving for forever! I just need to find him! I’ll be back a day before if you’d just help me!” Cullen ran his hands over his face in frustration.

“Forget it! No way in the fade am I letting you leave! Especially without telling anyone else why! Fuck surprises! You’re less than a week away from the damn wedding and we’re in the middle of a fuckin war.Once again I say no.” Varric’s normally cheery tone was stoney and bitter.

“Please Varric, think of how much it will mean to her.”

“Oh you have no idea what you’re doing Curly…” Varric muttered “Fine, but you WILL tell them you’re leaving. He’s a couple days away, the Cross Roads to be exact. He’ll be here soon….Hawke and I already contacted him a while ago. He wanted to surprise her.” 

“Thank you Varric! I will be back soon.” Cullen took off running to his quarters to gather his armour.

“You know you don’t have to go! He’s coming here regardless…..Dumbass.” Varric muttered, he took a swig of ale and went back to his book-keeping, this was going to be a long few days.

****************************************************************************

“What’s on your mind my steely elf?” Varric set down his quill

“Just confused, I’ve had soldiers coming up to me all day asking for Cullen, but I can’t find him anywhere.” Varric threw his hands in the air with an exasperated sigh.

“Oh for the love of Andraste! He didn’t tell you guys? He went to get...a wedding present?” he hated lying to her, but it was for Broody. Well, it wasn’t a full lie, after all it was technically his and Hawke’s wedding gift. But still, he felt guilty. “I told him to tell you, Ruffles and Cassandra, you know so the army wouldn't fall apart?”

“Oh...well then….how long?”

“A few days.” He couldn’t meet her gaze "Steel it’ll be alright.” he bit his tongue

“I see.” A few days? How the hell could he abandon Skyhold for so damn long!?

*************************************************************

Here it is….the day of the wedding. Everything is ready, her dress, the food, the decorations, the guests. Everyone was here, Anders, Sebastian and Donnic arrived two days ago. Everyone was there. Except the groom. 

******************************

_“And what of your escape?” She looked down, she knew the likelihood of her getting out was slim and none, but she couldn’t force herself to say it. “I see….” Cullen clenched his jaw as she turned away, Varric right at her side, Cassandra and Solas following her close._

_“We got this Steel, we’ve done crazier shit” Varric gave her a jab in the ribs_

_“Oh? Like what?” She’s faced a big ass dragon before, but she was at least prepared to do it then...well sorta_

_“Let’s see here...We went Wyvren hunting with a bunch of fancy people that wanted us dead, deep roads, Qunari invasion, Insane templar who turned in a creepy statue that scares the children, Blondie thinking that blowing up a church was a good idea…..man that really fucked up the world….”_

_“Ha yeah that’s fair.”_

_“Oh and don’t forget that time we went into the fade to deal with that elf kid…. Still makes me shudder at the thought…” he muttered about magic being icky and took a swig from his flask before offering it to her, she took it and then passed it on to Cassandra and Solas._

_“Alright alright I get your point….but still, this Elder one and his Archdemon don’t seem to be as, I don’t know, simple?” she ran a hand through her hair. Varric pursed his lips and thought for a moment._

_“You know neither was the Warden Prison we went into….” he gave her a smug look_

_“Dammit, how is it you always make your point?! How?” She laughed as she kicked open the doors to the chantry, throwing a blade at corrupted mage on the other side._

_**************************_

_“Go! Leave!” She screamed, giving Varric a shove towards the chantry._

_“Not without you!” he tugged on her arm and she shoved him off again, Solas and Cassandra already running back, knowing that arguing with her would do no good._

_“Varric please, if you go now you can still make it!”_

_“And you won’t!!” he pleaded_

_“Please!!”_

_“NO! Not without you, I’d never forgive myself!” he ducked as the dragon shot flames over their head again, circling to land. “He’d never forgive me….” She looked at him with tears in her eyes,it was a low blow and he knew it, but it was the only thing that could possibly make her go with them. She looked up at the dragon and shook her head as Varric pulled on her arm._

_“Cass please….” she whimpered to the seeker who had stalled, Solas not too far ahead of her. Cassandra looked to Solas who in turn cast a calming spell on Varric, rendering him unconscious as his grip on her arm loosened, Cassandra caught him and half dragged half carried him towards the chantry._

_“May the Maker watch over you”_

_******************_

_She woke with a splitting headache and screaming ribs, her left arm burning in pain. She hoisted herself to her feet, stumbling from the cavern she fell into, looking for the others._

_After what seemed like countless hours she found her way to the top of the next foothill, hoping that would be high enough for her to see where they made camp. She winced in pain as she crawled up the hill, damned darkspawn. Her left hand crackled as she flexed her frozen fingers. She cast a look around and saw what she thought was a faint glow of fire over the next hill. She attempted to walk down the hill she was on and her knees buckled under her and she tumbled down the side, landing on a hard patch of ice at the bottom. Her shoulder now screaming with the rest of her bones, she wasn't the biggest fan of Anders but right now she would kill for his healing abilities. She finally managed to get her legs to support her again and started making her way up the next hill, stumbling and falling several times._

_After what seemed like hours she reached the top her limbs barely functioning. She was exhausted, wanting nothing more than a bed._

_"There!" she heard voice call through the snow, or maybe she didn't she was too cold to tell, her numb extremities finally gave out and she collapsed to her knees_

_"Andraste's ass.... HEALER! WE NEED A HEALER...." another voice called out and force collided with her, she cried out in pain at the pressure on her ribs "I'm so sorry but I swear to the maker Steel you better not do anything like that ever again!" Varric kept her in his death grip of a hug until Cassandra caught up with him and wrapped her in a blanket._

_"You are safe now Herald" the Seeker rubbed her arms vigorously trying to warm her up as Cullen, Dorian and Solas ran up to them. She shook her head_

_"It's him...."her teeth chattered and her voice cracked_

_"Shh Steel it'll be o-"_

_"Varric it's him..." she kept shaking as he looked at her, she winced as she brought her eyes to meet his, "The Elder One... he's not dead..."_

_"Luckily neither are you-"_

_"Corypheus..." she uttered the last word as exhaustion took over and she fell unconscious into Cassandra's_ _arms._

******************

She woke with a scream, bolting upright. She shook her head, ' _that was a new one_ ' she pinched the bridge of her nose and flopped back into her bed. She held up her left hand and frowned, closing her eyes. All she wanted was a nightmare free sleep, was that too much to ask?? Her room illuminated with a flash of lightning, she sat back up and debated moving near the window to watch the storm, it seemed to be mirroring her empty emotions perfectly at the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Always happy to answer questions and take suggestions :)


	4. Returning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright this one's kinda short too, oops...
> 
> I love my characters...but I am mean to them sometimes....

It’s been three days since the day of the wedding. Black storm clouds were rolling in over the grey ones, lightning flickered across the sky. She hadn’t left her room. Even though she wasn’t serious, she was still humiliated. She felt stupid, she felt like doing this was a betrayal as is, that it was wrong. But she allowed it….and look where it got her. 

She finished pouring her dose of lyrium, she was up to seventy five now. The blood running through her veins was probably more lyrium than blood. A loud crack of lightning echoed in her empty room. She swallowed the last of it and shoved her philter back in her desk as the lyrium burned her insides. She heard a faint knocking at the door but ignored it. She wasn’t in the mood to deal with people right now. The rain started to pick up and she stared out the window watching it pour down, dancing droplets ran down her window. It was mesmerising. Another knock brought her back to reality.

“Uhg leave me alone” she muttered, a loud crack of thunder swallowed her words. Whoever it was gave up and came in anyway. She spun around on her heels, irritated that they barged in. “What part of I don’t wish to be disturbed do you not under-” she snapped her mouth shut.

“I hope you can forgive me.” she froze. That voice… A hooded figure stepped up the stairs. Her heart stopped. She was in disbelief, waves of emotions flooded her, tears threatened to start flowing. The figure pulled down his hood, shaking out his silvery white hair, revealing tanned skin, and delicate, whitish blue lines that danced across his entire body. And eyes….his beautiful green eyes, they were the crystallized version of autumn moss, a deep vibrant earthy green with amber rings around the iris, they were the forests she missed getting lost in. 

“I made you a promise” he smirked at her. She was still stunned, she walked over to him wrapping her arms around torso, her eyes finally letting go of the tears. 

“Fenris….I don’t believe….maker help me. I can’t believe you’re here. You’re finally here.” her grip around him tightened. He tightened his arms around her as much as he could without crushing her. “I missed you so much, more than you can imagine.” she murmured for only him to hear. 

“I missed you too Syl. Maker knows how much I have missed you.” his deep velvety voice sent chills down her spine, especially as his lips brushed against her ear. And he said her name, just enough for her and it warmed her heart. Her true name...it had been so long. He pulled back just enough to see her face. “You look amazing, you’re absolutely stunning.” She smiled, truly beamed with delight that he was here. She wanted to talk with him desperately

“Fenris, I…. How? I don’t even know where to start.” she pulled him onto the lounge by the fire, taking his cloak and hanging it by the fire to dry off. She retrieved a blanket from an armchair and wrapped it around him and plopped down next to him. 

“Allow me to start then?” she nodded, he smiled at her, oh how she missed that smile he saved just for her. “I did it. I killed them all. The entire organization of slavers, the ones who were hunting me, the ones who originally captured me. They are dead, all of them. That is actually why I was a few days late, I was tracking the rest down around here, near Haven, well what is left of Haven apparently. Luckily the Knight Captain showed up when he did, I was not sure if I was going to be able to take them on with broken ribs and all.” that explains where Cullen ran off to

“That’s amazing! I...I’m speechless...Wait broken ribs? What happened?”

“Ha, I am fine. The damn horse threw me off is all.” he took her hand in his and gave it a squeeze.

“You should have Solas or Anders take a look.”

“Perhaps….alright please stop giving me that look, I will have it looked at in the morning….Varric sent me a letter, catching me up on everything. Said i should get here as soon as I could. It still amazes me he managed to find me.”

“Well I’m not sure everything he told you is true. I mean, the wedding definitely isn’t happening anymore.”

“What? Syl what makes you say that? Oh….this..is because of me is it not?”

“Well...yeah...kinda? But in all honesty I don’t love him in the slightest...I uh...Well I’m a terrible person and was only using it as a political advantage for the empress’s ball, we need Orlais to help us and you know Orlesians get about drama….I...I’m sorry.” words flew out of her mouth.

“Why are you sorry Syl? If that is what it takes to win the war then do it! We can figure this out later. But…” he paused “I am not going to lie, I love you. So I cannot say it would be easy for me to watch, but it is not my place to take that away. I will act as your friend if that is what you need of me.” Fenris’s words stung at the end, she could tell it killed him to say that.

“You are incredibly sweet Fenris, Part of the reason is you, but everyone is gone. Half our guests are gone, the orchestra has left, the storm flooded the courtyard. I’m not sure it’s going to happen….we’re also leaving for Halamshiral in a week and a half. And I really don’t want to….I cannot possibly stress how much I don’t want to” she shuddered at the thought. Fenris moved closer and shared the blanket with her.

“I am sorry. It is a shame though, everyone could use the distraction with all this chaos.” he smiled at her, his stomach made a low rumbling noise.

“When was the last time you had a good meal?” he shrugged and smirked, she rolled her eyes “Alright come on, I’ll take you to the kitchen.” she smiled and poked him in the stomach

“Only if one of the things we are going for is wine, after this journey I could use a drink.” he winked

“But of course, we have quite the selection. Dorian has had them stock a variety from Tevinter that you might like” she stood up and lead him downstairs to the kitchen. The main hall was unusually empty, and when they got to the kitchen it was empty too.

“Where the hell is everyone?” 

“It is rather late…” Fenris lifted a brow, she nodded and they started toward the courtyard to see if they could find anyone, last time she was in the kitchen unsupervised the head chef had a fit that ‘the bloody elves were messin up his stuff’. As soon as they set foot outside a mass of people caught their eye. Varric, Merrill, Leliana, and Solas started playing beautiful music. Everyone parted ways and left an aisle, at the end Hawke was standing under an archway. Fenris leaned over and offered his arm up to walk her down the aisle, she smiled at him, confused but accepted anyway, walking past rows of their friends. 

“This was his idea by the way.” she rolled her eyes, the annoyance in Fenris’s voice was amusing. When they reached the halfway point a guard ran up to Hawke panting, and whispered something in his ear,. Hawke looked like he was going to kill someone, he glanced at Varric who stopped playing, the others following suit.

“Ladies and gentlemen, if you could please excuse a few of us for a moment.” Hawke motioned for Varric, Fenris, Syl, Leliana, Cassandra, and Josephine to follow him off to the side.

“What the hell Hawke?” Varric spoke

“It seems that the Commander has disappeared without a word….again.”he growled

“Again?!” Cassandra was fuming

“The guard said they saw him leaving with some woman”

“Great he’s ditched twice, and we have a fucking war going on.” Syl was irritated beyond all belief, they needed their forces ready to defend Skyhold when they left in a few days. 

“You can’t be serious Hawke” Varric growled “I’m gonna kill him”

“You and me both.” Fenris muttered “Come on, I will walk you back to your room before any nobles get to you” she nodded and followed him, Cassandra and Leliana were frantically trying to figure out what to do while Josephine told everyone the wedding was canceled...again. The Inquisition wanted to get people's attention, this was certainly one way of doing it.

***************************************************************

Another three days had passed and her advisors who were present were getting everything ready for the ball at Halamshiral. She’d picked Varric, Dorian, Hawke, Fenris, and Blackwall to go with as her personal entourage and guards. Others were welcome to go as well but they would be the first line of defense should something happen. She sat out on the balcony with Fenris, sharpening and cleaning their weapons and armor. Fenris stood up to refill their glasses of wine.

“So” he motioned to the flowing white gown hanging in her room “ What are you going to do with it now?” he uncorked the bottle of Merlot and filled their goblets.

“I don’t know really, I’m rather upset no one got to see it, I looked amazing, I was looking forward to showing it off and go dancing.” she placed her daggers on the rag she was using to clean them and walked over to him, shivering at the temperature change as a breeze blew by. He had a perplexed look on his face that then turned to excitement.

“I have an idea...put on your lovely dress, and meet me in the courtyard?”

“Um...alright? Why am I doing this?

“Just trust me” he gave her a warm smile

“Always” she smiled back and brought her glass to her lips and took a sip, her left ring finger caught Fenris’s eye, he looked as if he’d seen a ghost. “Fen? You alright?”

“May I?” he lifted her hand and removed the ring, inspecting it closely, “Where did you get this?” his voice growing harsh

“Cullen said he bought it in Kirkwall, why?’ she tilted her head, looking into his eyes, and that’s when it hit her, why it looked familiar. 

“Bought? More like stole!” Fenris spat “Look, on the inside of the band, my mother’s name, as well as my own from before...Anyway I lost it when we were in Kirkwall. I looked everywhere for it. My sister gave it to me before I...ehm, it is the only thing I had left of my old life, of my family. An heirloom if you will. I looked in the gallows thinking I lost it while Hawke was having us help those bloody mages. The templar on duty that night was none other than Knight Captain Rutherford.” he spat his name “I told him to let me know if it turned up. I thought it was gone forever” he started to hand it back to her but she gently pushed his hand back.

“No, Fenris I’m so sorry. I had no idea, I knew it looked familiar, I should’ve looked at it closer.”

Fenris looked at the ring, a range of emotions flickering in his eyes.

“Actually, I think I would like it better if you kept it. After all you have been taking better care of it than I have. It is safe with you, if I ever need it I know right where to find it” he held it out to her, she took it from his tattooed fingers and slipped it onto her delicate ring finger on her right hand.

“I will keep it safe, I promise.” she smiled

They looked out the door of the balcony at the almost completely set sun. Blues and indigos filled the sky with streaks of orange on the horizon. The silver dots of stars becoming brighter. She closed her eyes, enjoying the cool air on her face.

“Why don’t you put that dress on, and meet me outside?” Fenris’s smooth as velvet voice rang through the crisp wintery air. He descended down the stairs and out of her room. She paused for a minute and then slipped out of her clothes, neatly folding them them and placing them on her bed. She carefully stepped into the dress she hadn’t worn since she had it fitted. She felt beautiful...she felt even more beautiful since she was going to see Fenris. She pulled her hair from the messy up-do it was in and shook it all out, waves of crimson flowed down her back, the lone white streak almost glowing in the moonlight. With a final look in the mirror she padded down the stairs and towards the courtyard, the cool stone felt wonderful on her bare feet. It was rather quiet this evening, no one was really out and about, most were resting and packing, others it was probably too cold for. She stepped into the moonlit courtyard, a tall, lean figure topped with white emerged from the shadows. Fenris had dressed in his formal armor, he waved to his left, Solas, Varric, and Hawke started playing soft music. It still amazed her that after everything, he could be the most romantic man ever.

“I know how much you love dancing.” Fenris smiled that special smile and extended his hand to her which she took. He twirled her around and pulled her into a dancing position, with her left hand in his right and her other hand on his shoulder and his fell to her waist. “You look...wow you look stunning Syl” she blushed and he pulled her closer, she could feel the warmth of his body against her, their faces just inches apart as it started to snow.

“Thank you Fenris...this means a lot, especially right now.” she whispered

“Shhh just enjoy the music dear.” his lips grazed hers.

***********************

At least two hours had passed. The five of them were quite enjoying the peaceful evening. Syl and Fenris were enjoying every note of the music. Varric. Solas, and Hawke took in the sight of the two elves twirling gracefully around the courtyard. There was a lingering thought in the back of everyone's ind that this would be the only peace for a long time. But it didn’t last as long as they'd hoped. Solas stopped playing, his eyes trained on the main gate. 

“What caught your eye Chuckles?” Varric nudged him and followed his gaze. A doubled over figure appeared in the outline of the main gate. A tattered burgundy cloak flapping in the breeze behind him. 

“By the maker, that’s Cullen.” Syl breathed, Fenris reluctantly let go of her

“Be careful, it could be a trap”. The five of them rushed over to him, barely catching him as he collapsed. Everyone backed off immediately when they saw him cough up red.

“ _ Vermethys…..lyrium poisoning…”  _ Cullen’s words were slurred as he coughed up more red, a mix of blood...glowing blood...blood mixed with red lyrium.

“Ah son of a bitch, Steel get away, you too Broody. Who knows what that’ll do to you.”

“I...I can’t. It’s lyrium poisoning...I have to help him...They trained us for this” she placed one hand on Cullen’s heart, the other on his neck. She closed her eyes, “During training they taught us how to expel the lyrium from another, in case of poisoning or overdoses.” She concentrated hard, she could feel the red lyrium coursing through his veins. She seriously debated saving him, honestly after all he’d done, she was glad he was gone. The more she concentrated the more she could feel it pool up at her hands. She could feel the taint of it, it’s poisonous temptation. Cullen’s blood felt clean, but she could still feel the poison, almost as if it was seeping into her fingertips. Her eyes shot open, she looked at her hands in fear, they were glowing red with the venomous lyrium.

“Oh...Oh no….” she whispered, she had too much lyrium in her system from her own intake to do the expulsion properly. The red lyrium had started to be absorbed into her, bonding with the lyrium within her, she felt sick.

“Uh Steel...that looks the opposite of helpful, what’s happening?!” Varric yelled at her frantically. 

“This wasn’t...it’s not supposed to do this.” she fought the red, trying to purge it before it completely soaked into her. She noted that Cullen had passed out, she wished Fenris would’ve done the same, he’d never been fond of her lyrium consumption. But she swallowed her pride…”There’s too much...I have too much lyrium in my blood to do it properly…”

“What?! Verm! I thought you were clean!” Solas snapped at her. The pain in Fenris’s eyes was too much for her to bear and she fell to her knees, almost letting the red take her. She looked down in shame, she should’ve told him earlier. The red lyrium making her relive her worst memories

“NO!.....I don’t want to see that again…..” she whimpered, clutching the sides of her head. Fenris started glowing, his markings flaring to life.

“Broody what are you?...” Hawke started. Fenris placed a hand on her shoulder, pouring power from within himself into her, forcing the lyrium to leave her. He quickly withdrew his hand, hissing violently at the pain as the red lyrium crystallized and shattered on the ground.

“What did you-” Hawke began again but was cut off. 

“I don’t want to hear it!” he hissed “Get him to a healer or something.” he mindlessly waved at Cullen. Hawke and Solas picked him up, half carrying half dragging him to the nearest healer, Varric leading the way.

Fenris looked down, she was still on the ground, frozen in fear. She’d never felt anything like that before. He stepped over to be in front of her and crouched down placing a hand on her knee and she flinched. He froze with rage, his eyes widening, he brought his other hand up to cup her face and bring her gaze to meet his, but she wouldn’t. His heart broke, she’d only flinched from his touch once, it has been years since this happened, why now. His mind was racing, constantly reaching the same conclusion. He briefly saw what she saw and it made him sick...

“Syl” the tone of his voice said it all, he knew what she saw and it made him sick. All the pain, all the knowledge. He was about to ask a question he already knew the answer to. He just needed her to say it, to give him the okay.

“No...Fenris no it’s... It was once, okay twice, it wasn’t his fault.” she choked up “It was the withdrawals, they’d started to affect him horridly one day….”

“What did he do?” Fenris gritted through his teeth, regretting he let her save him, she was thinking the same. 

“Fenris it’s….it was a while a go, let it go? Please?” she looked at the pure anger in his eyes, she hated herself right now.

“Syl, you are the strongest woman I know, you are kind and sweet and perfect as far as I am concerned. You are selfless and giving and incredibly strong. Someone like you should not be hurt like this, now tell me,, please dear, I love you. I cannot do anything until you tell me.” Fenris’s voice was an angry plea “Syl please, withdrawals or not, it should not happen. There is no excuse to hurt someone you claim to love. I would never… you mean too much to me…” he shook his head “Please Syl.”

“He got angry, the withdrawals were really bad for about a week and a half, and well it’s sorta my fault, he told me to leave him alone, I should’ve left him alone, but I couldn’t, not when he was like that and well...he lost control and...well hit me several times and he-” she stopped, she didn’t want those nightmares flooding back to her, recent or no it seemed she couldn’t escape any part of her past. But she had to, this was Fenris, she kept nothing from him. They’ve been through worse after all. “He uh…” his grip on her leg tightened, he pulled her into an embrace, starting to glow

“I am going to kill him” he gave her a squeeze, and pulled he both if them up, she didn’t object. “He has no business hurting you. He is going to need more than just a healer when I am done with him. Bastard should have never laid a hand on my woman.” he muttered the last part to himself as he started to lead her in the direction of the others, when she resisted he looked down at her

“As the Inquisitor I must ask that you do not kill the Commander of my army.” Fenris raised an eyebrow, “but make him beg for death.” she gave him a wicked smile, and took his hand. She almost forgot how much she missed him, it felt good to be hand in hand with him again. He felt right, even on his quest for vengeance on her behalf. He truly loved her, and the thought of what she’d done to him, she’d apologize later, for now, a long called for argument. Her fear of confronting Cullen vanishing with every step Fenris took. She felt like her old self...she felt whole again.

***************************************************

“Hey Blondie thanks again. I know you aren’t the official healer here, but you know, confidentiality and all.” Varric mused

“Of course Varric, I’m here to help. Cullen drink this.” Anders handed him a vial of green liquid. Cullen adjusted on the cot he was placed on to prop himself up on his elbow and downed the liquid.

“Ack what is this?” he gagged 

“Goat piss and elfroot. Now drink it.” Anders went back to conversing with Varric. Not being able to tell if he was joking or not he downed the rest of the vial. Only to shoot up to a sitting position at the sound of the door being flung open.

“Woah easy elf! You’ll break my door!” Anders protested but Fenris shoved passed him, grabbing Cullen by the collar and throwing him out of the cot and shoving him against the wall.

“What in the name of Andraste is wrong with you?!” Cullen winced with pain.

“Me? Nothing...What is wrong with you however is a great deal of things and you will be lucky if I do not kill you for it.” Fenris took a swing and Cullen dodged it. “What, the cocky templar has nothing to say?” he swung again, his gauntleted fist made contact with Cullen’s cheekbone.

“Ahg seriously?!” 

“Not that I don’t enjoy templars getting a good ass kicking, why are you wailing on my patient?” Anders spoke up from the door where him, Hawke, Varric, Solas, and Syl were lingering.

“ How about you tell them? Come clean about the horrors you put her through” Fenris snarled at Cullen

“I have no idea what you’re talking about!”

“No? I think you do, tell them, tell them how you hurt her. The one woman in the world who deserves everything good and instead had to deal with you.” he snarled again.

“What? I would never-” Cullen’s eyes flitted over to Syl, who was glaring daggers at him, and smirking, clearly amused at the other elf’s behaviour. “You...you forgave me...or was that a lie? I wasn’t well I-” Fenris struck him again “Will you stop that?!”

“No. I do not care how badly the withdrawals were, that was and never will be an excuse. Because there are no excuses. There is absolutely no reason to abuse a woman. Do you hear me?!” he leaned closer to the man in front of him as he spat his words “Do you hear me?! Especially one you claimed to love!” Fenris growled at him, his eyes piercing his soul, putting the fear of the maker into Cullen, who’s eyes grew wide in horror. Fenris glanced to Syl who nodded “Will you admit your sins? Or shall I be the one to share them?” he punched the man in front of him once more 

“Please don’t” Cullen rasped, his voice thick with shame as he spit up more blood

“There was the physical beatings, the verbal abuses, the things you called her, which I refuse to repeat. But let us not forget the worst part.” his words stung with venom

“STOP!” Cullen roared.

“Exactly, how many times did you hear her scream that yet you ignored her. How many times did you scar her mind? How many times did you have your way with her against her will? How many times do I get to beat the living hell out of you for what you have done to her?” Fenris spat each word. The silence at the end of his words was deafening. Cullen didn’t answer. Instead it was Varric who broke the silence.

“I used to respect you Curly. But this? You’re just as disgusting as the rest of those bloody templars, she wouldn’t give herself to you because she wasn’t yours. She never was. So you forced her into it…..Congratulations Commander, you’re officially the scum of the Inquisition.” Varric shook his head, and tugged at Hawke’s arm as a signal to leave. Fenris took another hard swing at Cullen who then collapsed at the impact, his normally bright eyes looked dead and dull. 

“I will have you know I was set on killing you, tearing you limb from limb. But the Inquisitor requested I not kill the one who leads her armies, however if you ever touch her again, I will personally see that you are fed your still beating heart.” 

Fenris turned his back on the crumpled heap of a man. When he reached the doorway her motioned for Syl to lead the way. Which she did without looking back. It felt good. She knew it was terrible to feel good about such a horrible thing. But to watch Fenris defend her...without even glowing...that was a beautiful mix of rage and love...and she was glad to have him back.

“Look, here’s a health potion, it should help with your bruises. Now get out. Yes, even I have morals, and if you stay, Justice will rip you apart.” Anders tossed a potion at Cullen as he picked him up off the floor and shoved him out the door, quickly taking several steps back, his eyes flickering.

Cullen started the long walk back to his quarters. His worst nightmare sinking in. He’d lost her. He slammed the door behind him and immediately went to his desk. He opened the drawer that had been locked since they arrived at Skyhold, and pulled out a box. Carefully he emptied the contents...and brought the philter to his lips. The familiar taste of lyrium flowing past his lips and down his throat.

*******************************************************************

She let the over sized white gown fall to a pool at her feet, kicking it aside. She looked around for something easy and more comfortable to put on. Fenris had averted his gaze, walking out to the balcony. He removed his chest plate and gauntlets, leaving him in just a tunic and leggings. He glanced over his shoulder to see she was only half dressed and turned his gaze back to the sky. He’d seen her undress several times before, but right now it just seemed rude and invasive. He heard light footsteps sneak up behind him.

“Hey” she smiled as he turned around. She had dressed in leggings and one of his tunics. He gave her as amused look “Oh” she blushed “I hope you don’t mind, it was convenient. 

“Of course not dear, that one seems to fit you better than it does myself, you should keep it.” He smiled, running his emerald eyes over her. She blushed even more.

“Haha thanks. And thank you for earlier. I forgot what it was like.”

“You do not need to thank me, I am sure anyone would have put him in his place had you said anything. And what what is like?” he responded

“What being me is like. I’m not going to lie, I wasn’t myself after we went separate ways. I missed you Fen. And Cullen tried to mold me into what I once was but….well you see how that worked. But you, I feel most myself when I’m with you. Hell even with Hawke or Isabela….I guess Kirkwall is more for me than the Inquisition.” she looked down at her hand

“Understandable, but I believe the Inquisition fits you quite nicely.” Just like the tunic she was wearing, it was distracting him, it hugged her curves in all the right ways.

“Ha thanks...I uh...I also have a confession to make, well formally anyway. I tried to quit lyrium again. However this time the withdrawals had such awful effects right away...I had to start taking it again, It was killing me. And well, the amount I’m taking will probably kill me too...hopefully that won’t happen until we kill Corypheus. Anyway I can’t quit it...my body is too dependent on it.” she paused waiting for his reaction.

“I….Syl….”He pulled her into a hug “I am afraid to ask...but how much are you taking?” he pulled back enough to see her face.

“As of today? One hundred sixteen doses….and counting…” Fenris grabbed her by the shoulders

“Syl! How can you do this to yourself? I know it is keeping you alive...but that much...how are you not dead?”

“Shh, my body burns through it too fast for it to actually kill me.”

“Please, please promise me, after the ball you will let me help you. Let me find a way to safely get you off of this bloody poison.” he pleaded, if she didn’t know any better she’d say he was on the edge of crying.

“I promise Fenris.” She wrapped her arms around him, feeling how he trembled. After what seemed like hours they released each other and turned in for the night. She lay down in her bed, Fenris on the lounge in front of the fire for appearances sake, far too many nobles liked to go snooping and after just calling off the wedding it would look suspicious.Just as he was drifting off he heard her, the staggered shaky breaths,she was crying, tossing and turning in her sleep.He debated for a few minutes, and then couldn’t take it anymore, he flung the blankets off and padded over to her bed. He sat on the edge and reached over to stroke her hair, the silky strands sliding through his fingers, he twirled the stand of white through his fingers and smiled sadly. He gave in again and sat fully on the bed, propping his back against the headboard and pulled her into his arms, she curled up against him with her head on his chest. He kissed her forehead and continued stroking her hair, eventually his eyes fluttered shut and he fell asleep. The last thought on his mind was that he was finally with her, he was finally home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaaay everyone's favorite grumpy elf has finally appeared! Also I would like to point out that I have absolutely nothing against Cullen, he's one of my favorites! I just thought it would be kinda fun/interesting to lean into the darker effects of lyrium and what it does to people. It's one of those things that we don't see much of, we see what the red lyrium does, but the normal stuff is just as dangerous so I kinda took it and ran.


	5. Road to Orlais

Syl woke up tangled around a body, with strong slender arms wrapped around her. She looked up to see Fenris half sitting half lying in bed with her. She vaguely remembered him running his hands through her hair last night. She slowly and carefully slid out of his arms as to not disturb him. Hoisting herself out of bed and went to her closet, stretching as she walked. She pulled on a pair of black leather leggings and matching knee high leather boots. She thought about changing tunics, but Fenris’s was so comfortable, and they had a long day ahead of them, as they were leaving for Orlais tonight. So she settled for adding one of her belts that buckled around her waist. She also put on her pair of jet black leather bracers that matched her boots. She ruffled her hands through her hair, closing the closet door with her hip as she meandered over to her desk, crimson ribbons cascading down past her lower back as soft as ever. She pulled out a quill and paper and hastily scrawled a note to Fenris, folding it in half and writing his name on the outside she placed it on the bed opposite of him, pulling a blanket over him as she left her room.

She had a couple tasks to do before she finished packing for this evening. She made a mental list of places she needed to go and what order to do them. She needed to stop by the forge to get her dagger that Dagna was enchanting, she also had to stop by the kitchen to get her rations for the trip, she might as well grab Fenris’s as well as he’d probably be asleep for awhile, he needed the rest. She also had to stop by Cullen’s...she wasn’t looking forward to that. She decided to stop by the forge first, then Cullen’s, then the kitchens. Dagna tossed her the dagger when she walked in with few pleasantries. And now the dreaded walk to Cullen’s office. She tucked her dagger into her belt and she walked through Solas’s tower to the battlements. She thought about just walking in, but chose to knock instead, she heard a voice from inside signaling her to enter.

“Oh...Vermethys” he looked around her, “Are you sure it’s wise for you to be here without your guard dog?” he sneered

“Don’t get snippy with me! I came to see how you were feeling, I don’t have to be here you know.” she started to leave

“No,please, forgive me...I feel fine thank you...actually...what happened last night?

“You came stumbling through the main gate coughing up red lyrium.” she paused “Luckily it was pulled out of you before it turned you into one of those monsters we’ve been fighting.” She let her eyes wander his office, noticing a small box on his desk.

“How? That’s impossible….unless…” the last word was bitter

“Yeah well. Nugs out of the bag, I’ve been taking lyrium for awhile now. So you’re welcome I saved your damn life.”

“You! You made a vow with me to stop taking it! You kept me on track….and for what? You threw your shot at being clean away?!?!” he growled at her. 

“It was killing me! The withdrawals were killing me. I tried stopping several times before and the same thing happened. I’m sorry for not wanting to die just yet. I’m sorry I thought the Inquisition needed its Inquisitor, I’m sorry I thought I meant something to this cause” She spat back at him

“And you meant everything to me!” he grabbed her shoulders but she violently shoved him off.

“Forget it Cullen! Don’t act all high and mighty! I’m not stupid, I can see the box on your desk! You broke down too.” she pointed at his philter.

“You’re right, I did. I broke down last night because the woman I loved walked out the door, sticking her rabid evil dog on me!” in a burst of fury she threw two of her throwing daggers, concealed in her boot, at him, pinning him to the wall by the shoulder of his cloak.

“Don’t you dare speak of him that way! You’ve done more wrong than he ever has! You wouldn’t leave me alone when I said I wasn’t interested. You lied to me about the ring. You beat me, you raped me, lured me into forgiving you and then you left me! Twice! Without telling me, the second time was with another woman! If anyone is the dog here it’s you!” she was seething with anger

“Get out!” he yelled at her, he couldn’t take it anymore, she wasn’t going to listen.”I said get out you bitch!” he growled at her, he threw one of the daggers back at her, which she snatched out of the air. “Go! Run back to that filthy mutt!” she walked over to where he was pinned to the wall and backhanded him.

“Don’t you ever speak like that about Fenris. Ever. You better pray to the Maker he doesn’t come down here and kill you.” she hissed at him, her words stinging like venom. As she whirled around on her heels she turned her head back “You’re going to need this, trust me, if you haven't learned by now, I‘m not someone you fuck with.” she flung the coin he gave her a while ago back at him with such force it left a tiny dent in his chest plate. She slammed the door behind her. He felt sick, he couldn’t tell if it was because of the rage, of the fight he’d just had, or the fact that his body was rejecting the lyrium he took last night.

************************************

She was still enraged when she got into the kitchens and was rather short tempered with the chefs. They quickly handed her the rations she and Fenris needed for the trip, as well as tossing in a few danishes and tea for her to take up to her room. She was grateful when she was finally in her room again. She placed the rations on her desk and the tray of tea and danishes on the bed. She could see Fenris had read her note and gotten out of bed, she just wasn’t sure where he was. She picked up a cup of tea and wandered out the side balcony, only to be met by a half naked and wet Fenris.

“Oh! Sorry! I didn’t realise you were out here!” she stepped back inside, blush creeping onto her cheeks. He’s incredible to look at, his torso perfectly toned and muscular, with white lines tracing every curve of every muscle, bright and vibrant against his tanned skin. His hair still dripping, she wanted nothing more than to just grab him and kiss him.

“You are fine love, I hope you do not mind, I borrowed your bath.” he smiled 

“Ah no, that’s fine. Sorry I left abruptly this morning, I had a couple things to do. Also I grabbed your rations for the trip, and there’s danishes and tea for breakfast.”

“Thank you” he smiled “And that is quite alright, I woke up not too long ago…..what were you up to this morning?” he picked up an apple spice danish and took a bite. She had set down her tea and pulled out one of her packs for supplies, she started by putting rations in it, followed by her philter and her lyrium supply. 

“I had to pick up a dagger from Dagna, picked up our rations…” she tied up her bag and picked up another one for clothes. “And I stopped by Cullen’s office” She looked at Fenris, she could see him tense up at her words.

“Oh?” his voice was stern yet worried, he couldn’t bear the thought of him hurting her

“Yes...I had to return something...and get screamed at….uhg” she shook her head

“Why did he scream at you?

“He’s angry I left him even though I never was with him to begin with, he’s angry I took lyrium instead of dropping dead, he’s angry at you...the things...he called you a filthy dog….he had no right.” she finished stuffing her clothes and armor into her bag, she was distracted tying up that pack as well, she didn’t notice Fenris come up behind her until she turned around and his arms wrapped around her. 

“What an ass.” he muttered against her hair

“Ha, yeah, it’s alright, I should’ve known better….Come on let’s finish packing.” she gave him a squeeze and they released each other, she smiled.

“Of course...you look very nice be the way.” he nodded to his shirt she was wearing as he picked up his own pack. She looked as beautiful as always, and for some reason, seeing her in his tunic was incredibly attractive. He smiled to himself as he packed his bags. She had finished and sat at the foot of her bed with her legs folded underneath her, drinking tea.

“What are you smiling at?” she took a sip and tilted her head, and amused lilt to her voice.

“To be honest? You. It is good to be here with you again...I missed you Syl.”

“I’m very glad you’re here too. I missed you as well” he smiled at her words and continued packing.

“Inquisitor!” Josephine called up the stairs, “If you’re not busy, we’re about to start a meeting in the war room. Ser Fenris you are more than welcome to come as well.”

“Shall we?” she hopped off the bed as he pulled a shirt over his head, then smacking her ass as she walked by him, getting a sultry smirk from her in return, he raised his brows and smiled, following her down the stairs to the war room.

***************************************

Syl donned her leather long coat and picked up her bags, she strolled into the main hall to meet Fenris, Hawke, Varric and Isabela. The five of them headed out to the main gate, Varric, Hawke and Isabela leading the way. Syl and Fenris bringing up the back. As they arrived they could see the buzz of people getting ready, minutes away from leaving. Horses being saddled up and attached to the carriages. .

“Ah Inquisitor” Josephine’s accented voice rang through the crisp air. She looked up, frowning at the sky, thick storm clouds covered the night, threatening rain. “It seems we may have unpleasant weather. Anyway, you and your group will be on the third wagon. Warden Blackwall, Iron Bull and his Chargers and myself will be on the supply cart. Leliana and the rest of your inner circle will be on the first two wagons.” 

“Alright, Thank you Josephine.” she nodded and walked over to her designated wagon. Hawke, Varric, Anders, Solas, and Cassandra were already loading their things into it, saving her and Fenris seats towards the front. Fenris helped her up into the carriage, and took the seat next to her. Hawke sat across from them and Varric next to him.The rest of them filled in the carriage leaving a spot open in the middle. Everyone was settling in for the long journey, Josephine and Dalish were handing out blankets for everyone, as the air was getting chillier in the evenings as winter had just about arrived. 

“Oh! Commander Cullen? Are your soldiers ready for you to leave now? We’ve delayed as long as we can.” Cullen nodded and Josie handed him a blanket. “And maybe try to get some sleep… you look dreadful sir. Ah yes, you are on the third wagon as well.” she continued handing out blankets. Cullen stepped up onto the wagon and took a seat between Varric and Solas. 

Syl unfolded the blanket Josephine had handed her and placed it over her lap. Cullen cleared his throat and it caught her attention. 

“You left this in my office earlier” he held out one of her throwing daggers, she hesitated before taking it and tucking it into her boot. 

“Well...this is going to be a long ride.” Varric muttered and pulled out two books, one her passed down to Cassandra who took it and happily started to read it. Solas cast a tiny ball of light for her to read by and another for Varric, who had lit a cigar and started to write in the second book. With a jerk of the cart they were on their way to Orlais.

****************************************************************

“Lovely.Rain.” Varric held his hand out to feel droplets. It was only lightly drizzling, but still, no one really wanted rain Especially since it was so cold. They’d been on the road a whole day, only talking or sleeping to pass the time. Syl was starting to doze off in the middle of her conversation with Fenris. 

“Ferro, Licuit mihi?” he turned to face her more. _(Steel, are you alright?)_

“Hem? Ita, ego valeo, ustus frigus, iam defessus.” she replied lazily _(Hm? Yes, I’m fine, just cold, and tired)_

“Es certus? Et ecce recenti pallidus magis normalis.” _(Are you sure? You look paler than normal)_ he whispered. She was hoping to hold off a while longer, till everyone had fallen asleep, then again Cassandra and Hawke were asleep, Varric was writing like a madman, and Solas and Anders were so engrossed in their discussion of magics they probably wouldn’t notice. And Cullen...well he took lyrium too so what did it matter if he saw her? She shook her head.

“I need to take lyrium...I just...I didn’t want to take it in front of others.” she shrugged as she reached under the bench to retrieve her pack, she pulled out the stone cup she used and poured her draught of lyrium. She was up to a dosage of two hundred now. She took a sip, gagging on the metallic liquid. Fenris placed a hand on her back as she continued to down the vile substance. He hated seeing her like this. She was right, no one noticed her, she stuffed the cup back into her bag and shoved it back under the bench. She looked at Fenris, tilting her head as the look on his face confused her.

“What? I mean...I can understand you being disgusted but can you not be so obvious? Please-”He placed a finger over her lips to silence her

“Varric was right, your eyes do take on a sort of glow after you take lyrium...it is very alluring, in a horrible sort of way” he brushed her hair away from her face. She shivered at his touch, he felt so warm, the lyrium in his skin made him naturally warmer than normal. “Here, come here amatus.” he switched seats with her so he could lean back into the corner, with his left leg up on the bench running parallel to the wall of the cart. She sat down on the bench between his legs with hers out stretched as well, leaning her head against his chest. He shifted their blankets so they were sharing them. “Get some rest amatus. You haven’t slept since we left.” She gladly closed her eyes, welcoming sleep. Fenris was right, she needed rest.

***********************************************************

Fenris looked down at her, she looked so peaceful when she was asleep. She deserves the peace. He adjusted the blankets so she’d stay warm. He was the only one still awake, or so he thought. He started to drift off when a deep voice caught his attention. 

“Alright Broody, how’s it going?” Varric kept his voice low as to not wake anyone

“What are you talking about dwarf?”

“Oh I think you know, come on Broody, let’s talk feelings.”

“No.” he squirmed, the dwarf always made him uncomfortable “Fine…”

“I feel like I don’t need to ask, but you still love her?” Varric’s voice was pushy and prying, he already knew the answer.

“Of course. I always will. However we’re keeping that kind of quiet for now, poper appearances and all.” his voice took a sarcastic turn

“Awww well ain’t that sweet. I’m glad you’re back Broody, you know I think I may have missed you almost as much as she did.” Varric smirked at him and leaned back, closing his eyes. Cullen waited a few minutes before speaking. 

“You’re full of it you know” he gritted his teeth

“Excuse me?”

“You claim to love her...yet you let her continue to consume that poison!” he scowled

“You are one to talk. You broke down the second she left you did you not?” Fenris sneered back at him.

“Yeah well...it’s not like that did me any good. My body rejected it, she never gave me the chance to explain that.” Cullen’s tone mellowed

“As you never gave her a chance to explain, while your body rejects it, hers cannot live without it. She has to keep increasing her dosage or she is going to die from withdrawals. Her body burns through it too fast and- why am I explaining this to you? It’s not like you care.” 

“I care because I love her! And I don’t want to see her poisoning herself.” 

“Shhh, you do not want to wake everyone. And do you really? Can you consider it love after the things you have done to her? If you are so concerned about her taking lyrium, maybe you should try finding an alternative solution, rather than belittling her, or has that thought not crossed your mind? If not I would have to question your ability to be Commander of the Inquisition, you are supposed to look at all the possibilities and find the best strategy yes?” Fenris had a devilish grin, he’d always wanted to make that templar feel stupid. “Now if you will excuse me, I would like to get some rest. I suggest you do the same, the Lady Ambassador was right, you do look awful.” And with that Fenris curled in closer to the sleeping woman in his lap and closed his eyes.

Cullen sat there slack jawed. He never cared for that elf when they were in Kirkwall and he certainly didn’t care for him now. He felt sick...possibly because of the lyrium withdrawals, possibly because he was still trying to purge the lyrium from his system. He shrugged, not knowing or particularly caring at the moment, he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. 

********************************************************

It had been just over two weeks since they had left Skyhold, the gates of the Winter Palace were finally in view. The guards at the gate informed them how to get to the guest house reserved for them. Also letting them know that there was a delay with catering so the start of the ball was delayed two hours. Which everyone was grateful for, it gave them six hours to rest and bathe. When they arrived at the guest house it was required that everyone check in with the caretaker of the house and be escorted to their rooms. Though since they ended up bringing more people than they originally planned they had to do some rearranging. Solas offered his room to Merrill and Dorian who accepted. Isabella of course shacked up with Hawke, who also offered his quarters up to Varric and Sebastian, as Varric’s was being taken over by Bull and the chargers. Aveline and Donnic shared with Cassandra. Josephine, Leliana, Sera and Vivienne also roomed together, Blackwall and Cole offered theirs to anyone else who needed space. Syl obviously offered her room to Fenris who gave her a look as if he’d go anywhere else. That just left one person without a room.

“Steel, wait up!!” Anders called after her “You uh... you have space?”

“Haha yeah, but you’re aware Fenris is with me yes?” she gave him an amused smile.

“Ah yes, it’s either the Inquisitor and the grumpy mage hating elf of Commander Grumpy Pants as Sera has nicknamed him. I’d rather deal with the broody elf.”he ran a hand through his gold hair. She looked at Fenris with a raised eyebrow, he thought for a moment then shrugged.

“Just no preaching” he muttered. Anders stifled a laugh and followed them.

They took turns bathing and resting, chatting casually among themselves. Fenris and Anders were actually getting along for once, bonding over how neither of them were fond of the Orlesians. A light tapping on the door interrupted their discussion about the ridiculous masks they wore.

“Come in!” Syl called as she came out from the changing screen in only a robe, toweling her hair. “Josie! What a surprise!” She never really interacted with Josephine aside from meetings, so this was a strange occurrence. 

“A surprise indeed, the empress decided that as a thank you for our appearance and to show her support, she would send us all these.” she held up cloth garment bags. “She’s requested that we ignore our dress uniforms and wear custom dresses and uniforms instead.”

“Ah...well...that’s very kind of her. Actually I’m quite thankful, I hate those bloody uniforms.” she took the bag with her name on it, eyeing the others.

“Ah yes, somehow she knew about our extra people and well, each of you have a custom uniform as well.” Josephine held out the two bags to Fenris and Anders.

“If it looks ridiculous I am not wearing it…” Fenris muttered, Anders snorted a laugh in agreement. Josephine left their room to go deliver more clothing with Sera.

“Well this makes things a bit more challenging…” She pulled a charcoal grey silk gown from her bag. It was stunning, absolutely gorgeous and she was looking forward to putting it on however she now had to rethink her armor. 

“Well I guess it’s good I brought some of my more stealthy armor..”

“Steel you wear leather...it’s already stealthy. And why are you wearing armor to the ball?” Anders piped up while pulling out the robes he was given.

“Because I’m not a mage? We're walking into a pit of vipers? Here to stop an assassination? Besides, everyone wears some sort of armor with their formal uniform, however now it seems I need to wear it under a dress instead of a uniform..uhg...Fenris how’s yours?”

“It is a fancier version of what I normally wear…” he held up the chest-plate.

“As is mine.” Anders held up his robes.

“Well aren’t you two lucky.” she grabbed one of her packs and went behind the changing screen, letting the men change in private as she donned her black leather leggings and matching leather chest plate/ corset. She poked her head out to see that both of them were decent, having changed into new pants or leggings, Fenris smirking at Anders who couldn’t figure out how to lace up his new tunic, Fenris dropped his as he turned his head towards Syl. He couldn’t believe how she looked. Her leather leggings were skin tight and hugged her curves exquisitely. The leather corset she had on also hugged her curves, accentuating her hips and chest, he missed seeing her like this, he’d almost forgotten what she looked like in her armor when she wasn't wearing her vest or coat over it.

“Hey can you lace me up?” she turned around to show him her back.

“Of course” he stepped over and started pulling at the laces as he'd done so many times before, tightening them from the waist up. 

“I have to ask, how is this different from your normal armor It looks the same?” she chuckled at Ander’s comment

“Haha it’s not, it’s the exact same. The only difference is I can’t wear as many knives and pouches as normal, or my vest that goes over this. But now I can wear it under anything and be thoroughly protected. You know, like if I’m attending a ball where everyone is trying to kill each other. A little tighter up top please.” Fenris pulled at her corset.

“Well that does make sense. There, that should do.” he stepped back as she turned around to face him. She bent down and picked up his tunic

“Tibi gratias ago, credo quod tuum est?” _(Thank you, I believe this is yours)_ she winked at him as she held it out to him, it wasn’t until then that he realized he was still shirtless. He blushed as he slid the tunic on. Syl pulled out a long sleeved leather bolero that matched the rest of her jet black armor and stuck her arms through pulling it onto her shoulders. The bolero buckled and strapped with two straps, one under her breasts, the other across the top of them. She stretched making sure everything was secure. She slid on her matching leather boots and then tried slipping into her new dress. Fenris strolled over and helped her pull the dress over her armor and lace it up the back. You could hardly tell she was wearing armor under it. The gown was absolutely stunning, it was long sleeved and tight fit across the torso and cascaded down into waves and waves of silky fabric. 

“Wow, Steel, you look like royalty!” Anders called over from the mirror, adjusting the obnoxious amount of fur on his collar. His new robes were a deep emerald green with charcoal and navy accents. 

“Thanks Anders, I feel kinda ridiculous considering I’m armed to the teeth”

“Understandable, though at least you have a weapon easily accessible, I have to hide my staff or give it to a guard.” Fenris rolled his eyes at him

“You realize that your weapon is literally a part of you mage?” he mocked him

“Mage?!” Anders stood with his mouth a gape, even Syl looked at him in disbelief with an eyebrow raised. “Do you...that’s...that’s the first time you ever called me anything besides demon, filthy mage, abomination, monster, or some other awful thing.” Fenris looked at Anders with a blank expression and then at Syl, he smirked at her and shrugged as he finished putting on his armor. Fenris’s armor and clothes were navy with charcoal and emerald accents, all of the metal was a deeper grey, almost black, he wore his own bracers, boots and vest that were also jet black. He looked quite handsome. Syl finished her hair and makeup as the bell rang marking the hour before the start of the ball. The three of them left the room and headed towards the meeting place for everyone to go to the palace.

**************************************

The stone felt cold beneath her hands due to the cold wintery air….and the fact that it had started to snow. She inhaled, the frigid air stinging her lungs, pulling her her sleeves down over her hands more. 

“Tis a nice night, but why are you not inside celebrating? A celebration for you after all.” A smooth voice called out from the doorway behind her.

“They ran out of punch” she smirked, she wasn’t really in any mood to be near people

“Here? What a scandal? I was hoping to speak with you, if you have a moment.” she paused “ Tis my pleasure to announce that Duke, now Emperor Gaspard has offered my services to the grand Inquisition. More so, I’m coming home with you and you don’t exactly have a choice in the matter… sounds familiar doesn’t it? I’ll leave you with your privacy.”

“I look forward to it, and thank you, it really is good to see you again Morrigan. We’ll catch up later I promise.” she smiled at her old friend who smirked as she left. As soon as Morrigan left, Fenris stepped out taking the witch’s previous spot.

“Licuit mihi?” _(are you alright?)_ he murmured, full well knowing the answer.

“Ut quod licet non possum” _(as alright as i can be)_

“Vis societatis? Si non potes te relinquo.” _(Would you like company? If not I can leave.)_ she whispered something along the lines of stay, so he did. His nose twitched at the cold air. He took off his cloak and placed it on her shoulders as she had ditched her dress a while ago and was only in her armor. “Pulchra es, ignoscas mihi fiducia est, necesse est esse dixit.” _( you are beautiful, forgive me for my boldness, it needed to be said.)_ she blushed wickedly

“Quare gratias ago tibi, domine, satis pulcher es te ipsum.” _(Why thank you sir, you’re quite handsome yourself)_ she giggled and Fenris flashed a smile while offering his hand.

“Non ad te pertinet quia choros domina mea?” _(would you care for a dance my lady?)_

“Haha, heu! Tu gravis” _(haha oh! You’re serious)_

“Scilicet ego sum,et nox iam diu et adhuc ludere musicam. Quaeso, mecum exultant lusibus.” _(Of course I am, it’s been a long night, and the music is still playing. Please, dance with me)_ he held his hand out more and she accepted, he spun her into his arms. The two of them gracefully floated around the balcony until the ball ended. 

They returned to their quarters that night exhausted and not looking forward to traveling back to Skyhold in the morning. When they arrived Anders had already claimed the sofa and was snoring away, leaving the bed for the two of them. Fenris contemplated sleeping on the floor, but before he could get anywhere with the thought he was interrupted him.

“NO! We are going to be on the road again for another two weeks in the freezing cold, you are not sleeping on the damn floor! We can share the bed, It’s not like Anders will announce it to all of Orlais” 

“He may not but that creepy painting of a horse….cat...fish thing might…” he mused. They changed out of their formal wear and climbed into bed. Without even thinking Fenris leaned over and kissed her lightly on the lips before rolling over onto his stomach with his arms under his pillow and face towards her. He closed his eyes and let sleep take him.

*****************************

_ That voice. Nightmare’s voice echoed through her dreams that night. _

_ “Why the secrets? VERMETHYS” the way it said her name, it knew. It knew it wasn’t real….it knew all her secrets….smug son of a bitch… _

_ “Oh don’t worry, I won’t tell….that is unless you want me to. Like the one about the Commander, how long will you keep that charade up. Just buying time….when even time will not bring HIM back. Nothing will. He’s gone, forgotten you. Or perhaps he’s dead? Dying hating you, on his way to keep some childish promise. Or perhaps he’s back. Back home. Oh no, not with you, no not that home, his old home, from many years ago. Before he knew you, when he belonged to someone else.” The voice cackled at the horror it was causing “Or maybe the one about the King? What’s he holding for you hmmmm??” new images filled her mind, sage green eyes and a flash of black….and then liquid red _

_ “NO!!” she screamed, she didn’t want to see that…. Her one fear greater than losing Fenris…. _

_ “Hey it will be okay” Hawke spoke, but it wasn’t his voice _

_ “Please wake up, you are only dreaming” this time the voice came out of Varric _

“Shhh, you are fine, come here, just close your eyes” Fenris pulled her to rest her head on his chest and ran his fingers through her hair

_ “Syl! Please!”  _ Fenris’s voice came from both of them. Her eyes flew open as she gasped for air


	6. No More Hiding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think you'll enjoy this one :)

They awoke the next morning to Josephine knocking on the door letting them know they had an hour before their departure. They also awoke being curled into one another, Fenris with his arm around her. Anders noticed as they rolled out of bed and said nothing aside from a smiled ‘morning’ They all dressed in simple clothes. However Syl’s shirt tore up the side as she put it on, Fenris tossed her one of his as a replacement. She mumbled a thank you and put it on. The three of them wandered outside with all their bags. Everyone piled into the carriages, Morrigan joining the one Syl was on, was on. And they headed off to Skyhold.

**************************************

“Alright, I gotta ask, how do you know Morrigan Steel?” Varric asked. Morrigan gave Syl a knowing look.

“Yes VERM, how did we meet?” she gave a sly smile

“Ah...that’s a long story” she took a final swig of lyrium and stowed her cup. Flipping off Morrigan subtly as she did, Morrigan just laughed.

“Okay, why or when did you become a templar?” She knew he was prying for something, she just didn’t know what.

“Ha, that’s also quite a story…” Fenris gave her a squeeze on the arm “Uhg you know what, Fuck it, we’ve got a long ride ahead of us so why not. It’s needs to be known sometime.” she laughed “Get your pen dwarf, you’ll enjoy this.”, she paused noticing that he didn’t move, “No seriously get your pen” Varric did as he was told with a confused expression.

“Alright go ahead” he nodded, everyone had their attention towards her, all curious, all but one.

“I think this is a good time to tell you all about my past...well most of it. It’s time for you to know who I am. I uh...guess I’ll start from the beginning, I’m Dalish, though not of clan Lavellan like most of you thought. Though I have no Valaslin, I was sent away before I became of age. A group of templars stumbled into our village, looking for help, they’d gotten lost. So I was sent to find their camp and bring them back to it. And being as curious as I was, asked a lot of questions on our adventure. And when we reached their camp they asked me if I wanted to join. And I did. I wanted to be able to fight for the safety of the people, to protect them, to protect my clan….ours never abides by the limited mages law of the Dalish…..we had at least twenty of them. The only thing was that I never returned to my clan, and I didn’t last long in the templars. Our Knight Commander was corrupt, he had us kill several mages just for fun, we tried to put a stop to him, but that resulted in us being thrown out of the order. Unofficially. Anyway having just been kicked out and nowhere to go I was looking for something, I didn’t know what until he found me. He being the famous Grey Warden Duncan.” She paused, what she was about to finally reveal sunk in “As you can guess I joined the Grey Wardens. I uh...I was at the battle of Ostagar, with King Caelin. The only people to survive were myself and one other Grey Warden...Alistair Therin, the present King of Ferelden. And we traveled together we met Morrigan and Leliana and several others. Together we stopped the fifth blight. My actual name is Sylendra Hellbane, and I am the Hero of Ferelden.” she paused again, stunned faces trained on her, Hawke finally broke the silence.

“No fucking way! You’re joking!”

“Nope”

“Uh Verm…. Steel...you’re dead...well supposedly, I guess the rumors are true…,” Varric trailed off.

“Please, call me Syl, and yeah...I’m uh not sure what happened, well i mean i know what happened but that’s not my story to tell. But after I killed the Archdemon I woke up a week or so later. I immediately went to Denerim Castle to find Alistair, you see once we learned he was supposed to become king he asked me to marry him, said if he was already married they couldn’t force him to take a wife. And who better than his best friend. So naturally I agreed, because I love helping people and am self destructive at times as you all know very well. Anyway I walked in just as he was being crowned and he put off the ceremony. He told me that after I killed the dragon my body was glowing, and burning hot, they’d planned to retrieve me a few days later. I was also cured of the taint in my blood, as I figured out, I no longer had nightmares of darkspawn trying to eat my face, I can still kinda feel them though, not sure how that works. Which made for a fun time since I was elected as the Warden Commander in Ferelden. You all know how that ended up, Amaranthine was lost and shortly there after I disappeared...we heard news that our friend Wynne was unwell….well more unwell than normal, so we were on our way traveling to see her when my life took another spin, that’s when I vanished….That’s ah...for a different time, maybe later.” she leaned back into Fenris who put his arms around her.

“So...you’re the Hero of Ferelden...and were almost the fucking Queen because the King didn’t want to marry a snooty noble bitch.” Varric summarized, Syl nodded “And this wasn’t known? I mean it all makes sense, I for one feel stupid for not recognizing you.”

“Holy shit….the Deep Roads...I…” Anders trailed off

“It’s understandable, like I said I disappeared for a while” she looked down

“What happened?” Syl tensed up at the question and Fenris gave her a squeeze and pulled her closer to him.

“You know...Broody you know don’t you?!” Varric pointed his quill at him.

“I knew everything, You may have noticed I actually call her by her real name. And it’s not my place to say.” he said flatly.

“Huh... you know I always thought that was just some elvhen pet name you lovers had” Syl took a deep breath.

“Ahem, on our way to visit Wynne, we of course had stopped to camp. Well Barkspawn, damn i miss that dog, and Alistair had fallen asleep by the fire and I was left to keep watch. Only I fell asleep too...and woke up to a hand over my mouth and a blade at my throat. I was kidnapped….by Tevene Slavers….long story short I was a slave for several years. I escaped about two days after Fenris did.”

“Andraste’s flaming ass...Syl I’m so sor-” she cut Varric off. Everyone was silent, looking down.

“I do not want you sorrow or your pity for this. The bastards responsible are dead, nothing I can do now. It’s in the past.” Hawke was next to ask a question...one he would regret.

“Were you...I mean were you a part of the same arena he was? I know he had to kill all the others.... but we all know you fight well” both of them flinched.

“Ah...yeah, he did. I was lined up to fight an older, sick woman. I refused. So instead they bound and gagged me and put a sack over my head. And turned me into a practice dummy for the other contestants. It was what they did with those who disobeyed or tried to run. I was beaten several times, cut, punched, shot at, broken and then after it all I was...starved…. For being disobedient because if I had to fight I wanted it to be a fair fight, not slaughter a poor woman who wasn’t able to defend herself….The punishment was worth it...and I’d gladly go through worse if I had to do it again” Fenris tensed up next to her. He remembered. He remembered his time in the arena all too well. It was one of the few things he remembered clearly before the markings that wasn't just a glimpse, the reason they were in that arena. But now...by the gods…

“Fenris, are you okay? It was a long time ago, you know that. It’s okay.” she took his hands in hers, he was visibly shaking, with pain in his eyes. “Fenris, what’s wrong?”

“You never told me that part….neither of us wanted to talk about the arena but...it was ...it was you…” he mumbled. No one knew whether to look away or listen.

“Pardon?”

“The arena...that woman you refused to fight then convinced them to let go….that was...my mother, my mother and sister were set to fight, they went free because Varania was tending to my mother’s wounds….they...they were free only because they were still alive when I won and that was my wish….. And that scar you have along your ribs on your left side….that was my doing….I was furious that they put them in the arena...I took it out on the bound slave they put in front of me...which I am now realizing was you…..I almost killed you...all the blood...Syl I am so so sorry I-” she cut him off by pulling him into a tight embrace. He took a deep breath, barely stifling a sob.It was quite a sight, the normally brooding stoic elf was breaking down in front of everyone. The only person who’d ever seen him like that was Sylendra, several years ago. It was at this point Varric called up to Josephine’s cart stating they should stop to camp for the night. When she protested he put his foot down saying it wasn’t an option, no one needed to see Broody like that. They stopped for the night, the chargers setting up tents as a rapid pace. They were up within fifteen minutes, Syl lead Fenris to the tent that she had Krem set up a bit farther from the others. They sat on a bedroll and Fenris completely came undone.

“Syl, I am so sorry, please forgive me. I can’t….I” he sputtered out, his eyes turning glassy.

“Shhhhh, Fenris, it’s okay, you didn’t know. Neither of us did. You’ve nothing to be sorry for.” She stroked his hair and he leaned into her touch.

“I feel...there are no words for how awful I feel. Knowing I have hurt you after I swore to myself I never would.”

“Oh Fenris please, it’s alright. It was a rough time for both of us. I’d say you’re forgiven, but there’s nothing to forgive. You didn’t hurt me intentionally. You didn’t even know me.”

“I wish I had, known you then that is.”

“Me too”

“Syl I am so sorry, truly. You know I would never hurt you, I could never hurt you my lo-” he stopped himself, knowing what he'd do if he didn't

“What were you going to say?” she continued stroking his hair to calm down, he closed the green forests that are his eyes.

“My love…” he whispered, her fingers lingered, playing with the tips of his hair.

“Fenris” she breathed his name, barely audible, But the tone, the tone of her voice said everything, happiness, relief, longing. Her voice dripped with longing. He opened his eyes to see her steely gaze meeting his. He thought for a moment, before giving in to the temptation that had been gnawing at him since he came back to her. He slid one arm around her waist, and tangling his other hand in her hair, reeling her in, taking her lips in his. Her arms wrapped around his neck, as he pulled her closer. Their bodies pressing together. She parted her lips enough for his tongue to delve into her mouth and intertwine with hers. The passion behind the kiss burned within them. They only broke away to breathe.

“Wow, I missed that...I mean..” Syl kissed him again.

“Oh shut up!” she kissed him yet again. “Maker, I’ve missed you Fenris. You have no idea.”

“Actually I do. Being away from you, fighting without you by my side has been torturous. I have missed you, Sylendra, I love you so much, and if you would allow me I would very much be at your side again.”

“Of course Fenris, there’s nowhere I’d rather be, or rather have you.” She smiled. Fenris smiled at her lovingly.

“Then that is where I will remain.” he kissed her tenderly. As if he’d go anywhere else, it was nice for it to be official again.

********************* 

They’d turned in for the night a few hours ago and Syl was fast asleep next to him. Fenris was restless and carefully removed himself from the bedroll as to not disturb her. He tossed on a tunic and quietly slipped out of the tent to go for a stroll. Everyone else was already asleep for the night. He wandered around the outskirts of the camp until he came across another figure. The closer he walked he could tell it was Cullen, he really didn’t want to talk to him after their last meeting, but he’d try to be civil.

“Can’t sleep either?” Cullen looked up as he approached. 

“Not really no.” Fenris replied.

“Can I ask you something….on the way here, you said something about her thoughts on the wedding”

“That is not really a question, but she was only going to do it for a political advantage at the ball.”

“I see…”

“I thought you would have known by now.” Truth be told, how he didn't figure it out on his own was an absolute mystery

“Ehm….today was eventful wouldn’t you say? Lot’s of uh..things learned.” Cullen spoke bleakly

“For some. Aside from the last part I was already aware of everything and who she was.” he retorted. 

“Yes well...it explains a lot.”

“Oh?”

“Why she seemed so reserved and quiet, not the woman I met in Kirkwall. She wasn’t the same. She never seemed fully committed or trusting of me, and now I know why.” Fenris could feel anger starting to boil to the surface, he knew why.

“I can list a couple reasons why….” he muttered

“Excuse me?”

“Nothing. I am just simply stating that you did not exactly give her a reason to trust you. Plenty of reasons to be afraid though.”

“How dare you accuse me of that again!” Cullen snapped back

“I do not believe it is an accusation if it has already been admitted. You were at Kinloch, you should have recognized her back in Kirkwall, even then I am not sure that would have stopped you.”

“Shut your mouth elf!” Cullen was fuming “I know I did some very regrettable things that I wish I could take back. However loving her is not one of those things.”

“Oh...oh is that how you show love? By raping and abusing someone...how silly of me to not know that.” 

“You vile dog!!” Cullen took a swing and winced as Fenris caught his fist. 

“Have you forgotten last time?” he grinned devilishly as he remembered their last encounter entered his mind.

“What do you want anyway? Or did you just come here to gloat? To rub it in how I fucked up and lost her.” Cullen snarled, he hated that damn elf. Fenris knew his response wasn’t going to go well but he couldn’t help himself.

“That was not my intention no….but now that you mention it….” Cullen took another swing, this time hitting Fenris square in the jaw, he crumpled over, slightly glowing, and turned away before he hurt the man before him to an extent that he would not be able to atone for. A plan that would’ve worked had Cullen not opened his mouth when his back was turned.

“Running back to your new master?” Fenris’s markings flared to life as he spun around, glaring at Cullen, who just realized how grave of a mistake that was. The furious glowing elf had started to descend upon him when a voice called out from behind him. 

“Fenris? What the hell are you doin?” Syl’s sleepy voice rang out.

“He’s trying to kill me!” Cullen cried out

“I’m sure you deserve it. Fenris come on, it’s not worth it...not right now anyway.” She placed a hand on his arm, amazed it still didn’t cause him pain, which she attributed to the lyrium she was taking. Fenris calmed at her touch, and put an arm around her waist as she started to lead him back to their tent. 

“What? Syl you can’t be serious? Please don’t leave with him, you deserve better than that dog!” they ignored Cullen’s slurs that followed them through the night, Cullen had fallen to his knees behind them, thinking of everything that had just happened, everything he just did wrong.

Fenris and Sylendra were back inside the sanctuary of their tent and she snapped.

“Fenris I love you dearly but what in the name of all that is holy is wrong with you?! I thought you were above that I-”

“I am sorry! I did not...maker I hate him! I am sorry Syl, just, the things he was trying to say...what he implied. It just infuriated me. He called me your slave…” he started to glow again “He has no idea the weight his words carry, how insulting those implications are”

“HE WHAT?!” Sylendra hissed, she understood why Fenris was so angry, she fled the tent only to be met by Cullen a few paces from her tent.

“You! How dare you!” she was seething with anger and hatred. 

“Syl I-” he interjected

“NO! I have had enough! I have tried to be decent towards you but you have gone too far! I have been nothing but forgiving with you and now this?! Now you insult me? You insult him? You insult our past? Shall I remind you of Kinloch?! How you watched your brethren die, how you watched them get torn to shreds by abominations. How you heard their cries for help yet you could do nothing” she was yelling loud enough for Varric to come out of his tent. Anger burning her eyes, the lyrium causing them to have an unsettling glow.

“Hey what’s going on? You woke up Bianca.” he asked blearily, he was answered with a glare from Syl.

“This…..I...AHG i can’t believe I once thought I could respect this pathetic excuse of a man!” she spat, Fenris had come out of the tent and put an arm around her, holding her back from strangling the man in front of her.

“Woah Steel calm down...Curly what the hell did you do?” Varric looked at Syl, he could have sworn he saw a faint glimmer of flowing lyrium in her eyes.

“I came to apologise for my actions earlier, Sylendra please forgive me….I-” Cullen started to plead. 

“No”

“Please Syl…”

“No. I’m sorry Commander, but it will be a long, long time before I forgive you for anything.” She growled

“Sylendra please I-”

“I said no, and that’s Inquisitor to you.” She spun around and retreated to her tent, leaving the three men in the dark.

“The fuck did you do Curly? I’ve never seen her so pissed.”

“I may have insulted her and her do- and Fenris…”he said weakly. 

“May have?! You called me her slave!” Fenris hissed at him

“Oh….that’s low Commander...that’s real low.” Varric looked down, he felt awful and insulted and it wasn’t even directed at him. “Fenris go check on your lady, you and I are going to have words Curly.” Varric waved off Fenris who was giving him a puzzled look. 

“I know everything Broody, people read books, I read people. Now go.” Fenris nodded.

“Varric please”

“Alright Curly shut your trap and listen, you’ve got to let her go. I’m about to tell you why, but you have to swear to me you will never tell Syl, because if you do she’ll kill me with Bianca.”

“Of course”

“She never loved you. Ever.”

“Excuse me?”

“I said shut your trap and listen. She never loved you kid, the only person she has ever loved is him. You know that, you have to know there was always the possibility of him coming back. You saw them in Kirkwall, and when they got separated it was devastating to them both. It nearly killed him for maker’s sake. She was trying to convince herself that if she let herself marry you and use the political advantages that could come of it than she could get by for a bit till she’d move on and it’d get easier. It didn’t. Please tell me you could tell she wasn’t happy, even before you abused her.” 

“I...yes” he put his hand on the back of his neck “She did warn me about that…”

“Ah yet you still take it out on her? You’ve no one to blame but yourself kid.”

“I suppose yes…”

“Good now that you understand that, if you ever make a comment about slavery like that to them ever again I will shove my foot so far up your ass I’ll be able to wear your face as a boot. Understood?” Cullen nodded, afraid to respond to the dwarf’s threat. “Goodnight Commander.” Varric left the blonde broken man alone in the middle of the tents. Cullen lingered for a moment before going back to his own tent. 

****************************************************************

He entered their tent to see Syl sprawled out over their bedrolls, a look of frustrated disgust on her face. He knelt down beside her.

“You realize I would have been that angry no matter who he was talking about? It could have been you and anyone else and I would have been just as furious.” She sighed 

“I’m sorry Fenris, I didn’t mean to storm out earlier.”

“Please, you have nothing to apologize for. Now come here” He held his arms open, She hoisted herself up and he enveloped her in a hug, gracefully falling over so they were laying on their sides, his arms still around her. 

“Uhg I’m done with tonight, let’s just go to sleep” she said, muffled by his chest. 

****************************************

The rest of the trip was rather boring, they only had a few hours left until they reached Skyhold. Which would be a relief to anyone on the Inquisitor’s wagon, the tension between Cullen and the two elves was thick in the air and no one said a word until Solas spoke.

“Fenris...you said you do not remember much before you received your markings, that the past comes and goes?”

“Yes, why do you ask?”

“I find them fascinating, they’re incredibly unique. If you would allow me, i would quite enjoy the opportunity to study them, to understand their inner workings. Possibly even finding a way to restore your memories or even just lessen the pain they cause you. That is of course if you would allow it.” Solas stated with great intrigue. Fenris was hesitant and he thought for a moment before replying.

“Possibly….may I ask what exactly that would entail?”

“Observation mostly, seeing how the lyrium reacts when you’re illuminated vs at rest. I do not believe magic would be necessary save maybe twice. Purely to note how the lyrium reacts, as it does have magical properties, however I could surpass that portion if you’d prefer” the odd elf awaited a reply. 

“Perhaps….I would like to think it over, as the last time a mage ‘observed’ me I lost my memories, who I was and went through rigorous amounts of torture to bear these marks.” Fenris replied, sorrow in his voice.

“Ah, that is all i ask of you at this moment.” Solas looked down at the book he was reading and the wagon fell silent again. 

Two hours passed and Skyhold came into view, everyone was getting impatient, just wanting to be home, in their own beds, away from the awkwardness. Sylendra was especially looking forward to a warm bath and a nice cup of tea by the fire….as well as a dose of lyrium. She hadn’t taken any since they camped that night and it was straining her. The wagons pulled up to the front gate and everyone grabbed their belongings and parted their separate ways. They’d regroup to review the journey’s events tomorrow in the war room. For now dinner and some rest were more important. Fenris hadn’t been given a room yet so he just followed Syl to hers, he closed the door behind them and padded up the stairs to find her preparing lyrium at her desk.

“Upping the dosage again?” he asked softly as he sat on the edge of her bed.

“Yeah….300 now” she drank the entire glass in one go, shuddering as she finished, she hated how it made her feel. “Uhg, I swear I’m more lyrium than anything else...feels like it anyway. With as much as I’m taking I’m not entirely sure I have blood, I’m pretty sure it’s just lyrium running through me.” she poked at her arm in jest

“ Do not say that, you are definitely more beautiful than anything else.” Fenris stood up, only to immediately sit back down when she turned around..her eyes piercing his soul, “Syl...are you..how do you feel?” she lowered her gaze to the floor.

“Sorry, that’s uh...I should have warned you, the more I take the more prominent it is. I’m fine, I just wish I didn’t have to take it anymore.”

“As long as you are alright.” he stood up and took her in his arms “Though your eyes startled me, they are quite beautiful when they glow this much, the lyrium sort of flows in them.”

She looked up at him and he snaked one hand around the back of her neck, pulling her to meet his lips. She kissed him back and tightened her arms around him, it felt wonderful being this close to him, he was warm yet cool at the same time, his kiss sending sparks through her. They both parted their lips at the same time, tongues intertwining. He couldn’t get enough of the taste of her. Fenris bent his knees just enough for her to wrap her legs around his waist as he moved his other arm to hold her up as he stood tall again. He stumbled over so her back was against a bedpost, still kissing her passionately. Sylendra tangled her fingers in his silvery white locks, pulling a faint growl from him when she tugged lightly. His tongue delved deeper into her mouth and he pulled back for a second to catch their breath

“Fenris I-” He claimed her lips before she could finish, whatever she was going to say could wait. He bit at her bottom lip as he gently rolled his hips into her. Syl gasped, throwing her head back, Fenris taking the opportunity to kiss and nip at her neck before she pulled him back to her lips. The passion burning between them could have started a fire, it had been too long since they’d gotten to do this, to feel this way. She could feel the heat inside, she could feel these emotions swirling through her, her now rapid breathing was causing her blood and thus the lyrium to flow through her faster, she could feel him. She could feel the lyrium that danced across his skin, the delicate lines that burned cold when they illuminated, she could feel them reacting to the lyrium within her. As he could feel it too, he could also see it, as he’d opened his eyes when he felt his markings spark to life. It was incredible, the power behind the lyrium engraved in his skin caused the lyrium within her to rise to the surface, to cause her to glow as he does, beautiful swirls of energy caressed her skin as they did to him. It was a sight to behold.

“Ahem” an obnoxious cough echoed from behind them. Fenris pulled away from her slightly, still holding her, she opened her eyes to see his markings had flared to life and panic set in involuntarily, until she realised they’d flared up in reaction to her, to the lyrium coursing through her veins...and on her? She looked at her arms to see the lyrium fading back into her.

“Well that was unexpected…” she mumbled, he nodded then turned his head slightly to see Varric, Hawke, and Anders standing at the top of the stairs. Varric with an eyebrow raised and a smirk, Hawke wiggling his eyebrows and Anders...Anders just looked dumbfounded as to how she was glowing too. 

“Well lover boy, if you feel like putting our dear Inquisitor down and following us, Ruffles has called the meeting in the war room to review what happened...because apparently it can’t wait until we’ve had a bath...or a bloody drink!” the dwarf grumbled his words

“Unless you want me to tell her you two will be late because you’re busy having wild angry sex?” Hawke laughed making more crude gestures, Anders rest his face in his hand.

“Angry?” Fenris raised a brow as he set Syl down. 

“I assumed yeah...you don’t normally glow otherwise...speaking of, Steel are you going to explain how the fuck you were glowing?” 

“Definitely not angry. And I have no idea, well, actually it could be the lyrium reacting to his markings. Otherwise I’ve got nothing.”

“Interesting” Varric said as he lead the four of them to the war room. 

Josephine, Leliana, and Cullen were at their usual spots, Sylendra joined them in her usual place as well. Fenris and Varric on either side of her, Hawke next to Varric. Dorian, Morrigan, and Cassandra had also joined the table. Everyone else lingered outside the main group. Cullen began.

“So, now that we have officially settled the matters at Halamshiral, we need to discuss our next plan of action. Corypheus’s troops are on the move and-”

“I’m sorry but can we actually discuss what happened?!?! We let the empress die!” Josephine yelled at him. 

“Josie, calm yourself. It was a difficult choice to make, I know, she would have died if we hadn’t been there. So what difference does it make?” Leliana’s accented voice bit her response. 

“What difference?! The fact that we could have saved her! We had the chance! Instead we aided in her death!” 

“Excuse me are we not going to war? It seems to me like an emperor that is battleborn like Gaspard is what we need right now. Celene would have been useless!” Hawke joined the argument

“Look!” Sylendra raised her voice over all of them “I know some of you are not happy with this, and honestly, I don’t give a damn. The decision was put in my hands and I did what seemed most logical. I don’t care if you aren’t happy about it because it’s too late and we have bigger problems. Now as the Commander was saying, Corypheus’s forces are on the run, we need to figure out where, when and why.’ She motioned to Cullen to continue.

“Ahem...yes.. We have scouts saying he’s headed to the Arbor Wilds, ransacking every elvhen ruin on the way..He’s clearly looking for something, and he wants it soon. I believe our next task should be trying to figure out what he’s after so we can find it first.”

“I already have agents in that area, I’ll send word to them to keep a look out and send back reports.” Leliana stated

“Good, then if we’re done with this I have other things I’d like to do this evening, I’m sure we all do.” Syl placed a hand on her hip, Varric coughed obnoxiously and as everyone was leaving Fenris whacked him on the back of the head.

“Inquisitor, do you have a moment?” Morrigan lightly grabbed her arm as she turned to face Varric and Fenris. 

“You know you don’t have to call me that. What’s on your mind?”

“Ha, I am aware, but I feel I must until I no longer have the urge to call you Warden. I also may know what Corypheus is after. Have you ever heard of an Eluvian? They’re very old, and very rare. They’re magical mirrors, they allow travel between areas all arou-” Morrigan droned on and on about them until Hawke interrupted her.

“Oohh one of those! My friend had one of those in her bedroom” he picked at the pile of scones on the war table till he found one to his liking, stuffing part of it in his mouth.

“Ah Champion, I’ve heard rumors of how daft you are. As I said, tis a mirror of great power and rarity, tis no ordinary mirror.

“And she 'twas' no ordinary friend” Hawke replied with a mouthful of scone, amused at Morrigan’s frustration.

“Thank you Morrigan, I’ll see you around and we can discuss it more another time?” Morrigan nodded at Syl and left, leaving the three advisers still pouring over papers, Varric, Hawke, Fenris, and Syl still in the war room. 

“So dinner and cards at the tavern?” Varric asked? 

“Not tonight, for me anyway, I really just want some rest and a nice hot bath” Syl replied.

“Riiiight, rest, gotcha.” Hawke teased, Fenris smacked him as he did Varric and shrugged. Syl rolled her eyes.

“You’re such a child at times, are you going with them?”

“I was thinking I would yes, I could use a glass of wine after all the traveling.”

“Ooh, bring me a glass when you turn in later?” Fenris nodded, she went up on her tiptoes and kissed him and left, headed for her room to draw a bath. Fenris hung his head smiling

“I am the luckiest man” he ran a hand through his hair

“Awwww Broody is all happy with the feels” Hawke stuck his tongue out and Fenris rolled his eyes. The three men headed to the tavern, leaving the three advisers alone in the war room. Josephine and Leliana exchanged a look, Cullen looked back down to the map. Trying not to think of the kiss he just witnessed.

***********************************************

“So gents, Wicked Grace? Or talk? Perhaps about Broody and Steel?” Hawke said, sliding into a chair while motioning to Flissa that they’re ready whenever she had a chance. Varric sat across from him and Fenris remained standing. 

“Yeah, way to go Broody, though it’s about time.” Fenris cocked his head with a brow raised like a curious kitten. “Oh yeah, I saw this coming the second you set foot in Skyhold, When you go back later, ask her about the box.” Varric said grinning

“What box?”

“Just ask her about the box.” he had a devilish grin. Sera came over to the table

“Oi you want drinks yeah? What you havin?” her accented voice shouted over the noise of the bar.

“I’ll have my usual” Hawke said

“Same here...also when did you start taking orders Buttercup?” Varric asked

“Since I started bangin the barkeep, what’s it to ya?” 

“Just wondering” he put his hands up in defence 

“Right then, there you have it, what about you grumpy one?

“Do you have any ice wines from Kirkwall?”

“Yeah, it’s got honey in it, that good?”

“Perfect, a bottle of that and two glasses please” 

“Yeah right up.”

“Not staying long Broody?” Varric teased

“No I think I’m going to bring Syl her wine, I would also love a bath, wash off Orlais." he made a disgusted face and Hawke snorted a laugh

“Yeah alright” the three of them exchanged some idle chat till Sera brought their drinks. Fenris picked up the bottle and glasses and headed to Syl’s quarters. Varric and Hawke spent the evening in the bar just like old times.

******************************

Syl padded up the stairs to her room, taking off layers of clothing as she went until she was only in her leggings and tunic, she tossed her clothes on her bed and meandered over to her bathtub which had already been filled, she pressed the fire rune embedded into it to heat the water and went to find her robe. She finished undressing, leaving her clothes in a pile near the tub and settled into the steamy water. She washed her hair and then her body, then relaxed in the warm water for a while until she heard the door close. She got out, dried off while draining the tub and donned her robe stepping back into the room, pile of clothes in hand. She walked in to see Fenris taking off his armor and excess layers.

“Had I known you’d be back so soon I would have waited and you could have joined me” she said with a sultry wink as she grabbed the clothes from her bed and tossed them in her closet.

“I will be sure to keep that in mind for next time” He smirked at her “I decided I would rather come back here and wash off, and bring you your wine” he held up the bottle and pulled the cork out filling the two glasses, he handed one to her 

“Ooohh is this that ice wine from Kirkwall? I had asked Flissa to order some forever ago” she said taking a sip.

“The one with the honey yes, how could I forget that was your favourite?” she laughed, he kissed her cheek and headed towards the bath. Syl dressed in a simple camisole and loose cotton pants and sat on the lounge in front of the fire waiting for him. He appeared a short while after, shirtless with his hair still slightly dripping.

“Feel better?” she asked

“Much” he dropped his other clothes over an armchair by the window “Also...I was wondering about a box…”

“Pardon?” she flushed a deep red

“Never-mind, Varric said-”

“Uhg! I’m going to kill that bloody dwarf, just can’t let things go can he… alright just let me get it down.” She climbed up the ladder to the storage loft in her room, a few minutes later she came back down with a wooden box, about the size of the one she kept her philter in. She set it on the desk and then sat on the end of her bed.

“There”

“That’s all you are going to say?”

“It will say the rest” she nodded to the box as she started gathering her hair into a loose braid. Fidgeting nervously, knowing what he was about to read. Fenris walked over to the box and unlatched it and froze in shock of what he was looking at. Inside the box was at least two hundred letters with his name on them, all with the date written on the outside.

“I..well I never knew where to send them..” she said shyly

“How often did you write?” he thumbed through the letters.

“Everyday...that’s not all of them, just the most important ones.” he dropped the stack he was looking through

“Are....you’re serious?”

“Of course, I missed you..and no one knew where you were, I even had Varric keeping an eye out for you, Hawke and Isabela too...hell even Anders...I just wanted to know where you were. If you were safe...If you were alive...If you were ever coming back to u...me.”

“Sylendra…” he sat next to her holding her in his arms, she hadn’t realized she started crying “I am so sorry. There was not a day that went by that I did not regret my decision not until I killed them all. Even then, I am thankful Varric and Hawke are as resourceful as they are. I had stopped hiding by the time they contacted me, telling me that I needed to drop everything and get here, I am very grateful they got to me when they did.” she looked at him, puzzled.

“What exactly did they say?”

“Varric told me Hawke came out of hiding and that him and Hawke and Isabela were safe. And that all the others were safe as well. And then he told me the most important thing, he said he was with you, all he said, to protect you of course, was that you had been brooding over leaving Kirkwall. Though you and I both know what he was implying there.”

“Ha, yeah, that I needed you”

“Exactly he also gave me directions to Skyhold, and of course in Varric’s secret ways they were backwards!”

“You found it though” she chuckled

“Yes indeed, though I did have help from the Commander, why was he looking for me by the way?”

“I mentioned that I was disappointed you weren’t going to be here for the wedding, purely because I wanted you to stop it….I was dying for you to steal me away, you were the only person who could actually be able to prevent me from marrying him. Maker knows Varric and Hawke tried.”

“I am sorry” he mumbled, surprised at her words

“For what?”

“For not being with you sooner, you needed me I-” he was cut short by her flipping herself into his lap straddling him and kissing him, holding his face in her hands.

“Don’t you EVER apologize for that. You single-handedly hunted down the slaver ring that captured us, one of the largest in Thedas. And you wiped them out. You’ve gotten revenge, avenged your family, and saved thousands...maybe more, protected your family...don’t ever apologize for that. That is more important than I will ever be.” 

“Not if you are my everything…”

“Oh…..” He took her lips in his, kissing her tenderly They sat there in silence for a while until Syl fell asleep, her head on Fenris’s shoulder, he laid her down and covered he with blankets. He then went to her desk and sat down and started reading the letters.

_ Dear Fenris, _

_ I miss you, I know it’s only been a day since we fled Kirkwall, but still. Hawke and Varric told me of your plan...I wish you would’ve found me, I can’t stand the idea of being separated, especially after all that’s just happened in Kirkwall. Please be safe and please, please come back to me, maker only knows what happen if I lost you… _

_ Love Syl _

_ Dear Fenris, _

_ It’s been a week and a half...I have something important you need to know. I need to see you as soon as possible. It’s not something I can tell you in a letter...only in person...I wish I knew how to find you….I hope I find you soon...it can’t wait. I miss you _

_ Love Syl _

_ Dear Fenris, _

_ I uh...remember when I told you about my past? I told you about Alistair right? I saw him today. He’s watching over something very important to me. He wants to meet you sometime. I know he will… He’s also going to help me find you. I miss you….and you NEED to be here with me right now….. _

_ Love Syl _

_ Dear Fenris, _

_ It’s been a couple years...almost five now. I miss you more than ever. I feel alone in all of this.Leading the Inquisition..who thought that was a good idea? Luckily Varric is here, I know I can trust him. And oddly enough remember Cullen? That Templar in Kirkwall? He’s the Commander of our army. Strange huh? I think we might also have feelings for me, but I could never betray you like that. I love you Fen, I wish you were here, there’s so much I need help with you. Please come back to me soon. _

_ Love Syl _

_ Dear Fenris, _

_ Varric….Varric convinced me to uh, try things with Cullen….to move on. I don’t want to. Fenris I feel so guilty..Please please I’m begging you to forgive me….I love you, I always will...and when you come back to me, I won’t think twice about running away with you. Oh. and before he asks again, Hawke says hello, he’s working with us now too, can you believe that he was the first choice to lead the Inquisition before I was known? I don't know who thought that was a god idea! That would've been a disaster, a funny one, but still a disaster none the less. It feels just like old times...If only you were here too. _

_ Love Syl _

_ Dear Fenris _

_ I am an idiot...I need you now more than ever.. Cullen is going through lyrium withdrawals...so his temper….Fenris he’s abusive. He’s beat me and….forcibly had his way with me several times. I don’t know what to do….I’ve not told anyone...he has begged me not to..I know he’s a good man, it’s just it reminds me of when I was in Tev-.....nevermind. I can’t. Fenris please….I need you _

_ Love Syl _

_ Dear Fenris _

_ Cullen proposed...I agreed…..and I feel guilty...I hate myself for agreeing...Varric knows it _

_ Love Syl _

_ Dear Fenris _

_ The wedding is tomorrow...I wish you were here...I wish you were able to whisk me away...I think about running away sometimes. Leaving all of this and just running, killing anyone who tries to bring me back….I just can’t do this anymore, yet here I am, faking it….I don’t feel like me anymore. Hawke has noticed as has Isabela (they’re all here by the way, Merrill, Aveline, Donnic, Sebastian, Isabela, and Anders) They’ve tried to help. We all miss you. Alistair said he almost found you...he uh….unfortunately he and...he can’t make it… I need you to be here…. _

_ Love Syl _

_ Dear Fenris, _

_ Cullen is gone. He ran before the wedding, leaving without a word...part of me,...all of me is relieved.  _

_ Love Syl _

_ Dear Fenris, _

_ Writing this seems silly since you’re sleeping right next to me at the moment. I missed you, words cannot express how happy I am to see you., to be able to reach out and touch you, or to hear your voice. I feel it’s good the wedding is off, completely this time, as I don’t think I could do it anymore. My love I’m so happy you’re here, and i would love to write more but it looks like you’re waking. _

_ Love Syl  _

Fenris sat there for a moment taking it all in, lost in thought, he didn’t realize Syl had woken and was now standing in front of him.

“Fenris...are you alright?” he shook his head, eyes glassing over

“No…” he stood and walked to the balcony, leaning on the railing. His breath visible in the crisp night air. 

“What’s wrong amatus?” she followed him out, grabbing the blanket from the back of the lounge and wrapping it around her shoulders.

“.....What was so important you could only tell me in person?” he murmured staring out at the night sky, dodging her question. Syl froze. She didn’t really want to answer this right now...to tell him….no...she couldn’t...not while he was in this state of mind….

“I don’t know if it’s best to get into that right now...I don’t...I mean I want to tell you I just-”

“Don’t”

“What?”

“Don’t tell me. You are clearly not ready for me to know, I will wait for you to be ready.”

“I….okay…” she whispered

“To answer your earlier question, me, You...you needed me and I was not there. I promised I would always be there for you, and I foolishly abandoned you, I am so sorry Syl. I am here now...And I promise….absolutely promise I will never let that happen again. For nothing is worse than the thought of living without you.” He grabbed her by the hips and back of the neck and planted a crushing, burning kiss on her lips, which she returned.

“Syl...you’re glowing again…” she opened her eyes to see the delicate lines of lyrium glowing, then she could feel it burning. Her knees grew weak, luckily Fenris had a good grip on her and kept her from falling.

“Ahg….it...ah it...burns…..why does it...ahhg” Fenris’s eyes grew wide as the lyrium faded “Well that felt horrid...I hope that’s not how it feels for you all the time….Fenris what’s wrong?

“The lyrium...I can’t….I cannot do that to you”

“What...what are you-”

“When Danarius was experimenting , trying to make more like me since I was so successful, he would make slaves ingest massive amounts of lyrium, like you have. And then try getting it to burn into their flesh, he figured he needed to get their blood racing, enough to activate the lyrium’s power. He tried to torture, physical labor, sex, magic, nothing worked, as soon as they started to show the lyrium’s power they died..and I think I have just figured out why. The emotions behind it, they were trying to reject it. I accepted it, that is why the process worked for me. You...you have accepted the lyrium as necessity, and forgive me for this but clearly when I kiss you I get your blood racing...enough for the lyrium to try and take hold….”

“Oh…”

“Syl I am so sorry, I do not wish to cause you this pain...the lyrium within me is not really helping either…”

“No it’s...it’s alright. It’s kinda my fault...I shouldn’t exactly be taking this much, it doesn’t help that this damn mark makes me need more...I….I need to go for a walk...If that’s alright, I just need to think…”

“Of course my dear, I’ll wait here for you to get back.” Syl nodded and left.

What was she supposed to do now? If she couldn’t kiss Fenris without the lyrium burning her now...what would happen when she upped her dose again? Would it instantly kill her? No, she couldn’t do that to him...or the Inquisition. She meandered up the battlements and up to Hawke’s room, she knocked, waiting for an answer, seconds later Hawke opened the door.

“Steel? It’s the middle of the night, what are you doing here?” his voice was groggy, she clearly woke him up. 

“I uh...I need to talk...and I think you’re the only one who I can talk to right now….” 

“Yeah sure, come in” he moved aside and closed the door behind her “Isabela is out right now with Dorian and Daisy so it’s just us. What’s on your mind?”

“I need you to do something for me….and you just have to do it, no questions. Okay?”

“Um...alright”

“And you can’t tell anyone. I mean it. Absolutely nobody.”   
“Okay! What do i have to do?”

“You need to go to Denerim...to the castle, and deliver this.” she held out a letter with a shaky hand. “If you read this before you get there I WILL kill you. Deliver it to Alistair only, not a messenger, not Teagan, only Alistair. Do you understand?”

“Yes….do I have to go alone?”

“Yes...it’s already bad enough i’m sending you instead of going myself. But he knows who you are...and as ridiculous as it sounds if he refuses to see you ask about Barkspawn…”

“Ha alright….I’ll head out now then, don’t kill corypheus without me!”

She left Hawke’s quarters and walked around Skyhold for quite sometime and then returned to her quarters, on her way up the stairs she heard voices. She got to the top and saw Anders leaning against her desk and Fenris sitting on the sofa with his head in his hands.

“Ah, hey Steel.”

“Hey Anders...Fenris, what did I tell you about kidnapping mages?” Fenris let out an amused snort.

“He didn’t kidnap me, he asked me here, said he needed help, speaking of, we good?”

“Yes, thank you Anders.” Anders nodded and left.

“Oh wait! Before you leave, we have a meeting in the War Room after breakfast.” Syl called after him. “So you went to Anders? Willingly? Are you feeling okay?”

“Now that I have spoken to him? Yes. I uh.. I never knew much about how lyrium affects templars, or even myself really. And well, he is a mage, and he understands lyrium a bit more than the average apostate. I wanted to know what is happening to you...and what would happen...eventually if you increase your dose it will be scarred into your flesh almost instantly if I kiss you like that again, due to the lyrium in me.” he muttered

“Fenris...what are you saying?” Her heart was pounding, she didn’t need this right now

“Have you noticed that when you are with me you can prolong the time before you need to take another dose? Because the lyrium radiating from me calms the need for more, acts like a small dose. Sylendra if it gets scarred into you, you will be like I am...markings like mine….I would never ever wish that upon you. However….Syl in a very messed up way it would cure your addiction…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun duuunnnn. So what if one person was unlucky enough to have to be involved in all the issues of Thedas? Wouldn't that be a bummer? Also I play with time in this...a lot, mostly shifting how long the 'gaps' are between events to make it flow a bit better.


	7. Everything I've wanted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is long, but I think you'll enjoy it :)

“What is it up to now?” he asked grimly, leaning against the desk next to her

“564…” she downed the dosage and looked at him with sadness in her illuminated eyes.

“Syl please...this is killing you, we have got to find a way to get you to stop taking it...before…”

“I know Fenris, I know...But I can’t, not yet. I have to take care of Corypheus first.”

“If you keep this up you won’t be able to” he snapped “Sorry, it just...it kills me to see you like this.”

“I know...It kills me too, but I need my strength, we’re leaving for the temple in two days, I can’t be weak….also there is another way…” she muttered the last half to herself.

“Ha! You? Weak? Syl you could be missing limbs and still be stronger than the Iron Bull.” he pulled her into him “Just promise me you will come out of this alive, please?”

“Of course, as long as you promise the same”

“I promise.” he took her lips in his, she pulled him closer, parting her lips so their tongues could tangle together. She could feel the lyrium inside her start to flare up, she fought to suppress it. Fenris ran a hand through her hair, tugging on it slightly, pulling a gasp from her, and then started kissing her neck, starting near her jawline, leaving a mark while kissing down to her collar bone. The lyrium was fighting her hard, but she fought harder. With the battle they were about to endure, she wouldn’t let the vile substance ruin this for them. Fenris picked her up and she wrapped her legs around him, he then moved over to the bed, laying her down, still kissing her. He removed her tunic as she removed his, and he realized she’d started to glow and pulled away.

“Syl” he breathed “You are glowing.” 

“Shhh, I’ve got it, I have control.”

“But for how long? We both know if we continue you won’t be able to concentrate for long.” he winked, she shrugged, her lyrium started to fade.

“Well, as long as I can...the whatever happens...happens.” she went to kiss him but Fenris pulled away, scampering off the bed. “What?”

“You have got to be joking!” he hissed “You want this? You WANT lyrium embedded into your flesh? Causing you pain anytime someone touches you! Possibly killing you! Syl no.”

“I never said I wanted that. What I want is to be with you, Fenris I’m going to die. Death is waiting for me, I have too many things up against me, the mark, Corypheus, the bloody lyrium, I have people making death threats to my face all the damn time. So please, tell me how me wanting to make the best of our time together is a bad thing? How I’m willing to go through that pain for us, just got you back I’m not ready to lose you again!”

“Oh is that all? Is that what you think? That it will just be a little pain and then you will be fine?”

“Yes...No...look Fen I-” she felt different, wrong...

“No. I refuse to be a part of that! I will not put the woman I love through that kind of pain and torture.”

“Fen that’s not what I’m asking…” maker someone stop her

“I do not care. I will not be a part of this if that is how you feel.”

“Fenris I didn’t say it was the best idea, but if it happened that would be kind of a good thing right? I mean my addiction would be cured, it’s only going to get worse...But if there’s a chance I can get rid of it? A chance that I can live longer, and have a chance to stop all this and not die before hand? A chance to see you and- I never said the alternative was pleasant, but at least it won’t kill me.” her voice was becoming void of emotions, her stomach dropped. What was happening to her?

“I said no. I thought you understood...I thought….What happened to you Syl? For you to think that was going to be an okay suggestion….I can’t” his voice was laced with sorrow

“Fenris….”

“No! If that...if that is what you want, if that is the path you want to go down….then fine...But find someone else, I will not be apart of this...I will not become like those magisters…..”his voice caught in his throat, mildly scowling at her, grabbing his tunic and heading for the stairs. Her heart broke….he had never stormed away from her, never closed her out. He trusted her, and now he was shutting her out. The thing they never did to each other. 

“Fenris..wait please…” she placed a hand on his arm

“Get off me” he said flatly

“Fenris….amatus” her voice was hollow

“Do not call me that...not right now...not after what you just said...not after you just cast my pain away like it means nothing. Like the torture you are asking me to put you through is something I can do…” he was furiously in pain, she’s never seen him this way before.”Notum autem vobis facio” _(Let me go)_ he shoved her off and stormed out, leaving her to be alone. 

“Nunquam possem” _(I could never)_ What had she just done? He hated himself the second the door closed behind him. It had been so long since he’d lost his temper like that...and he had never lost it with her.

**********************************

“Woah Broody! Tone down the tats, you’re scaring the nobles!” Fenris clearly wasn’t going to calm down anytime soon so Varric and Hawke escorted him back to Varric’s room. Fenris still grinding his teeth.

“What’s wrong my glowing friend?” Hawke asked, quickly realizing he shouldn’t be joking or cheery right now.

“Sylendra” he said flatly

“Lover’s quarrell?”

“No...more than that.” Fenris told them what had happened, they were in disbelief at his words. “Am I crazy, or did I do the right thing”

“You did the right thing” Hawke said

“You’re an idiot” Varric said in unison, they looked at each other.

“I agree with you Varric, I just think the timing is bad, that’s all.”

“What?! You agree with her?” Fen snapped at them

“Fenris I’m going to ask you questions and you’re going to answer them with yes or no.”

“I- alright”

“Do you love her?”

“Yes of course”

“Do you feel betrayed?”

“For some reason yes…”

“Do you still love her”

“Of course yes”

“Do you want to help her?”

“Yes”

“Have you heard of ghost sickness?”

“....fuck…..yes” he quickly realised what was wrong. Ghost sickness was the more common term for what happened to templars that took to much lyrium. They would get agitated, forget things, get confused and often paranoia would take hold.

“Do you realise this could cure what’s taking her away from you?”

“I….yes”

“Would she lose her memories?” 

“No...that was a separate spell that Danarius incorporated into the process.”

“Did you at listen at all to what she had to say before you stormed out like a child?”

“Is that really a fair-”

“Yes or no Broody”

“Sort of...I half listened”

“Do you see where there may have been a fault in your actions?

“I suppose so yes” he rolled his eyes, Varric's little yes or no game always seemed to sort things out.

“Right so here’s what’s gonna happen kid, you’re going to beg her for forgiveness, as she will probably going to beg you for yours. Got it? After everything you two have been through, you need each other. Come on, let’s go, Hawke and I will be just outside the entire time in case it goes south.” Varric shoved the grumpy elf out the door. The three of them walked up the first set of stairs to the Inquisitor’s room. Fenris knocked on the door then entered. He slowly walked up the stairs, when he reached the top her started to speak.

“Syl? Audi et ego non sum paenitet ad vos, ego iustus tu nosti quomodo meo ut affectus. Et ego paenitet, placere dimitte- Syl? Syl?” _(I am so sorry I didn’t listen to you, I just, you know how my emotions get. I am so sorry please forgive-)_ he froze at the sight before him. Sylendra lay collapsed on the floor near her desk, the stone cup she used for lyrium shattered at her fingertips “SYL!” he yelled running to her, he knelt beside her, pulling her limp form into his lap “Sylendra! Answer me, Syl!” he gave her a light shake, nothing. “HAWKE! VARRIC! GET IN HERE!” Fenris’s markings flared to life as the panic set in...she had overdosed, lyrium poisoning setting in.

“Broody what the hell is- Oh Andraste’s ass… Hawke go get Blondie! Hurry!” The dwarf shouted at the man below him on the stairs, the other man sprinted down to find the mage.

“Syl please, wake up love!” tears threatening his eyes

“What happened?” Varric knelt beside him, bringing a blanket to keep her warm.

“Lyrium poisoning...I think...she just took some, I have no idea why she would take more.”

“Son of a...uhg Andraste’s flaming ass…” Varric muttered

“I’m here! What’s going on?!” Anders panted, clearly having run all the way there, his eyes flitted to Sylendra, who lay limp in Fenris’s lap, starting to foam at the mouth.

“Oh by the maker, move, out of the way!” he knelt, instantly starting to heal her, trying to purge the lyrium from her system.

“How much did she take?” Anders snapped

“No idea, I found her like this.” Fenris replied

“Dammit!” Anders growled “Fuck….someone go fetch that damn templar…” they stared at him “NOW!” Hawke ran to the balcony and shouted down to a passing soldier, within half a minute Cullen was there.

“You called...Maker’s breath!” he gasped

“You’re going to help get the lyrium out of her” Anders barked

“Pardon?”

“Just take a dose of lyrium so you can do it, I’ll fix you later. If you don’t, she dies. Fenris keep your markings on, you’re drawing it out, also you and Hawke be ready to restrain her. Varric get a knife, we’re going to have to bleed some of it out.”He tossed a vile of lyrium at Cullen and continued healing her.

“Curly if you don’t drink that I’ll cut off your man parts and feed them to you!” Varric growled at him. Cullen scowled, reluctantly drank it, and started absorbing the lyrium from her blood. Lyrium burning his insides, his body wanting to vomit.

“Maker’s breath...she has enough in her blood to make about 50 strong lyrium potions...more than! she feels like the deep roads...” he continued draining her

“Varric cut her wrist!” Varric did as he was told, as the blade sliced through her skin, lyrium poured out of her, with the faint tinge of blood, Sylendra started to thrash violently, her mouth foaming more, Hawke and Fenris strained to keep her still.

“HOLD HER DOWN DAMMIT!” Anders snapped he lowered a hand onto her chest

“Ahg, the lyrium is being absorbed into her too fast, it’s trying to solidify... who thought ingesting this was a good idea?” he muttered the last part to himself

“MOVE!” Fenris’s hand took the place of Anders’s, glowing electric blue, he started to phase through her, absolutely terrified as he remember the last time he did, pulling the lyrium towards himself. The pain that followed almost made him pass out, it was as if it was being scarred into his flesh all over again. He let out a pained grunt, the pain becoming more excruciating. 

“It’s working!” her blood had started to flow red instead of shimmering blue, Anders healed her wrist and together him and Cullen absorbed the last of it from her. Fenris pulling his arm back, watching the lyrium absorb into his tattoos, hissing at the torment it caused. “Cullen, get the other advisers,we need to rethink the journey to the Arbor Wilds” Anders said, starting to heal him of the lyrium he took but couldn’t as he quickly ran to the sink near the bath and vomited. Retching violently. Cullen nodded and left in a hurry. Fenris ran a hand along Syl’s cheek. Her eyes half opened

“Fen...Fenris…”

“Amatus...shhh everything is alright, I am here.” Her eyes closed as she fell unconscious again. Fenris gently picked her up and lay her in the bed. “Is it all out of her system?” he murmured, looking at Anders.

“No...there’s still about 500 doses worth in her veins still. Enough to prevent her from going into withdrawal hopefully....maker only knows why she took so much. May I?” Fenris stepped aside, Anders sat on the edge of the bed and started healing her more.

“Thank you Anders.” Fenris mumbled taking Syl’s hand his.

“Of course...my only hope is that this wasn’t on purpose...lyrium poisoning can lead to ghost sickness...which can affect one’s mind horridly. It’s also much harder to cure.”

“Anders are you going to be able to do this by yourself? I could help…or go get Solas? Hawke broke the silence

“No I will be fine for now, though could you go get the blue satchel in my quarters? My healing supplies should be in there” Hawke nodded and took off, passing Cullen, Morrigan, Leliana, Josephine, and Cassandra on the stairs. 

“What’s this about? Why is this not being held in the war room?” Josie’s thickly accented voice echoed through the room.

“We have to postpone the march on the Wilds. The Inquisitor has fallen ill.” Anders replied, choosing his words carefully. Morrigan’s face drained of color when she saw Syl

“No” Leliana responded

“Pardon?”

“I said no. Our troops are already prepared, my agents have been out there for two weeks already. Do your job, heal her, so we can stick to this plan that has taken WEEKS to prepare.

“I can’t just heal her you heartless bitch! She has a bloody addiction! And possible ghost sickness! She just severely overdosed on lyrium and is unconscious, lucky to be alive.”

“Then we put her on a cart unconscious,. We cannot postpone!”

“Leliana! We WILL adjust battle plans. We cannot go without her, we’ll go when she is ready. We all know this can’t be done without her. Anders take your time.” Cullen yelled at her, angry with her lack of emotion.

“Commander if we do not go now we could be giving Corypheus a lead we cannot afford for him to have.” she yelled back

“And if we bring her knocked out she’ll die!” Morrigan spat at her.

“I will go..” everyone turned to face Fenris “I will go in place of her, she can stay here with Anders.” 

“Broody you can’t seal rifts…” Varric muttered

“That may be, but we can disrupt them enough to make the close temporarily…” Hawke chimed in.

“But what would Corypheus think?” Josie interrupted them “He would think us weak….that we lost our leader.” 

“ Who gives a fuck what he thinks Ruffles?! But if that’s what you’re concerned about if we play our cards right this could work...make him think we’ve found a way to power the mark, or that she’s in the fade meddling with his plans or something along those lines.”

“You’re onto something there dwarf.” Cullen gave him a knowing look mixed with deep thought.

“Exactly! I believe Sparkles had some of those funny location crystals, we can give her one and keep the other with us, this way when she wakes she can catch up when she’s feeling better.”

“So that’s it? That’s out new plan?! Magic rocks?” Leliana rolled her eyes

“It seems that way, come Commander, Ambassador. Leliana inform your agents in the field.” Cassandra waved everyone out of the room, Fenris, Anders, Varric, and Hawke stayed.

“So Inquisitor Broody, you ready to lead an army” Varric jabbed him in the ribs with a finger

“Not in the slightest, but if it means she is safe, I will lead all of Thedas if I have to.”

“Right, well, we’ll be there, so you’ll be fine” Varric chuckled “C’mon Hawke let’s go find a drink and leave them to their healing. We’ll be back” “Varric and Hawke left, leaving Fenris and Anders alone.

“Thank you Anders”

“Of course, it is my job after all, to heal people” 

“I am aware, but still, thank you. I have never been kind you, or given you any credit for what you do. You are an incredible healer….there were several times when Hawke could have died if not for you. Or right now...I fear what may have been if you were not here...she...I could have lost her….what I am saying is what you do is greatly appreciated.” Anders stood in shock

“Are you feeling okay? You’ve never been this nice?” 

“I am fine. I...have just learned things the past couple years. Do not mistake it for me liking you, you caused chaos in Kirkwall which started a war and are still a monster.” Anders snorted a laugh

“Ah that’s the elf I’m used to” he stopped healing her “And thank you.” 

“How is she?” 

“She’s as good as I can get her for now. She just needs time, and to be awake. Send for me the second she wakes? Anders picked up his bag and left. Fenris stroked Syl’s hair, startled when she started to speak.

“You two were being too mushy, I didn’t want to interrupt.” she smirked

“Syl!” He hugged her, “How are you feeling?”

“Awful”

“I am not surprised….what happened love?”

************************************************

“Nunquam possem” _(I could never)_ the door slamming told her he was no longer there. If only he would listen… this was the lyrium talking, not her. She couldn’t stand it. She wanted it out of her. She was tired of it hurting her, hurting Fenris. She started crying and shaking. Why was she shaking? She felt weak..withdrawn...it made no sense, she just took some, she couldn’t possibly need more...but she did. She wearily stumbled to her desk, and prepped a large dose a downed it all. She still felt weak, and ill...the lyrium made her blood feel cold...and not in a good way, her vision blurred and her knees gave out, she collapsed to the floor.This was it. It had to be, the lyrium had finally taken hold of her...finally taken her life. At least she was alone, she didn’t want anyone to see her like this, especially not Fenris. Then again...would he even care? Was he just a bit upset? Or Furious and gone? At this point she hoped he was gone...that he wouldn’t find her like this, she couldn’t bear the thought. The pain...the pain burned more than ever, she let her eyes close, mind wandering off into blackness.

****************************************************************

“That’s it. Next thing I remember was waking up briefly on the floor.” she finished

“It was foolish of me to storm out, and to say those things. I hope you can forgive me..”

“I’m not mad at you Fen...I probably would have done the same thing….”

“While that is appreciated...but the more I think about it…” he sighed “The more I know you may be right. That maybe in some sadistic way that it is the best course of action..to cure you.”

“Fenris! That was the lyrium talking! Not me! I would never want that, never make you do such a thing.”

“And if I offered...would you refuse?”

“I...no…” she whispered

They say in silence for a while, thinking about what they both just agreed to, the fact that they just acknowledged the fact that they were both willing to put her through the horrors of his past. Then a new thought came to Fenris’s mind. He raised a brow

“How long were you awake?”

“Long enough to hear your request to take my place in the march you crazy elf! Fenris you can’t do that, it’s too dangerous!”

“Exactly, it is far too dangerous for you ...Syl you have probably given yourself ghost sickness. I cannot in good conscious let you go, not in the state you are in love.”

“Then fix me…”

“I….I….I am not sure I can go through with it….”

“You just…”

“I know love...But if it hurt the other day...it would be excruciating now. Especially given the condition you are in...you would also have to take a lot of lyrium….More than eight times the amount you just took…”

“Ah…”

“Sylendra...if..if.” he sighed “If this is what you would wish of me, then I will do it. I do not wish to see you in pain, but if having these cursed markings will make your life less...painful...less threatened….then I will do it.” he ran a hand along her cheek

“What do I need to do?” she asked, Fenris nodded, he retrieved her entire stash of lyrium, around 17,000 doses worth. Last time he saw this much he was having it forcibly shoved down his throat since he hadn't figured out how to absorb it yet.

“You will need to take all of this” she nodded and propped herself up, and started taking it, Fenris keeping his hand phased into hers to prevent her from getting poisoned again. A half hour later she finally managed to down the entirety of it. She felt strange, stiff almost, her eyes were radiating lyrium blue, causing the dim room to be slightly illuminated. She gave Fenris the final okay. He took her in his arms, locking lips, the lyrium within her flaring up instantly, both of them creating a beautiful whitish blue light filling the room. He slowly removed her clothes, and then his own. He crawled into bed, lying above her, kissing her. A strangled cry of pain escaped her lips, she continued kissing him passionately, pulling him closer. He pressed himself against her, he kissed her harder and thrust into her, pulling a moan from her throat. Part of him felt horrid...no better than a magister….another sick part of him was enjoying this, enjoying the fire burning cold between the two of them. And another part of him just wanted it to be over so she was no longer in pain. She half cried half moaned every time he thrust into her, each time the lyrium scaring her flesh in delicate swirling designs, similar to his own. She cried out in pain again

“F...Fenris…” she half moaned and grunted, he pressed his lips back to hers, swallowing her screams,preventing the rest of Skyhold from hearing her cries. He thrust into her one last time, carrying them both over the edge, into a painful bliss, both panting to catch breath, their foreheads pressed together.

“Wow...that was...oh maker…” she breathed,he smiled

“It has been way too long since we have done this. How do you feel?” he shifted to lay next to her, and admired her beautiful body, now laced with swirls of lyrium.

“I feel...different….better, sort of?”

“What about now? He placed a hand on her shoulder

“Alive…” she smirked, Fenris chuckled

“Yes I suppose that makes sense….though if anyone without lyrium in their skin touches you it will most likely be painful.”

“I would expect that, i guess it’s good I really don’t like touching people” she paused “I want to see.,” she started to get up and walk to the mirror, Fenris rolled onto his side to watch her and gasped

“Your hair!” Syl pulled her hair over her shoulder, at just over chin length the crimson colour faded into silver and then into bright white like his. She shrugged at least the white streak would stand out less, looking into the mirror to observe her new skin. Bluish white lines traced every curve, every muscle as they did on Fenris, really the only difference was instead on going up her chin, the markings on her neck split into two and went up her jaw, near the base of her ears. Fenris came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her. The warmth of him making her blush, he flickered his markings to life, causing hers to ignite.

“Venhidis amatus… you are absolutely stunning.” she blushed a deep red at his words.

“Come, let us rest, we leave for the wilds tomorrow.” she said dragging him back to bed, though they didn’t get much sleep…

*********************************

“Oi Inquisitor Broody! Wakey wakey!” Varric called out as he walked up the stairs.

“I am already awake dwarf!” Fenris called over to the shorter man who was now leaning against the railing. Fenris, still packing a few things.

“Well good” Varric eyed the four bags in front of the elf, “packing a little heavy eh Broody?” 

“Two of them are Syl’s. She is well enough to go with, and almost done with her bath.” he said, nodding at the stairs for the dwarf to leave, Varric shrugged and muttered something about the courtyard, being cold as hell, and left.

Sylendra came out of her closet in her black leather leggings, boots, vest, and bracers. Again wearing one of Fenris’s shirts, this time a charcoal grey one with a leather belt around her waist. He smiled and helped her into her signature leather trench coat that matched all her armor, and picked up their bags as she brushed her hair. Opting to leave it down and loose, yet tucked into her coat to shield her face from the cold air in addition to her hood. Fenris wore his usual armor along with the boots, bracers, and vest that matched Syl’s, and a deep grey, almost black trench coat he had picked up his first winter in Kirkwall, and a burgundy scarf for warmth. She winked at him and took his hand, as his other draped a similar scarf to his around her neck. They walked to the courtyard, snow blowing all around it. They wandered over to the wagons, waiting for Josie to tell everyone where they had to sit, walking past Cullen arguing with Morrigan and a templar on their way.

“Inquisitor! Are you sure you’re well enough to travel?!”

“Yes Josie, I’m fine. How are the arrangements?” 

“Very similar to last time, we had to adjust a bit due to the need for more supplies though.” she handed Syl a paper and bounded off to get blankets. Syl looked at the note and shrugged.

Wagon one: Sera, Cole, Dorian, Vivienne, Leliana, Iron Bull, Krem, and Solas

Wagon two: Sylendra Fenris, Hawke, Varric, Isabela, Morrigan, Cassandra, Anders, Cullen

Wagon three/supply: Myself, Blackwall, the Chargers

Fenris climbed in first taking a seat in the corner as he did last time, Syl sitting next to him. Varric sat across from Fenris, with Hawke and Isabela. Cullen reluctantly plopped down next to Isabela since Anders and Cassandra already settled down next to Syl. A scowling Morrigan sat next to Cullen.

“So Steel,it’s a long ride to the Wilds...care to share any more stories?”

“Haha perhaps” she chuckled “Depends on what story you want to hear Varric.”

“How about the one where YOU’RE THE FUCKING HERO OF FERELDEN AND DECIDED NOT TO TELL ANYONE!”

“Haha hey I already told you that one! And I did tell one person.” she winked at Fenris. Varric waved her off.

“Yeah yeah, alright tell us about all your friends from back then! I mean we’ve all heard names and rumors and stories, but I want to hear it from you.” he lit a cigar

“I suppose I could do that” she took the cigar from him and blew a smoke ring in his face, he rolled his eyes and pulled out a few more, Fenris, Hawke, Anders, and Morrigan taking one. “Let’s see, you know Leliana obviously. And Morrigan of course, I first met Morrigan when I was with Alistair and two other Wardens, retrieving treaties from a ruin. Then her mother rescued us from Ostagar. We didn’t exactly agree at first.”

“I agreed with you dear, twas that royal bastard and the dog I despised.” Morrigan chuckled

“OH! That’s right, we found Barkspawn next...I wonder how he’s doing” she knew exactly how he was doing, and judging by the way Hawke flinched at the name, he had to bring it up when he went to Denerim… “anyway when we got to Lothering we met Leliana in the bar, she was so different back then...I miss the old her. Oh and the we met Wynne at the Circle in Ostwick...fucking Kinloch uhg… Anyway she was sweet woman, drove Morrigan crazy though, she was quite a talented mage, one of the most pure people I have ever met.” she had a bit of distance in her voice, she missed Wynne, even though she was incredibly strange. 

“Isn’t that also when you first met Curly?”

“Yes, we found Cullen trapped, and ended up freeing him after we killed the demon holding him there. 

“If I remember correctly, even after saving him he still tried to put the old lady and myself in a circle…” Morrigan smirked at Cullen who muttered something about him trying harder next time.

“That he did...you know us templars aren’t exactly grateful for a mage’s help. Anyway we met Ohgren when we went to the deep roads...which sucked. And that dwarf was a drunken ass! And he was always hitting on Wynne!” 

“Don’t forget Zevran...ridiculous elf!” Cullen mused, Morrigan blushed wildly

“Ah yes, how could I possibly forget the sweet talking Antivian elf who Morrigan has a soft spot for” she smirked

“I do not!”

“Uh huh, sure, tell that to your reddened cheeks” Syl stuck her tongue out “He was a good person, truly, once we got the crows off his back he relaxed. Quite a talented rogue, him and I trained together quite often. I wonder what he’s up to now...don’t you?” Morrigan flipped her off “Ha! There was also my dear friend Alistair, who you all know. The Bastard Prince of Ferelden! Former Templar, Current Grey Warden and King of Ferelden, and one of my best friends.”

“Ah I have a question about that Syl, you said you were gonna help him out and marry him.” Varric gave a devilish grin

“Yes i did”

“So that would have made you Queen! And you know as Queen you would’ve been expected to have a kid….” Varric said still grinning, Syl rolled her eyes and sighed, Fenris squirmed, it made him uncomfortable to think of her with anyone else, though given the circumstances he understood.

“Ah Varric my dwarven friend, how little you know, the taint is a poison. Grey Wardens cannot have children, it’s...well prevents them from having families...a side effect of all they’ve given up. Even though I somehow survived and was cured it would’ve been difficult, since Alistair was not cured. We would have adopted or something.” She gave Morrigan a look who just in return just looked sad. Varric nodded scribbling words on his pages.

“So, why Kirkwall? After you escaped?””

“Honestly? I wanted to join the Templar order there.” Anders scoffed at her “Don’t give me that! You of all people should be thankful I didn’t! Or you’d be shoved so far into a circle you would have forgotten you ever tasted freedom! Especially after your stunt at the chantry!” she teased, Fenris laughed and Anders rolled his eyes.

“Alright then, nuff of this shit! This could get ugly fast, Who’s up for Wicked Grace?” Varric hollered and pulled out a deck of cards.

*****************************************************************

“Right, I’ve got one for you Inquisitor!” Anders said pointing at her, slightly drunk

“What? Uhg Anders did you fill your water flask with whiskey again?” he nodded lazily

“A question….or story to tell...or whatever….what’s the shiny mark on your jaw?” She froze, she hadn’t revealed her markings yet, and didn’t want to know now, and Fenris knew this. But Hawke beat him to it

“Anders, that would be what is known as a hickey, they are normally signs of rough and rugged affection. Fenris you saucy elf” Hawke wiggled his brows at the elf. 

“No that’s...I mean I see that...Not what I mean” he slurred

“Where are you looking mage? There is nothing there, are you sure you are not drunkenly imagining things?” Fenris feigned looking at her jaw, adjusting her scarf to hide the lines more.

“S’right here” Anders pointed to his own jaw “Here, just move you scarf more” And before either elf could stop him he pulled her scarf off revealing the lyrium lines that traced her jaw, neck, and chest that could be seen via the deep V of her shirt. Her hair tumbling out from where she had it tucked away.

“What the-” Hawke almost shouted

“SHHHHH!” she hissed

“How did that happen?!”

“OOhhh I’ll tell you how!” Isabela giggled “That’s right Broody, I heard about your conversation with Blondie! It’s about time both of you had a good fucking!” she giggled more

“One of these days I am going to strangle you pirate!” Fenris growled at her

“Well am I wrong? Is that how it happened?” she made some crude gestures 

“No, just-”

“So i’m not wrong?”

“Uhgg I give up!” Fenris threw his hands up

“Yeah there you all know! Fenris and I had sex again! Are you surprised?! Now can we please move on from this?” Syl finally piped up, finally unfrozen, just as aggravated

“Well I for one am not surprised you did, what I’m surprised at is the lyrium is making matching tatts. You guys spent your night together quite often in Kirkwall and this never happened.” Varric said, with a tone of confusion. Cullen looked at the elves and wanted to vomit, purely because of longing and the fact that the lyrium was gnawing at him, his stomach tying in knots. Fenris spoke next

“It was the lyrium in her blood. Every time I kissed her the lyrium would react to my markings and start to burn. The conversation the pirate was talking about was Anders telling me that if we were not careful it would scar and burn her skin as it did mine. After some discussion and-”

“Clearly you weren’t careful” Cullen muttered

“AFTER some discussion and arguing and more discussion she deemed this as the best course of action as it cured her addiction.” Fenris glared at Cullen the entire time he spoke

“Yes, branding the poor girl like cattle, definitely the best idea. How’d you talk her into that one?”

“He didn’t, I can make my own decisions Commander. Now I politely ask you to shut the fuck up.” Syl snapped.

No one felt much like talking after that. Fenris pulled Syl close to him and let her lay on him. Cassandra shivered and Anders held his arm out for her to lean into his side, she glared at him for a minute before accepting, knowing he was trying to be kind. She still didn’t trust him much. But she was freezing, everyone was despite the blankets.Luckily the mage was warm. 

“Oi Curly scoot down, Morrigan c’mere doll.” Varric said, Isabela shoving Cullen to the spot Morrigan moved from, Morrigan sat down between Hawke and Varric.

“Maker you’re warm dwarf!” she muttered, Varric laughed and adjusted the blanket he had around his shoulders so she could share his as well as her own. She rested her head on his shoulder.

“Awww that’s kinda cute” Syl hazily teased, Morrigan gave her a small kick in the shin.

“Won’t Zev be jealous?” Isabela chimed in as she huddled next to Hawke as he wrapped his arms around her, kissing the top of her head.

“Uhg! Nice to know you haven’t changed Captain” Morrigan emphasized the last word

“Oh that’s low…”

“Ah that's right….” Varric started

“Yes Varric, during the blight we met Isabela and then Anders after the fact...they should feel the most ridiculous for not recognizing me in Kirkwall.” Syl smirked, They rolled their eyes. Cullen scowled and curled farther into the corner of the cart, farther from the elves, the lyrium on them still pulling at his insides. He hated them together.

*****************************************

A few days out from the forward camp in the wilds they stopped to camp. The chargers set up the tents in record time again. Hawke, Anders, Morrigan, Solas, and Dorian cast a barrier around the entire camp to help keep it warm. Syl and Fenris had left the main fire to go back to their tent. They were starting to take off their armor and Fenris took off his tunic, his back turned to her when she noticed something.

“Fenris”

“Yes love” he turned his head a bit

“What are these?” she trailed her fingers across delicately written words across his back. One set just under each shoulder blade, flowing to the line along a scar at the base of his neck where a single word was written.. All of them written in white ink and Tevene.

‘Ah… I uh….i got them shortly after we got separated… “ he looked down, mildly embarrassed and blushing. He pointed to the phrase on his left shoulder blade “Belua puniceo caged est et libera est”

“The monster is caged and the man is free….I-”

“You said that to me yes. And I have never forgotten it. Festis bei umo canavarum.” he pointed to the right side

“You will be the death of me?”

“Yes...i...that is more directed at myself….and lastly Incaensor” he lightly touched the one near the scar

“Oh…..I don’t-”

“A dangerous substance….or dangerous if not controlled. Even you must agree, it is true.” he turned to face her

“No...it may have once been true….but not any longer.” he looked at her with curious mossy eyes

“I-” he shook his head “Maker what did I do to deserve you?’

“You’ve endured the pain of several lives in one” his curious eyes turned soft, and amazed. She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his, running her hands along his back. He pulled her closer. 

“I love you”

“I love you too”

**********************************************************

“We’re about six hours from the forward camp!” Cullen shouted to the other wagons

“Uhg….Cullen what time is it?” Cassandra grumbled, rubbing her eyes

“About three in the morning Seeker. The reports I received back from my troops stated that they started coming across Corypheus’s men as soon as eight hours out. We must be alert.” he said flatly, eyes scanning for enemies. Everyone else shifted to a more upright position, grumbling at the commander.

***************************************************

“Lady Ambassador, you wished to see me?” 

“Yes Lady Hellbane, Emperor Gaspard and his personal guard are ready to march the wilds with you. Leliana has made her way to the second checkpoint, helping the troops there hold it. Commander Cullen left when she got there, heading to hold a position just outside the temple.”

“Thank you Josephine, please keep everyone safe” Syl turned to meet her companions.

“Alright everyone, Fenris, Hawke, Varric, Morrigan, Solas, Isabela, and Cole stick with me. Dorian, you and your group will stay behind when we reach the second checkpoint until we can comfortably hold it, then head to the third. Blackwall, Bull, you and the chargers and the rest of you are going to checkpoint three, it is key that we keep hold of that one. We lose that, we fail. Once Dorian’s group meets up with you and the position is safe all of you head into the temple and follow our tracks. Sound good?” 

“Yea of course, and let’s not get killed. “ Dorian laughed and gave her a hug, he’d been fighting by her side since he joined the Inquisition and was not overly fond of not fighting with her for this battle, he knew it was because she needed him to lead the second team, but still.

“Sounds good Boss! CHARGERS, HORNS UP!” Bull was met with a loud banter from his men, even Blackwall joined in.

“Oi, take these! Be easier to follow that footprints in a hurry yeah?” Sera handed Varric a handful of red scarves.

“After you, Inquisitor” Fenris’s velvety voice almost echoed among the rocks as he motioned for her to lead. And with that they did. All of them, without question or hesitation followed her into the unknown depths of the Arbor Wilds

**************************************

“Have no fear Miss Nightingale! We’re here to rescue you!” Dorian called out with a flourish of his staff, striking down the red templar in his path. With his group there they easily started pushing back the opposing forces. 

“See you at the next position!” Bull called out to him “Try not to die before you get there.”

“Of course, I’d hate to miss a chance to see you swing that big axe around” Dorian called back with a wink

*******************************************************

“FALL BACK!” Cullen roared over the sound of the battled to his remaining troops. The amount of soldiers waiting for them at the temple was insane, Corypheus was definitely there. An absolute bloodbath. “I SAID FALL BACK!” he called out as he watched one of his troops get decapitated in front of him, blood spurting from the body and onto his chestplate. The templar brute then turned to Cullen, knocking him back with one massive hit, before her could get up the brute was on him again, Cullen barely had time to block his blow. Part of him considered letting it kill him, but that thought was whisked away by the greatsword that came crashing down through the brute, splitting him in two. Fenris reached down with a glowing hand and pulled Cullen to his feet, who nodded his thanks.

“If you’re with me we go now while we can!” Syl yelled, waving an arm towards the temple, her team gathering around her. She heard Cullen yell something but she couldn’t hear what as they ran into the temple

*************************************************

“Trust me on this!”

“Morrigan, no offence but you realize I trust you with magic about as far as I can throw you?” Syl retorted 

“Sylendra please! You cannot drink from the well! Tis I alone who must, I can carry the burden, understand the power, not you.”

“NO! I’d rather destroy it”

“It is not for you witch...it is not for any of you...But If I must bestow the well’s power to you...It will be to you, you, or... you.” Abelas pointed to Fenris, Syl, and Solas in that order.

“I will not! And do NOT ask again!” Solas hissed

“That is a pity, so I’ll do it!” 

“Enough witch! You are unclean, those three alone can take the well’s power because they are pure at heart, pure to the soul.” Abelas backhanded her. Fenris jumped back, surprised to be called pure, he thought he was tainted, corrupt. He tried to atone for all the bad he’d done, perhaps it worked? He shook his head 

“If they refuse, we destroy the well….”He said with sorrow in his voice.

“Well...what’s one more thing that could possibly kill me?” Syl laughed nervously as she started taking her boots and armor off. If she was going to do this she was going to be as holy as possible.

“Syl wait….allow me.” Fenris grabbed her arm

“Fenris, no offense...but you don’t exactly speak the language.”

“Hamin Vehnan, Ir Abelas. Ar Nuvenin Ne tu Dareth, La Ar lath ma.” _(relax my love, i am sorry but i need you to be safe and I love you)_ he grinned

Fenris spoke fluently and Syl’s jaw dropped, _when the hell did he learn to do that?_! He kicked off his boots and tossed his black armor aside along with his sword, all of which Hawke and Isabela picked up. Abelas nodded to him. Without hesitation he slowly walked into the center of the well, and drank from it The waters started pooling and swirling around him until the were absorbed into him. Fenris collapsed 

“FENRIS!” Syl was held back by Abelas, he released her when the well was finished, sorrow filling his eyes “Fenris! Are you alright?! Fenris!” She shook him by the shoulders gently, his eyes shot open, more vibrant than ever, he bolted upright only to lose his balance. “Are you alright?”

“Yes love, I am fine, I just feel...different…”

“Take care of the power you now hold….” Abelas turned away, Solas muttered something to him and Abelas looked stunned before leaving. 

“I told him I hope he finds a new name. One more fitting than ‘sorrow’”

“NO!” A booming roar could be heard from the other side of the chamber. They all turned to see Corypheus coming at them again. 

“RUN!” Syl yelled and they all ran into the Eluvian…which closed behind them.

****************************************************

“You are lucky that Bull sent Dalish ahead to scout! Or we’d all be thinking you were dead!” Cullen yelled at her

“Oh! Well excuse me Commander, I’m very sorry I didn’t want my companions to die! Sorry we took the quickest way out of that place to avoid certain death. We’ll be sure to stay still next time, you know to make our deaths swift!” Syl scowled at him.

“That’s not what I meant!”

“Oh? Then what did you mean?”

“Stop making reckless decisions!” he sneered, clearly talking about her markings as well

“OH! So now saving people, people I care about is now considered reckless? How about I just cut off my hand and give it to you, you can be Inquisitor since you don’t seem to be fond of how I’m doing it!” she hissed her markings flickering.

“Uhg you bitch! Stop taking my words out of context! You are so far out of line-” 

“What are you my mother now?” she cut him off

“Funny, I don’t seem to be enough of a filthy wench to be your mother” Cullen sneered

“How dare you!”

“Ah yes that’s right, your mother was killed, I bet she didn’t fight as much then” Cullen’s words stung like poison

“You bastard!” Syl threw a punch and he deflected it, locking her arm behind her back, twisting up, she yelped.

“Let go of me!” he put more pressure on her shoulder, “Cullen let me go you bastard! Uhg you’re hurting me! LET GO!” more pressure was applied to her shoulder, he jerked her arm up and she heard an ear splitting crack. She screamed as he slammed her onto the War table, her markings flaring to life.A thunderous bang from the monstrous door being kicked open echoed through the room. A flash of electric blue rushed past her, slamming Cullen into the wall. 

“GET OFF ME!” he yelled

“I warned you not to touch her!” Fenris let loose a few punches and kneed Cullen in the gut before slamming him into the wall again, blood pouring from Cullen’s lip. “I told you what I would do” he snarled, a few more punches were thrown by both men before a glowing blue fist was shoved into Cullen’s chest, fingers entwining in the arteries around his racing heart. Cullen spit up blood, gasping. Light footsteps grew louder in the entrance of the war room as Fenris started to squeeze his hand, Syl groaning a bit in pain on the table.

“Your brother is in here Lady Mia” Josephine’s voice rang through the air as she opened the door. “By the maker!” Josephine dropped her clipboard, Mia screeched. 

“You are lucky, next time you will be less fortunate.” Fenris hissed and gave Cullen’s heart another squeeze before withdrawing his hand, leaving the blonde man gasping on the floor. He strolled over to the table and scooped up Sylendra. “Ambassador, get that dog under control before the meeting later, or I will not hesitate to finish what I started in front of everyone.” He growled at her, kicking the door closed behind him.

“Fen...ack….how did you...son of a...find me?” 

“I was in the main hall with Varric, I heard you scream.”

“I’m glad...I’m, ahg, afraid of what may have happened if you hadn’t.”

“Do not think of that.” he kicked the door in front of him lightly a couple times as a knock “Healer, open up!” there was some scrambling and clanging on the other side and then Anders popped his head out, brow drenched in sweat and hair disheveled 

“Yes?” he panted, Fenris raised a brow with a sly smirk “What do you- oh” he looked at Syl and motioned for them to come in. Fenris set Syl down in a chair so Anders could start healing her, Fenris noticed several vials knocked over on his desk. “How did you get your shoulder broken so badly? It’s shattered in seven different places!” he said while placing the bones. He frowned “May I? It would be easier.” He tugged at her shirt a bit, she nodded and slipped out of it with his help. He continued setting bones.

“Cullen and I get into an argument...I uh...Ha oddly enough I taught him how to do this.” she answered. Fenris ground his teeth “Though he did it wrong, it should be about 17” she chuckled lightly. Fenris continued observing the state of the normally tidy room.

“So Anders, may I ask why you and your room are a mess?” he said with a smirk, knowing the answer

“I was working out this morning, and last night i got very drunk and stumbled into my room.” with one last pop Syl’s shoulder was done and wrapped. Fenris helped her back into her shirt. “Keep it in this sling for today, just till it fully sets….and avoid Cullen”

“Alright, thank you Anders.” she turned to Fenris who was still smirking “Breakfast?” he nodded and held out his arm for her to take “Oh and the meeting starts in a half hour, I’d hate for you and Cassandra to be late due to your work out together” she grinned and winked. Anders squirmed. As soon as the door closed behind them he called over to the closet

“You can come out now”

********************************************************

“Inquisitor, and Ser Fenris.” Leliana said to Josie who was checking off names as people arrived into the war room. “The Champion, Master Tethras, Lady Cassandra” the three made their way over to Syl and Fenris, Hawke grumbling about that not being his title anymore, getting louder as he got closer to them.

“Fenris will you please tell Cassandra that Varric and I are not exaggerating about the dragon in the Bone Pit! We’ve been arguing about this for the past hour and a half!” Hawke threw his hands up

“You mean the way you and Varric blinded it then I cut off the head as it flailed.” he smirked, Cassandra rolled her eyes “Wait hour and a half?” he looked at Syl, she looked just as bewildered. 

“Ser Anders” Leliana called out “ Lady Isabela, Sera, and lastly Lady Morrigan. That’s everyone” Syl looked at them and then over to Anders...and Morrigan. Morrigan’s normally neat hair was slightly out of place. Sudden realization sunk in, and she started snickering.

“Care to share with the rest of the class Steel” Varric gave her a jab in the ribs

“Hm? Oh no...it’s alright, I’ll tell you later. Just something funny from earlier.”

************************

“Well that was pointless…” Syl muttered

“So drinks? And food?” Hawke patted Isabela on the ass and Varric on the shoulder.Syl, Fenris and Anders voiced an agreement with the other three.

“Morrigan! Join us! It’ll be like old times...minus the darkspawn!” Morrigan shrugged and joined her old friend, as they had previously settled their disagreement about the well and were back to speaking with each other.

***********************************************

“So Morrigan how long has it been?” Syl asked the slightly intoxicated witch, getting everyone’s attention.

“How long since what?”

“Since you’ve caught the feelings? Or was that a one time thing?”

“What are you- HA! That thing with Alistair? Never again in a thousand years!”

“Oh how scandalous! I wasn’t referring to that though! I was talking about Zevran” Syl teased, Morrigan groaned, everyone was mildly confused at their banter “I mean, won’t he jealous that you’re screwing a Grey Warden again and didn’t invite him?” Hawke spit his drink out and started laughing.

“Anders!!” he shouted. Anders let his head fall to the table, Morrigan turning deep red.

“I’ve no idea what it tis you’re speaking of?” Morrigan sputtered

“Does she speak that formally while you’re fucking? ‘Would you please consider going harder?” Varric turned to Anders, with a serious tone, smiling. “Wait, what thing with Alistair?” he gave Syl a look of confusion and she ignored him

“I.Hate.You.All.” Anders muttered against the table

“Oh come now, you don’t hate us ALL!” Isabela put her arm around him, “From what I’ve heard you loved Morrigan Several times this morning!” Morrigan turned even redder.

“SERA!” She called “I need at least six more drinks!”

“Oh come now Morrigan, he is not that unattractive, I doubt you need to be that drunk before sleeping with him!” Fenris chimed in

“Seven….seven more drinks” She mumbled, they all laughed, even Anders, and soon Morrigan was as well.

“No seriously, what things with Alistair?” Varric was ignored again and grumbled in defeat.

As the evening wore on both of the mages lightened up and relaxed a bit, no longer embarrassed, even when Isabela spoke of all the things she was going to do to Hawke later, Hawke shrugged and fidgeted at the looks they received. As everyone left for the night few were going to bed alone. Hawke and Isabela could hardly wait to get back to their room. Anders and Morrigan actually left entangled in each other, him carrying her with her legs around his waist and arms around his neck. Fenris and Syl went hand in hand, taking the long way back to their room. While they were walking up the main steps they heard a commotion at the gate.

“OH! OH you weren’t expecting me? Well I’m terribly sorry but do you have any idea who I am? Forgive me for having private business I don’t have to announce to all of bloody Thedas! Now will you please tell me where I can find Lady Hellbane?!” a familiar voice rang out from one of the two hooded figures that were being questioned by the guards. Syl’s eyes widened 

“I don’t believe it….” she whispered

“What?” Fenris raised a brow

“I….just follow me yeah?” she took off down the stairs and he bolted after her, the guard spoke up when she got there. “I’ll take it from here Jim”

“Inquisitor? I must protest-”

“I said I’ll take it from here. Continue your patrol.” he nodded and left. She looked at the two robed figures “Follow me, I’ll take us somewhere more private.” they nodded and followed her as she lead them back up to her room. “The doors are locked, this is as private as it gets.” she smiled as one of the figures removed their hood. 

“It’s good to see you again Hero….or am I not allowed to call you that anymore” Alistair gave her a wicked grin and pulled her into a hug.

“HA! How many times did I tell you not to call me Warden Commander? Yet you still did?”

“Only because it drove you crazy!” 

“Haha ass!” 

“Syl, I have learned not to question many things you do, but what the hell is the King of Ferelden doing in our bedroom? Fenris questioned from where he was leaning against the desk. 

“Oh! Fenris, Alistair. Alistair this is Fenris.”

“My my you certainly weren’t kidding when you said he was broodishly handsome...can I be that pretty when I grow up?” Alistair laughed, Fenris rolled his eyes, a small chuckle coming from the other hooded figure.

“Body guard?” Fenris asked, Syl nodded 

“Kind of? But not exactly?” Alistair gave Syl another amused grin

“What are you-” she froze as the figure removed his hood, this is not how she was expecting this to go. An elven boy with lightly tanned skin and black hair revealed himself, sage green eyes piercing her soul, a small smile creeping onto his face. Syl fell to her knees, Fenris kneeling beside as he failed in trying to catch her.

“Syl? What the hell is going on? Syl?!” he grabbed her by the shoulders

“I’m sorry, I’m just...in shock…..” she looked up at the boy who was moving to kneel in front of them, taking her hand in his. “Fenris….remember that important thing I had to tell you? This…..This is my son...Leto…”

“What?!??” Fenris fell back to a sitting position, which Alistair mimicked with some comment about being the only one standing “What?!....you...your name..” he stuttered, stunned that she had a child and didn’t tell him, he wasn’t sure how he should be feeling, joy? Sadness? Anger? Afterall, he couldn’t be his...could he?

“What about it?” the boy spoke, raising a brow, Syl nudged him “I like my name. It’s a good name...I was named after a good man..” 

“Yeah sure” Fenris scoffed, clearly anger was the emotion that was starting to take hold, he stood up and turned his back to them, running his hands over his face. “Syl of all the things to not tell me, you chose this?! You chose to not tell me you had a child! A child that for some maker forsaken reason you thought it would be a good idea to name him after me?” he threw his hands up and turned around at the shuffling noise behind him, the boy had gotten up and wrapped his arms around him, Fenris held his arms up in confusion “What is this? What are you doing?”he looked at Syl who looked as if she was about to start laughing any second, back to the boy who then broke the awkward tension

“I was named after my father” Leto looked up at Fenris who had gone pale, he looked down him and slowly wrapped his arms around him. Still in disbelief. Syl had gotten up and hugged the both of them. 

“I...we have a son?” Fenris was finally able to speak

“Yes...he was born a few months after we fled Kirkwall...I was trying to hunt you down and ended up with slavers chasing after me just before the conclave...I brought him to Alistair, knowing he’d be safe with him. It’s been almost a year since I’d last seen him. I hope you didn’t cause too much trouble.” she smiled down at him

“A little? Alistair took me everywhere he went! And I may have gotten in trouble in Val Royeaux for riding a mabari through the streets….” Leto laughed 

“Hey! Don’t take the blame for that! We both got in trouble for doing that!” Alistair pointed at him “You a little more so because your dog threw you off into a flower cart but still”

“Hey if my dog hadn’t seen that cat I would have won our race!”

“Oh you wish!” Alistair and Leto continued their playful argument, Fenris pulled Syl aside, he looked back at the- his child who was now being held upside down by his ankles..by the king of Ferelden… he shook his head.

“I don’t know where to even start…” he ran a hand over his face, Syl said nothing. “We have a son…..Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked with an edge to his voice

“I wanted to. Believe me I wanted to, but what was I supposed to say? ‘Hey Fenris, I know it’s been four and a half years since I last saw you but I’m in charge of the Inquisition, there was a giant hole in the sky spewing demons only I could seal, I’m being forced into being married, oh and by the way a couple months before we fled Kirkwall I figured out I was pregnant but was too terrified to say anything with all the chaos going on so we have a child now.’ is that what you wanted to hear?” he dragged her out to the balcony and closed the door, knowing this was going to get heated.

“You knew when we were still in Kirkwall?!” he hissed

“Yes.”

“Why the hell didn’t you say anything?!”

“Because of Meredith! You know she thought you were a mage of sorts right?! She was convinced you were some big bad magical monster and she wanted you dead! She knew we were together, what do you think she would’ve done if she found out that I was carrying your child? She would have killed me Fenris! She would’ve killed you! And she probably would’ve killed Garrett and the others. I didn’t dare say anything until we killed that bitch!”

“Clearly by then it was too late…” he muttered, she glared at him

“And whose fault was that?! You abandoned me to chase after slavers! After part of your old life!”

“You said not to apologize for that! That killing all of them was more important than you, that is what you said!” He looked at her, he took a step back “You….you didn’t mean it did you? You just said that to make me feel better…”

“NO! I meant that I swear!”

“Then what the hell was the point of bringing that up? To make me feel worse? I already feel terrible about leaving you! About being apart for four years, those years being the worst I’ve had! I told you there was not a day that went by that I did not regret taking off!” he bit

“THEN WHY DIDN’T YOU COME BACK SOONER!?!?!” she spat. She looked at him as he looked down, tears streaming down her face. She turned her back to him and leaned against the railing. “You never even said goodbye….just left, never contacting me the entire time you were gone...the last time I saw you, you were on the verge of death…..” she whispered into the night. His heart broke, she was right, all of this was his fault. He never once stopped to think of how leaving affected her, beyond just him not being there with her. “What was I supposed to think? How was I supposed to feel when Hawke told me that the only person, I have ever loved, the only person I ever trusted completely, the man who’s child I was carrying, left without so much as a goodbye.”

“Syl-”

“Worthless” she stated “Worthless and alone” she hung her head and cried a bit harder. Fenris stood there. Completely clueless on what to do. Not sure if anything he did would actually help, or just make things worse. He sat there for a minute watching her, shoulders shaking with every tear filled breath. He’d done the worst thing imaginable, what he promised her over and over again that he would never do. He hurt her. He hurt her in the worst way possible. He hated himself, he was amazed she hadn’t smacked him, as if he were in her shoes he would have. He looked over his shoulder through the window to see Alistair and Leto sitting on the couch, Alistair with an arm around Leto who looked as though he was crying into the human’s shoulder. Fenris’s heart sank, he felt empty inside. All the things he ever wanted in life he had, and here he was, afraid that if he opened his mouth it would all fall apart. That everything would slip away. He looked at the child, amazed at how much he resembled himself. Everything except his eyes, which were a mix of the forest green of his own and the steely grey of Syl’s. He looked back to Syl who still had her back to him, he didn’t deserve her. He thought about the last thing she said, how she felt worthless, and alone. When in fact nothing could be farther from the truth. He silently walked over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. In response to which she spun around, throwing a fist in his face, hitting him on his cheekbone.

“I deserve that.” she went to take another swing and he caught her fist, pulling her into him, her struggling against his grip, but he was much stronger and kept her in the embrace until she stopped fighting him. “I am not sure how to atone for this. But I will try my damnedest to make it up to you, and to him. You are many things Sylendra, worthless and alone are not any of those things. And I will prove it to you. But I need you to answer something first.” he paused, squeezing his eyes shut tight, not wanting to ask what he was about to ask. “Do you want me to? Do you still want me in your life? In his?” Even though his eyes were shut he could feel a few tears escape them, he could feel her body still at his words. She pulled away from him, this time he let her go. She looked at him, stunned as to how he could even ask such things.

“How the-”

“Answer me...please”

“What kinds of questions are those?!” 

“Just….answer me” he looked down

“Not until you tell me how the hell you could even ask any of those things.”

“Look at me Syl… I am a broken man, you knew that the second we met. And the more you said earlier….the more I realized I have hurt you the most. I nearly killed you in the arena, you nearly killed yourself saving me in the deep roads, the incident after the fade... Danarius had you stabbed in the throat because of me, I abandoned you when you needed me most, I gave you the most cursed part of my life by burning the lyrium into your flesh….and now this….Had I known I would end up hurting you...that i would end up breaking your heart like this...You do not deserve this….had I known….I never would have kissed you that night…..” he closed his eyes, he hated himself. But it was true, he never would have kissed her, never would have let her get close to him if he knew that this, despite all the good things, that this is where they would end up, that he would hurt her in ways he wasn’t sure he could fix. Her smacking him across the face brought him out of his own thoughts and back to reality

“Take it back” her voice was broken…..he shook his head, all he was doing was hurting her…”Take it back….please….” she staggered back

“Please….answer me” he whispered. She shook her head as he looked up at her “Say it…” she shook her head again, not able to speak, if that was all she was going to give him then he understood. He turned away from her and started to walk to the other end of the balcony, thoughts of where he could go if not here starting to cross his mind. Her quiet voice interrupting his thoughts.

“I need you here by my side…” he thought for a moment 

“You need someone, but it does not have to be me….”he closed his eyes, waiting for her to tell him to leave 

“Yes...yes it does...I need you Fenris….I love you…..I-” before she could say anything more he was in front of her, one arm around her waist, his other hand tangled in her hair pulling her into a crushing kiss. Her arms wrapped around his neck as she hopped/was picked up and set on the railing of the balcony, her legs wrapped around his waist. He broke the kiss just long enough to speak against her lips

“I need you too you know” he reclaimed her lips in a tender kiss. They broke the kiss and he helped her down off the railing. She took his hand and started leading him back inside “Sic pulchra es, amica mea, quod te ridere” _(you are so beautiful when you smile my love.)_ she looked back over her shoulder and smiled for him. Leto looked up as they entered, eyes bloodshot.

“Oh sweetheart, come here.” she held her arms out and he walked over to her, being enveloped in a hug

“You were fighting because of me weren’t you?” his words were soft

“Oh honey...no...no this wasn’t because of you.” She thought for a moment before pulling away from him “So, what else did you do with Alistair when you weren’t terrorizing Val Royeaux?” Leto laughed 

“I met some other Grey Wardens!” 

“Oh?”

“Yeah! He took me with when he had to go meet them.”

“Ah, so did you like Amaranthine?” he looked at her like she was crazy

“We didn’t-”

“Alistair! Did you take my son into the deep roads!”

“NO!” he held his hands up in defense “Orzammar yes, the deep roads no! I don’t have a death wish!” 

“It’s a beautiful city! He also took me to see where you killed the Archdemon….Did you really fight it on your own before you killed it?”

“Ha, I think Alistair may have exaggerated a bit.”

“Sounds like he takes after Varric with his storytelling.” Fenris said with an amused tone before a new thought crossed his mind “Oh son of a…..I am never going to hear the end of this from him...or Hawke…” 

“End of what?” Leto looked at him

“How much of an idiot I am” Leto snorted a laugh as Fenris was known to do and he couldn’t help but smile. He stayed quiet for a while after that, enjoying watching Syl converse with Leto and Alistair.

********************

A few hours had passed and Leto had fallen asleep on the couch next to Alistair who was looking as if he was also about to doze off. Syl went into her closet to find a blanket for him and Fenris picked up Leto and laid him on the chaise lounge in front of the fire, laying a blanket over him. He turned around to see Syl taking off Alistair’s chestplate and laying a blanket over him. She turned to Fenris and smiled. 

“What?” he tilted his head

“You. You’re absolutely insane sometimes you know that?” she teased him slightly, sitting down on the edge of their bed.

“So you have said a time or two before…. Speaking of, I am sorry for earlier, I just-”

“I know.” she leaned over and kissed him. The two of them adjusted so they were lying under the covers, Fenris with his arm around her and she lay her head on his chest.

“I do have a question though, why did you name him after me?”

“Honestly? I couldn’t look at him and not think of you…..and...well I wasn’t sure I was ever going to see you again. If that ended up being the case then it was to be a way of honoring you. He’s quite happy with it, he’s heard a lot about you you know.”

“Please tell me you didn’t give him one of Varric’s books…..”

“Haha of course not!....not right away anyway”

“Oh no.... Also...thank you….” he squeezed her tight

“I love you”

“I love you too dear”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bet ya didn't see that coming :P So along with playing with time I kinda play with ages a bit too. Elves are seen as very wise and long living creatures and all that elfy goodness, soooo i figured maybe they could mature a bit faster, that's why they're so good at things/smart/all knowing. Anywho Leto is only 4 and a half but he'll look/act more like he's 12-14. Syl and Varric will talk about it a bit later on (ooooh foreshadowing)


	8. Beginning of The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short quick paced chapter :)

Syl walked back into her room after having taken a bath, Alistair was still asleep on the couch. Fenris and Leto were out on the balcony talking amongst themselves as Fenris allowed Leto to help him sharpen his greatsword, then teaching his son how to tend to his daggers, which he smiled as he noticed they were Syl’s old ones from Kirkwall. Syl meandered into her closet and dressed in her standard outfit of leggings, tunic, belt, boots, and bracers. As she walked out of her closet she heard a knocking at the door down stairs, before she could even get to the stairs Varric and Hawke had already managed to open it and get to the top.

“Maker woman did you forget how to answer people knocking? We’ve been down there for ten-” Hawke stopped as he noticed Alistair “Steel are you aware the King of Ferelden is asleep on your couch?” he remembered his trip to Denerim recently...

“Good morning to you too Garrett, and yes I am well aware, why do you think the door was locked? How the hell did you two get in here anyway?” 

“With a key obviously” Varric winked and waved his lock picks at her, “So why is he on your couch?”

“He showed up last night... Fenris and I were walking up the steps to the main hall when he arrived and I ran down to meet him before a big deal could be made out of it.” she looked to Hawke, confirming that this was a result of the letter he had to bring to Denerim. She shook her head, turning to face Fenris and Leto, who was now giggling at something Fenris had said. She smiled.

“Alright next question, who the hell is that?” Hawke asked louder than intended, drawing the attention of the two outside “Oh shit the door was open….” he muttered and clapped a hand over his mouth. Fenris and Leto set down their weapons and came inside. 

“Morning love” Fenris kissed Syl, leaning back on the desk he crossed his arms, giving Hawke an amused look, Leto sat on the edge of the bed, looking at Hawke in amazement.

“So who-” Hawke started and was immediately interrupted

“You’re the Champion of Kirkwall aren’t you?!” Leto blurted out with excitement.

“Ah, yes. Who might you be?” Hawke switched to a more playful tone, Leto looked at Syl, who gave a slight nod.

“I’m Leto” the boy gave the man a huge grin, sticking out his hand for Hawke to shake. Syl chuckled lightly. Hawke took in the boy's appearance and furrowed his brows.

“Nice to meet you Leto….that name sounds familiar….” Hawke shook the boy’s hand with a puzzled look “Why does that sound so familiar?” he looked at Syl and Fenris who gave him a blank expression, then back at Varric whose eyes went wide and jaw dropped.

“Andraste’s ass….” he muttered

“You must be thinking of my father, I am named after him after all.” Leto continued, Hawke thought for all of a second before giving Fenris a bewildered look. The white haired elf snorted a laugh and held his hands up

“Don’t give me that look, I did not give him the name” he smirked and pointed to Syl

“What? I...I..When? What the hell?”

“What a lovely sentiment Garrett, I’ll be sure to write it down for a later date.” Syl muttered, “This is our son” she waved over to Leto.

“Forgive me for this, but he’s pretty old….” Varric raised a brow, Syl laughed

“Yes, elves ages a bit differently you know….faster than other races. It's why 'we're weird and elfy' if you ask Sera” 

“Wait...so when did you...you know?” Varric waved his hand at Syl

“A couple months after leaving Kirkwall…” She looked down, knowing what was coming

“WHAT?! You were pregnant while we were still in Kirkwall and didn’t say anything?!?! Why the hell didn’t you two say anything?” Hawke blurted out, Fenris looked down

“Fenris...didn’t know…..until last night…” Syl looked at the floor as well

“What?” Hawke tilted his head

“Fenris didn’t know until last night when Alistair and Leto showed up.I never got the chance to say anything before we had to flee. I knew I wouldn’t be able to take him with me to the conclave, I also had slavers on my back, so I brought him to Alistair. Just before we left for the wilds I had Hawke take a letter to Denerim...requesting Alistair bring Leto here.”

“And so I did” Alistair said sleepily from the couch as he was sitting up “Good to see you again Hawke”

“You too Alistair”

“What time is it?!” he suddenly noticed the daylight and jumped up

“Around eight, why?” Syl tilted her head. As she spoke the door at the base of the stairs opened and closed, light footsteps padding up them.

“Oh hell, I have to go! I would love to stay for a while but I have to get back to Denerim as soon as I can, Teagan is already pissed I took off without much warning and I have a meeting with the Archon in a week.” he hastily put his chest-plate on and fixed his cloak. “It was really good to see you again Syl, we must get together again soon. It was very nice to meet you Fenris, Leto, be good yeah?” and with that he saluted and pulled his hood up, spinning to dart towards the stairs. Stopping when he saw who was standing at the top. “Oh…” Morrigan’s eyes went wide as she dropped her cup of tea

“Alistair….I...tis good to see you.” she looked at the ground briefly then met his gaze.

“Ha! Well that’s not at all what I thought you’d say. Honestly I never thought I’d see you again! Syl why didn’t you tell me our residential grumpy one was here?” she shrugged and he rolled his eyes, looking back to Morrigan “It is good to see you...you’ll have to visit with Syl when she finally makes her way to the castle.” He gave her a small hug before waving another goodbye and darting down the stairs. Morrigan closed her eyes and took a deep breath, when she opened them her normally vibrant eyes had dulled.

“Right, the meeting in the war room is starting...didn’t want you to be late…” she murmured looking back to the ground, toeing the shards of her tea cup. Varric and Hawke started down the stairs without saying a word, lingering briefly as they noticed Syl wrap her arms around the witch. Fenris lead Leto down the stairs, Syl and Morrigan then followed.

***************

“There” Fenris opened his eyes and pointed to a spot on the map.

“Back to the Arbor Wilds? You can’t be serious!” Cullen groaned 

“I am dead serious, why would I not be?”

“That’s the Altar of Mythal...It would make sense given we were at her temple, but why even go there in the first place?” Josephine adjusted her bun and tucked her quill into the mass of curls “It just seems odd, for the well to show you this now, rather than when we were still closer. I will put in a request for fresh horses, the ones we previously took are still exhausted. You should be able to leave in a few days.” 

“Lady Ambassador I must object! You can’t honestly be planning another trip off some vision from a crazed elf!”

“I am not crazed, it is the power from the well.” Fenris all but snarled at Cullen who bit right back

“Here we go again…” Varric muttered under his breath and said something about Cullen needing to take the stick out if his ass

“A magic well or some delusional thought from a lyrium branded elf, what the hell difference does it make?!”

“For starters one of those is true, and it is not the latter” Fenris growled at the man who was squaring his shoulders

“Are we sure? Doesn’t magic mess with your brands? Wouldn’t the well just cause massive amounts of pain, perhaps it’s bringing up repressed memories from your previous life, maybe it’s not the Wilds, maybe just somewhere your master hauled you off to like the dog you are.” Cullen spat, Hawke and Varric lunged to grab a glowing Syl who was leaping forward to punch Cullen square in the jaw. Neither of them noticing Fenris had illuminated his markings as well, fingers twitching as they itched to pull the commander’s heart from his chest. And he would have, had he not been forced to stifle a laugh. Leto had thrown himself between Fenris and Cullen, hitting Cullen’s cheekbone with his fist as he did so.

“Don’t speak to him that way!” he growled with a temper that almost matched his father’s

“What the hell?” Cullen looked disgusted “Who the hell let some random child in here?” 

“He is not some random child” Fenris glared and the man before him, placing a hand on Leto’s shoulder, speaking with a stony voice he continued “He is my son” several gasps filled the room, Anders spat out his water.

“What….” Cullen stepped back in shock

“I suggest you choose your next words wisely templar” Fenris raised a brow and squeezed Leto's shoulder

“Have fun in the Wilds” he muttered as he stormed out. 

*************

“Oh! I almost forgot! This is for you, Alistair asked me to give this to you” Leto handed Syl a sealed letter. She set down her mug and took it from him, smiling as he rejoined the game of Wicked Grace between himself, Varric, Hawke, Anders, and Fenris. Her and Morrigan were watching ensuring no one cheated for once. Syl broke the wax seal and took a sip of cider as she started reading the contents, immediately choking on the liquid and having a coughing fit, drawing the attention of the others.

“”What…”she coughed again “What the hell?!”

“You okay there Steel?” Varric raised a brow

“I uh….sure….no….I..” she thrust the paper towards Fenris who rolled his eyes at her until her read what caused her reaction for himself. 

“Venhedis! Is that man insane?!” his eyes widened 

“Ha! If it’s from the King then yes, yes he is” Anders laughed

“Does someone care to read the letter out loud” Syl and Fenris just stared at each other, ignoring Varric. 

“No need, I can tell you what it says. Alistair has just informed them that since he won’t marry and can’t have a family because he’s a Grey Warden and whatnot, he has named me as his heir to the throne.” Leto said casually. Anders choked on his drink again

“First you two have a child, and now this….maker this day could not be any stranger.” 

"An elf on the throne? Can he even do that?" Hawke rubbed the back of his neck

"I asked him the same thing when he told me and had me sign an official document stating so. You know what he said?" Leto stood up a mimicked Alistair's stance "'So What's that got to do with anything? I'm the king, I think that entitles me to do whatever I damn well please when it comes to who I trust with my beloved kingdom!'" He sat down "I didn't question it further. The people of Denerim already think we're related in some way anyway." Fenris looked at him in utter amazement, he felt like he was looking at his life from the outside. He shook his head, remembering a conversation he had with Syl while they were in Kirkwall and smiled fondly.

"I suppose he is right to some degree, he was going to make an elf queen, so why not make one king?" he glanced at Syl who smirked and nodded in agreement

"So, do we call you prince?" Leto gave Varric and shrug and laughed, continuing their game of Wicked Grace.

**********************************

“Well, what power did she grant you with?!” Cullen snapped “Or did we just waste another three weeks?” he wasn’t having a good day as far as withdrawals went and his temper was short again, his tolerance for anything was increasingly dwindling.

“I am not sure yet. I suspect we will find out when the time comes.” Fenris gritted through his teeth “I am getting real fed up with you always questioning me Templar.”

“I’m not a templar.”

“Right, and I am a chantry girl” Fenris muttered, Syl giggled at the thought

“What? I thought it was funny!” She teased him at the glare he gave her. A sudden flash of green light in the sky caught them off guard, interrupting the meeting. The breach had opened again. 

“NO! It can’t be!” Cassandra gasped

“AHHHHGGG!” Syl yelled out, a cry of pain and her knees gave out, she was caught by Fenris and Hawke. She was clutching her left hand to her chest “The breech...he...he reopened….ahhgg” She grunted. Another flash and another cry of pain. “Fuck...Commander, gather what troops we have, we end this NOW!” she spat

**********************************

“GO! I’ll cover the seven of you!” Anders called out to Sylendra, Hawke, Varric, Cassandra, Dorian, and Cole. Fenris had already turned into a dragon, which of course made Hawke jealous, and was battling another winged beast in the skies above. So now there was only six of them who needed cover.

“Six Blondie” 

“What?”

“Six” Varric repeated “You don’t need to cover Broody the Dragon” Anders looked at. Dorian who also looked puzzled, he too thought there were seven of them standing there as well, he shrugged. A screech from Fenris pulled everyone’s attention away from them.

“Fine six, just go kill that damn dragon!”

************************

“FENRIS!” The limp elf was trying to get up, stumbling, blood pouring from him, he collapsed. Fighting and killing the dragon took a toll on him. Anders, Leto and Morrigan yelled for them to run after Corypheus, Anders ripping away Fenris’s shirt to start mending the gashes in his chest. Morrigan helping him as Leto stood guard, dispatching of some of the straggling demons that got too close.

“C’mon Syl! We can’t let him get away! He’ll be fine!” Hawke dragged her towards where Corypheus ran off 

********************************************

She was broken, beaten and bloody and pissed off. Corypheus knelt before her.

“How the mighty fall. You wanted into the fade?! Here is your way in!” She grabbed him by the face, unleashing the power of the anchor. She screamed in agony as he lashed out at her, clawing at her side, his fingers tearing sinew and gore from her ribs as he dissipated into the fade. She dropped her hand, wincing at the pain in her side.

“It’s done...he’s dead…” she winced again, clasping her bleeding wound.

“Looks like Chuckles isn’t happy about the orb” Varric pointed to the elf.

She winced again as she was trying to walk to Solas, she took a sharp breath as pain shot through her side. Her world began fade and swirl before her, she’d lost a lot of blood and tried to call for help but it came out as a garbled slur. All she felt next was her head hitting the rocks beneath her as she collapsed, her hand spilling away from her wound causing muscle tissue to stray from inside, Hawke running towards her.

“Sylendra!” he slid onto his knees beside her, his hands clutching at her side, slick with blood and tissue. “Ah fuck…” he carefully picked her up, sprinting towards the others. “We gotta get her healed! And Fast!” Hawke panted, casting minor healing spells while running.

“I can’t! I have no more lyrium potions! I can’t even heal Fenris properly!, I’ve got him stitched up but that’s not enough!” Anders let out a frustrated sigh. Leto sat frozen in fear, Morrigan put an arm around him to keep him calm.

“Andraste’s tits Blondie! We both know Hawke’s basically useless at healing and Sparkles here can’t heal for shit! Neither can Hallow’s Eve” he gestured to Morrigan and Dorian crudely and ran a hand through his hair.

“I KNOW! Varric I know...I just don’t have any power left….if they die because of me I will never forgive myself..” he glanced at Leto and immediately looked down, not able to meet his gaze, suddenly startled at the what touched his knee, it was Fenris had gained consciousness while being sewn up and was now weakly fighting with his gauntlet, revealing a bare hand, his markings glowing.

“Use them…” his voice was raspy

“What?!” Anders was bewildered 

“Use them….the marks, tap into their power…” he was starting to pass out again

“Broody are you insane! That could kill you!” Hawke yelled

“Just do it mage! If you let her die I swear-”he passed out.

“Anders you can’t! He’s too weak right now! You WILL kill him.” Hawke yelled at him

“I...I …...ahhggg….. _ Justice no!!!!!!!!!”  _ His voice warped, tainted with Justice, who had no reserves using Fenris as a living source of power and immediately started healing both Syl and Fenris simultaneously. His eyes glowing blue, grinding his teeth, he flung himself back, growling Anders took control again “I said no.” he panted, “If anything like that ever happens again, someone kill me.” he growled. Syl and Fenris both looked a combination of better and worse.

“Morrigan! How many of you are up there?” Cullen called up to them.

“Eleven! Two of whom are unconscious.” She called down after releasing Leto from the tight grip she held him in, catching the rope Cullen tossed up to her.

“Ten….there’s ten of us Hallows” Varric threw his hands up “Why can no one bloody count!?”

“What is eleven will become ten, as ten will become nine. We must hurry!” Cole stated eagerly, his empty voice thick with concern.

“Um...yeah alright kid, we still need to get Syl and Fenris down there carefully. Something flat maybe?” Varric rubbed a hand over his face

“Cullen toss your chest-plate! Cass give me yours as well!” Hawke yelled down, they did as they were asked. Hawke strung the rope through them around them in such a way as to create a small lift. Carefully he and Anders placed Syl on it and lowered her down. Cullen untied the chest plates and the rest of them scaled down, Hawke and Cassandra carrying Fenris.

“Alright, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, elev-” Hawke’s face went white “I guess there is only ten” he cleared his throat, picking up Fenris while Dorian picked up Syl.

******************************************

“So now that they’re healing, you magicfolk going to share with the rest of us as to why you can’t fucking count?!” Varric crossed his arms. Dorian, Morrigan, Anders, and Hawke looked at each other.

“Ah my dear dwarven friend, we can count just fine! As can Cole!” Dorian grinned.

“What?”

“Oh why did you speak first? There’s no delicate way of saying this, but Steel is pregnant….and I believe the reason we can all feel it’s presence...it’s a mage.” Anders blurted out and then trailed off. 

“Andraste’s tits! You’re joking? How’s Broody going to take that?!”

“Take what?” the glowing elf in question had woken and propped himself up on his elbows, grimacing at his ribs.

“Ah...Fuck….” Varric muttered

“And I believe this is our cue to leave, come along. Let’s go find their child, make sure he’s alright and all that” Dorian dragged Morrigan from the room.

“What is going on dwarf?”

“Well, mages can’t count for shit…..or so we thought...Syl is well”

“What Varric is attempting to get at, is that Sylendra is pregnant.” Anders stated, Fenris’s forests of eye widened, a mix of emotions swirling through them his face hardened. He looked down and Syl, his gaze softened immediately. He ran a hand through her silky hair.

“Fenris...there’s more” Hawke paused, the elf looked at him “We uhm….we’re pretty sure the child is…” Fenris’s gaze intensified. “ I mean we aren’t certain but we think...oh maker this is terrifying.”

“Oh just spit it out Garrett!” he was losing his patience at Hawke’s ramblings

“We think the child is a mage….” Hawke sputtered out quicker than his brain could process what his mouth was saying.

“We aren’t certain, the lyrium’s interfering with things, and has magical properties itself. There’s no way to be certain at the moment” Anders tactfully finished. Fenris had closed his eyes, letting everything sink in.

“I…” he sighed “I never imagined I would have a family and now the one I have is gaining a new member” he said after a short while

“And if part of that family is a mage?”Hawke asked, cocking an eyebrow, Fenris shrugged

“Well…’ he paused, then with a slight smirk he continued “I am sure their uncle Hawke would be able to teach them how not to be an ass about it.” they all chuckled a bit. Anders and Varric left, Hawke continued to keep Fenris company.

“So...another kid huh? Look at you, the Broody asshole elf becoming a family man!”

“You know, in Tevinter, I never imagined….the thought never even crossed my mind that I could have a family. Slaves were not exactly welcome to think such things. But Syl...she changed everything for me. You know the first thought that went through my head when i saw her? Damn I want to know her, and the first thought when I kissed her, truly kissed her, you know just grabbing her with our arms around each other, I was hoping that someday I would marry her..” he smiled “You know I always thought this would happen the other way...us getting married first.”

“Oh? Were you planning on that?”

“Actually….yes… I had planned on it for a while...since Kirkwall...Now it seems things will be a little backwards, but nevertheless, I will marry her.” he smiled fondly and played with a strand of her hair

“Aww, Broody! You’re such a romantic, you must let me write about you!” Varric and Anders had come back with Leto in tow, trays of food in hand, “We thought you might be hungry”

“Uhg bite me dwarf” the four of them ate in silence, Anders checking Syl after. “So dwarf, did you bring cards?” Fenris took a sip of wine.

“Oh how you wound me Broody. You know there’s two things I always have on me, my lovely lady Bianca” he ran a hand over his crossbow “And a deck of cards” he grinned and dealt four hands, as Leto had fallen asleep on lounge in front of the fire.

************************************************

“HOLY SHIT! I DID IT!” Hawke all but yelled, immediately quieting down when Leto looked as if he would wake.

“By the maker, Hawke this may be your greatest accomplishment yet...and that’s saying something!” Anders laughed Varric groaned and slumped into his chair.

“Indeed...I would have to agree with Anders” Fenris gave a wicked grin “If it were not for my hand” he revealed his cards

“NO FUCKING WAY!!!” Varric bolted up from his chair, utter shock on his face. 

“Hahahaha oh this is the best day ever!” Hawke laughed and pointed at Varric, falling out of his chair as he did so, and then he suddenly sprung up onto his feet. “Ladies and Gentlemen, today is a day unlike any other! The Inquisitor and her trusty companions defeated that bastard Corypheus! But oh, that was not the greatest accomplishment of the day, oh no!” he waved a finger “This day will forever be known as the day that the suave talking,crossbow wielding, novel writing, roguishly handsome, sexy and chest hair flaunting dwarf, Varric Tethras, Master Author, the king of Wicked Grace was defeated at his own game! Not once, but twice! The dashing Champion of Kirkwall had a narrow lead over the beard fearing dwarf, but in the end it was the ex-slave, the truly mysterious, once a fog warrior, slaver killing, magical fisting, soon to be father of two, glowing and sexily broody elf, Fenris that took the lead over them both.” Hawke bowed with his final words “Thus this day shall forever be known in Thedas history as the day Varric sucked!” Fenris and Anders laughed while clapping, Anders giving a whistle, Varric clapped sarcastically. 

“I….I can’t believe it. This has never happened!”

“Tell me oh mighty one, how does losing feel?” Fenris chuckled

“My dignity hurts...and so does my pride…”

“Well those are two things I wasn’t sure you had!” Anders laughed

“I think we all know that Varric has both of those, It’s Garrett is lacking in both areas” Syl spoke with a crackled voice.

“Amatus, you’re awake” Fenris ran a hand through her hair, Syl managed a weak smile. 

“I know, I’m offended!” Hawke fake sniffled

“How are you feeling love?”

“A bit confused and sore...and in pain… My ribs are killing me...what, ah, what happened?” she managed to sit up with the help of Fenris.

“You gave us quite a scare back there Steel. You lost a lot of blood and collapsed...you nearly died, Anders was out of mana...if it weren’t fo-” Fenris swatted Hawke on the arm, 

“If it weren’t for what?” she tilted her head, and raised a brow at Fenris

“I..may have let Anders draw power from my markings…”

“YOU WHAT?!” She gave a raspy screech 

“Shhh,” he pointed to the lounge “You were dying, he needed mana...it was the only thing that could have been done. There is no way I was going to let you die.” he whispered, there was a brief moment of silence before Anders spoke

“There’s uh...something else too..” he trailed off, eyes shifting to Fenris.

“Ah yeah,” she looked down “I suppose it’s time to tell you, Fenris, I-”

“With child, yes I know love” He pulled her close

“We noticed while tending your wounds, the child is fine by the way. But I suggest no more corseted armor for a while yes?” Anders chimed in again, Hawke was opening his mouth to talk, but Varric interrupted. 

“C’mon, let’s leave them alone for the night, we’ll check on you in the morning yeah?” Varric grabbed Hawke and Anders and dragged them to the stairs.

“Fenris I-”

“Sylendra I love you”

“I love you too but, are you sure you’re alright?”

“Of course amatus. You know, I have always wanted a family. But I knew I could never have it as a slave...but now I walk as a free man, beside the most beautiful woman in all of Thedas who happens to be the mother of my children”

“Oh Fen….” she hugged him tighter

“There is ah..also one more thing you should probably know” 

“Oh?”

“Garrett and Anders...they think the child is a mage” Syl froze, the thought of what he would say next terrified her, he quickly reassured her that everything was okay “My response was something similar to Hawke teaching them to control it, like being able to sneeze without setting the house on fire.”

“Wait you...you’d actually be okay with that?” Syl asked, dumbfounded at what she was hearing, this was the man who hated mages with a passion, it took him years to warm up to the mages he’d been working with like Anders and Hawke even. And now, he is saying he’d be okay with the idea of his own child being a mage...he really was learning to see them differently. 

“Of course my love,I could never hate our child”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is going to be short and simple fluff but I promise you'll enjoy what comes after.


	9. Where Do We Go From Here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said, mostly fluff :)

*6 months later

“Fenris is going to kill me!” Syl ran a hand through her hair

“C’mon Steel, I think you’re overreacting”

“Varric that ring was his mother’s, if I’ve lost it he’ll never forgive me, where the hell could I have put it! I never take it off!”

“Did you leave it in the bar last night?”

“I don’t think so? Oh! Maybe the courtyard? I took all my rings off at one point yesterday when Dorian and I were having our spa day”

“Alright, shall we then?”

“Yes. Uhg, my back is killing me this morning” she stretched

“Yeah carrying a kid will do that to ya. Now c’mon, let’s go find that ring” he offered an arm to her and escorted her to the courtyard. He lead her to the hidden courtyard near the chantry. It was filled with people. Dorian, Bull, the chargers, Cassandra, Sera, and Leliana were all cheering on Dalish and Krem who were currently dueling. Blackwall and Josephine were playing chess. Anders and Morrigan were casting a variety of spells, talking about each of their preferred styles.Cole was sitting among the flowers and talking to the butterflies. Isabela was listening to Vivienne criticize her attire again. Hawke and Cullen were training each other, mage vs templar and how to avoid the other’s attacks. Fenris was standing in the gazebo, back facing them with Leto, who was leaning against the railing as he laughed.

“Did I miss something? Everyone is here, how the hell am I supposed to look for it now?”

“Well, I’m less conspicuous than you are at the moment, go, distract Fenris and I’ll look around.”

“Yeah alright….I’m going to pretend you didn’t just imply I’m a cow” She wandered over to the gazebo, before she could set foot into it Varric whistled, Syl glanced over her shoulder to see Hawke, Anders, and Dorian cast a spell at the gazebo, she turned back around to see a barrier fall. Revealing a gazebo decorated with hundreds of roses.

“What the-” she gasped. Fenris turned around, a loving smile on his face, his eyes warm. “Fen what…” everyone around her slowly went quiet.

“Sylendra, I love you, since the day we met I knew I wanted you in my life, that I needed you to be in my life for forever, or as long as you would have me. Which I am rather hoping you will have me that long...especially since we have a family.” he dropped to one knee, extending his hand out to her, holding the ring his mother had given him “Will you marry me Syl?” tears welled up in her eyes, her voice catching in her throat. She nodded her head.

“Yes...yes of course!” he slid the ring onto her finger and pulled her into a kiss in front of everyone, who was cheering, Leto stuck out his tongue. Varric casually waltzed over with a grin.

“Hey Steel...I found it” he pointed at her hand

“Dammit Varric, you knew didn’t you?”

“Ah correction dearest, they all knew” Fenris entangled his hand in hers. 

“You sneaky little elf” she kissed him

“GET A ROOOOOOOMMMM!” Bull called out with a cat call.

“Chief have you only got one eye or somethin?” Krem called after him, Bull laughed “They clearly already have!” Hawke high fived Krem, giggling like an idiot.

“Haha yes well...ehm...shall we head to the Herald’s rest? Flissa prepared quite the celebration”

*****************************************

“So another kid and a wedding, that’s going to be pretty spectacular” Hawke said, “How you handling everything?”

“Honestly Garrett, I’ve never been happier. I’m so excited.”

“Yeah me too, if you two, with all you’ve been through and all that’s been done to you, can find happiness, then I have faith I can too.” he trailed off at the end “Sorry about that…”

“Garrett don’t be sorry, you and Isabela, what she did, I thought she was past shit like that. I’m so sorry.” Syl placed a hand on his “It wasn’t fair to you...If you want I can kick her out of Skyhold…”

“Ha! As amusing as that would be it’s okay. It’s not your fault that she decided to sleep with several other people, Ah I see Varric is coming over, I’ll leave you two, I need a drink! Where’s Fenris, he likes drinking with me!” He sauntered off with a laugh

*************************

“Congrats Steel! Here I brought you a mug of cider.”

“Thanks Varric, for everything.” she nodded to Fenris who was at the bar with Hawke

“Hey no problem kid, I couldn’t not help him. After all, you two are part of the only family I got.” He gave her a smile

“Speaking of that, have you heard from Bianca since the Deep Roads incident?” 

“Nah, I don’t think I’ll hear from her for a while. She knows I’m furious with her.”

“VARRIC! C’mere! I’m making everyone take shots!” Hawke waved him over from a crowd of people, Fenris rolling his eyes at the ridiculous man.

“Haha go, I’ve got cider” she gave him a shove. Leto came over and took his place

“How are you feeling today?”

“My back hurts, but otherwise I’m fine dear.” she smiled “How did your day go? I didn’t see you much today.”

“It was great! I spent it training with The Iron Bull and the Chargers! He said with a bit more practice he’d accept me in a heartbeat!” he beamed with pride, Syl smiled as she listened to him describe all of the mock duels he had during the day.

*********************************************

“Can I get you a refill?” she turned to face the voice behind her

“Cullen! Hi.”

“Congratulations, on everything. I’m happy for you.” he handed her a new mug of cider

“Thank you Cullen, I appreciate it” she raised the mug to him

“Listen...I know things haven’t exactly been easy on us, but if you or Fenris need anything do not hesitate to ask.”

“Thank you that….that uh...it’s nice of you t-...”

“Sylendra are you alright?”

“I...did you...drug me?!”

“What?! NO!?” 

“I don’t...feel….” her knees gave out, but Cullen dropped his mug and and attempted to catch her as Leto did so successfully.

“FENRIS!” within seconds Fenris was taking her from Leto

“What happened?!” the elf had panic in his eyes

“I don’t know, she was talking and then she just fell, where the hell is Anders?” Cullen looked at them “Hawke!” he waved him over “Help them get her to my office, I’m going to find Anders.” Fenris and Hawke carefully lifted her up as Leto was pushing through towards the door. Syl's markings were pulsing

“Where the hell is that mage?!” Cullen muttered

“Oi Commander Grumpy, move!” Sera brushed past him with a tray

“Sera have you seen Anders?”

“Last I saw he was snogging the witch upstairs.”

Cullen raced up the stairs, no one to be seen. 

“Oh I swear to the maker they better not…” he opened the closet door to reveal Anders and Morrigan going at it “Ahem”

“Commander!” Morrigan gasped, flustered at the intrusion.

“Sorry to disturb you, but I need to borrow Anders’s healing abilities."

“Yes of course sir” Anders turned back to the woman in his arms and Cullen turned away to give them a moment of privacy “We are not done here, I’ll find you later my dear.” he bucked his hips into her, causing her gasp/moan. He smirked wickedly and turned to follow Cullen “Lead the way Commander”

*************************************

So she just collapsed?” Hawke asked

“Yeah, it’s strange..hopefully Anders can help her….” Fenris answered, a knowing look on his face.

“She’s in here” Cullen lead Anders in, who immediately went pale, looking at Fenris.

“How long has she been like this?!”

“About fifteen minutes…”

“Ah fuck...this can happen sometimes to mages who are pregnant….while she’s not a mage, the lyrium is severely affecting her."

“What does that mean?” Hawke asked, placing a hand on Fenris’s shoulder, Anders looked at him, it was Fenris who answered.

“I was afraid of this….it means she has to give birth now...or the child could be lost. We saw it frequently while we were slaves in Tevinter. The body is under too much stress at the moment, and the lyrium is not helping... it can force the body to shut down for a bit, reset in a way.” Fenris ran a hand through his hair

“Luckily she’s almost due, wake her, I will return.” Anders took off to get supplies

“Syl, sweetheart wake up.” he gently stroked her face, giving her a slight shake.

“Fenris...I...is everything okay?”

“Unfortunately no...do you remember our time in Tevinter? I…”he sighed, taking her hand.

***************************** (Next Day)

“Knock knock” Hawke and Varric walked up the stairs to meet Fenris at the top “We brought breakfast”

“Thank you” Fenris took a sip of tea Varric handed him

“How is she?” Hawke nodded towards Syl. Fenris smiled, practically beaming with happiness.

“She’s well”

"Easy elf, you smile anymore and your face might crack" Varric nudged him playfully

“Would you two like to come say hello?” Syl smiled at them, they walked over, Fenris climbing in bed next to her, Leto in between them, Varric dragging over a stool and Hawke climbing on the foot of the bed between them.

“Well isn’t she a beauty, I tell you what, you two make pretty kids” Varric looked at the bundle in Syl’s arms

“Do you have a name yet?” Hawke asked, playing with the child’s hand “Oh her fingers are just so bitty!” he giggled

“Larethia” Leto replied 

“That’s beautiful”

“It was my mother’s name...I never knew her, but I know she died a hero, and I wanted her name to live on.” she smiled softly at Larethia

“She has a middle name as well” Fenris looked up at Hawke

“Oh? Why are you looking at me like that? Hawke gave him a puzzled look

“Her middle name is Bethany...as in Bethany Hawke”

“I...I….um….why? I mean it’s very kind of you….but why?” he stammered 

“Garrett do you remember the first time you told me about your sister?” Fenris asked, Hawke nodded, “I am surprised, you were quite drunk, anyway the reason you were telling me about her was because Anders had just told you that the likelihood of you having children would be slim, and that being Champion took a toll on you, one you did not expect. You told me that when all of that was over you wanted to settle down, have a family, and that your first daughter would be named Bethany, after your sister. The thought of never being able to do that, to have a family, to give your sister her namesake, it tore you apart. Garrett you were wasted for about two and a half weeks straight. So we did it for you….and hell with a name like that we know she will turn out just fine as a mage, she is named after a Hawke after all.” Hawke was rendered speechless at Fenris’s words

“Thank you….it...it means more than you know” he hugged both of them

“You know what thought just occurred to me? When are you two getting married?” Varric asked

“Haha one thing at a time dwarf”

******************************* 3 months later

The fall had passed and winter had come around, the snow was falling at a rapid pace.

“Is the blushing bride awake?” Morrigan called out as she got to the top of the stairs, Cassandra and Dorian right behind her.

“Yes, I’m just finishing my bath! I’ll be out in a minute”

“Oh I can’t wait! She’s going to look fabulous!” Dorian started looking through the bag Cassandra had laid on the bed. 

“It is indeed gorgeous, she’s going to blow him away” Cassandra sighed

“I always do” Syl winked as she walked towards them. “Well, doll me up!” she smiled, Dorian almost exploded with glee. Cassandra pulled the dress out and helped her step into it along with Morrigan’s help.This gown was custom made for her, a tight fit corset around her torso, mildly flaring out at the hips, the entire gown was made of white lace, subtle light blue crystals throughout. It had off the shoulder sleeves that went all the way down to her wrists. She looked stunning.

“Syl...you look...oh what’s the word? Stunning? Gorgeous? Astonishing? Radiant? Almost as pretty as me?” Dorian clapped his hands together. “Alright take a seat, let’s get your hair and makeup done!” He started pulling her hair half up away from her face, pinning it in place, placing delicate braids throughout it. All while Morrigan fixed her makeup, a mix of charcoal grey and black for her eyes, a deep red for her lips. Cassandra pinned her veil into her hair after Dorian was finished with it. She stood up and walked in front of the mirror, gasping at her reflection, the long train of her dress being fluffed by Cassandra. 

“Well, how do I look?” she asked, butterflies in her stomach, she was both excited and nervous as all hell. 

“Maker, his jaw is going to hit the floor” Hawke had just jogged up the stairs, a bouquet of roses in his hand. “Are you ready?” she nodded and took his arm, he escorted her to the courtyard where Fenris had proposed. Dorian, Morrigan and Cassandra went in ahead of them and took their seats. “Alright, you ready?” 

“More than ever.” she smiled. He nodded and held the door open for her and walked her through the doorway into the garden. Fenris was standing just outside the gazebo, Leto holding Larethia standing by his side, with Varric next to him. Mother Giselle on his other side. Hawke walked her down the aisle toward Fenris, who looked as if he was about to cry. When they reached him Hawke handed her off to him, Fenris smiled, kissing her hand.

“You are beautiful”

“As you are handsome” he had dressed in a black long coat with a navy silk tunic. His black trousers tucked into his dark leather boots. His hair was slightly slicked back into a pompadour style, anyone would easily swoon seeing him out in the city. 

“On this wintry day we have gathered….”

*****************************************

“Do you take Sylendra Hellbane as your lawful wife?”

“I do” Fenris squeezed her hands

“And do you take Fenris ...ah I’m sorry serah, your last name?” Mother Giselle looked at him. Syl was slightly taken aback, the thought had never occurred to her, but apparently Fenris had given it some thought without telling her. 

“I do not have one, so I was going to take hers.” He gave Syl an amused smirk, she looked utterly amazed at his words, she just smiled and nodded.

“Do you take Fenris, soon to be Hellbane, as your lawful husband?”

“I do” she beamed

“Then I now pronounce you husband and wife and you may seal the bond with a kiss.”

Fenris eagerly wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into a kiss, slightly dipping her down. Everyone watching cheered and clapped, Hawke and Bull whistling obnoxiously.

**************************

“ I would like to make a toast!” Hawke raised his glass, gathering the attention of everyone in the main hall “Many years ago, I met these two crazy elves. Both of them very different than they are now, I mean Fenris could hardly look me in the eye haha. The first time I met him he was ripping out someone’s heart. Though ripping out hearts is not the only thing Fenris can do, he can also steal them. As he- stop giving me that look Varric you love my puns- as he stole Sylendra’s heart, not before she stole his though. We found Syl out on the wounded coast, and I believe that she unknowingly stole his heart the second he laid eyes on her. And they’ve been together ever since.” Everyone clapped, Varric, Krem, Leto, Fenris, and Dorian gave him playful boos.

“Hawke no offense but that sucked!” Varric laughed

“Oh yeah? Then you do better!” Hawke sat down next to Fenris who gave him a pat on the back.

“Right, here we go… Fenris and Syl, I’m an author and I’ve never heard a better love story. The amount of shit the world has thrown at them and somehow they still managed to end up together. She’s the bloody Hero, both of them are escaped and freed slaves. Hell he hunted down an entire slaver ring, to protect her. And while he went from one end of the world to the other she waited for him, hell she tried to find him. If that’s not love I don’t know what is I don’t know what gods you believe in, but all of them have been working their asses off to get these two together and keep them there. And quite frankly, I’ve never heard a better love story than theirs. And to that, I ask you all you raise your glass and drink, To the Hellbanes!” Varric raised his glass with a smile and took a sip, as he was walking back to his seat her put a hand on Hawke’s shoulder, nodding toward Syl and Fenris who had huge smiles on their face, “That my dear Champion, is how you make a toast.”

**************************************************(4 years later)

“Larethia! Larethia where are you?” Syl called out “Ugh where is she?” She wandered out into the courtyard looking for her daughter. 

“Alright Forest, what have we learned?” Varric’s voice was loud enough to be heard from across the courtyard, a small girl standing in front of him. Grinning with her emerald eyes trained on his hands, her long dark red, almost black hair swirling around her in the wind.

“That light fingers are the key to everything.” she giggled 

“That’s right. Now if you-”

“Varric are you teaching my daughter to pickpocket?” Syl tilted her head, her hand on her hip. 

“Ha! Of course not, pick locks, yes. But pick pockets, no. Never….not yet anyway…” Larethia giggled at him, stuffing lockpicks in her pockets. Syl rolled her eyes

“Well your lesson will have to be cut short, Garrett is waiting for you dear”

“Okay, bye Uncle Varric!” Larethia waved and dashed across the courtyard, jumping onto Hawke’s back

“Andraste’s ass you elves are weird...she’s what, four? And already functioning and looking like a twelve year old.” Varric rubbed the back of his neck “How are her lessons with Hawke going?”

“Yeah we age differently, remember, Leto was her age when you met him...just taller like Fenris. And really well, he’s taught her an unbelievable amount of control, it’s amazing.” 

“How’s Broody doing? You know with the whole ‘my kid is the thing I hate’ thing”

“Honestly I think most of the time he forgets, she’s just so sweet, it distracts him. I think he’s genuinely okay with it though, because Hawke and Morrigan are teaching her….and we’re keeping Anders, and definitely Merrill away from her at the moment as far as magic goes. And I think you are forgetting something Varric, I hate mages almost as much as Fenris.” she gave him a sly smile with a raised brow.

“INQUISITOR!” Cullen came running down the steps from the battlements panting “We’ve received word from the Winter Palace, The Exalted Council meetings have been approved, we must leave at once. Their intentions are worse than we feared, they want to end the Inquisition, they say we're no longer needed and pose a threat.”

“Lovely. We’ll leave tonight, will midnight give us enough time to prepare?”

“It should yes, I’ll inform the rest to start preparing immediately.” 

“Great….back to Orlais, because that’s where I wanted to go on my vacation.” Varric muttered

“Larethia! Hawke! We have to go to Orlais, tonight. Come on Lare, let’s go pack.” Syl waved her daughter over and Hawke saluted her and took off towards his quarters. “Meet your father and I in the main hall when you’re done packing. We’ll be gone for a while.” Larethia nodded and headed to her room and Syl went up to her and Fenris’s room.

“Fen, are you up here?” she ran a hand through her hair, there was a rustling in the closet.

“Yes love, gathering our armor. I know it will only be fancy peace talks, but I would rather us be prepared….it is a bunch of Orlesians after all. Oh and there’s a letter from Leto on the desk, Alistair is sending him as an ambassador, so he will be waiting for us to get there.”

“I couldn’t agree more. And that’s wonderful!”

“Are you ready to do this? The talks?”

“I guess… I don’t know...we’ll see when we get there” Fenris smiled at her 

“You will be fine dear, you always figure it out” he handed her one of her bags “Everything is already packed. Also, Leliana wanted to meet you in the War Room” 

“Thank you. Oh I swear, her and her bloody meetings….shall we?”

********************

“Where is Larethia?”

“I told her to meet us here, but she couldn’t have missed us” Syl looked and Fenris and Hawke.

“Last I saw her she was in the garden” Hawke mumbled through the apple he was chewing on.

“I got it” Fenris held a hand to Syl and started off to the garden courtyard. He looked around but there was no one to be found. A flickering light coming from a half open door across the way caught his eye, he meandered over to hear two faint voices. He leaned in the doorway as to not interrupt the sight in front of him. Cullen knelt before the statue of Andraste, hands rested on his one raised knee, his head down, praying. Next to him Larethia mimicked his posture, both of their voices echoing through empty room.

“Blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter. Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just. Blessed are the righteous, the lights in the shadow. In their blood the maker’s will is written.” Cullen raised his head.

“Let’s get you to the main hall, we’ll be leaving soon, and I’d hate for your mother to worry.” He stood and offered a hand to help her up, he turned his head to the door and a brief look of fear came across his face “Ah I see it was not your mother I need worry about.”

“Hi dad! I looked for you and mom and uncle Varric said you were in a War Meeting so I came here.” She exclaimed

“That is fine dear, better here than that boring meeting. Do you have your bags? We are ready to leave” She nodded “Alright, your mother is in the main hall with Garrett.”

“See you later Uncle Cullen!” she smiled and took off running. Cullen’s eyes went wide and Fenris raised a brow while laughing a bit.

“Well, UNCLE Cullen, shall we also head to the main hall?” 

“I uh..well that’s news to me” Cullen looked surprised, Fenris shrugged.

“ Shall we? I would hate to piss off the council by being late to our own meeting.” The two men headed back to the main hall. Fenris internally laughed at what had happened. Over the past few years a lot had changed for Cullen, mostly more recently. He’d been struggling with his lyrium addiction for a while and still having to occasionally take it as the withdrawals would start to kill him. He spiraled into a brief period of alcoholism and then quit it cold turkey one day. Fenris was glad to see him returning to semi normal, however a thought popped into his head.

“Cullen, was that the first time she came to pray with you?” Fenris paused his steps and turned around to face him.

“Eh no..she’s been joining me for about a year now.” Fenris looked surprised

“Really? She has never mentioned it.” Cullen nodded 

“She’s ah, she’s actually the reason I’m still here” he looked down, ashamed “About a year ago I’m sure you noticed my withdrawals and drinking problem. I was stumbling back to my quarters, not in a good place...ready to kill myself actually. I had collapsed on the battlements right outside my office and Larethia found me. She uh...she’s quite good at healing magic you know, she’d put Anders to shame. Anyway she basically relieved all my pain and suffering, she told me everything would be alright as long as I let it make me stronger, rather than weaker and giving up. She followed me when I went to pray that night. I decided to turn myself around, if a child can see the best in someone while they’re at their absolute worst...well it made me want to be a better example, for everyone.” Fenris nodded and was in a bit of disbelief

“Why did you not tell anyone...that you were” he waved his hand “You know”

“Who would I have turned to? After Corypheus most everyone went their separate ways. And look who stayed, I wouldn’t go to Hawke, or you. And who am I left with? My “ex” who never actually cared for me. As I saw it no one would have missed me much, yet somehow I’m still here.” he rubbed the back of his neck

“You know Syl would have helped you, she does care about you, just not in the way you may think.”

“I doubt it, she’s no reason to trust or help me.”

“Talk to her some time. Do not forget she went through withdrawals too, as did Alistair, and they are both fine now. She would be able to help if you let her. Come, we should get going.” Fenris turned to the door. They met with the others in the main courtyard. They were only taking two wagons this time. Leliana, Josephine and the personal guard would be on the first one. Syl, Fenris, Larethia, Cullen, Varric, and Hawke were on the second. Once everyone was settled they set off to Orlais

********************************

“What’s so funny dwarf?” Fenris raised a brow at Varric who was sitting there smirking.

“Nothing...it’s just...sitting here with you lot, you two married and with kids. Remember when Hawke and I first met you? What an eventful few days.” he pulled out a book and smiled

****************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the next few chapters might take me a bit to upload, I may or may not have it all typed as one that desperately needs to be divided *nervous laughter* Anywho not gonna lie, the next few are my favourite and I'm sure you'll be able to tell I REALLY enjoyed writing them :)


	10. A Long Time Ago In A Kirkwall Not So Far Away...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hello again my lovely readers, you following along so far? That Inquisition was messy business, and you all know how I got there, that was our lovely Seeker's doing. And of course you know how Syl got dragged into that mess too, accidentally crashing the conclave, and Fenris would only naturally follow her. Let me tell you, I was relived to see her again, her and I been through a lot together...a lot...allow me to tell you the story of how we all met. It all started back home, the lovely hellhole that is Kirkwall..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I decided to divide it up by act, but they're still long ass chapters, sorry.... I hope you enjoy :)

“Did...did he just?”

“Rip out a guy’s heart out of his chest with his hand? Why yes Hawke, yes he did.” Varric put Bianca on his back.

“My apologies for that, I did not intend to frighten you. When I asked Anso for a distraction I had no idea there would be so many.” the white haired elf spoke with a deep velvety voice

“Ah no worries, it’s just another Tuesday” Hawke wiped blood off his chestplate. 

“It’s Thursday Hawke…”

“Shut up Varric. So-” he waved off the dwarf

“If I may, what was in the chest? The elf asked again

“Nothing, it was empty” Hawke eyed him, noting the elf’s disappointment.

“I suppose it was too much to hope for.” The elf ran a gauntleted hand through his hair, sighing in frustration before removing a pouch from his belt. “Here, I owe you a payment. It is not much, but it is the least I can do considering.” Hawke waved his hand away

“Keep it, I’m glad to help when it’s needed.” The elf looked surprised, then refastened the pouch.

“That’s very generous of you. Perhaps you would be willing to help me further?”

“Depends, does it involve killing more slavers?” Hawke grinned as he tapped the body in front of him with his foot

“I see you caught that. My former master has been sending them after me for a couple years now.”

“I don’t know anyone who would go through that much trouble for one person.” Varric raised a brow

“I am no ordinary person, as these markings are pure lyrium. I was an experiment of sorts...his favorite, he is not as invested in me, as much as he is interested in my skin. And I believe he will be at his estate here in Kirkwall. I would have him dead.” the elf ground his teeth, Aveline and Carver tensed up, shifting to a more defensive stance. Hawke looked at Varric who nodded. 

“Alright we’re in. On one condition, you tell me your name.” Hawke smirked

“Fenris”

“Garrett Hawke” he extended a leather gloved hand and Fenris hesitantly shook it. “Lead the way serah.”

**********2 hours later outside the mansion

“I am sorry to have wasted your time. I no longer require your help. You may go.” Fenris said flatly with his back to them

“What? That’s it? You didn’t actually find the bastard, we could help you-”

“I have been running from mages and yet I seem to have found myself in the company of another. Do not deny it!” Fenris turned around a scowl on his stony face, his voice sharp with disgust. “Magic is a stain in my very soul….I will have none of your help.”

“Ooooh I’m a big scary mage! I haven’t hurt you so why do you care?” Hawke mildly bit back

“Magic and mages are evil. Even if not at first, they always turn to blood, to demons anything for more power.Tell me mage, what sorts of sadistic power do you seek?” his voice stinging Hawke with every word

“Does the ability to go back in time and not be born a mage count as sadistic?” Fenris rolled his eyes and started ranting in tevene before being cut off by Hawke “Alright look here” Hawke jabbed a finger at the elf before him “You were happy to accept my help earlier before you knew I was a mage, I am still a decent human being despite this bloody curse I carry! I understand your master was an arrogant dick of a magister. But I am not like them. Nor will I ever be like them. Now suck it up and deal with the fact that a mage is offering you help to kill the bastard that fucked you up.” Hawke all but growled at the elf standing in front of him. Fenris stood there, shocked. Hawke turned to the rest of the group “Drinks?” they nodded and followed him towards The Hanged Man.

“Congrats elf, you’re officially one of us now. Hopefully you don’t mind a little danger. C’mon, I’ll buy you a drink.” Varric gave Fenris a pat on the back.

“Don’t touch me dwarf!” Fenris snapped

“Oh yeah, you’ll fit right in with this merry band of misfits” Varric smiled and motioned for the elf to follow. Which he did, without being sure as to why.

**The next morning***

“Fenris, you in here?” Hawke called from the main room of the dreary mansion. 

“Do people in Kirkwall know how to knock?” Fenris grumbled bitterly walking from the room he slept in.

“I believe so yes”

“Then why did you not?” the elf glared at the mage before him

“I’m from Ferelden?” Hawke shrugged with a smirk

“Is there something you need? Or are you just here to annoy me this morning?” Fenris snapped

“Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning…..or is hungover” Varric said walking in.

“Seriously, why does nobody knock?” Fenris was getting irritated, as the dwarf pointed out he was indeed hungover. 

“Yeah Varric! As my good man Fenris and I have just discussed people in Kirkwall know how to knock.” Hawke teased

“I’m technically from Orzammar?” he gave a shrug, Fenris rolled his eyes, resting a hand on his brow, covering them in annoyance.

“Will one of you PLEASE tell me why you are here so fucking early on the morning or just get out so I can go back to sleep.” he growled at the men intruding 

“Ah right! I have a job for us!” Hawke exclaimed

“A job?”

“Yes”

“Explain”

“We’ve been hired to clear out some bandits along the Wounded Coast...or perhaps it was Head Trauma Bay…” he shook his head “The pay is good, we’ll split it equal fifths. You in?”

“Fine.” Fenris swung his greatsword onto his back as he walked down the stairs to them.

“Did you sleep in your armor?” Varric asked, Fenris glanced at him as he followed Hawke.

“I am an escaped slave who has the largest most dangerous slaver ring hunting me down. What do you think?”

“Huh...makes sense I guess. Look if this is where you’re staying remind me to rig a few traps for you.” They walked out in the blaring sunlight, headed through the market towards the gate, Fenris’s head was pounding.

“Hawke, you said equal fifths...there is only three of us.”

“How very observant of you my elven friend. The last two are meeting us-”

“Here” a silky accented voice came from behind them. Fenris turned around to see Isabela, whom he had briefly met the night before.

“She is coming with?” he asked

“Aw what’s the matter, don’t want little ol me to interrupt you boys? Don’t worry you’ll hardly know I’m here” She stuck her chest out and sauntered over to Hawke who greeted her with a smile. “That is if you can keep your eyes off me” she smirked

“As if she’d stay out of the center of attention” Carver muttered as he appeared next to Fenris

“Right then, one beautiful crossbow, one smartass, an angsty younger brother, a sex crazed pirate, and a broody elf. Gang’s all here, let’s get moving Hawke.”

“Ah correction Varric, two, two smartasses” Hawke grinned and headed out toward the mountain, Varric rolled his eyes.

“I am surrounded by idiots…” Fenris muttered, Carver chuckled in agreement

************************

They cleared out the bandits and were now looking for a place to camp for the night. And that’s when they found her.

“Is she dead?” Isabela gently nudged the woman lying amongst the grass.

“Rivani! Don’t kick her! I don’t think she’s dead, but I’d say she isn’t here by choice. It looks as if she collapsed and rolled down the hillside.” Varric noted irregularly matted down trail of grass leading to her. 

“We should bring her back with us, it’s not exactly safe out here” Hawke said while moving the hood away from her face. Revealing waves of crimson hair, her porcelain face standing out in the moonlight. “Huh, she’s elvhen.” Hawke gestured to her ears. He couldn’t help but think he’d seen her before a long time ago...he shook the impossible thought from his head.

“Where do we take her? There’s hardly space at your uncle’s. Rivani and I live at a bloody tavern and-” Varric was cut off much to everyone’s surprise. 

“The mansion. There is plenty of space.” Fenris suggested. 

“Are you sure?” Hawke tilted his head

“Of course” Fenris knelt down and scooped her up with such grace, as if she weighed nothing.

“Ooh tall, handsome, AND strong? Sign me up” Isabela eyed him up and down while picking up the woman’s bags.

“Save it whore. Not going to happen.”

“You wound me” she pouted

Fenris looked down at the woman in his arms, she was breathtakingly beautiful. Her hair was like silken blood, a deep rich burgundy. Her face was smooth and pale as the moon except for a tiny scar on the outer edge of her right eyebrow. He could only imagine her eyes, he wondered what color they would be, perhaps green like his own? Possibly amber like Varric. Or maybe a rich brown like Hawke and Isabela. Maybe even blue like Carver’s. He couldn’t place why, but he knew that he wanted to know this girl. To know her story...and perhaps share his own. He paused his steps momentarily as the shock of what he just thought sank in. He’s never been that comfortable with someone, why was he thinking this now about a strange woman who lay unconscious in his arms?

***************************************************

“Any indication as to who she is or where she’s from?” Hawke said, lightly tapping the door as he came in, setting down a tray of food he brought up from Fenris’s kitchen. 

“Well she’s an elf and I’m guessing she’s come from a place with other elves, and he’s behind you not in here” Varric mumbled half awake in the chair he was sprawled out in, acknowledging his shenanigans. 

“Varric I hope that was not supposed to be helpful” Fenris muttered walking in after Hawke and leaned in the doorway with a glass of wine. Not even ten minutes later of their idle chatting did the woman in question shoot straight up, gasping with fear in her eyes.

“No! No no...how did I-” she turned to the three men “You...you’re not…” before she could finish the thought she collapsed again, sleep taking her.

“Well that was odd” Hawke rubbed the back of his neck “Wonder what she was afraid of?”

“I got nothing, Broody how bout you? Broody you okay?”

“I..ehm...yes I am fine...I know that look...that feeling she had...she woke up thinking she was in Tevinter” he waved his hand over the room referencing the decor “She may have been running away from the same group of slavers that was after me, they tend to take whoever they can get their hands on.” They all looked back to her, hoping for her sake he was wrong. He did know one thing for sure though, she has the most beautiful steely grey eyes he’s ever seen.

*************2 days later***************

Two days had passed and Fenris had started to worry a bit since the mystery woman was still asleep. He was sitting in the oversized armchair in the room with a bottle of wine and plate of bread and cheese. He sat there a while thumbing the label on the bottle that started to peel. Eventually he started to doze off, he was awoken to the woman tossing and turning. He moved closer to see she had broken out in a fever, he grabbed a towel and soaked it in cool water and placed it on her forehead. 

“Since when did you become a nurse?” Hawke spoke quietly from the doorway, lightly tapping the door again. 

“Since I have been tortured, beaten, and broken and had to fix myself.”

“Must everything come to such a dark twist?” Fenris shrugged at his words. The woman started to stir and he took a step back. She winced as she propped herself up on her elbows.

“Well looks like Steel is awake.” Varric stepped into the room with a new bottle of wine. Hawke and the woman looked at him with confusion “Eyes.” was all he said in response 

“Who are you people? Not that I’m ungrateful to be inside and seemingly safe, it’s just...last I remember I was on the Wounded Coast .” her voice was cracking, Fenris handed her a glass of water from the pitcher on the table and she nodded her thanks.

“Ah allow me to introduce us m’lady, I am Varric Tethras, dashing rogue and renowned author. This bearded gentleman with a strip of red paint on his face is Garrett Hawke, just Hawke to most.He’s kinda important..well to about six people. And this broodishly handsome elf is Fenris, he’s well..let’s just say he’s a runaway from Tevinter. We are at your service” Varric bowed

“I think just names would have sufficed for now dwarf” Fenris muttered 

“Welcome to Kirkwall, I'm sorry you're here but enjoy your stay, may we ask who you are?” Varric asked. A brief look of panic flickered through her eyes.

“Oh um...Vermethys...Vermethys Lavallen. I’m, well, well also a runaway.”

“From your clan? I’ve heard of the Lavallens.”

“Yes, something like that” She looked down trying to avoid their eyes, she couldn’t afford for them to know she was lying. Varric looked outside “So this is Kirkwall huh...well at least I got where I wanted to go, thank you for not leaving me out there.”

“Don’t mention it” Hawke waved her off 

“Ah Hawke we gotta go, Lirene is waiting. Fenris, you good?” Fenris nodded. The two men left them alone. 

“How are you feeling? You started to burn up earlier.” He sat down on the edge of the bed. He didn’t know why but he felt comfortable enough to sit near her.

“Sort of? It’s...a long story.” She reached for her bag, he beat her to it and handed it to her “Thank you. I uh, was recently sick and I’m still taking a tonic for it. She tossed back a vial of shimmering blue and stuffed it back into her bag. “So you were from Tevinter? Were you a slave?” she asked nonchalantly

“Yes” he gritted his teeth

“I...I’m so sorry. You seem a good man. It’s horrible to imagine you there.”

“Have you been?” he stared at her, his anger immediately diminishing when he realized she’d actually been there and wasn’t just saying things out of pity

“Yeah, it’s beautiful area. Minus all the corruption, mages and slavery. The artwork is particularly lovely.” she looked down. Fenris looked at her, amazed at what he was hearing.

“Why-”

“I don’t really want to talk about it. Not yet anyway. It’s...well another long story. Perhaps when I get to know you better.” She smiled

“Planning on sticking around are you?” he raised a brow, her cheeks reddened 

“Well...I…” she sighed “I was awake for a bit yesterday, during your conversation with Hawke. He mentioned, and I quote, ‘let’s have her join our merry band of misfits as well!’ to which you coughed and the dwarf laughed but agreed. If it was a serious offer I wouldn’t mind. As I just got to this city and don’t really have anything else to do.... I'm definitely able to earn my keep” she smiled

“Ha! Careful what you say, I have been with them for all of three days and it has been quite an adventure.” Fenris smirked

“You seem like good people”

“We could also be raving lunatics…” he raised a brow

“Who’s to say I’m not?” she matched his expression and he gave a low chuckle

“Oi! Broody you still up?!” Varric called from downstairs, Fenris rolled his eyes

“That depends on what you want dwarf”

“We gotta go to Darktown...at this time of night, get your sword and let’s go! I’m sure Steel will be fine without you for a couple hours. Leave a note or something! C’mon let’s go!” Fenris mildly cringed at his words, leave a note, what a joke. He started to get up when Syl shifted to move as well. 

“Mind if I tag along? I could use some fresh air” she retrieved two daggers from her bag.

“Of course, though I am not sure how fresh the air in Darktown is.” he motioned for her to exit the room first. “Et pulcherrima mortiferum….” _(Beautiful and deadly)_ Fenris muttered to himself as she walked past, noticing her smile as if she understood him.

“Broody come on- oh! You’re up and coming too?” she nodded

“Indeed I am”

“Ha! Hawke is going to be thrilled, as he was just whining about how ‘our group doesn’t have enough girls’ and ‘Yes Varric I know we have two but those are both Isabela. Aveline doesn’t count” she gave a small laugh, she liked the funny dwarf. And she had a feeling that she would fit right in here. They exited the mansion to meet up with Hawke and Isabela who were currently mocking the nobles from a distance. Syl leaned over to Fenris

“Based on his speech I’m guessing that’s Isabela?” Fenris gave a slight snort of a laugh and nodded, though the closer they got she realized it was the same Isabela she’d briefly run into with Alistair.

“Our team has been reinforced...with Steel!...ha! I’ve been waiting on that one.” Varric snickered

“Varric what are you-oh! I assume you’ve been given the welcome speech? And signed the contract?” Hawke paused “Nah I’m just fucking with you! It’s good to have you along, and I’m glad you’re okay….ah one thing...your thought on mages?” she stiffened a bit as she realized he was the presence she was feeling, she really didn’t want to tell them about her being a templar at that very moment, so she didn’t.

“I’m not exactly a fan” she said flatly, noticing him looking down, slightly ashamed. “But, as long as you don’t light me on fire or anything I’ll play nice” she grinned a devious smirk. Hawke smiled back and nodded, letting out a sigh of relief. 

The walk to Darktown wasn’t too bad, it was just the people who lurked in Darktown that were the problem. They would rob you blind if you weren’t careful, luckily there being five of them scared most away, if their number didn’t Fenris sure did. When they arrived at the clinic Syl tensed up, she could feel it, another mage, and a powerful one...one that felt familiar yet different... Fenris caught her eyes and raised a brow, she mouthed the word mage and he tensed up as well nodding. He unbound his great-sword from his back and rested it on his shoulder, hand on the grip. As Hawke was opening the door a thought occurred to Fenris, how did she know? The door opened and a robed figure spun around, eyes glowing blue, lightning crackling at his fingertips out of instinct. Varric and Fenris put themselves in front of Syl and Isabela, and Hawke stood in front of everyone with his hands up.

“I have made this a sanctum of healing and salvation, why do you threaten it?” Syl stared at the man speaking, it had been so long...

“Woah hey easy! Not here to attack you!” the robed man shook his head and reopened his eyes, they were back to their normal brown. 

“I’m sorry about that, I can’t really control instinct.” the man gave a timid laugh

“Are you Anders?” Hawke said

“Yes...whatever you’ve heard it’s not true?” Anders rubbed the back of his neck and Hawke crossed his arms “Alright yes, I escaped the circle and I’m a Grey Warden, and a healer.”   


“And a demon” Fenris muttered

“Spirit actually...Justice. Now can I ask why the five of you have burst through the doors of my clinic when clearly don’t need a healer?” Syl froze, Justice? 

Hawke, Varric, and Anders conversed about maps and Syl zoned out. How the hell was Anders here in Kirkwall, last she saw him….she shook her head. Last she saw him he was still just him...and Justice was something else…. The fact that he didn’t recognize her was baffling though, Isabela too for that matter, though she had only seen Isabela once when she was hunting someone down. Then again her hair was still tainted black at the time and now it was her natural color, and a lot longer. She tuned back into the conversation as Hawke had agreed to help Anders free his friend from the circle the next night. 

“Alright we got our maps and another new friend! Drinks?” Hawke raised a handful of scrolls in the air as they made their way to The Hanged Man.

As they drank that night different thoughts popped into all their heads, however no matter how they started, they all ended the same. _I belong here….I belong with these people..._

****************

Slowly they all filtered out of Varric’s suite for the night. Hawke carried a drunken Carver back to their uncle’s house and Varric and Isabela walked Anders back to Darktown on account of the templars patrolling the streets. Fenris lead Syl back to the mansion he was staying at and began stoking the fire when they arrived. He glanced over to Syl who appeared to be packing.

“If I may, what are you doing?” he raised a brow, standing up from in front of the fire, starting to take his gauntlets off. 

“Packing?” she gave him a puzzled look

“Decided not to join us after all?”

“Hm? No I’m not leaving, I was just getting my things, I have enough coin on me to rent a room at the Hanged Man for a couple weeks according to the barkeep.” She started to pick up her bags

“You are more than welcome to stay here if you would like.” his deep voice sifted to a slightly warmer tone than normal, giving her butterflies in her stomach

“Really?”

“Of course. While it may be a bit run down, this place is still nicer than that bar.”

“That’s true.” She set her bags down and sat on the edge of the bed

“And I cannot imagine you staying there.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“A fine woman such as you staying in that tavern full of drunken idiots all by yourself? Forgive me for saying this but I have been in this city for about a week and can already say with certainty that will not be pleasant for you.” he started working at his chest-plate. 

“While that’s a kind sentiment, I can handle myself”

“I am not denying that, but my point is still valid”

“Oh? Well then are you also concerned about Isabela? She’s a lovely woman staying in the tavern all by herself.”

“No.” he set his chest-plate down next to his gauntlets and pauldrons, leaving himself in only his tunic and pants. He realized this was the first time he had taken off all his armor since he’d been here and it felt wondrous.

“Why not? Why just me then?” he could hear the growing irritation in her voice and he rolled his eyes, mildly amused. He started walking over to her

“She is a whore. You do not strike me as such.” he stopped just in front of her and leaned over so their faces were at an even level and looked into her steely eyes “She is also not a beautiful elf woman who most of those men in the bar earlier were looking at like she was a piece of meat for the taking.” She thought back to the unwanted stares as they were walking through the bar to Varric’s suite earlier, and how Fenris had ever so subtly pulled her in front of him, with Carver right at his side. “ Of course you are more than welcome to take your chances if you do not believe me” he smirked at her and stood back upright, picking up her bags and walking into the hall. Syl sat there for a moment before following him. He was standing in the doorway of the room next to his that he had cleaned up for her the day before.

“I think I will take you up on that offer” she smiled, he nodded and stepped further into the room, setting her bags on the table and walked out “Gratias tibi Fenris, ago pro omnem” _(Thank you Fenris, for everything.)_ he turned on his heels, looking at her, completely stunned. She smiled at him and he felt a smile creep onto his own face, he looked down shaking his head, and then back up at her.

“Satyricon ferro” _(Good night Steel)_ he smiled at her and closed the door behind him, he paused for a moment with his back resting on the door. He liked this girl, and he hoped she stayed around for a while, for at least as long as he stayed anyway. He shook his head and returned to his room, turning in for the night.

******************************

“Fenris how are you not cold?” he gave her an amused look as she pulled her scarf over her mouth and nose. "Don't get me wrong, I love the cold, but you've got to be freezing!"

“Well for a start these help” he flashed his brands “And who said I was not cold?” he looked up at the snowy sky frowning, he really didn’t like the cold, but old habits are hard to shake. “Besides, I am used to it. Danarius never permitted us to complain if we were cold or hot” he shrugged “I have adapted” 

“Alright that’s it, come on.” she grabbed his hand and started dragging him towards the Lowtown Bazar, he tried to pull his hand away before he realized she wasn’t even touching him, he looked at their hands in confusion, she had taken enough care to not touch his skin at all, she grabbed him by the back of his hand on his gauntlet. He looked at her, thinking it was strange for her to do. She looked back over her shoulder at him, noticing his puzzled look, then glanced at their hands. 

“What?” she slowed her pace and fell back to walk next to him, releasing his hand.

“The way you grabbed me was...strange…” she shrugged

“I know you don’t like people touching you, I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” he looked at her and then let out a low chuckle “What? What did I say?” he shook his head

“You know as far as I remember, I do not think anyone has ever cared for my comfort….. It is refreshing.” his velvety voice was still laced with amusement. She stopped outside a clothing shop and motioned for him to follow her inside.    


“Well you know I try to not be an ass to my friends” she rolled her eyes as she started towards the back to find the tailor. Fenris laughed to himself again, letting her words sink in. She’d said friends… they’d only known each other for about two months but the more he thought about the more he realized that their ragtag group had become more than just partners or hired help, they had indeed become friends. He chuckled again, there’s a first time for everything, he thought. He followed Syl back to the tailor who was pulling a variety of coats off the wall where she had them hanging. Syl picked up a dark grey almost black trench coat very similar to her black one and admired it 

“Lna’lan’ehn aju” _(beautiful work)_ she smiled at the tailor, he had no idea what she was saying but the way the words fell from Syl’s lips was mesmerizing

“Ma ane tundra” _(you’re too kind)_ the older elven woman nodded her thanks 

“Any of these catch your eye?” 

“Actually” he set down the tan jacket he held and turned to face her “That grey one you are holding” Syl smiled and handed it to him and he tried it on, it fit him perfectly. The tailor reached for the front and frowned at a missing button before she dug around in a drawer and found a matching one and began sewing a new one onto it. “I could take it off if that would be easier?” the tailor shook her head and stepped back, satisfied with her quick work. Fenris nodded his thanks and paid her as they left the shop.

“Ema a on dhea’lam” _(Have a good evening)_ Syl called back before she shut the door. She looked back at Fenris “Better?” she smiled

“Ha, yes...thank you.” he smirked at her, he liked this woman. “Shall we continue on to The Hanged Man?” she nodded and he started leading the way. They were almost there when Carver ran up to them, panting.

“There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you! You’re to come to Gamlen’s with me.”

“Are we now?” Syl raised a brow

“Yes, mother’s orders.” Carver said, challenging them to say something 

“Well if Leandra has ordered it we cannot exactly disobey” Fenris mused “Lead on” he motioned for Carver to move but he didn’t, his hand went to the back of his neck.

“Ah, see I’m supposed to fetch you, the other glowing one, and Merrill…Garrett is getting the rest.”

“Alright Merrill first then Anders” Syl noticed how Carver perked up and started off towards the alienage.

“Oh you’re going to love this” she leaned over to Fenris and pointed to where Carver was knocking on Merrill’s door. Merrill came out immediately chirping with excitement for who knows why, Carver turned bright red and stuck his hands in his pockets, struggling not to smile as he followed a bounding Merrill to the other two elves. Syl looked at Carver and tapped her arm with her hand, he nodded.

“Um Merrill….it’s uh slippery….the streets are slippery..my arm…” he tripped over his words but she didn’t seem to notice as she happily took his arm as he lead them all to Darktown while she rambled on about something.

“That is...disgustingly adorable….” Fenris made a face and Syl laughed, taking Fenris’s arm as he offered it.

“Told you you’d enjoy that.” They stopped walking as Carver darted down the stairs into Darktown to go find Anders while the three of them kept watch for templars. Minutes later the two men were joining them, Carver offered his arm to Merrill once more in the same ungraceful manner as before and the other three snickered as they followed him to Gamlen’s.

When they arrived Carver motioned for them to follow inside and took off his coat and boots. Aveline, Isabela, Varric and their new friend Sebastian were already there sitting around the fire, Hawke helped his mother move the table into his and Carver’s room, grabbing more blankets and pillows for people to sit on. Leandra saw the group that just walked in and rushed over to them giving them all hugs

“I’m glad you’re here! Please, make yourselves at home. There’s spiced tea on the hearth and dinner will be done soon. They did as she said and chatted with the others until she told them all to sit, they all sat in a circle in the middle of the floor as she handed them all a bowl of lamb and potato stew. “You’ll have to forgive the lack of proper furniture, out table wasn’t big enough for all of you.”

“It’s barely big enough for Carver and his ego” Hawke snickered

“Garrett be nice to your brother. Anyway, I’m glad you could all spend the holiday with us.” she smiled, noticing some looks of confusion

“Oh for the love of the gods” Syl brought her palm to her forehead “How did all of us forget that it’s Satanalia Eve…” there was a collective “ _oooohhh_ ” from the group followed by laughter, Leandra laughing the most.

“Well I suppose you are quite busy with all that trouble you manage to get yourselves in, I can see where you’d forget.” she laughed

“Not that I’m not glad to be out of Darktown, but why did you ask us all here on a special holiday. Wouldn’t you rather spend it with family?” Anders addressed all the Hawkes who gave him the same look

“Oh now Anders don’t be silly. How many times have you saved my boys’ skin? Or how many times have you collapsed and slept on this floor out of sheer exhaustion from whatever they’ve dragged you to go do? You’ve all become a part of this family whether you realize it or not.” 

“Well I am very thankful you’ve welcomed us into your family madam” Varric raised her drink to her and they all followed suit, toasting her.

“Eat your soup before it gets cold” she said clearly flustered. Varric laughed.

“I feel bad, I didn’t have time to find gifts for any of you” Isabela sighed

“You mean steal?” Hawke elbowed her and she laughed

“Alright how’s this, since we all forgot, what’s better than the gift of company and good stories? -” Varric was cut off by Carver

“Says the dwarven author! You’re made of stories!” 

“Junior are you telling me that there is not a single person here that you don’t want to hear more about?” Varric raised a brow, Carver opened his mouth to argue but promptly shut it, seeing the dwarf’s point. “That’s what I thought. Now who is going to share a tale with us first? What exciting thing has happened in your life that we don’t know?” Surprisingly Aveline spoke first

“Well I don’t know how interesting this is but I was at the battle of Ostagar.”

“No shit? King’s army?” Varric raised his brows in surprise 

“Yep, barely got out of there alive, bloody darkspawn were everywhere. When we realized reinforcements weren’t coming we fled.”

“Did you see the Hero?”

“No, unfortunately the only Wardens we saw were dead on the battlefield…” Syl shuddered at her words

“Huh...well that’s something. Thanks for that Big Girl.” she nodded “Who’s next?” 

“Well since we’re on the subject I met the Hero of Ferelden!” Isabela piped up

“Me too!” Merrill chirped 

“Alright alright, Rivaini first then Daisy.” 

“I was in Denerim at The Pearl, her and her friends were looking for someone. A real shame they turned me down...well all but Zevran...ah good times….she was not happy about those two hours he spent with me….” she sighed wistfully 

“I met her when she was in my camp! I only talked to her briefly before she found the keeper. But she was so nice! And her dog was so cute! He let me give him a flower crown and was very careful not to mess it up!” Merrill rambled on

“Ha! Who thought anyone would ever turn you down Rivani!” Varric laughed “Choir Boy you got anything?” Sebastian shook his head

“No, I’m afraid I don’t really have any good stories...I try to forget the part of my life before the chantry... I was not much different from Isabela...it was a life I'm glad to be done with and don't care to speak about it at this time if that's alright.” he blushed 

“Alright, Blondie?” 

“Oh let’s see ...have I told you about the time I escaped from the circle by swimming?” 

“Oh this I have to hear!” Hawke bellowed with laughter

“So there was this huge lake, and I asked the templars if they could swim, and the ones who were on patrol said they could, but they’d have to take off all their armor or they’d sink. So I strapped my staff to my back, gave them a salute and dove in. Oh the looks on their faces as I swam away were wonderful. Took me forever to get a shore.”

“You just dove in?” Carver looked at him in amazement

“Yes I did, robes and all.” 

“That’s amazing!” Leandra laughed

“Alright, since we’re talking about escapes...how’d you escape Broody?”

“I would prefer not to talk about it…” Varric rolled his eyes at the elf

“Alright Broody is there anything at all you’ll tell us? Or do you have to live in mystery?” 

“Hmm..” he thought carefully about his words “I was once a Fog Warrior”

“What?!” Hawke spat out his drink “The Fog Warriors are the stuff of legends! How’d you manage that?” Fenris shrugged

“I...came across a group of them after I escaped the fir-.. After I escaped...They allowed me to stay with them for a while….they welcomed me into their ranks.”

“That’s incredible!”

“It was something” Fenris shrugged again before looking at Syl “I believe it is your turn.”

“I don’t know what to say…” she snorted a laugh

“Come on Steel we barely know anything about you!” Hawke prodded her, poking her in the ribs

“Alright what would you like to know?” she giggled and swatted his hand away

“Anything! Come on you must have something to tell.” she laughed to herself, they had no idea the stories she could tell. But she didn’t want to give anything away yet, not with the bounty... 

“Alright I got one for you. There was this one time, I was in the company of a mage. And he was a sarcastic ass most of the time. But he had a good heart-”

“Hey right now doesn’t count!” 

“Uhg you’re no fun Garrett!”

“Neither are you!” 

“Alright alright” she thought back to her time in Tevinter… some of the things she was forced to do “I...I used to be an assassin…”

“No way! Who’d you kill?!” Carver blurted out

“Carver! Don’t ask such things!” Leandra scolded her youngest son. 

“No it’s fine, I don’t mind. I’m not ashamed….unfortunately I was good at it.” she looked down “I mostly killed bad people, no different than what we do now really.”

“Alright note to self, don’t piss off Steel…” Hawke laughed “Mother what are you doing? Don't run away from us, you have to share too!”

“I was looking at how much snow is falling, it’s quite the blizzard out there tonight, there’s already snow up to my knees” she shut the door and gathered everyone’s long emptied bowls.

“Ah, I suppose we should get going the-”

“Nonsense! I’m not making any of you go out in that! You’re more than welcome to stay here, I’ll fetch more blankets from the crawlspace.” they all looked at each other and shrugged, “That’s what I thought. Anders would you help me?” she motioned for him to follow her to the crawlspace to get the blankets, he nodded and did so. The rest of them shuffled around the main room to set up for the night. Merrill curled up in the corner nearest to the fire and was out almost instantly Carver right next to her, Aveline not too far from them. Hawke and Isabela laid in the middle of the room, Varric and Anders doing the same facing them. Syl laid out in the corner farthest from the fire and the rest of the group. Sebastian was near her, but closer to the group in the center. Fenris meandered over to her after getting blanket from Leandra and bidding her a goodnight. 

“Mind if I join you?” he sprawled out next to her

“Ha not at all.” she settled into her big over sized comforter more as he did the same. Almost an hour passed, everyone else had fallen asleep, the fire was only made up of faintly glowing embers. “Fenris...are you still awake?” she whispered, he rolled over to face her

“Yes, why?”

“I..was wondering….what happened with the fog warriors…” she watched his faint silhouette shift a bit closer to her

“I killed them.” she could hear the disgust and shame in his voice even as he whispered

“I’m sure this is going to be a stupid question, but why?”

“I found them after I escaped. After a while of living with them Danarius found me….he ordered me to kill them...and I did….I slaughtered the people who helped me….It made me sick...and I ran. I ran and never looked back.” 

“I’m so sorry...that’s horrible.”

“It was. And I will never forgive myself for it.” he paused “May I ask you something now?”

“Of course.”

“Who did you kill?”

“Tevinter Magisters.”

“Pardon?” he was shocked at her answer, of all the things she could’ve said that was not what he was expecting.

“My… employer had me kill magisters. Corruption soaked blood mages were the targets. The only kind they never had me kill were the healers. Everyone else was fair game.”

“That is...also quite horrible.” He thought back to when he was a slave, remembering some of the mysterious disappearances from Danarius’s fancy parties, wondering if that was her doing. 

“Yeah it kinda was...actually you may have heard of me, many of the Servitores and Soporati had taken to calling me _Umbra Mortis_ ”

“Death Shadow? That was you?”

“Yeah...I told you I was in Tevinter for a while.”

“You know that one uprising was your fault…”

“Yeah….I try not to think about that…”

“Why? You gave the slaves a much needed sense of hope.”

“Fenris every single one of those slaves died….”   


“What?! No...no some of them must have gotten free” he blinked in surprise

“A few did yes...but they didn’t taste freedom for long….”

“They were recaptured?”

“No, they were killed.”

“Steel?”

“They sent me to kill them… and I did…” she paused “I killed every single one of them I gave hope to...that was the final push I needed to get the hell out of there”

“I….” he stopped, nothing he could say would be sufficient, he looked at her through the dark, he could see how it was tearing her apart inside, obviously a wound that was still fresh. He shifted closer to her and pulled her into a hug, she turned rigid at first then relaxed into his hold. He released her after a few minutes

“Fenris?”

“Words were insufficient… “

“I...thank you...it feels good to finally tell someone.” she smiled at him. They didn’t say much more to each other for the rest of the night. She watched him fall asleep, he looked so peaceful, all the stress and torment melted away from his face. She smiled to herself and closed her eyes.

******** _sometime later*_ **************

“Alright everyone packed and ready?” Hawke clapped his hands together, the group in front of him and Varric giving them blank stares. 

“Brother where are we going that we’ll be gone for what did you say? Three? Four weeks?” Carver grunted at his older brother. Hawke snapped his fingers and pointed at him

“Deep Roads! A thaig deep in the deep roads! Come on Carver pay attention, we've been working towards this for months!! Now you’re all packed and ready yes? Great le- Steel you feeling okay?” she nodded “Right then, let’s go find Bartrand.” 

Hawke and Varric lead the way. Carver, Anders, Fenris and Syl following them. Fenris glanced down at Syl who was walking beside him, noticing that she was extremely pale and sickly looking. If she was truly ill she shouldn’t be going on this trip. He was also curious about the way she flinched when Hawke mentioned the Deep Roads. As if panic struck her. Bartrand and Hawke got into an argument over how many people he was allowed to bring and Hawke politely told him he would take whoever he wanted and he could shove it. Bartrand then proceeded to go on a long rant about deflowering the Deep Roads making many of them uncomfortable. Syl adjusted her hood to cover more of her face which now had a sheen of sweat. Fenris frowned and picked up two of her bags when they started walking toward the gate, she looked up at him, he gave her a scolding look but said nothing and she gave him a weak smile. Hawke picked up the pace of their adventure when Leandra appeared near the gate, yelling for them to stop, for Carver to stay, for once Carver was actually grateful for his brother who grabbed him by the back of the shirt and shoved him out the gate quickly. They had already had this argument with their mother, both of them siding on the fact that Carver was his own man and could go where he likes, which she did not approve of. Once they had exited the city Hawke gave his brother a pat on the back and continued leading the group into the woods.

********************************

“So Blondie, you ever been in the Deep Roads?” Varric poked the fire at their makeshift camp.

“Yes. It wasn’t very pleasant. Ha actually last time I was here I was with a very similar group of people. A few annoying Mercenaries, an angry dwarf, and an elven woman. Though I must say Varric you share very little in common with Oghren. He was always drunk, and rude.”

“Haha well thank you for that. So the elven woman, that was the Hero right?” Varric lit a few cigars, handing one to Hawke, then Anders and Carver and Fenris and lastly Syl before sticking one in his mouth. Anders nodded

“Yeah, she’s a fantastic woman. Incredibly brave and strong, yet also very kind. She is one of those genuinely good people. I really enjoyed traveling with her, she gave me a chance when I didn’t deserve it. She always chose to see the best in people when they themselves couldn’t. I really miss her” there was a wistful sadness in his voice

“Sounds like you had a crush, Carver sure did! We saw her in Lothering as we were leaving” Hawke blew smoke at his brother who was blushing horribly, Anders snorted and Syl gave a slight chuckle.

“Hey you see an elven woman take down an ogre and 6 genlocks within seconds of appearing and tell me you don’t find that hot!” Carver’s cheeks grew more red

“Oh this I have to hear!” Anders laughed

“When she reached Lothering we were under attack, an ogre and six genlocks were running after a group of towns folk, there’s only so much we could do about darkspawn, let alone a bloody ogre! But out of nowhere a fireball hit it, drawing its attention back to the bridge where the Hero and her two companions were. She leaped from the bridge and caught herself on it’s horns, pulling herself onto it’s shoulders and locking her legs around it’s neck, choking it. It tried to get her off but she plunged two daggers into it’s skull before it could successfully. And as it collapsed she jumped from it’s shoulders, rolling up off the ground and to her feet, throwing knives as she did, each landing in a genlock’s throat.It was incredible! She certainly knew how to make an entrance! But seriously! Tell me that’s not hot!” Carver finally took a breathe from his story and sound down from his ungraceful reenactment.

“HA! Yeah no, she tells that story much more calmly haha. She is a the most terrifying and badass woman I’ve ever known. Don’t get me wrong, she was a very beautiful woman, actually very similar to Steel” Syl gave a quiet amused snort, smirking and raising a brow, wondering if he’d call her out. Anders’s gaze lingered on her for a moment before he shook his head. “But she was scary as hell never really showed much emotion unless we were at the keep. She was kind of a loner...actually if I remember correctly she was suppose to marry the king, so maybe she just missed him or something I don’t know. Anyway to formally answer your question, no I didn’t have a crush on her, but she is certainly someone that you can look up to. Actually I haven’t thought about her in awhile, I really miss her...Syl...she was one of my dearest friends if not my only one for a long long time.” Syl was kind of amazed at his words, he’d never said anything like that in the time she’d known him.

“You know you would have really like our si-”

“Don’t...Carver just...don’t” Hawke snapped. Syl felt a wave of sickness come over her. 

“I’m gonna go for a walk, don’t worry I won’t go too far” she waved off the start of Hawke’s warning. She wandered just far enough away from the camp that no one would be able to hear her, and she let go. She let the tears stream down her face, she let the pain take her for awhile. The withdrawals were getting worse, eating away at her sanity. Her stomach tied in knots, she felt hollow inside, she started retching violently, the contents of her stomach leaving her. She shuddered, she felt awful. And the lyrium veins surrounding them didn’t help at all, the way they sung to her, trying to lure her into the peaceful abyss... She looked up at the sound of footsteps, quickly realizing they came from behind her to see Fenris, holding a water-skin.

“Just leave me I’ll be fine” she groaned and threw up again, coughing up blood afterwards.

“Forgive me if I do not believe you.” he held out the water-skin. She  took it from him

“Thank you. But honestly, I’ll be fine”  **_or you’ll die down here_ ** **…**. “Ahg shut up!” she hissed. She shook her head, now was certainly not the time to be losing it.  **_Oh yes, talk to me! Make him think you’re crazy! Make him think you’re a monster!_ **

“Are you really? You seem to be getting worse”  **_oh you’ll be fine, because as soon as he turns away you’ll slit your wrists hahahaha_ ** She scrunched her face up resting her palms on her forehead, dropping the water-skin as the world started to spin. “Steel?” she started swaying losing balance  **_or perhaps you’ll hit your head a little too hard on the way down it’s not like he’ll save you_. _Why would he? He doesn’t care for you...he doesn’t care for ANY of you...especially not you, some washed up elf living a lie and living in his house…_** Her knees gae out and she collapsed, Fenris catching her before she hit the rocks, gently easing her down to the ground “Look at me” he snapped his fingers in front of her face “Are you still here? Steel!” he snapped his fingers more, giving her a gentle shake as he knelt beside her. 

“Yes….’m fine” she slurred

“Now that could easily be up for debate….do you want me to get the healer?” he knew she wasn’t fond of mages so he figured he’d ask first, her expression said it all, a look of fear and panic in her eyes “Okay, shhh calm down” he said softly. He adjusted so he was sitting next to her with his legs crossed, her head resting in his lap. He brushed her hair away from her face. She didn’t really want anyone touching her at the moment but his touch was soothing.

“Why ar-”

“Shhhhh” he ran a hand through her hair, her already pale face had grown lifeless with deep purple bags under her eyes. “If I did not know better I would say this is lyrium poisoning…”

“Close…” she whispered, he hadn’t realized he said it out loud, “Withdrawal…” his eyes went wide.

“You...You were a templar….” he stroked her hair more with lightly illuminated fingers, she nodded. A little bit more color returned to her face, the wave of pain starting to pass.

“Tried to quit lyrium again...so far this time is going better than last time.”

“This is better?”

“Last time I only made it a couple days before it started to kill me, worked fine for Ali but not so much for me. I stopped taking it about two and a half weeks ago. So I’m already doing better” she propped herself up

“You are crazy” 

“Not yet…” she gave him a weak smile. 

“I would prefer you stay that way.” he smirked back at her, she smiled.

“Ha thanks. And thank you for...yeah…” he nodded and stood up, holding out a hand for her to take, she did and he pulled her to her feet. He started to lead her back to camp when she reached out and grabbed him by the arm, touching the part his armor didn’t cover causing his markings to flare up, she snatched her hand back immediately. “I’m sorry! I uh, I wanted to ask that you not tell the others…”

“Of course, it is not my secret to share.” he said calmly as he rolled his shoulders and extinguished the markings

“Thank you” she continued to follow him back to camp, she was amazed, just when she thought she couldn’t fall for that elf anymore...she shook her head. 

“There you are! We were about to start a search party! We only have three tents so we’ll have to share and- Steel you look like shit”

“Gee thanks Varric.”

“No seriously you look dreadful! You okay?”

“Yep, i vomited and now I feel so much better” she grinded her teeth, she really didn’t want to get into this right now

“Ha what are you pregnant?” Hawke said jokingly, his face turned serious when she didn’t answer, she rolled her eyes and scowled

“And if I am?” she half growled “I’m going to bed” she walked away from them and went into one of the tents, the men just kinda looked at each other not really sure what to say.

“Uhm...is she serious?” Hawke rubbed the back of his neck “If so I feel like an ass”

“You are an ass” Fenris muttered, Hawke frowned at him, Carver laughed.

“I feel like it’s probably best we all just go to sleep.” Varric mentioned “Which begs the question who’s sharing with who?”

“I’m not sharing with Garrett!” Carver held his hands up

“Fine, I’ll bunk with Hawke if he bothers you that much Junior. Which leaves you with Broody since there’s no way in hell he and Blondie are sharing.” Fenris glanced over to the tent Syl had gone into

“Perhaps not” he said quietly

“Huh?” Anders gave him a bewildered look

“It is probably best that you go with Carver. If she wakes and finds you next to her I cannot imagine you walking away uninjured” 

“Oh and you’re a basket of roses?”

“Actually he has a point, she isn’t exactly fond of mages...especially not ones harboring a spirit.” Hawke waved him off. Varric and Hawke climbed into one tent, Anders and Carver into another. And Fenris climbed into the one Syl already had, to find her laying on her side, facing the center of the tent, already fast asleep. He smiled at her, she looked at peace when she was asleep, and right now she needed the peace. He laid a blanket over her and took off his gauntlets and chest-plate. Laying down next to her, facing her. She looked better than she did earlier, but still dreadful. He didn’t enjoy seeing her like this, he looked at her hand which lay not too far from him, then at his own, making the white lines on his fingers glow faintly. He stretched his hand out, laying the tips of his fingers over the tips of hers. His markings weren’t the same as taking lyrium, but he thought that they should still ease her pain without the risk of relapse. He closed his eyes and fell asleep.

***************

They awoke to Hawke yelling their names from outside the tent, telling them it was time to go. Then yelling the same thing to his brother and the mage. Fenris opened his eyes to Syl opening hers, running her hand over her face, she then noticed their other hands intertwined. He shrugged and casually removed his hand and stretched his arms out, rolling over to his back and placing his hands under his head. Syl tilted her head and he raised a brow. She wiggled her fingers at him. He moved one of his hands and illuminated his markings with a smirk. She mouthed a thank you and he nodded. They both put on their armor and took down their tent in silence.

**********************************

“Maker I swear this place gets more and more awful each time I’m here” Anders muttered while kicking a rock

“Aw it’s not that bad, though music would make it better don’t you think? Oh Varric! Sing me a song!” 

“Hawke you must be drunk out of your mind if you think I’m going to sing”

“Come on, I think this forsaken cavern has lovely acoustics!” The two of them continued to argue while leading the group through the dark cavern, Syl and Fenris bringing up the back of the group, Syl ever so slightly started humming a familiar tune. Fenris glanced down at her, a look of shock on his face, both at the song and at how beautiful her voice was. 

“Huh...he’s not wrong, the acoustics are fantastic…” she muttered, shrugging casually, she looked up at Fenris with a puzzled look. “What?” he slowed his pace so they were farther from the four men in front of them. 

“That song…”

“What about it?”

“I..I have only heard it one other place”

“Ah…we have already established I’ve been to Tevinter” she stuck her tongue out

“The where is not as concerning as the who that normally sings that song….” He raised a brow and Syl’s face went blank of expression

“Oh?”

“Slaves….”

“Oh...I… It makes sense I guess, as it was a slave that taught it to me….she heard me playing the lute and started singing to it, she then taught me the words….last time I sang it actually was at her grave…..” she shook her head. 

“I am sorry to hear that…..You sing beautifully though…” he gave her a small smile as he picked up his pace again. Syl matched his pace, singing quietly under her breath, just loud enough for him to hear. Carver and Anders were now also arguing.

“Look all I’m saying is mages should be careful”

“Careful?! Careful about what?! Being alive?!” Anders spat at the younger Hawke

“That is not at all what I mean, I just mean they should be cautious, it doesn’t take much to make a templar suspicious. If the mages really wanted their freedom they would have figured this out by now, be good and the templars will have no reason to come looking for you.”

“That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!” 

“Clearly you have not heard yourself speak…” Fenris muttered under his breath, Syl giggled and Carver full out laughed

“OH you are all ridiculous!” Anders threw his hands up and pushed ahead to walk with Varric and Hawke.

“Oh ho look at me I’m a pauncy mage, you’re all ridiculous, I’m better than you” Carver mocked him as held back to walk with Syl and Fenris. 

“Haha that was good Junior, but you’re nowhere near as whiny” Syl laughed

“Or Feathery…” Fenris chimed in with a smirk and the three of them laughed a bit. 

“Hey! I think we finally found a way around!” Hawke called back with a grin on his face, confused at his companions who all looked petrified “What?” he asked, completely oblivious to the glowing beastial eyes behind him.

“HAWKE GET DOWN!” Fenris roared as he lunged forward, sword raised, pushing Hawke down and deflecting the giant claw that took a swipe at the mage.

“Dragon's den, be careful! There may be more!” 

*******************************

“Garrett if we make it out of here alive I’m going to kill you!” Carver roared at his brother who was currently trying to dislodge his staff from the dragon’s foot. 

“Thanks Carver, be sure to let me know how that goes” he grunted as the staff came free. Varric wiped blood off of Bianca as Anders worked on healing the gashes on Carver’s back. Fenris tossed Syl one of her throwing knives, she caught it placing it back in her boot as she limped back to the group. Fenris tied a tourniquet around his left shoulder, grumbling as he did so. 

“Alright, Varric you good? Hawke?” Varric nodded and Hawke braced himself on his staff as Anders popped his knee back into place. “That should do, Steel?”

“I’m fine”

“Really? I could have sworn your hip-”

“I’m fine Anders.”

“Alright whatever, Fenris let me look at your shoulder.”

“It will be fine, it is just a scratch” he stepped farther from Anders

“Uh huh, scratches don’t bleed that much. Just let me fix it”

“No.I do not need your help” he spat

“Oh will you just-” Anders threw his hands up

“I said. No.” he growled, Anders shook his head and sighed

“Well lucky for you it seems I’m all out of mana anyway” Anders’s magic fizzled out at his fingertips, Syl winked at Fenris, as she had just silenced him with the small amount of lyrium that was still in her system. “Well when you pass out due to blood loss later because of your own stupidity let me know….worthless dog why is he even here...ship him back to Tevinter” Anders muttered the last part quietly as he knocked back a lyrium potion

“Excuse me?” Fenris spat

“Yeah yeah you heard me.” Anders waved him off and started to turn away from him, unsuccessfully as Fenris punched him square in the jaw which was immediately met by Anders taking a swing at him that missed. Syl moved in front of Fenris pushing him back with her hands at his hips and shoulder at his sternum. Carver and Hawke grabbing Anders who was clutching the sides of his head. Varric tossing himself right in the middle

“Hey HEY not here!” he yelled at both of them

“I am sick of him taking cheap shots at me! He has been this entire trip!” Fenris growled

“Is it really a cheap shot if it’s true?” Anders’s voice was becoming more and more corrupt sounding “I mean honestly you were a slave! Doesn’t that label you as being not much of anything? Damn near worthless?”

“Bad move mage” Syl muttered under her breath just loud enough for Fenris to hear, and in one swift motion, released him and slid to the side, making it look as if he broke her grip. The glowing elf rushing the group of men in front of him, shoving Anders away from them.

“No, AHG, no! PLeAse NO!” Anders closed his eyes, his hands over his temples, teeth bared.

“Begging will not save you now abomination!” Fenris snarled, pausing momentarily when the mage kneeling before him started cackling, bringing himself to his feet, opening his eyes to reveal and electric blue glow

“It was not you with whom I was begging” Justice grinned, casting a spell of chained lighting that Fenris blocked with his forearms, absorbing the blow before lunging at the mage.

“Well shit...none of us are strong enough to get in that battle and not get seriously maimed.” Hawke muttered. They watched the two men got at each other for at least ten minutes

“Alright seriously they’ve had their fun, we need to stop them now before someone ends up dead.” Varric half laughed, genuinely worried the latter half of that statement would be true as Fenris tore open Justice's upper arm.

“Yeah that would be wise, but seriously, we have a spirit and a lyrium ghost...I’m certainly in no condition to get in the middle of that” Hawke rubbed his hand over his face. Syl scoffed

“Speak for yourselves” Her voice dripped with a vile disgust. She dropped the three empty vials of lyrium draughts she had just downed, sending shattered glass across the floor and started walking towards the two fighting men, picking up Fenris’s great-sword as she went. Fenris had just kicked Anders in the stomach, launching him backward. Syl walked between them, holding a hand up to Fenris who immediately halted, changing his stance to be ready to protect her. She turned to face Anders who was on his feet marching towards them building up a ball of lighting in one hand, ice in the other. Syl let the energy of the lyrium flow through her, Anders throwing the ball of lightning, Fenris lunging in front of her to take the hit, sending him onto his back. She plunged the sword into the ground, taking a knee while doing so, sending out a burst of cool white energy, she stuck a hand out stopping Anders dead in his tracks as tendrils of her anti-magic encased him, struggling to keep Justice chained, shoving him back into some corner of the fade, letting Anders take control again. Hoping this would be the last time she had to do this she let her head hang down, breathing heavily, she violently coughed up more blood. Bracing herself on the sword she stood, Hawke walking over to Anders who was still frozen. She looked over her shoulder to see Fenris, who was struggling to get up, the blast of lightning clearly did a number on him. She made her way to him and stretched out a hand, he took it without question and let her pull him up, his face growing pale

“You...how did you do that? Hawke all but shouted at her. She let Fenris use her for support, an arm slung over her shoulders, leaning on her heavily, Carver running over to help her. 

“I’m a templar...or used to be anyway. I’m very capable of handling out of control mages.”

“What? Since when?!”

“Since I was basically a kid.” She helped Fenris sit, his head falling lazily onto his shoulder

“Why did you never say anything? That’s kinda something that’s useful to know!”

“You never asked. And it’s my past. In case you haven’t noticed I’m not really comfortable talking about such things.”

“So what the hell did you do to him?” he pointed to Anders

“He’ll be fine don’t worry. I’ll release hold of him in a minute” she knelt next to Fenris, who was still in a bit of a daze “Oh what did he do to you…”she whispered, tilting his head back upright

“What do you mean in a minute?!” she ignored him, continuing to look over Fenris who was on the verge of passing out, she placed a hand on his face, 

“I mean in a minute is what I mean. He can stay frozen for a little while longer for being such an ass.”

“It wasn’t just his fault you know”

“Yes I’m well aware of that, now will you shut up and let me fix one person at a time. The least of my concerns right now is that monster!” She spat the last word. She placed her other hand on the other side of Fenris’s face, trying to steady him, his eyes rolled back and all she could see were the whites, his mouth foaming. She swore under her breath. She angrily walked over to Anders, punching him in the jaw as she unfroze him, then grabbed him by the collar before he knew what hit him.

“What did you let that monster do?!” she growled, horror filling his eyes as he realized what she was and that he was being silenced by her. “What. Did. You. DO?!” she shook him

“What are you-” Something felt wrong… she felt...familiar…

“The ball of lightning, what else was part of the spell? Speak or so help me I will silence you for good!” She growled, her grip tightening near his neck.

“Ah... fade-paralysis…” he muttered

“You son of a bitch” she tossed him aside, running back to Fenris, laying him down, pulling off her jacket to prop his head up “Carver help with his chest plate” she was fighting with the tourniquet as he was starting to bleed more. 

“I don’t understand , what’s so horrible about that.” Varric asked

“It’s not a pleasant spell…” Anders muttered

“Not pleasant?!?! That is how you describe it?! Andraste’s ass Anders, you are fucked up” Hawke spat

“Someone explain!” Varric was getting irritated, 

“Fenris is dying by one of the most horrible ways I know. His body is on fire, his blood feels like it’s burning and freezing at the same time, his mind is being tortured and his soul is being ripped apart by demons in the fade. This right here is one of the many reasons people fear magic" She spat

“Is there-” 

“You’ve done enough monster” she scowled at Anders, she knocked back another draught of lyrium. She tore open Fenris’s shirt, the veins in his chest turning black, his tattoos still illuminated. She straddled him, placing her hands on his chest, releasing a wave of anti-magic. The black veins started to recede, being replaced by the cool white glow of her hands. “When I’m done with this I’m going to kick your ass mage” She focused all her energy into Fenris, pulling every last part of the spell from him, his eyes rolled back to their normal forest green, his markings faded. He shot up gasping for air, immediately falling back down, breathing heavily...angrily..

“Shhhhh relax Fenris, you don’t have the strength right now” she whispered, Hawke knelt next to her. 

“I’m going to use a calming spell okay? I’m just going to help you relax so you don’t hurt yourself further alright? Nothing more.” Fenris nodded slightly all he wanted was for the excruciating pain to stop, Hawke waved a glowing hand over him and his breathing slowed. He then stood, grabbing his brother to start setting up tents, Varric keeping look out, Anders wallowing in self pity. Syl stood, noticing Fenris grabbing her hand weakly. 

“I’ll be right back I promise, I have one thing I need to do first” he let go of her, tilting his head so he could watch her walk over to Anders, placing a hand on his shoulder...she looked...she looked as if she was being friendly, he wanted to object but he couldn’t find the words.

“Hey you okay?” 

“Seriously? You’re seriously asking that? You just threatened to kill me” Anders looked at her absolutely bewildered and puzzled.

“You know that's not what I meant right?”

“I...really?”

“Of course not, you’ve never done enough for me to want to kill you”

“Thanks...I guess…” She pulled him into a death grip of a hug.

“ What I meant was if you ever pull anything like that again I will make you tranquil so fast you won’t know it’s happening.” She kneed him in the groin, elbowing him in the spine as he doubled over, smirking as she went back to Fenris who seemed to have passed out. She plopped down next to him, watching Anders who was crumpled up on the ground. 

“Tents are up!” Hawke turned around, clearly proud of himself “What happened to him?” Varric and Syl shrugged innocently, Anders groaned in pain. “Right, Carver will you help her move him into a tent? Varric, Anders, let’s make a fire.” 

Carver and Syl carefully moved Fenris to a tent, Carver leaving the two of them in there. Syl tore off his shirt the rest of the way, peeling away the bandages he put on his shoulder earlier. She dug around in one of her bags, finding med-kit. She cleaned his wound and stitched him back together, and bandaged his wounds. She laid a blanket over him and left him to rest. She sat down near the fire, scrubbing his blood from her hands with a damp cloth.

“Broody gonna be okay?” Varric pointed to her hands

“Yeah. I can’t say he won’t kill the mage when he wakes up. But he will be okay.” Varric nodded, Hawke interrupted them

“So when were you going to tell us that you were a templar? Or that you were pregnant?” Syl rolled her eyes

“Eventually. And you realize I’m not pregnant right? Do you really think I’d be in the Deep Roads with you if I was?”   


“Yeah that’s a fair point…” 

“And as far as being a templar goes...I’m been trying to not be…”

“You’re not taking lyrium!” Carver sounded like he was going to explode

“Well I wasn’t, till about an hour ago. I’ve tried to quit several times but it hasn’t ever gone well. I don’t really want to talk about it if that’s alright...it brings up unpleasant memories.... and you know, that ever lurking feeling of failure” she shook her head, “I’m going to go check on Fenris and probably turn in for the night. Gentlemen, monster.” she nodded to each of them and tossed the bloody rag into the fire before vanishing into the tent. 

“Well that was a little uncalled for…”

“Shut up Blondie”

Syl knelt next to Fenris, checking on his shoulder, he flinched as she tightened some of the stitches. He looked at her, dazed, unaware of where he was.

“Oh I’m sorry! Did I wake you?” she whispered.

“No, you are fine” his voice was crackly and dry, she frowned

“Here, drink” she helped him hold his head up and drink from the water-skin she held to his mouth. “How do you feel?”

“Honestly, quite terrible, yet also fine...Thank you…”

“You don’t have to thank me Fenris.” 

“Perhaps. But I would like to, there is only one way you could have done what you did. And I am grateful for it...I...I am in your debt.” she shook her head as she took off her boots and grabbed a blanket. 

“Fenris don’t be ridiculous, you don’t owe me anything.”

“You sacrificed being free of the lyrium you take in order to save me ...yes, I do.”

“Well I refused to stand there and do nothing, unfortunately that was a fight you were not going to win, I had to do something. And believe me, we won’t be seeing Justice for a very long time…. I may have put up a barrier in Anders’s mind to prevent him from showing up for a while.”

“I appreciate that.” he paused…”I believe I passed out before seeing what you did to Anders...you looked rather friendly for having almost killed him.”

“Ha! Yeah… I faked it a little bit, I raised a knee and elbowed him in the spine after telling him next time he did something like that again I’d make him tranquil.” Fenris smiled, clearly amused with her

“That’s my girl” his speech slurred as he winked at her and closed his eyes, shivering slightly. Syl smiled and took her blanket and laid it over him, grabbing her extra small one for herself and laid down facing him and closed her eyes, letting sleep take her.

*************************************

They woke to Hawke and Carver arguing outside their tent, Syl tried to prop herself up but wasn’t able to move due to the arm that was around her waist. She looked over her shoulder at Fenris who had propped his head up on his other arm. She also noticed that she was under more blankets.

“I woke up at some point and you were shivering” he gave her an amused smirk, she blushed, rolling over onto her back so she could see him more, his arm still around her.

“How hard did you get hit yesterday? You hate touching people” he rolled his eyes at her

“Would you rather I let you freeze next time?” he started to pull back his arm

“No,it’s just-”

“Ha, I know.” he put his arm back, he was very warm and it felt nice to curl up next to him

“Thank you.”

“Of course, I cannot have you freeze to death.”

“Yeah? Is that because I seem to be the only one who can take on the abomination?” She inched closer to him

“Ha, I suppose that is one reason.”

“And the other?”

“I suppose another could be that you let me attack him.Though it did not end in my favour, then again perhaps it did.” he let his eyes wander over her, noticing she had pressed her entire body right up against him and his grip tightened

“Oh yeah? Any other reasons?”

“Perhaps”

“Care to share?”

“Perhaps. Maybe it is not one I wish to share at this time”

“Is it the same reason I jumped into the middle of a fight between a spirit, a stupid mage, and a mysterious crazy glowing elf?” she muttered 

“We shall have to see” he winked at her. She laughed a bit

“Oi wakey wakey you two, let’s keep moving! Blondie get your ass up!” Varric yelled from outside the tent, both elves groaned, neither of them ready for another day in this hellhole.

“I like this side of you” Syl said quietly

“Perhaps you will get to see it more” he smiled at her as he dug a new tunic out of his bag and slid it over his head.

“I hope I do” she smiled back and he nodded as he lead her out of the tent, his face turning from soft to stoic

“As do I” he whispered.

*************************

“Bartrand! Bartrand open the door you son of a bitch! Sorry mother… AHG YOU BASTARD!” Varric slammed his fist against the door

“Varric if we get out of here, I’m going to kill your brother”

“Get in line Hawke” the dwarf bit “I guess we only have one option … that way...if we’re unlucky it’ll take us a week to surface…”

“And if we’re lucky”

“We’ll trip over Bartrand’s corpse on the way”

**************

“Our first camp! We’re almost out of this fucking place!” Varric’s voice was thick with excitement.

“Thank the fucking maker….I hate the Deep Roads” Syl muttered as they trudged on.

“Garrett….” Carver muttered

“I’m not in the mood Carver”

“Garrett..I don’t…”there was a thud behind them, Hawke whipped around to see his brother collapsed on the ground

“CARVER!” he raced over to him, holding him “Carver what the hell happened” Syl went pale as she saw Carver’s face

“I...I can feel it brother….please...you have...you have to kill me...Like Wesley....I can...feel it inside me” his words were slurred. Carver’s skin was translucently pale and grey, his eyes clouding over.

“No! No no no….I can’t...I can’t lose you…” Hawke fought back tears

“Please Garrett...it...ack...hurts…” 

“There could be another way…” Anders whispered “I mean...I am a Grey Warden, we could try to find the other wardens... He could go through the joining”

“Not that that isn’t a splendid idea, but I don’t think you can have the taint…” Syl casually chimed in, knowing that while the joining was a cure for it, this far along would almost be a guaranteed death, more painful than the mercy kill he was begging for.

“I don’t see why not, that’s basically what being a Warden is, you have the taint an-”

“Yes double the taint! Brilliant idea! And I’m sure they’d love you spilling their secrets” she snapped

“As I was saying, they make you drink darkspawn blood anyway. We could try it?” he continued explaining the whole process of the joining 

“Unfucking believable!” she muttered to herself, throwing her hands in the air turning away from them, Fenris eyeing her. 

“Try it?! Will it or will it not work?!” Hawke spat

“Well if it doesn’t...he'll die from a failed joining instead of the taint…I’m not sure which is better...” Hawke looked at his brother who had the same expression as he did

“I’d rather...you..just...just kill me… I...I don't want to become something that.... will hurt you” Sadness filled Hawke’s eyes. “Tell mother...I’m sorry…”

“C’mon let’s give them some space” Varric tugged at Ander’s sleeve and tapped Fenris on the arm and they walked over to where Syl was standing

“I love you brother” Hawke’s words were faint and there was a gasp for air followed by sobs as Hawke pulled his stilled brother close to him. Syl hit Anders in the back of the head, Fenris let out an amused snort

“Ow! What was that for?”

“You know damn well what it was for.” she growled

“About the Warden stuff? Why does it matter? I’m the warden here, not you”

“HA! You? The famous Grey warden Anders! Do you know why you’re known? It’s not because you were brave, or were anything special. You were in the right place at the right time. You’re famous because you traveled with the Hero because she thought that maybe you deserved a second chance even after she saw you slaughter a bunch of templars. That maybe you weren’t as bad as the templars made you out to be, and then you merged with a bloody demon. You don’t deserve the respect that a Warden gets, to be able to summon an army with the snap of your fingers. Hell you became a Warden after the blight, you didn’t earn that fame, that respect, or the title. You don’t deserve to call yourself Grey Warden.” She spat at him, she turned away before she said something she didn’t want to. She walked over to Hawke, kneeling next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder and half pulling him into a hug. Moments later the two of them stood, Hawke shoving something into his pocket and picking up Carver’s sword, waving a hand over him. Carver’s body burst into flames. Hawke’s shoulders slumped in defeat. She gave him another hug as he just stood there, looking at his brother’s body. He turned around to face the group, attaching Carver’s sword to his back next to his staff.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here” he said coldly, brushing past all of them. Varric ran to keep up with him, Syl shoved Anders forward, her and Fenris bringing up the back of their party.

**************************** 

They arrived at the main gate of Kirkwall, Aveline, Isabela, Merrill, Sebastian, and Leandra waiting for them. Isabela ran to Hawke, throwing her arms around him. Sebastian running over to Syl and Fenris, giving Fenris a brotherly hug. He turned to give Syl one but she had pushed past everyone and went straight to Leandra. She’d grown quite close with the woman and felt for her, knowing that she would be learning of her youngest son’s death, she wrapped her arms around her, startling the older woman.   


“Oh my!” she half laughed. Hawke tapped on Syl’s shoulder, she released Leandra, who was immediately enveloped into a hug by the large man. “Oh Garrett I’m so glad you’re back. I’ve been worried sick since Bartrand came back without the rest of you! We’ve been coming to the gate waiting for you several times a day since then!” Hawke said nothing, Varric started rambling on about hunting down his brother to give him a good ass kicking. “I’m glad you’re all back!”

“We didn’t all come back mother…” Hawke’s voice was broken and distant

“What? What are you talking about?!” she broke free from his grip scanning the group in front of her. She saw Sebastian talking to Fenris. Merrill was with Anders. Varric, Aveline and Isabela were speaking amongst themselves. And Syl was right next to her with Hawke. “Garrett, where is your brother?” her voice was less friendly. Anders, Fenris, and Varric looked up at Hawke, stopping their conversations when they heard her. “Garrett. Where. Is. Carver?” her voice was stern, she gave her son a cold look. Hawke took the sword from his back and held it out to her. Syl placed a hand on her shoulder as her eyes started to turn to glass. Isabela had moved to Merrill, taking her in her arms as the small elf began to cry

“I’m so sorry mother...he-”

“NO!” she dropped to her knees, weeping. Hawke tried to comfort her and she shoved him away “NO this is your fault! I TOLD YOU ….I told you not to bring him!”

“Mother please-”

“You did this! You killed your brother! You didn’t listen and you got him killed! Just like Bethany!” She wailed

“YOU THINK I DON’T FUCKING KNOW THAT?! BELIEVE ME, I HATE MYSELF MORE THAN YOU EVER WILL….” he snapped, glaring at her. Instantly regretting it. She stood up and stormed off. Hawke started to reach out to her then stopped, rubbing his hand over his face. “I need a very strong drink” his voice was frozen and distant, he started off towards Low Town. Varric, Fenris, Syl, and Anders following him.

***********************

“It wasn’t your fault Hawke”    


“Don’t. Varric just don’t.” Hawke slammed another empty shot glass onto the table, making his total for the night sixteen and five and a half pints of ale. He started to get another round and Varric stopped him. “Dwarf...let me drink” he bit

“Enough Hawke, I’m cutting you off for now. This many shots is not healthy.”

“Well I’m not drinking to my health”

“Hawke-”

“Anders I mean this in the most polite way possible. But fuck off”

“I-”

“You’ve done nothing but piss me off during this expedition, and had you not been a dick we would’ve been out of there sooner

“You’re not blaming me for this are you?” Anders was shocked

“What I’m saying is you and your monster pal can burn in the deepest hellholes of the fade. Now fuck off...filthy mage”

“You’re a ma-” Anders darted out of the room as Hawke threw his mug at him. Syl pushed hers in front of him, giving him a pat on the back as she went to get a new drink. She came back with a mug of cider and four shots, giving one to each man in front of her, taking the last one for herself. She placed a hand on Hawke’s shoulder. She raised her shot of Carver’s favorite whiskey in the air

“To Carver Hawke, a great man, a beloved son, a wonderful friend, and a brother to us all” She said softly

“To Carver” Varric and Fenris said in unison

“To Carver” Hawke raised his shot, they all downed them simultaneously. Hawke placed a hand over Syl’s which was still on his shoulder, nodding his thanks to her. She gave him a hug and took her seat next to Fenris. No one said a word after that for the rest of the night.

***************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry it was so long. I'll try to keep the others from being this long... And yes I know I have an interesting take on things, but who wants to read the exact same choices over and over again?? (I mean we all will any way but I'm here to put a spin on things)


	11. Beginning of Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So you remember that time I gave a toast at Fenris and Syl's wedding? I said I'd never heard a better over story, now it took me a while to get Broody to cave, but I managed, he finally spilled where it all started. Sure holding hands in the deep roads is cute and all, but there's more to their bond than that. They were in love and tied to one another before either of them actually admitted it to themself"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in attempts to not run into another chapter that's longer than time itself (which this one absolutely would've been) I split up act 2 a bit. This is kind of the beginning half.

“Ah smell that salty air!” Isabela’s velvety voice called out over the waves as she twirled around digging her toes in the sand as she did. Merrill chased after her, mimicking the pirate queen and kicked off her socks as she too went to dig her toes into the sand. The cool sea breeze blew past them, rustling the orange and red leaves on the trees, Hawke and Aveline had the idea for a day at the beach before it got too cold and before the Hallows Eve festival later that evening. Hawke dragged Syl and Aveline into the sand as well, spinning them around hand in hand, Syl giggling as he did. Anders and Sebastian worked on setting up the picnic as the rest of them frolicked. Varric and Fenris stood back, Varric taking off his boots and rolling up his pants. Fenris stood watching those dancing in the sand, particularly Syl, admiring the way she danced about, the way her light blue dress flowed around her in waves similar to the water surrounding them, the way her crimson hair was caught in the breeze. 

“I’m glad Hawke brought us all out here. I don’t know about you but I needed the fresh air” Varric lit a cigar, “You want one?”He offered a cigar to Fenris who happily accepted, Varric always had the best cigars. 

“Thank you. And I happen to agree, but correct me if I'm wrong... you hate nature, though it is quite peaceful here.” his deep velvety voice melted into the low rumble of waves.

“Eh, I have my moments, it's nice to smell something other than Lowtown... and we could all use the peace..” Varric trailed off and looked out at the water, the deep roads was still fresh in everyone’s mind. Fenris looked around a bit more and wandered over to a patch of shade under a maple tree, he stuck Lethendralis into the sand and sat down, digging his toes into the sand, taking a long drag of the cigar. 

“Not going to frolic with the rest of them?” Anders stated blankly as he handed Fenris a bottle of wine and plopped down in the sand next to him. Fenris just raised a brow as he uncorked the bottle “Ha yeah that’s fair, you don’t strike me as the frolicing type.” He took a swig of ale before continuing “Look...I” he sighed “You and I have never gotten along, and probably never will, there’s no denying that. That being said, I want to apologize for what I said in the deep roads, having to deal with Justice and being able to hear the darkspawn night and day...I wasn’t in a good state of mind and it was cruel of me to say those things.” 

“That is...appreciated…” he was in mild shock, he looked at the copper haired man who stared out at the sea with a blank expression on his face, he could tell he meant it even though he couldn’t see it in his face. Before he could think anything of it Syl came bounding over to them

“Well now that’s not something I thought I’d see, I hope you two are being civil” she smiled her brilliant smile

“Haha believe it or not we are” Anders laughed and and handed her a bottle of cider as she sat down on the other side of Fenris.

“Good, I’m in too good of mood to have to separate you two today” she stuck out her tongue, causing the men in front of her to roll their eyes. The three of them sat there in the shade, enjoying the cool breeze. Hawke and Isabela hand managed to drag Sebastian and Aveline into the water with them, standing in knee deep water searching for shells, Varric standing just out of the water’s reach taking the shells and putting them in a pile. Merrill came skipping over from a patch of grass not too far from the group of three sitting under the shade, a variety of flowers in her hands, some throughout her hair. 

“Oh have you ever seen so many beautiful colors!” she held them out and Syl leaned forward and smelled the bouquet, smiling at the bright colors “The light blue ones match your dress quite wonderfully Steel, oh! Could I braid them into your hair?! Oooh it would be so beautiful!”

“Haha sure Merrill, go for it” she smiled, pulling her hair out of the messy bun she had pulled it into earlier, letting long ribbons of crimson cascade, Merrill sat behind her and starting her intricate braiding, giggling the whole time. Syl kept an amused smile on her face, she didn’t really care for Merrill, but she was too childlike to hate, you couldn’t help but like her a little bit. 

They stayed like that for a couple hours, until the sun started to set. Beautiful streaks of orange, pinks and red crossed the sky just above the water. Indigos and violets further up into the sky, mixing with the stars. The rest of their evening looked like it would be peaceful...but it turned out to be anything but. Without warning Syl, Merrill, Fenris, and Anders were knocked out from behind. Hawke looked up at the sound of Anders’s yell, seeing them be dragged away by slavers.

“Shit! Hawke what do we do?! We can’t take on an entire slaver camp, we don't have any gear!” Varric yelled frantically as they all darted out of the water, putting on boots and grabbing what few weapons they brought with them. 

“Well we’re gonna fucking have to! Three of them are elves and you know those slavers won't play nice.” He grabbed his staff and started off towards where the slavers had disappeared into the woods.

**************

He awoke with a splitting headache, he tried to sit up more but couldn’t, he found himself shackled to giant fallen over tree. Fenris looked to his right, seeing Anders shackled as he was. 

“Oh thank the maker, I was afraid I’d be the only one awake when they came back.” he noticed he had a split lip.

“What the hell happened?” he looked to his left to see Syl next to him, bound and gagged, still unconscious. Merrill in the same state next to her, minus the gag.

“Slavers...Daisy hasn’t woken yet, and Steel was awake, but a bit too mouthy for their liking and they knocked her out again.”

“Fuck...do they know you are a mage?” he whispered

“Not that I am aware of, luckily I’m not in my robes today.” Anders frowned and looked up at the darkened sky, making a face as little drops of rain started to fall “Great...rain” 

“Good...we will need that as a surprise.” he looked at Syl again who was starting to stir, her eyes flashed open, a look of panic in them. “Shhhh…. Everything will be alright..” Fenris locked eyes with her, her gaze softening. She squirmed trying to get free but to no avail. Fenris’s gaze shot up to the sound of boots walking towards them

“Huh, looks like another one is awake” a blonde man with a gravelly voice stalked over to them, Syl flinched when his toe met her foot. The black haired man next to him spoke with an equally gravelly voice

“Well looky here, this little bitch is awake too.” he pulled Syl back by the hair to see her face, her eyes narrowed. “Ha, I can tell this one is going to be fun. Such a pretty little knife-ear” he shoved her back, removing the shackles from her ankles to flip her from her stomach to her back. “Oh yeah, lots’v fun this one’ll be.” he re-chained her ankles lazily. And threw her back against the tree trunk the rest of them were on, Fenris let our a low growl, Syl somehow managed to spit around the gag in her mouth and the man smacked her.

“That’s enough! They still need to be in good condition, as in keep their faces pretty.” Merrill woke next at the man’s harsh words, “Well now, look at the kicked puppy face on that one...you know what...fuck it have your fun….I’m takin that one” the blonde man grinned and started towards Merrill

“NO!” Anders yelled, the man with the black hair struck him, Syl squirmed more, loosening the gag in her mouth, Fenris’s markings itched, threatening to illuminate as he pulled at his chains. The blonde man, grabbed Merrill by her wrist irons, beginning to unfasten them from the tree.

“Don’t touch her you bastard!” Syl kicked the man away from her. She had gone through the horrors of being captured once before, Merrill had not, and if she had her way it would stay that way. 

“Oh you’re gonna get it whore” he bit back, grabbing her by the wrists instead.

“Get off her!” Fenris growled, struggling to try and get the man off of her with his limited ability to move.

“Shut it dog!” the black haired man kicked Fenris in the stomach, Syl kicking him in return as the blonde man dragged her away “Fucking hell, you’re gonna regret that knife-ear.” he grabbed her legs and they dragged Syl away, her fighting every bit of the way. 

“Where are they taking her?!” Merrill wailed

“You do not want to know the answer to that Daisy…” Fenris’s murmured, his voice sounded hollow and broken. He knew what was going to happen to her, and he hated it. Hated that he couldn’t prevent it, if anyone had to get hurt in this ordeal he wished it would’ve been him, he was used to the pain of slavery, his heart sank at the thought.

“What is going to happen to her...they aren’t going to kill her are they?” Anders whispered.

“No...much worse. Do not speak, it will onl-” Syl’s blood curdling scream cried out from the trees, thunder rolling over them, the rain picking up to a heavier pace. Fenris closed his eyes tight, he’d grown quite fond of her, in fact she was the only one in this group he actually went out of his way to spend time with, and hearing her scream turned his blood cold, gnawing at his insides, his markings flickered. “Only make it worse…” he trailed off. And so they sat there, doing nothing but listening to Syl’s pained screams and tormented whimpers that didn’t seem to end. When they did, the black haired man appeared through the trees, dragging a motionless Syl behind him, he chained her wrists back to the tree. He looked at Merrill before he left 

“Be back for you after a few drinks whore.” he muttered and wandered off. Fenris looked at Syl who just stared at the ground, her breathing ragged, her dress torn, barely hanging together stained with mud, he could feel his heart break as it sank lower into the pit of his stomach, bile rising in his throat, knowing what happened to her made him sick. He wanted those bastards to pay.

“Steel are you-”

“Anders shut the fuck up” she snarled at him. Fenris couldn’t meet her gaze, he stared up into the clouds, tears threatening his eyes, tempted to let a few go as the rain washed over his face.

“We need to get out of here...and as much as I hate this idea...one of you two will need to use magic”

“I don’t know about Merrill but I can’t...I tried when those two asses were here earlier.”

“Give me a minute” Syl sat up more

“Pardon?”

“I’ve been silencing you two, easier than you trying to hide it.” she closed her eyes, concentrating on only silencing Merrill

“Well that explains why Justice hasn’t made an appearance yet...why’d you do it?”

“ Slavers torture mages, more than others, peel the flesh from their bones and things like that, very few pay well for magic, and when they do their abilities are abused. I will not see that happen to either of you.” she opened her eyes “Alright you’re good” she nodded to Anders who had a flame at his fingertips to test it out.

“So any ideas how to get free of these?” he wiggled his ankles

“If we have a distraction I will be able to get free, but that would not do the rest of you any good unless we had a key.” Fenris lit up his markings briefly, quickly darkening them as the blonde haired man returned.

“Well well time to have some fun little one.” he bent over Merrill, stroking a hand down her cheek

“Don’t touch her!” Syl growled

“Shut it, you had your turn” he slapped her

“Ha! Is that all you got?!” she cackled, Fenris looked at her with horror in his eyes

“What are you doing?!” he hissed

“Shh” she flashed him a look “Come on you call that a slap? What kind of soldier are you if my dead grandmother can hit harder than that?” she snapped, only to receive another slap.

“I said shut it you whore” he reached for Merrill’s wrists and Syl kicked him again. “Oh you’re making a bad habit of that.” she kicked him in the knee “Ahg! Fuckin wild knife-ears! Bunch a savages. That’s it, you’re coming with me!” he grabbed Syl by the throat and threw her to the ground, then dragging her by the ankles into the trees again, Fenris and Anders desperately trying to stop him, “OI! This one needs another fuckin, pass the bitch around!” Fenris closed his eyes again, not wanting to hear her cries. Several minutes later she was brought back, her lip split open and dress torn even more. The man dragging her tossed her to the ground next to Fenris in a heap, not even bothering to chain her to the tree as he walked away. Syl lifted her head, looking weakly towards Fenris, who looked at her with sorrow filled eyes, she felt sleep wanting to take her. But not yet, she had to make sure Fenris was unchained. That he was freed, she knew if she could do that then they would be okay.

“Why did you force them to take you again?” he murmured, she propped herself up on an elbow and spit out a key.

“Someone had to get that.” She fell back to the ground, Fenris and Anders looked at her in amazement. Seconds later Fenris had phased out of his bonds and started unlocking Anders’s chains, rustling trees caught their attention and he whipped around, markings ablaze and snarling, Anders with lightning crackling at his fingertips.

“Oh thank the maker we found you!” Hawke came running towards them, Varric, Sebastian, Isabela and Aveline in tow. “Rivaini, get Daisy, Choir Boy, Big Girl Keep watch. Are you guys okay?” Hawke knelt next to Syl, who jerked away from his hand. Fenris finished with Anders and knelt next to Syl as well unlocking her shackles. “What happened to her?” Fenris didn’t answer. He took his great-sword from Aveline who was relieved to be rid of its weight , then scooped up an unconscious Syl, his stomach lurching into his throat as she jerked away from his touch. He remembered the last time he held her like this, when they first found her on the wounded coast. He had wanted to know her, and now he did...and it broke his heart to see her in his arms now, broken. 

“Let’s get the fuck out of here” he growled with such malice, Hawke’s blood ran cold. He nodded, and started leading them back the way they came from. “No. We are not sneaking out, those bastards must pay.” 

“Look I get it but we don’t have time to storm a slaver camp” Hawke nodded to Syl

“She will be fine in the ten minutes it will take all of us to slaughter them. Trust me.” Fenris walked to a more secluded area of the small grove they were in and carefully lay Syl down, leaning her against a tree. 

“Broody are you crazy?! There’s at least forty of them!” Aveline barked, “We can’t take them on with just the eight of us since she’s unconscious, half of us don’t even have our weapons!. Let me send the guard in the morning.”

“I would rather deal with them now” he bit back, markings flickering. He glanced at Syl, his heart pounding in his chest. He knew why he wanted to protect her so badly but he didn’t want to admit it to himself, not yet. “If none of you will join me at least keep watch.” He started towards the group of slavers, glancing to his left as Anders came up beside him, the thunderous rain roared around them, the wind picking up, water pouring from the heavens.

“For the record I agree with you, not only Justice, but me….I still don’t like you but it’s suicide alone” he looked dead ahead, twirling his staff, starting to channel lightning into the end of it, matching the storm’s ferocity. 

“Ah fuck if those two are working together something must have happened, come on let’s hel- Andraste’s flaming ass!” Varric trailed off, distracted by the scene unfolding before them. 

Anders stood farther back towards them, launching balls of lightning and fire into the mix while summoning storms of acid rain. In the fray of things was Fenris, or at least the glowing blue blur of light that streaked the battlefield, a trail of bloody organs in his wake. Within a few minutes the slavers were dead. Fenris stood with his back facing them for a few moments, he turned to walk back the rest of the group, dropping the heart he held in his hand. As he ascended the hill and Anders followed him, pausing as he realized something. Fenris killed about thirty of those slavers...without using his sword...that man really was terrifying.

“You feel better?” Hawke called out to him, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Bite me.” he spat as he bent down and picked up Syl again.

“Right we can argue later, for now let’s get the hell out of here.” Varric started shoving people back towards the city.

*********************************

“Can we stop for a minute, my foot is really bothering me.” Merrill stumbled in the sand, running a hand through her wet hair. In the time it took them to get back to the beach the storm had lightened to a light mist.

“Of course we can kitten” Isabela purred, helping Merrill to the ground. “Hey tall, doc and handsome, can you take a look?” Anders rolled his eyes and knelt in front of Merrill. Fenris carefully laid Syl on the ground, wandering over to the water to rinse his hands of blood, thinking about all that had transpired this evening. As he started to walk back to the group Syl woke with a startled cry.

“Get away from me!!” she screamed, shoving Hawke back as he was tending to some of her cuts. “Just stay away!” she looked around frantically not realizing they had escaped, Fenris darted back to the group stopping when she locked eyes with him. It was then she noticed where they were, that they were all standing on the beach again, safe. She couldn’t hold back the tears any longer, she hung her head.

“Steel…”Hawke went to hug her and she pushed past him, stumbling away towards Fenris “Steel are you-” Varric hit him to shut him up. Fenris walked closer to her and wrapped his arms around her as she wept. 

“Nolite ergo solliciti esse, qui nothi pretium, quod fecerunt” _(Do not worry, those bastards paid for what they did)_ he gave her a squeeze “Ego promitto tibi” _(I promise you that)_ he murmured only for her to hear, she pulled away from him, meeting his eyes with hers, she mouthed a thank you and pulled away from him completely, running her hands along her face, revealing a stony expression when she took them away. 

“Steel are you, this is going to sound stupid, are you okay?” Hawke immediately regretted his question when he saw her fiery gaze. She didn’t say anything, all she did was start towards the city gate again. “Steel? What happened? What’s wrong?”

“You’re asking stupid questions.” she growled

“What? No, something else clearly happened, you look kinda-.”

“Hawke stop.” Anders grabbed his shoulder

“Shut the fuck up Garrett” Fenris spat at him

“Steel what’s wrong?” he reached for her and Anders slapped his hand away. She spun around glaring at him.

“You want to know what’s wrong?! Do you now?” she jabbed a finger at his chest

“Suddenly I’m thinking I should’ve listened to Anders and Fenris…” he whimpered

“You’re damn right you should’ve, I’m not in the mood to deal with your shit today Garrett. And you want to know why?” she jabbed her finger at his chest again. “Those bastards raped me” she snarled, he looked down “And you know what makes it worse? I let them.” she growled, he looked at her in confusion

“What?” he whispered “Why….”

“Because it was either me or Merrill….So I made them take me both times they came for her.”

“Oh….Steel..I’m sor-”

“ **NO**! No you don’t get to say you’re sorry, nor do I want your pity” her voice dripped with malice.

“Then why?” she retreated at the question, clearly not wanting to answer it, she turned back towards the city

“She’s still good.” she said bleakly, glancing towards Merrill “Let her keep her innocence or purity or whatever the hell you want to call it, blood mage or no, she’s still a sweet little dalish girl with nothing more than the desire to explore. No need for her to be corrupted. I’ve already been through hell and back several times….what’s a few more?” she hung her head not wanting to say anything more “Can we just go? I don’t know about the rest of you but I really just want to go home.” 

“Yeah, let’s go home, first round is on me…” Varric muttered as he started leading them back. No one said another word the rest of the walk back to Kirkwall. Only when they passed the threshold of the gate did Varric speak again. “Ah fuck I forgot about this…” A few thousand people flooded the streets for the Hallows Eve festival. Everyone had donned their fancy clothes for the evening, choosing from darker color pallets, with masks. Some covering their face completely, others only half, and some across only their eyes, as the theme for this year was a masquerade. The streets had been decorated, music was being played by several bands hidden is alcoves and alleys, the market was filled with different food vendors, all in all it was a spectacular event that all of them were looking forward to earlier in the day, but after the evening’s events none of them felt like partaking. Shortly after they had gotten there they all muttered their goodbyes and went their separate ways.

*********************

The second Fenris locked the front door Syl let go, she tossed her daggers on the table in the main hall, bracing herself on the table, tears streaming her face. Fenris walked over to her, placing his blade on the table as well. He went to put an arm around her, but hesitated, hovering just over her shoulders until she turned and leaned into him, her forehead pressed against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her again. 

“I thought….I thought I’d never have to deal with that again…” despite her shaky appearance her voice was as strong as normal. 

“Again?” he gently ran a hand through her hair.

“Yeah..I uh…” she sighed “That wasn’t my first time being caught by slavers...the first time they were all incredibly stupid and we ended up tricking them and escaped. The time after that they were smarter, the same tricks didn’t work….but clearly it didn’t work in their favour.” she gave him a weak smile, as he did to her. She was beautiful, an absolute mess, her dress was barely hanging on by a thread, she was covered in dirt and blood, her hair had broken blue flowers tangled in the messy braids, but she was still absolutely beautiful in his eyes. “Uhg I don’t want to think about this anymore, I just want to do something fun or get really really drunk...haven’t decided yet…just...something to get my mind off this” she ran a hand through her hair and frowned. Fenris thought back to wandering the Market with her and Isabela a few days prior and gave her a wicked smile. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I have an idea. Stay right here, I will be back.” he went up the stairs and disappeared into one of the rooms. Several minutes later he reappeared at the railing up top and waved her up. He lead her into the bathroom. “While it may not be fun, or alcoholic, I thought this might help you start to feel better.” He waved to the tub, he had drawn her a steaming hot bath, smelling of the sandalwood soap she loved, a thick layer of bubbles covering the surface. 

“Oh thank you!”

“You are welcome, I will be back in a few minutes. Enjoy” He smiled and left the room, closing the door behind him. She tossed her tattered and soaked clothing to the side and slipped into the water, sighing with relief as her muscles started to loosen. She sat there for several long minutes before Fenris knocked on the door.

“Come in” he slipped through the door, carrying a large bunch of fabric, his hair still slightly dripping in a different way and he had changed. She tilted her head

“I was not as dirty as you” he set down the fabric and dragged a chair out from the corner of the room and placed it behind her, sitting down and helping her untangle the flowers from her hair.

“I was referring to the fabric. And thank you, it’s hard to do when you can’t see them.” she laughed a bit.

“I can imagine. Dip your hair in the water.” he let her hair run through his fingers as she slipped under the water, smirking as the crimson threads spread in the water in a cloud of red, she emerged from the water, turning her head over her shoulder.

“Not peaking I hope” she wiggled her brows, he blushed horribly.

“Ehm, I would never.” he coughed again, clearly flustered “Just, amused by your hair, it is interesting in the way it flows in the water. “ he took her hair in his hands again fishing the last of the flowers out and untangling the braids. "Venhedis Ferro" ( _curse, steel)_ he sighed as he pulled his fingers through her hair "How does this not get in your way when you fight?" Syl laughed and dipped back into the water as Fenris stood and returned the chair, keeping his back turned until she spoke. 

“Such a gentleman, you can turn around again” she was in her robe toweling her hair dry, combing through it as she did. “You never answered me” she nodded to the fabric again. 

“I am surprised you do not recognize it.” he smirked, picking up the fabric to reveal it was the black and forest green gown she had bought for the masquerade. The gown was made from black silk that had a forest green shimmer two it, the skirt was a mass of cascading waves, leading up to the bodice, a built in over-bust corset with a deep sweetheart neckline with off the shoulder cap sleeves. 

“Ha, well now it just seems ridiculous to wear that around the house.” she ran her hands through her hair again.

“Actually...I was hoping you would come with me.”   
“What?!” she spun around “You can’t be serious…” he gave her an amused look “Oh you are….I mean it would certainly be fun…”

“And I believe Varric said something about drinks being on him tonight, two birds.” he handed her the dress and turned his back again   
“Yeah alright….you can step out you know” she teased him

“I was unaware you could get a corset on by yourself.” he reached for the door, matching her tone

“Ha okay that’s fair.” the dropped her robe and stepped into her dress “Alright, lace me up good sir.” 

“You seem to be in a better mood.” he pulled at the laces

“I am...thank you.” 

“That is good. And for what, if I may ask” he pulled at the laces again

“This, tonight. I think this is one of the most thoughtful things anyone has done for me.” she smiled over her shoulder.

“You are most welcome, that is what friends are for.” he tied the laces at her hips “I will let you finish getting ready, meet me in the main hall?” she nodded as he left. A few minutes later her hair had been pulled into an interestingly neat yet messy bun, her eyes had a layer of black kohl and liner, and her lips were stained a deep crimson that rivaled her hair. She left the bathroom and started descending the stairs, seeing Fenris, dressed in the same silky black tunic and leggings he had changed into earlier. Only now he had added his black boots and the navy tailcoat with black lapels that he bought earlier in the week. He also seemed to be muttering to himself.

“You alright?” she walked over to the table and worked on fastening her daggers to her thighs in the special garters Isabela had gotten her a while ago. 

“Hm? Yes Varric just came by, rambling about joining the rest of them, I guess they had the same idea we did.” 

“Doesn’t surprise me in the least haha, what’s in here?” she pointed to a box on the table

“Ah yes...that is a gift from the whore and I.” he smirked at her “Open it” he folded his arms across his chest as she opened the small wooden box to see it was lined with velvet, within the velvet was a black leather mask adorned with small black ostrich feathers as well as smaller deep green down feathers, different tiny circular gemstones in green, black and light blue were also scattered throughout the mask. 

“By the maker….Fenris this is absolutely gorgeous!” she flung herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Thank you so much” she released him and he helped her tie the mask to her face, carefully weaving the ribbon through her hair, he took a few steps back, looking her up and down smiled. 

“Steel….wow” he swallowed hard, he had never seen someone as beautiful as her in all his travels, and now, if it were possible, she was even more beautiful. The dress hugged her curves exquisitely, the mask framed her eyes perfectly, making them look even more metallic. “You...ah, you look stunning.”

“Aw thank you Fen!” she smiled, twirling around in front of him. He looked down shaking his head, smiling...thinking. He was lost in a train of thought and didn’t notice her step in front of him until she placed a finger under his chin to lift his face, then placing his mask on his face. His was also black leather, with black gemstones and charcoal grey embroidery, the thinnest line of black fur lining the entire thing. “There! Don’t you look rugged and handsome!” he blushed and she giggled. “Come on, let's go.” he nodded and grabbed his sword from the table. And held the door open for her. They stepped into the street and pushed their way through crowds of people in Hightown heading towards the Hanged Man. Just outside the tavern they saw the group they were looking for. 

Hawke was leaning against the wall of the Hanged Man, dressed in an outfit similar Fenris’s, only in burgundy and gold, a bit more extravagant than the elf’s. His mask, being a joke from Varric, was a regal looking hawk. Isabela next to him, wearing what she normally did only with more bedazzled accessories, an elaborate pirate’s hat and simple blue silk mask across her eyes. Varric had donned a fancy rust colored tailcoat and matching leather mask with intricate swirls of gold, tying a matching colored silk ribbon to Bianca. Anders’s outfit matched the one Hawke had only his was teal, his mask was teal stained leather that had been embroidered with different swirling designs. Aveline was on patrol and just in her guard armor but Isabela had managed to get her to wear a copper colored mask that matched her hair. The two elves walked up to the group.

“Hey they made it! And, damn Steel! You’re going to give Rivaini a run for her money with that much cleavage!” Varric nodded at her chest which was very much on display given the neckline of her dress.

“Ha yeah well, I feel pretty so fuck off” she smirked and flipped him off

“You look lovely doll! Come, let’s get you a drink!” Isabela grabbed her wrist and dragged her into the bar. 

“I gotta hand it to ya Broody, she seems to be in a better mood. How’d you do it?” Varric pulled out cigars handing one to each of them. 

“I have my ways.” Fenris held his cigar out to Hawke who proceeded to light all four of them. “And before you get funny ideas dwarf it is not what you think.” he took a drag.

“I would never suspect such things!” he fake gasped as the ladies came back and the band around the corner picked up again. 

“Oooh let’s go dancing!” Isabela set her mug down, Hawke, Anders, and Syl doing the same. 

“You kids have fun, I don’t dance” Varric leaned against the wall

“Well you’re boring, Broody you coming?” Hawke blew smoke at him

“I think I am going to keep the dwarf company” he blew smoke right back at him and the four of them ran off to get closer to the cluster of people dancing.

“No the dancing type eh elf?”

“I do not mind it, just not in the mood at the moment” he looked away from the dwarf and at Syl instead as she danced with the other three.

“So how’d you do it?” 

“Do what?” he looked back at the dwarf

“You know what.”

“You are mistaken” he looked down

“Come on Broody, how did you, the grumpy asshole of our group who hates everyone, cheer her up so well? Seriously I was not expecting her to be smiling that much if we saw her.”

“I let her vent, made her laugh, drew her a hot bath, convinced her coming out tonight would be fun….and I offered to buy her a few drinks. To quote her ‘I just want to do something fun or get very very drunk tonight”

“Wow...you’re a good friend Broody. I wouldn’t have pegged you for someone to be so thoughtful.”

“I am full of surprises” he took a drag of his cigar and looked back to Syl who was giggling as she twirled Isabela around. 

The music slowed and people paired up. Varric and Fenris looked on, Hawke whispered something dirty in Isabela’s ear and pulled her close to him. Anders turned to Syl, a brow raised. “Would you care for a dance m’lady?” he extended a hand

“Ha, really? Why the hell would you wanna dance with me?” she took his hand anyway, he shrugged. 

“What can I say? I like dancing with pretty women” he spun her out and back into him. “You know, last time I was dancing I was with someone you remind me of.”

“Oh?” she raised a brow remembering the ball at Vigil’s Keep 

“Yeah, I was with the great Warden Commander, The Hero of Ferelden. The nobles forced us to have a celebration at the keep. Alistair ended up getting busy with nobles and couldn’t dance with her anymore, so I grabbed her and danced with her for, oh it must have been seven songs. It was wonderful, truly, Syl is a great woman.”

“That does sound nice” she sounded distant, remembering the time he was referring to and gave him a smirk, wondering if he'd finally call her out. 

“It really was” he thought for a moment, looking at her, she really did look like the Hero, he shrugged “We danced, we ate wonderful food, got really really drunk, stole Oghren’s boots. It was a great night” he twirled her around again “Though there was one thing I always wished I had done.” he spun her back into him gripping her tightly, she raised a brow. He leaned forward and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. She contorted her face and pulled back a bit.

“The hell was that?!” 

“Well most people call that a kiss” he shrugged

“Yes I’m aware of that smartass, why the hell did you kiss me?”

“I don’t know, why not?” he spun her around again, this time she let go of his hand. “Aw come on Steel, I can’t possibly be that bad!” she frowned

“Anders you do realize I don’t like you right? Why the hell would I enjoy you kissing me!”

“What can I say? It’s hard to resist a pretty woman” he winked at her and she crossed her arms with an annoyed look “Alright I won’t do it again!” he held his hands up, “Finish the song?” he held a hand out to her

“I guess” she took his hand again, immediately being spun out from him again, stumbling into someone.

“May I?” Fenris held out a hand to her, she looked back over her shoulder towards Anders who rolled his eyes and waved her off. Fenris placed a hand on her hip as she placed one on his shoulder, then took her free hand in his.

“You came just in time, he was getting on my nerves.” she smiled up at him

“So I saw.” he picked her up by the waist and spun around, her skirt billowing in waves, he took her hip and hand again “You dance well” he smiled

“As do you...if I remember correctly, this particular dance is from Tevinter”

“It is” his eyes flitted over to Hawke who was doubled over clutching his jaw, surrounded by a group of men “We will have to finish this another time, it seems Hawke needs us” he nodded to the man and she frowned, he pulled her towards Hawke and Varric.

“Watch it birdie! We’ll have to clip your wings if you cause too much trouble.” one of the men shoved him back

“Hey man it was an accident, just let it go.” Varric stepped in front of Hawke

“Is there a problem here?” Fenris stood next to Hawke and Varric, gently pushing Syl behind him. 

“Shut it knife-ear, this doesn’t concern you.” the man’s friend shoved him back, Fenris squared his shoulders, directly facing the man.

“Leave” his voice was gravelly

“Look here this lout deserves it, he’s killed too many of our gang, almost wiped us out, and now he’s running into us while we’re minding our business” Hawke muttered something about tripping and the man flipped him off “It’s time for some revenge. Now fuck off ya poncy knife-ear” he shoved Fenris back again

“Oi leave him alone!” Hawke growled “You have a problem with me, leave them out of this”

“Hawke don’t be stupid, if they have a problem with you they have a problem with us.” Syl stepped out from behind Fenris, ready to reach for her throwing knives in her bodice.

“Aw c’mon sweetheart, this certainly doesn’t concern you. N’fact, why don’t you go wait over there and I’ll show you a good time when we’re done here.” the one man eyed her up and down. Fenris growled, pushing Syl behind him. Varric pulled out Bianca, getting ready to shoot. 

“I said, leave” Fenris snarled, letting his markings come to life, Syl shivered as they burned with such cold intensity as he was still holding her hand, the men before them recoiled, he shifted his weight, becoming more intimidating and they turned away.

“We’ll be back, you mark my words little bird, you’ll get what’s coming to you” the one man spat as they walked away.

“You okay Hawke?” Varric reached for the man’s face

“Yeah I’m fine, ah Varric quit it” he smacked the man’s hand away “Thanks for having my back”

“What are friends for...speaking of you better get back and tell Rivaini you’re okay, she’s giving you a look.”

“Yeah yeah” Hawke waved him off and started walking towards Isabela with Varric in tow. Fenris was still standing rigidly

“Fenris you can tone those down now” Syl looked up at him and squeezed his hand, his markings extinguishing themselves. “You okay?”

“Hm? Yes, just concerned is all. I have a feeling we have not seen the last of them this evening.” he shook his head and looked down at her “Shall we go back to the others?” she nodded and he lead her back towards their friends. 

“Oi you guys want to go inside for Wicked Grace and get so drunk we black out?” Isabela pointed to the Hanged Man, Hawke and Anders nodded and followed her in, Varric turned to wait for the elves, raising a brow as they approached. “Ha, you know Broody I’m sure Steel can walk by herself, you don’t need to hold her hand, she’s a big girl” he turned and entered the bar, Fenris paused and looked down at his left hand tangled in Syl’s. He hadn’t noticed they were still holding hands, for some reason he couldn’t make himself let go. Syl gave his hand a squeeze and started dragging him into the bar

“Come on you, I need at least twelve drinks tonight and you offered to buy me one” she continued pulling him over to the bar and flagged over the bartender.

“What can I get for you miss?”

“Scotch”

“And you sir?”

“Same, and make them both doubles.” Corff nodded and came back moments later handing them their drinks. “Shall we?” Fenris nodded to Varric’s suite. Syl nodded taking a sip of her scotch as he lead her to the back of the bar, blissfully unaware that they we still hand in hand as they pushed their way through the masked crowd. When they finally made it to Varric’s room Fenris spun around and released her as she twirled. 

“Anders don’t be such a dick” Hawke poked him in the chest

“I’m not! Just let me heal your jaw-” Anders continued rambling at the man in front of him, Syl rolled her eyes.

“I am not drunk enough to listen to those two tonight” Syl muttered, Fenris snorted a laugh in agreement. 

“Another round?” he raised a brow

“I haven’t finished this one” she smiled at him and looked at his glass “Neither have you for that matter…” he looked at his glass and shrugged, proceeding to down it in one go 

“Mors adsequi” (Catch up Steel) he smirked waving his glass at her. She rolled her eyes and followed his lead, downing the rest of her scotch. Fenris took her glass and wandered back to the bar. 

“Steel! Cigar?” Varric held one out to her

“Hell yeah! Let me grab one for Fenris too, he’s getting drinks.”

“Sure, wait didn’t you just have a full glass?”

“I said I wanted to get wasted tonight, and I guess Fenris is making sure that I do” she giggled

“Ha alright” he handed her the lit cigars and wandered over to Hawke, Anders, and Isabela. Moments later Fenris appeared next to her, a drink and a shot it each hand.

“Oh my what did you bring?” Syl handed him a cigar taking her drinks from him, sniffing the shot

“Absinthe and another round of scotch” he held out his shot of absinthe and they tapped glasses before downing them

“Maker that’s strong shit”

“That was indeed the point of me bringing it.” he raised a brow, smirking at her reaction.

“Ha well let’s keep ‘em coming then” she took a drag of her cigar, Fenris held up a finger and set down his glass, pulling a bottle of absinthe and another of scotch from either of his jacket pockets. “Well I wasn’t expecting that” she laughed

“If we keep this pace it will be hard to walk to the bar soon” he winked at her as he set down the bottled and picked up his glass again. If she wanted to get drunk he sure as hell wasn’t going to let her do it alone, he could tell she was trying to drink away her pain from earlier, something he’d gotten quite good at over the years, and he knew that she was going to feel worse the next morning. But maybe if she’d remember it as drinking too much with a friend, instead of drinking away sorrows it wouldn’t make her feel as bad. He hoped.

“Well look at you thinking of everything. How kind of you sir.” she wiggled her shot glass at him and he refilled both of them, the two of them downing them right after. “Ha my head already hurts thinking about the hangover I’m going to have from this tomorrow.”

“Remind me to bar the door shut then so you do not have to deal with the other headache which is Garrett.” he smirked, she snorted a laugh and looked down at her feet smiling “What?”

“Nothing I just…” she sighed “Right now just reminds me of that one night in the Deep Roads, you let me see this whole new side of you and I had hoped to see more of it. And I’ve gotten to, but right now, I don’t know I could be wrong but I feel like you’ve completely let your guard down and let me in and honestly, it’s wonderful.” she glanced up at him catching his gaze. She was right, he felt most comfortable and at ease when he was with her, he was constantly finding himself wanting to be with her when he wasn’t, wanting her to bring out who he was even though he didn't really remember himself. But even right now he wasn’t completely off guard, not really...but he wanted to be. He glanced around the room at the others who were starting one of Isabela’s drinking games and then back to Syl. He thought about when they were in the Deep Roads and even though they were in that hell ridden place he let his guard down when she was near him. He put out his cigar and knocked back the rest of his drink, nodding for Syl to do the same, which she did without hesitation. He grabbed the bottle of scotch as she picked up the bottle of absinthe, he took her other hand in his and took off out the bar, pulling her through the crowded streets of Lowtown towards the docks.

“Not that I’m not a fan of being whisked away into the night, but where are you taking me?” she giggled as he rounded a corner quickly, pulling her around it just as fast, causing her to laugh again. He smirked, he loved making her laugh, the sound was music to his ears.

“You shall see” he stopped running and lead her over to one of the city walls lining the harbour, pocketing the scotch he hopped up onto one of the taller crates and hoisted himself onto the wall. “Well?” he looked down at her, she shook her head, smiling, she hopped up onto the crate and he reached down to pull her up the rest of the way. He grabbed her by the waist and she draped an arm over his shoulder as he drew her to the top of the wall, he paused holding her over the edge still, smirking at her.

“Oh don’t even think about it!” she swatted him in the back of the head and he rolled his eyes, pulling her up to the rest of the way, taking her hand again as he lead her to the end of the wall. She stopped as they neared the edge “Whoa….” the part of the wall they were on stretched out over the water, the water that never ended. They looked out into the sea that seemed to go on forever until it met the sky on the horizon, continuing to stretch up into the stars that laced the sky around the full moon in front of the storm clouds that were rolling back in.

“I thought you might enjoy it up here.” Fenris let go of her hand and sat on the edge of the wall, his feet hanging over the edge, he looked up at her, patting the spot next to him, hoping she’d sit, which she did, their shoulders just barely touching.

“It’s beautiful up here” she stared out into the water, admiring the reflection of the stars on the rippling surface. Fenris turned to gaze at her, soaking in how she looked in the moonlight, her pale skin had an ethereal glow, her crimson hair looked like shimmering silken blood. Her eyes mimicked the stars themselves. 

“Indeed it is” he shook his head, smiling to himself, he ran a hand over his face realizing he still had his mask on which he then took off. Looking back to Syl he noticed her doing the same. She turned to him after she was finished.

“Thank you Fenris….this, this has been a wonderful evening. I honestly wasn’t expecting it to be. Thank you.” she smiled

“You are most welcome. I am glad you have enjoyed yourself….I suppose that is one thing you can check off your list of things you wanted to do this evening.” he pulled the scotch out of his pocket, taking a sip before handing it to her.

“And it continues to get better!” she took a long pull from the bottle. A sudden look of sadness crossing her face, she looked down thumbing the label of the bottle. “I uh...also wanted to thank you for earlier…”

“That is...unnecessary, if anything the rest of us should be thanking you, you were able to get the key.” she shrugged at his words

“While that may be true, you’re still the one who got us out of there….I mean, I knew if I got the key you’d get all of us home.” she paused, acknowledging his questioning gaze. “Oh come on don’t look at me like that, I know you don’t like Merrill, and it’s obvious to everyone in Thedas that you despise Anders, but you’d still protect them and you know it. I knew that you would make sure nothing happened to us, whether it be for fear of letting Hawke down, or yourself, or maybe it’s because I know you’ve gone through that and you’d never wish it on another person. I don’t know the reason, but I could see it in your face...I knew you would keep us safe. So for that….I thank you.” she took a long drink from the bottle before she met his emerald gaze. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?” she tilted her head and poked him in the chest

“It is nothing…” he took the bottle she offered and took a sip “No one….No one has ever said anything like that to me. Ever. No one has ever looked at me and felt safe. No one has ever looked at me not seen me as anything but a monster” his words stung the air with a cold edge.

“I do” she stared into his eyes with her stony ones, challenging him so say otherwise. He snorted in response, igniting his markings, slightly glaring at her

“You will have to forgive me if I do not exactly believe that. On the surface you may be able to look past it, but inside there is a monster, keeping me prisoner, twisting me into something I do not wish to be...and I cannot seem to get rid of it.” he looked at the lyrium brands on his hands, half paying attention to her as she spoke.

“Fenris if you were an absolute monster you’d have killed Hawke the second you met him for being the very thing you despise.”

“Who is to say I still won’t?” he raised a brow

“Alright that is a fair point, we’re all bound to want to strangle him at one point or another. But still, you aren’t a monster….at least if you are you certainly aren’t the only one….or the worst one...I mean you’ve met Anders right? About yay high, feathery, annoying, and an abomination?” he snorted a laugh in response “We’ve all got our demons, some are just more obvious than others...I will refer to the feathered one once again” he snorted a laugh again, smirking more than last time, his markings dimming down. “Oh come on I know you can smile more than that! I’ve seen it!” she poked him several times before he caught her hands, pulling her to him and spinning her in such a way that she was sitting in his lap, her back pressed against his chest, his arms wrapped around her, pinning hers to her sides. “Hey!” she squirmed. 

“Thank you for that….I do actually believe you….” he rested his chin on top of her head, staring out at the ocean, she stopped squirming, relaxing into him, his grip loosened and his arms fell to be more around her waist, his hands resting lightly on her lap until at some point when they intertwined with hers, neither of them noticing, occasionally taking a drink from one of the bottles They sat like that for a long while before the silence was broken.

“You were wrong by the way...about the monster keeping you prisoner...you aren’t the caged one, your demons are. The monster is caged, the man is free.” she whispered. He pulled her closer to him, when his arms loosened again she adjusted to be able to look up at his face. He looked down into her metallic eyes, searching for something, he wasn’t sure what until a new rush of emotions washed over him like the waves around them. He slid his hand up to her face, gently resting his palm on the base of her jaw, his fingers sending shivers down her spine as lowered his face to hers, resting with their foreheads pressed together, breathing each other in. He listened to her breathe for a moment, feeling as her breath hitched, feeling as each breath she took became a little bit quicker than the last, he could feel his own start to do the same. The wind around them picked up, both of them briefly looking up at the sky, the rain had started to fall again. He looked back into her eyes, watching as they mimicked the stormy clouds, she smiled slightly. He gave into temptation and lowered his face to hers once more, pressing his lips to hers. He gently forced their lips to part enough for their tongues to tangle together. The way their lips melted into each other, ignited something within him, he never wanted to stop kissing her. They spent ages tangled in each other, until they both parted to breathe. She sighed and leaned into him more, her eyes still closed, he wrapped his arms around her tighter.

“Fenris…” she said softly

“Yes?” his heart was pounding in his chest, afraid of what she might say

“Are you aware that we are both absolutely soaking wet?” she looked up at him with an amused smirk and he burst out laughing. He hadn’t noticed that the light mist turned into a heavy rain and they were indeed both soaking wet.

“I had no idea….” he looked down at her, her hair had fallen out of the bun she had it in, lazily falling down her back, she was stunning. “Would you like to go home?” she shrugged, he smiled at her and took off his coat, draping it over her as she settled into him more. He kept his arms around her, resting his his head on her shoulder, their faces touching as they watched the storm roll through the sky, thunder rolling with lightning chasing it through through the gloomy clouds, bringing wind that tormented the sea, causing violently beautiful waves. They stayed like that until the pouring rain turned back into a heavy mist. They slowly untangled and stood, he took her hand and lead her back home, walking on top of the wall the entire way there. He hopped down, catching her as she hopped down after him. They walked into the mansion, Fenris locking the door behind them. He walked back to her room with her, bidding her a goodnight.

“Goodnight” he started to turn away when she caught his arm

“Would you….would you stay with me tonight…” he nodded

“Of course, I will be back…” he stepped out of her room and went to his own, changing out of his wet clothes into a dry tunic and loose pair of cotton pants. He ran his hands through his dripping hair and frowned, on his way back to her room he grabbed a towel out of the linen closet, toweling his hair as he walked into her room. She had changed into a camisole and loose linen pants and was combing through her hair. He tossed her the towel and she started wringing out her crimson waves into the towel. When she was finished she draped over the small table near the fire to dry. She turned and walked over to her bed, Fenris following her, she crawled over to the other side and laid down, Fenris lying next to her, when she settled he rolled onto his side, draping an arm around her. She rolled over to be facing him, kissing him on the cheek before burying her face into his chest. He smiled and pulled her closer, kissing the top of her head he closed his eyes and let sleep take him.

************************** 

“Well? Thoughts?” Hawke turned to face his group of companions that were crammed into the tiny hovel

“The fade is no place for a man of faith….” Sebastian mildly bit

“Well, we’ve done other weird shit, why not the fade?” Varric shrugged

“I think it is dangerous...but I will go if you need me.” Fenris nodded

“This is one of the stupidest things we’ve ever done but count me in” Syl ran a hand over her face, remembering the last time she was in the fade.

“ You can always count on me” Anders nodded to him

“Alright, here we go. Sebastian… would you mind staying? Just watching over us?” Hawke took his staff off his back and sat on the floor as the others did the same.

“Of course, I will pray for your safe return.” He nodded

“You ready?” Syl looked to Fenris as she laid next to him

“Dabbling with magics the magisters used in the old days? What could possibly go wrong?” his voice was low

“Just remember you said that when this all goes to hell” she stuck out her tongue.

**************************

One by one they appeared side by side in a foggy building. The courtyard they were in slowly came into focus more as they solidified. 

“Everyone here and in one piece?” Hawke turned to his group

“Hawke...you owe me a drink” Varric looked up into the fake sky

“Ah it feels so good to breathe in the fade once more” Anders’s voice was corrupt, his eyes glowing electric blue

“Anders?” Hawke took a step back

“No, I am Justice. Anders is not in control here.” 

“Great, now we have to deal with a demon…” Fenris muttered

“Yeah...least we’re all still ourselves...last time I was here I got turned into a rat…” Syl murmured, Fenris, Varric, and Hawke looked at here absolutely bewildered “What?...I got better…” she looked down, Varric just laughed and Hawke started leading the way through what looked like the gallows.

“Last time?” Fenris leaned down and whispered in her ear as they followed the others

“Yeah...this isn’t the first time I’ve walked in the fade… last time...well last time was interesting…. I’ll tell you more about it some time….too complicated to explain when there’s a demon in front of us” she unsheathed her daggers and he his sword, Hawke held up a hand

“Wait!”

“You...you’re here for the boy? You’ll need me...my...help…” the demon spoke

“Do not listen!” Justice roared

“Sorry, I don’t make deals with demons!” Hawke sent a fireball into the demon’s face, Fenris darted past him, plunging his great sword into the demon’s chest and tearing it upward, tearing it in two. They continued into one of the halls, searching for Feynriel, Hawke shoved open a door, turning into Feynriel’s mother, across from him was Feynriel as a young boy sitting at a table, his father was leaning over his shoulder, teaching him to write.”

“Feynriel what are you doing?”

“Father is teaching me my letters!”

“I taught you your letters” Hawke thought for a moment “Your father never cared about you...think about it...he wasn’t here for you” the boy looked at his father

“You...you weren’t...who are you?” the boy ran off and Hawke turned back into himself, the desire demon revealed herself 

“YOU!” she spat “YOU spoiled my fun!”

“Oops” Hawke shrugged casting a wave of primal lighting at her, she summoned several shades as they fought. Varric worked on crowd control, keeping a majority of the shades at a distance, Justice taking them out as they got too close. Fenris and Syl dealt with the rage demons, he kept them focused on him as she dodged in and out of their fight, making deadly slices with her daggers until the fiery demons fell. Hawke let out a final burst of lightning sending the desire demon into the wall, her lifeless body falling to the ground in a heap.

“Everyone okay?” Varric put Bianca on his back

“Right...let’s keep going shall we? I want to get out of here as soon as we can...all these demons are making my skin crawl…” Hawke shuddered. They made their way to the next hall over, again Hawke disappeared and a new scene unfolded before them, the keeper praising Feynriel, calling him a saviour of the Dalish. Hawke, in the form of the first enchanter spoke.

“You’re not the saviour of the Dalish...they didn’t want you...you’re in the circle...remember?” as soon as he finished speaking a pride demon appeared, Hawke turned back into himself and the demon roared. 

“What have you done?! Why must you interfere!?”

“Oh...do you not like it when people see you for what you are and turn on you? My bad…” The demon laughed 

“HA! And you think your friends wouldn’t turn on you? You think this elf would choose you over his freedom?”

“Cast your eyes elsewhere monster, you will find nothing here.” Fenris growled, readying his blade

“No? So you would choose this man over the chance to face the magisters? Over a chance to match their power?” Fenris placed his sword on his back

“Fenris…” Hawke warned him

“I have faced them before...but to face them as an equal….what would you have of me?”

“A moment of your time, nothing more.” the demon smiled, summoning another one of itself, as well as several shades and ghostly elves, Fenris turned on the group, his eyes black and glowing an icy lyrium blue as his markings ignited.

“Ah fuck…” Hawke muttered backing away from him with fear in his amber eyes.

“Take care of the demons, I’ll get him!” Syl called to him as she tossed a throwing knife at Fenris, which embedded itself into his shoulder, he spun around, sword at the ready “Come on Fen, one demon makes an offer and you cave? That’s not like you…” she dodged his swing “I have to say, I’m surprised you took the offer, it makes you no better than those filthy magisters!” He growled at her and took another swing that she narrowly avoided. She knew her words cut him to the core, but it was the only way she could get him to stay focused on her and not the others. He raised his sword above his head brought it down with a crushing force, she blocked it, just barely able to parry his attack. He looked at her with a wicked grin before raising his blade again, he feigned bringing it down and she reached to block his attack. Before she knew what was happening he dropped his blade and plunged a glowing hand into her chest, gripping her heart, a low rumble of a laugh escaping his lips as he leaned his face close to hers

“I won” he snarled as she choked on her own blood, squeezing her heart tighter causing her to gasp, she grinned, blood dripping down her chin, and he tilted his head confused, not noticing as she reached for one of her throwing knives strapped to her thigh and plunged it into his ribs, angling it upward. 

“No...you didn’t…” She grunted as she shoved the dagger up more, tearing through his lungs and into his heart. His hand fell from her chest while his other reached up to catch himself on her shoulder as his knees buckled and his eyes phased back to their normal emerald green with enough time for him to look at her with a wild panic in his eyes. He collapsed more and she lowered him to the ground as his breathing stopped “Forgive me...I’m so sorry...please forgive me…” she closed her eyes, opening them as he faded away into nothing. She stood and picked up her daggers, helping Varric kill the two remaining shades as Justice was healing Hawke’s torn open side. 

“Steel!” Hawke bolted up and raced over to her, catching her as she stumbled “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine Garrett...let’s just...just finish what we came here for….I’ll be fine when we wake up…” she held a hand over the bloodstain from where Fenris’s hand was, she could only imagine what that would feel like in the real world.

“While I would like to agree with you I’m not so sure…”

“I’m fine, let’s just go!” she snapped, he nodded and let go of her leading the way back through the halls and into the courtyard where Feynriel was waiting for them. Syl pulled out a dagger

“NO!” Justice snarled at her, she glowered at him

“She’s right! He’s too dangerous…” Hawke didn’t even look at Feynriel but started to cast a large bolt of lightning, Justice immediately getting in the way of him “Anders...Justice move” 

“NO! He cannot be made tranquil! You have no ri-” He whipped around to look at Syl who had thrown her dagger straight into the boys throat, killing him instantly. “HOW DARE YOU!” he lunged for her, fading into nothing as he did, as did Varric.

“Hawke?” she looked at him

“It’s okay! Just relax… we’re waking up? Can’t you feel it?” he looked at her like she was crazy

“No…” his eyes went wide “Hawke...I don’t feel anything!” He faded away before he could say anything. She was alone. Alone in the vast emptiness of the void... she looked down at her chest, placing a hand over where Fenris had plunged his into her chest. She frowned, she didn’t want to think about that again right now. However what she did want to think about is what she was still doing here. She had heard before that sometimes when mages are in the fade they can’t leave until it lets them, that they’re meant to see something...someone.

“How do you keep finding yourself here child?” she turned around to see a familiar face, and old woman with bright white hair and a smooth face approached her, the woman’s reddish pink robes flowing behind her.

“Wynne?!” Syl ran to her and wrapped her arms around her 

“Yes child?”

“It’s….it’s good to see you, even if it is mostly Compassion….it’s still good to see you..,to know you’re okay…”

“As it is to see you as well. Now tell me, what troubles you dear? Why will this place not let you leave?”

“I don’t...I don’t know...everyone else did…”

"Ah but they entered as themselves, you did not."

"What are you talking about?"

"Come clean, do you not see what it’s doing to you? You come in as someone who isn't you, how is the keeper supposed to ground a lie?”

“Steel wake up!” Hawke’s voice echoed through her head

“I'm not....I'm not lying!”

“ No? so your name is your own and no one else's? You must have found what you were looking for child” Wynne slipped away into nothing

“Wynne wait...” she looked down and back again, her hands dissolving before her

“This is my fault….” Fenris’s weak voice was next to echo through her mind

“No fucking kidding!” Anders snarled 

“Both of you shut up! I think she’s coming to! Steel?” Hawke’s voice was closer than the rest

“Please wake up….” Fenris’s was the closest and most broken. Syl watched as the fade turned to black, which then turned to Hawke’s blurry face as she woke up to see him looking down over her, she shot straight up

“AH what the hell!” she was immediately pushed back down. 

“Woah easy, don’t move, not until you let Anders have a look at you” Hawke held her down

“I’m fine! Let me go!”

“Steel don’t fight him.” Sebastian place his hand over hers

“Will you either let go of me or tell me what’s going on?!” Hawke, Anders, and Varric shared a look of concern “Well?!” she struggled to move but Sebastian held her in place while Anders started removing her armor “Anders knock it off...hey I said stop it! Stop touching me you’re making my skin crawl!” she spat

“Steel….do you really not know what’s wrong?” Varric looked at her and pointed to his chest and she looked down at her own, seeing the blood pooling through her tunic and armor

“What the fuck?!” she whispered, before she could say anything else a scream of agony tore through her, all of the pain hit her at once.

“Ah...she is completely back from the fade now…..pain is oddly a good sign.” Anders mumbled as he cut open her tunic, his hands glowing with white and gold magic

“No...no please….” she begged for him not to touch her with it

“Steel if you don’t let me you’ll probably die!”

“Then let me die…” she growled at him. 

“At least let me see how bad it is…” She laid her head back on the ground and let her eyes wander away from the intrusive mage as he started to clean the wound with a wet rag. He cursed under his breath and she looked down at her chest, the lower part of her ribcage near her sternum was split open on her left side, revealing shattered bones in the deep bloody crater that angled up towards her heart. She laid her head back again, her eyes darting to the stumbling sound near the door, Fenris. He briefly met her gaze as he backed into the door, his face was pale and his eyes void of emotion, covered in blood. She tried to reach out to him but it was no use as she was pinned down and he bolted out the door. 

“Broody!” Varric called out after him

“Oh fuck him! He got us into this mess!” Anders let his hands glow with healing magic once more and started lowering them to her chest

“I said no!” she snarled at him once more and his magic fizzled out

“Did you...you just silenced me! You’re going to die you...you….uhg!” he threw his hands up and stormed over to the corner

“Steel come on...you have to let him help you….” Hawke pleaded with her

“I don’t want that monster touching me…”

“Would you let me?”

“Hawke you can’t heal for shit!” Varric ever so delicately pointed out

“I can some! It won’t be as pretty as Anders can but I can fix everything internal and reset all your bones and then stitch you back together. Will you let me do that?” she nodded. He held his hands over her and cast and golden healing light over her, a delicate streak of bright green danced through it, putting her insides back together, piecing her shattered ribs back into place. She scowled at the feeling but it was better than Anders. He closed the wound enough so he could sew it back together without risk of it pulling open right away. He dragged the needle through her skin closing the flesh, tightening the stitches on his second pass. “Alright, just...get some rest…”he knew telling her not to do anything strenuous was pointless. She sat up and gathered her armor, relacing her vest in the front since she no longer had a shirt.

“Thank you Garrett….I… I need to go..” they nodded and let her leave without any questions, not wanting to ask about what she saw in the fade, knowing that if anyone would be able to find Fenris right now it was her. She meandered through the streets until she arrived at the mansion in Hightown. She unlocked the door and stepped inside. 

“Fenris?” she called out but got no response, she sighed and stepped back out into the street. She continued walking down to the docks and managed to climb up onto the wall where they sat on Hallows Eve, still nothing. Her heart was pounding in her chest, causing the crater in her ribs to throb with pain. She hopped down from the wall and headed towards the city gate, she had one more place she could check. She hoped he was there...if he wasn’t...the thought that he may have run off for good started crawling into her mind. No. She shook her head, she refused to think that. She passed through the city gates and headed into the woods, continuing the long trek in the moonlight. Further and further she walked until she heard the sound of rushing water. She headed towards the sound, slowly approaching the small pond she had found him at after they dealt with Hadrianna. She scanned the base of the waterfall that lead into the pond, searching for him along the shoreline of the water until she spotted him sitting next to a rose bush along the water’s edge. His back was facing her, his shoulders slumped in defeat as his head hung with a sadness that made her chest hurt even more. She slowly walked towards him, stopping a few feet away. 

“Fenris?” His ears perked up and he looked over his shoulder, his eyes went wide and he scrambled to his feet, throwing himself at her, taking her in his arms. She could feel him shaking horribly as she wrapped her arm that wasn’t pinned to her side around him. 

“I….you were dying...I was the one who did that to you….I-” his voice was shaky and broken

“Shhhhhh” she ran her hand through his hair 

“Forgive me….I am so sorry….please forgive me…”

“Heh...I said those exact words when you were in my arms in the fade..” she felt him tense up

“I will never forgive myself for that…..” he stood back enough to where he could look her in the eye “Of all the things I have done, turning on you….phasing my hand into your chest….that is the worst thing of them all.” he closed his eyes “You are too important to me….I cannot…..I cannot lose you.” He pulled her closer to him

“Fenris...I’m not going anywhere….” he squeezed her tighter “Hey, look at me...Fenris look at me” she pulled him back enough to see his face “I’m fine...I know you would never intentionally hurt any of u-”

“No..that...that is not…..I thought I killed you….you refused to wake you….I will never forgive myself…” she looked him in the eyes and he looked away, clearly not able to meet her gaze, she took her hand and wiped her thumb under his eyes, he’d held nothing back and let himself break down and cry. She tilted his head up so he finally met her gaze, she could see it in his eyes, all of the horrible thoughts roaming his mind. And she knew what thought was overpowering them all….he thought he was a monster… she tangled her hand in his hair and pulled his face to hers, crushing their lips together, kissing him with a passionate ferocity. He pulled away from her, taking a step back

“I do not think-”

“Don’t. Don’t think, not right now.” she took a staggered step towards him and he took another step back

“I...I cannot do this….not after what I did.” he stepped away from her more

“Oh, don't...I mean I ….Fenris it was the fade, noth-”

“NO IT WAS REAL!” he snarled a her coldly, hanging his head in shame, turning his back on her “I woke up with Sebastian at my back holding a knife to my throat. I woke up from that horrible place knowing I had betrayed all of you for some demon, knowing that I betrayed YOU for a demon. I woke up leaning over you...with my hand in your chest….feeling your heart race as my fingers were tangled around it, not knowing how it happened in this world. I woke up to see you thrashing violently as you spat up blood because I was killing you….” he started to walk away from her “I cannot do this….I do not deserve it…” he mumbled the last part to himself

“Fenris….” she reached out for him but her kept going, she felt her eyes welling up “Fenris please”

“I am sorry…”

“Fenris you can’t do this to me….you can’t just leave me here!” she pleaded with him, feeling the tears fall from her eyes. He kept walking, leaving her by the pond as he walked further from the city “Fenris please! You just said you didn’t want to lose me!” she called after him, clutching her chest as a wave of pain tore through her. “You leaving me here is going to hurt me worse than you tearing a hole in my chest!” he stopped walking, looking over his shoulder seeing her in the broken state he created, her blood staining her jet black armor as well as his hands, her own dripping with her own blood as she was still covered in it, clearly having wasted no time in looking for him and tore open the wound again, ignoring the fact that she could barely stand. He met her gaze, she really wanted him to stay…

“You mean that?”

“Yes….”

“You are telling me,” he turned to face her “That you can look past the fact that I almost ripped your heart out, can look past the fact that I am a monster”

“I told you before….I don’t see you that way….and I never will” she stood firm on her stance of him being a good person, she stood tall as he briskly walked to her and brought his face close to hers “And something tells me you don’t see yourself that way anymore either….at least you don’t believe it.... Not anymore.”

“You seem sure about that” she could feel his breath across her face

“Well if you really believe it, you’ll finish what you started….” she narrowed her eyes and he gave her a wicked smirk and snaked an arm around her waist bending at the knees slightly to pick her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he brought his lips to hers, parting her lips with his tongue to tangle with hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck letting one of her hands find its way into his hair. After a moment he pulled away, catching her eyes.

“You know that’s not what I meant….but I like this much better…” she kissed his cheek

“I do not deserve you…” he caught her lips with his once more, gently this time, this time she pulled away as her time in the fade crossed her mindm“Is something wrong?”

“No… gods no, it’s just….I haven’t really been honest with any of you...about me...about my past, and I feel like I should tell you, especially if this is going to happen...I don’t want to hide anything from you”

“Do not rush it.”

“What?”

“I can see how uncomfortable you are, I understand it… tell us when you are ready.” he kissed her again

“Now I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you…” she smiled at him, then looked down “Were ...were you really going to leave me here?” he frowned

“Honestly…. No. I would have taken two more steps before I turned around without you saying anything… I was just so angry with myself… it was overwhelming.” he gave her a shy smirk before she kissed him again, softly biting his lower lip, a low growl of approval coming from his throat as she did so, as he pulled his lips from hers and started kissing the base of her jaw they heard a voice in the distance.

“Steel?” and pause “Broody? Andraste’s ass where the hell are they?” 

“We’ll find them Hawke.” Fenris scowled at the familiar voices of Hawke and Varric

“What is my kissing that bad?” Syl teased 

“Quite the opposite actually, it is the search party I am unpleased with.” he carefully set her back on her feet and ran a hand through his hair, noticing the blood on his hands he knelt at the shore and stuck his hands in the water, he looked back over his shoulder at Syl who had an amused smirk “I would say you should wash off the blood, but it may be easier to just toss you in the pond as is rather than you scrubbing at it.” she giggled and rolled her eyes, before she could respond he reached up and grabbed her by the hips, leaning back into the water, taking her with him.

“Fenris! What the he-” he silenced her with a kiss, pulling away and holding a finger up to his.

“I am not sure about you, but I am not ready to be coerced into going home at the moment. He murmured, pointing to where she had appeared earlier to see Hawke and Varric come through the trees. She smiled and her gently pulled her back behind the waterfall.

“I don’t know Varric….I feel like we should’ve found them by now…” Hawke rand a hand over his face.

“We’ll find them Hawke. Both of them have been known to disappear for a bit from time to time you know that.”

“Yeah but normally they’re haven’t just nearly killed their best friend by shoving their hand into her chest or you know, had a hand shoved into their chest and then refuse healing!” Hawke bit. Fenris flinched at his words, his grip tightening around her.

“I know, I know...come on let’s keep looking” The two elves waited several minutes before they spoke or moved

“You refused healing…” she turned around to face him, the waterfall at her back as she nodded “Why...you could’ve died….hell depending on how terribly you were closed up you still could!” he glanced into the water and frowned at the amount of red surrounding her 

“I...I didn’t want Anders healing me….I don’t like magic being used on me if I can avoid it...and honestly right in that moment, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be fixed….” she looked down, not for long as he lifted her chin with a finger, forcing her to meet his piercing gaze.

“Do not ever say that, I am not sure what reason you could possibly have for debating death, but I beg you to never do so again.” she closed her eyes and took a deep breath before opening them and nodding. He offered her a weak smile before placing a delicate kiss on her lips. “Will you let me look at this? You appear to be bleeding a fair amount.” she nodded again as he guided her through the water back to the shore. Fenris reached down and helped out of the pond, catching her as she took a few shaky steps.”Careful, here, lay down here.” He helped her over to a particularly mossy area near the wild rose bushes and helped her down. She unlaced the front of her vest, revealing her exposed midsection and her brazier, he tried not to let his eyes wander too much as he peeled away the soaked bandages. His breath hitched.

“That bad huh?” she snorted a laugh

“Yes and no…” he said with a faltering voice, clearly still very much upset with himself.

“Stop it”

“Pardon?”

“I can see what you’re doing, stop it.”

“I...I… what?”

“Blaming yourself, thinking you’re a monster….it’s not your fault, you are far from a monster. So stop it.” she snapped. He smiled at her and shook his head, tugging at her hip to roll her onto her stomach. She sat up taking off the rest of her vest and armour before laying on her stomach, her arms folded under her chin.

“You could have left that on you know.”

“Eh, I’m not really a fan of sitting in wet, bloodsoaked leather... wasn’t comfortable.” she laughed. He dug through one of the pouches in his belt until her found his medkit and a rag. He dipped the rag into the water and then started wiping down her back, frowning as he did so. “You know I can see your scowl and I don’t even have to look at you..” she laughed again

“It seems parts of my gauntlet went all the way through…” he continued cleaning the gashes in her back, noticing a strange pattern of scars all over it.

“Well that’s kind of neat…”

“Excuse me?” he poked at the torn flesh

“Alright, putting aside the fact that it was me on the receiving end of this, you have to admit, the fact that you stuck your hand into someone’s chest and the fact that your gauntlets are so sharp and spiky they tore through my back from the inside out...that’s kind of neat. You could gather the entirety of Kirkwall, do that to someone in front of them, and then bam! Nobody would ever question anything you said ever again! Think of how fun that would be!” she giggled

“You are incredibly strange...but I see your point.” he grabbed a needle and thread “Do you have a belt to bite down on?”

“Nah I’ll be fine, just go for it. I’ve forced myself to ignore pain from stitches for the most part.”

“If you say so” he started on the first cut, noticing how her shoulders tensed as the needle pierced her flesh “So...if I may, what are all these scars from, they are quite peculiar.” he pulled the thread through her skin over and over again. Eventually her shoulders relaxed, even as he did the other cuts. He was starting the last one before she answered him

“They uh… they” she sighed “There’s one for every slave I had to kill as the Death Shadow...I knew almost all of them...my way of keeping them close I guess. I was going to connect them with a tattoo at some point...but I never found anyone to do it.” she looked over her shoulder as she felt him tie off the last stitch, his eyes fixed on her back. “Am I back in one piece?” she smirked.

“Just lines?”

“Huh?”

“Just lines?” he wiggled lyrium lined fingers at her “Or something more detailed?” he lightly traced over a couple scars

“Oh...Oh..I honestly hadn’t really thought about it…” she shivered at his touch and he nodded slightly studying her back

“Do you trust me?” he stood up and looked at the sky, getting his bearings and looking back at her.

“Of course… Fenris what are you doing?”

“Wait here?”

“What?”

“Wait here, I will be back shortly” he set off jogging towards the peak of the mountain. Syl sat up and ran a hand through her damp hair, frowning at the red that stained her hand. She was still absolutely covered in blood. She kicked off her boots and stripped out of the rest of her armor before slipping back into the pond. She leaned back and drifted towards the waterfall once more, letting it run over her hair, rinsing the blood from it.

“Steel?” she barely heard Fenris’s velvety voice cut through the sound of the waterfall

“In the water” she called back and started wading back to where he was, stopping when she saw him.

“Fenris?” she raised a brow

“Yes” he grumbled, knowing what she was going to say

“Why are you wearing a flower crown?” she smirked at him and he frowned, rolling his eyes

“I went to go see the Dalish…” he held up a couple bottles of ink “And apparently a few of them recognized me as one of the ones who ‘took away the disgraceful demon wench” he mocked the Dalish accent and sat down, fiddling with the bottles and variety of cloth he brought back before starting to pull the purple flowers from his hair. “You Dalish have a funny way of showing appreciation.” he grumbled

“Ha! My people would’ve honoured you at a feast, then spent the rest of the night drinking till the sun came up before they sent you home with four animal pelts and a carcass.” she giggled and his head snapped up to look at her

“Come again?!” he gave her a bewildered look

“Not all of us Dalish are flower loving softies.” she winked

“Apparently…”he threw his hands up in frustration at the tangled flowers “Fastas Vas!”

“Come here” she giggled, reaching out for him as she stepped closer to the shore as he laid on his stomach, chin resting on his hands which were folded in front of him. Syl’s fingers found themselves raking through his hair, untangling flowers. “What is it with us getting flowers stuck in our hair?” he chuckled, staring into the water, idly playing with the leather he was laying on before looking at it more carefully

“Steel?” 

“Hm” she pulled more flower from his hair, tossing them to the side “You weren’t gone for very long how they hell did they get so many in your hair?” she muttered 

“Am I laying on your leggings?” he shifted, pulling them out from underneath him, raising a brow as he met her eyes. 

“What?” she shrugged, pulling the last flower out of his hair and flicking it away “I didn’t want them to get wet again.” he rolled his eyes

“You are lucky they gave me a blanket.” he winked at her and rolled back onto his knees and reached over to the pile of cloth, pulling a flannel like blanket from the top and unfolding it, holding it out to her. He had averted his gaze until he realized she hadn’t gotten out of the water and looked back at her. 

“I uh….I can’t get out by myself..” she looked down. He raised a brow as she met his gaze. 

“I see” he mused and knelt down to wrap an arm around her as he did on Hallows Eve and pull her from the water, wrapping her in the blanket as he did.

“Thanks...So why did you go find the Dalish?” she sat down on the mossy ground

“Easiest way to get these at this time of night.” he sat next to her with his legs folded under him as he held up a couple bottles of various coloured inks and variety of sharp needles. 

“Since when do you know how to do tattoos?” she raised a brow

“Fog warriors taught me...they all had very intricate tattoos all over their arms, legs, and backs….the man who did them all taught me how... as a way of keeping my hands busy…” he shrugged

“Ha alright, well” she turned with her back facing him, pulling her hair over her shoulder and unclasping her bra “Go for it sir”

“You are sure?”

“Of course, I trust you.” she shifted so she was sitting with her legs outstretched in front of her, adjusting the blanket so it was coming up over her chest more. Fenris pulled the dullest needle from the lot and start lightly scratching the design he had in mind into her flesh. After a few minutes he grabbed a sharper needle and the jar of royal blue ink and started etching the ink into her skin. 

“You know I have done many tattoos before, but this is the first is the first I have done by moonlight.” he dipped the needle into the ink again

“How special” she giggled “So are you going to tell me what exactly I’m letting you scar me with?” she laughed again

“It sounds so cold when you say it like that…” he wiped away some of the excess ink and blood. “And you will have to wait and see.” he continued etching her skin. 

They spent around three hours like that, making idle chat as he colored her skin. Eventually Fenris stood and rinsed his hands in the pond before running a clean wet rag over her back to get rid of the splotches. He grabbed the folded thin white cloth from the pile and unfolded it, gently laying it on her back and then pressing firmly over the entire cloth, carefully peeling it away and flipping it around in his hands. He set it down before applying a salve to her back.

“Alright, are you ready to see?” 

“Very much so.” he walked around in front of her and held up the white cloth which had been stained with ink. On the cloth was a beautiful sketched outline of a wolf howling with a raven flying above it.

“So this” he motioned to the wolf’s shoulders as he set the cloth in front of her “Is here” he pointed her lower back just above her hip on her right side, the nose of the wolf ending on her spine just below her shoulder blades. “And the raven is here” he let his fingers graze over her left shoulder blade towards the center of her back. “What do you think?”

“Fenris this...this is….” she turned around to face him, immediately grabbing him by the front of his shirt, pulling him into a searing tongue filled kiss. 

“I am going to assume that means you like it?” he murmured against her lips

“I absolutely love it Fen...Thank you.”

“You are welcome” he put an arm around her “Are you aware you are absolutely freezing by the way?”

“Not really...we should probably go back huh?” she swayed a tiny bit.

“Probably...or at least have you put your clothes back on….”

“Ha yeah that too….will you help me up?”

“Of course” he gracefully unfolded his legs and stood, bringing her with him, then turning his back as she got dressed again. He glanced at his gauntlets laying on the ground, the only part of his armor still covered in her blood and muscle tissue, he frowned and picked them up, dipping them in the water. Hawke and Varric came through the trees, Fenris went back to scowling as he continued cleaning the blood off his gauntlets.

“There you are! We were worried! You’ve been gone all night!” Syl shot Fenris a glance, judging by his face he also had no idea they had been out here that long. 

“Oops?” she shrugged and Varric glared at her

“Seriously! We looked everywhere several times!”

“Clearly not everywhere or you would have found us a long time ago” Fenris stood and walked back to Syl’s side shaking his hands as he did. Varric rolled his eyes

“Fenris are you alright?” Hawke’s voice was genuine concern, Fenris looked to Syl, then back to Hawke

“Yes, I am fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear that. Alright then, shall we go back? Not that this isn’t a lovely area and all...actually this area is really beautiful” Hawke looked around then shook his head “But it is the middle of the night and she needs rest.” he pointed to Syl

“Yeah that would be best” Fenris started to follow Hawke and Varric, he turned to face Syl, noticing her moving rather slowly “Are you alright?” she didn’t respond “Steel?”

“Hm? Yeah I’m fine...just a bit dizzy and weak feeling. Blood loss probably.” he walked back to her and scooped her up, jogging to catch up to the others, she leaned her head on his shoulder “Thank you.” he slowed his pace as he near the others, still a little ways back. He looked down at her and his face instantly softened, he bent his head down and kissed her.

“You are most welcome amatus.” he gave her a squeeze as she closed her eyes. After everything that had happened tonight, this was not at all how he thought it would end, but he was glad it ended this way.


	12. Stolen Moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Alright I'm gonna warn you now, I don't tell the story the Arishok fight, not now anyway. You know people here stories of heroes and tend to forget, they're not heroes everyday"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have the fight almost done, but saving it for later...gotta come up with some interesting way to say that Hawke's squishy mage ass ran around in circles screaming like the manly man we all know he is... :D It'll have more impact later I promise

“Garrett next time you have a bloody dragon problem in your mine you’re on your own! That’s two we’ve had to kill now! Not counting the one in the fucking Deep Roads!” she collapsed into a chair by Hawke’s fireplace. Fenris groaned in agreement, he hadn’t been in this much pain in a while. 

“I’m gonna agree with Steel, Andraste’s ass do I hurt. And so does Bianca” Varric frowned at a scratch on the crossbow

“Oh you’re all just overreacting.” Isabela laughed from the doorway. “It was just another dragon!”

“You weren’t there Rivani, this thing was fucking huge! At least twice the size of a normal high dragon and- ow mother fuck- WATCH IT BLONDIE!” Isabela shrugged and wandered over to Hawke and helped him get his robe off so Anders could look at him after he finished with Varric.

“Well quit moving!” Anders snapped. He finished patching up Varric’s arm and healed Hawke’s leg.

“Steel?” he looked her over

“Nah I’m good, just a few minor scratches” she waved him away. Wincing slightly.

“Alright, Fenris let’s have a look at that shoulder” he began to reach for Fenris’s left shoulder but was stopped by his wrist being caught by a glowing hand

“Do not touch me” he growled, shoving the mage’s hand away.

“But-”

“No. I do not need your help”

“Just let me heal your damn shoulder! It’s the same one you fucked up in the Deep Roads and it never healed properly!”

“Time will heal it just fine demon.”

“Ugh! You still don’t trust me? How long has it been? Yet still, you’re blinded by hate even when you need help.”

“Ah but I can apparently learn to trust mages, as I do trust Hawke. I cannot however trust an abomination such as yourself or soon to be that elven witch” Fenris snapped

“Alright kids I’m not in the mood for this battle again, break it up”, Varric rushed between them. Anders turned away throwing his hands up as Fenris’s markings flickered to life.

“Veno Fenris, sic requiesces in diebus su’s non” _(Come on Fenris, you could use rest, you haven’t slept in days)_ Syl said, hoisting his massive great-sword up on her shoulder like it was nothing. It was true, he hadn’t slept at all on their trip to the Bone Pit or the way back and he was exhausted...and in pain from his shoulder. He reluctantly lead the way back to his mansion, not even saying goodbye, storming out in a way with the crimson haired elf at his side.

"I'll find you both at home with your pay later"

"I'll pick mine up from here later, I won't make you go all the way to the clinic."

“Is no one going to comment on the fact she just spoke fluent Tevene?” Hawke said rather loudly, the others looked at him, the language finally dawning on them

“I had no idea she could do tha- wait….it’s been what...1 and a half years? Blondie is in Darktown, Daisy is in the alienage, Rivani and I are at the Hanged Man, Choir Boy stays at the chantry, Big Girl is at the guard barracks and Broody has his creepy mansion….where the hell has Steel been living?” he rubbed the back of his neck in confusion

***************** 

Fenris slouched onto a chair near the fireplace in his room while she leaned his sword against the wall.

“You want a drink?” he nodded and she left his room, only to return a few minutes later with two bottles of wine. She must have stopped by her room on her way as she was no longer wearing her coat or boots, just a simple black tunic, leggings and belt around her waist. She held out a bottle to him.

“Thank you” he took a long sip from the bottle, hissing at the pain his shoulder caused him

“May I?’ he hesitated before taking off his armor and nodding. “It’ll be easier without this in the way” she tugged at his tunic. He reluctantly unbuttoned his shirt and let it fall in his lap. Her jaw dropped, she had only seen him shirtless that one time in the Deep Roads, but he was covered in blood. Or while he was training in the courtyard, but even then, the second he knew someone was coming he’d put his shirt back on. But now that she was getting a good look at him, she was amazed, the lyrium tattoos were absolutely stunning, they traced every curve of his body with delicate swirls and lines. He started to frown.

“Sorry it’s just….Fenris in all seriousness, you’re stunning….beautiful.” she placed her hands on his shoulder and prodded it to see what needed fixing. He hissed in pain “Relax, I’ll be done soon.This is going to hurt though.” she lifted his arm and shoved his shoulder back into place “Better?” she sat in the chair next to him, taking a sip from her bottle. He rotated his arm around a bit. 

“Yes, thank you.” he started to put his shirt back on, deciding to leave it unbuttoned “Though I wonder, when did you learn to do that?”

“Hm? Oh mostly just experience, I got my shoulder fucked up pretty bad a while ago.”

“I meant speaking Tevene so fluently, I’ve heard you say a few things, but never anything to that extent” he raised a brow, giving her a devious smirk

“Oh…” she sighed, “It’s a good thing I brought two bottles of wine….we’re gonna need it.” she got up to close the door and returned to her seat. “I told you that I hadn’t exactly been honest with any of you about my past… and you told me to tell you when I was ready...I’m ready now. To start off, my name is actually Sylendra Hellbane” she took a long swig from her bottle, “You’ve probably heard of me…” she looked at him as he stared at her with a raised brow, waiting for her to continue, when she didn’t he spoke.

“You are the Hero of Ferelden” he heard the stories back in Tevinter, but never did he imagined meeting her….or falling in love with her.

“Indeed….Though I am wondering why you’re not more surprised…” 

“Honestly...I knew you were no ordinary woman...that combined with certain things you have said...I have had my suspicions since the expedition.” he shrugged

“You’ve had suspicions?” she said the words as though they were foreign to her, genuinely confused

“Yes.”

“And you didn’t say anything? Even though you know there’s people looking for me? And there was that bounty on my head a while ago?”

“I did not feel it was my place to reveal you if I was correct. If you do not wish to be found who am I to spoil that for you?” he said casually as he looked into the fire, her gaze intense, focused on his face.

“That’s...appreciated...thank you...that’s one of the kindest things anyone has ever done for me…”

“You are most welcome.” he nodded and took a drink “Is there more to your story?” he looked at her with a slight smile tugging at his lips

“Yes. Before that happened, as you know I was a templar.” she played with the label on the bottle of wine she was holding “And again, in the interest of honesty….I have a mild... addiction I guess you’d call it, I don’t want to be taking it so I’m not sure if it qualifies. I tried to stop taking the lyrium, but the withdrawals were horrid as you saw. The only problem is when I took it again to stop Anders in the Deep Roads I’ve had to increase how much I take.... Anyway you asked about my knowing Tevene...as you know I killed the archdemon. Somehow I survived it...I guess this fancy ritual Morrigan knew worked or something. Anyway I was supposed to marry Alistair-”

“As in the King of Ferelden?” his jaw dropped

“Haha yes, he hated the fact that he was going to be king. Absolutely hated it. He also hated the fact that they were making him take a wife. He refused to marry Arnora and didn’t want to be set up with any other noble. So he asked me, we were best friends so he thought ‘who better to fake it with’ I agreed. I didn’t have anything to do anymore so i figure ‘eh what the hell I could be queen’. Plus it was funny to see all the noble’s faces when he announced that he was going to marry a Dalish elf…. It was quite amusing….Teagan was so mad…. Anyway before we were married we got a note from our friend Wynne, she was getting incredibly sick and asked to see us. While we were camping one night on our way to see her I was kidnapped. They had no idea who I was, just thought I was some elf. So they took me..to Tevinter. And I became a slave….though I’m guessing you may have guessed that before, you know with the whole slaver camp thing. I escaped...and that’s when you found me, i’d been on the run for a while. I’d knew about Kirkwall’s order, that it was the biggest one in the east and was going to join. Clearly I didn’t ha…” she ran a hand through her hair, amazed with the fact that she just let all of that out. “Sorry...that was a lot of information to throw at you….though I kinda feel like a burden has been lifted…” she trailed off

“I....I do not know what to say.” Fenris mimicked her and ran a hand through his own hair.

“I’m sure you have questions. I will gladly answer them” she smiled.

He asked her questions about everything from being templar to the Joining to killing the archdemon and her time in Tevinter. He ended up telling her about himself as well. Everything he could remember that he hadn’t he told her yet he did. From the markings to the arena he fought in to receive them, though he has no idea why he would have done such a thing. He found out she was in the arena as well, but refused to fight and was pulled out and beaten and punished. He told her about his travels since he had escaped, his time in Seheron and more about the Fog Warriors. How he hunted down slavers that sought him out. And how once he gathered enough information he planned to wipe out the largest slaver ring in Tevinter, the ones who bragged about catching him and coincidentally the same ones that caught her.And he answered all her questions as she did for him. 

“I have one more question for you Syl”

“Yes?” she smiled the biggest smile, he realized he called her by her actual name and was about to apologize “Don’t. I miss being called that. Now what’s your question?”

“Why tell me all of this? Why me? Why not Varric? Or Hawke?”

“I trust you. Don’t get me wrong, I do trust the rest of them, but I trust you more, you know that.. I don’t want them knowing because I don’t want all of Kirkwall to know, I’m okay staying out of the spotlight for this one” she took a sip and smiled “I also like you more than the rest of them” she winked “Can I ask you the same thing?” she looked at him, he gave her the most genuine smile she’d ever seen, his foresty eyes were extra beautiful when he smiled like that. It gave her chills down her spine. At some point they had moved to the floor by the fireplace, without realizing she shifted closed to him and the fire for warmth.

“I would have to give you the same answer.” she laughed a bit “I could also give you a different one, one you may be familiar with”

“Oh?” she raised a brow. “Might it be the same one from our Deep Roads talk? And our talk in the woods?” He flashed a devilish grin and something flickered in his eyes. He ever so gently set his bottle off to the side, and in one swift motion he reached for her, pulling her into his lap straddling him and crushed his lips into hers. His arms wrapping around her, one around her waist the other grabbing a fistful of her hair. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her entire body closer to him, his markings igniting at her touch. He’d been wanting to this again ever since he first kissed her, and when he had finally kissed her again in the woods he knew he never wanted to stop, she was an intoxicating feeling and he loved every second of it. He was kissing her hungrily, and she was kissing him back just as passionately. They spent around half an hour like that before breaking away to breathe. They sat there entwined, panting to catch their breath with their foreheads pressed together. She gently traced the markings on his chest with her fingers, he hummed an approval. He enjoyed her touching him, as it didn’t cause him pain.

“Fenris…” she breathed

“Yes?”

“I...I just wanted you to know that I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time” she smiled and kissed him gently

“As have I….I feared I missed my chance” he kissed her lightly

“Not at all”

“Good” he reclaimed her lips more gently this time and she melted into him. He moved from kissing her lips to kissing her neck, lightly biting at her causing her to gasp. He hoisted her up, her legs locking around his waist as he carried them to his bed. He hovered above her until she pulled him closer. One hand kept him propped up, the other started undoing the buttons of her tunic. She worked on pulling his shirt off the rest of the way. Suddenly he smiled against her lips

“Sadly we are no longer alone” he backed away from her as the sound of the front door closing echoed through the house

“Broody you awake?” Varric called out

“Damn that dwarf…” he muttered hanging his head. He stood up, shrugging his shirt back on, leaving it unbuttoned. “I will be right back”

“Don’t be too long” she winked, he seductively licked his teeth as he left. He leaned over the balcony.

“What do you want dwarf?

“I guess i’m a delivery boy now” Varric raised a small pouch “It’s your pay from that last thing we dealt with and a few potions from Hawke. How’s your shoulder?” he tossed the pouch to Fenris who caught it.

“Better. Steel fixed it earlier.”

“Good. Speaking of Steel, where is she? I have her pay as well…” Varric rubbed his neck looking at the floor

“Last I saw her she was in bed” Fenris raised a brow, amused with himself

“Um...what?”

“Well it is night, most normal people sleep at night rather than breaking into someone’s house”

“Yeah no I get that….but..,where?”

“In a bed? Occasionally a bedroll?”

“Yeah alright smartass, where might the furniture she’s sleeping on dwell?”

“Varric are you telling me that after all this time you do not know where she lives?” he mused

“Are you saying you do?”

“Yes, yes I do”

“Well, I guess that makes sense, seeing as you said you last saw he in bed. And for the record, no one knows where she lives! Except you apparently.” Fenris shrugged “I don’t suppose you’ll tell me, so here, give this to her. See ya in the morning Broody.” Fenris muttered a goodbye and meandered back into his room, he tossed the pouches on the table.

“They seriously don’t know where I live?”

“Heard all that did you? Apparently not.”

“I did...If I may alter something though” she reached out to him, he smirked and pulled his shirt off, tossing it aside, and crawled back into bed on top of her.Kissing her neck down to her collar bone, leaving a deep reddish purple mark just between her neck and collarbone. “Much better” she giggled and gasped. Her nails dug into his back and his markings illuminated. She paused expecting him to retract in pain, but he didn’t 

“Relax, they do not only glow when I am angry” he murmured against her lips. She raked her nails down his back again as she kissed him, causing him to glow even brighter. He rolled his hips into her

“Fen-” she tilted her head back

“I need you” he breathed, she nodded in agreement, he’d been wanting this for far too long

“I’m yours”

******************************************** 

Fenris shot straight up panting and sweating, he ran a hand over his eyes. He was used to nightmares, but this, this was different. This was worse, a glimpse of his memories from before...it was too much..too painful.

“Fenris? Fenris what’s wrong?” Syl laid a hand on his back and he flinched away at first and it broke her heart. She settled for taking his hand in hers.

“I….remembered...everything...and then it was gone...but I remember remembering it. If that makes any sense. I...i can’t…..I can’t…” his silky voice trailed off

“I’m so sorry….is there...anything i can do?”

“I do not know…” he had the urge to leave, to run and leave all this behind as he did in the past.To just flee and not look back. But he couldn’t. If it was anyone else next to him right now he would have….But it wasn’t….it was Syl. A woman he’s grown to care deeply for over the years. After everything they had already been through and after everything last night he couldn’t help but be more captivated by her. She meant everything to him, he didn’t want to be without her. And that’s when it finally hit him with enough force for him to say it.

“I’m here for you...for anything” he knew she meant it. Without hesitation words flew from his mouth

“Sylendra….I love you” he said the words he never thought he’d be able to say. But he did, and there was no one he’d rather say it to.”It has taken me far too long to say those words” She turned bright red, he snuck a glance at her to see her brilliant smile

“I love you Fenris” He leaned over and kissed her passionately. He wasn’t going anywhere no matter what his demons threw at him.

***************************

“Wicked Grace later?” Hawke pointed to the group in front of him. Aveline and Anders nodded.

“Are Varric and Rivani going to be there?” Syl raised a brow

“Well yeah, would you expect anything else?”

“No...I just wanna to have a rough idea of how many sovereigns I’m going to lose tonight” she grinned. She finished paying the baker and started toward the mansion. “I’ll meet you at The Hanged Man later Garrett, I have a few more errands to run!”

“Sounds good, hey if you see Fenris tell him about cards yeah?”

“Of course!

**************************

She placed the food she bought on the counter next to the sink and then went about looking for Fenris. She popped her head into his room on her way to get changed out of her armor and he wasn’t there. She changed into a navy tunic with a deep v-neckline. She then slid on a loose black skirt with a long slit up the side and her black leather boots. She untied her hair and ran her hands through it. Grabbing her sketchbook and a couple sticks of charcoal she meandered out to the small courtyard of the mansion. She opened the door to see Fenris, shirtless, attacking a training dummy, he appeared to not notice she was there. Syl plopped down on a bench in the shade of the willow tree and started sketching.

About two and a half hours had passed, the sun was almost fully set, Fenris had stopped his training wandered over to her, slinging his shirt over his shoulder.

“How is your drawing coming along?” Syl jumped at his words, startled.

“Oh...uh...pretty well I think…..We should probably head to the tavern, Varric will start the game without us.” she started to cover her drawing and bring it inside

“Am I not allowed to see?” he raised a brow and gave her an amused smirk. Before she could respond he gently snatched it from her. It was a beautiful sketch of the courtyard they were in, the willow trees looked as if they were blowing in the breeze. Underneath them she had drawn Fenris, with his muscular back facing out, training. “This is amazing...You are very talented”

“Ha, thank you.”

“Shall we head to the bar now?” he extended a hand and pulled her up off the bench. They walked through the house, she set her sketches down and Fenris slid his shirt back on. As Syl reached for the door Fenris grabbed her by the waist and pulled her into a kiss. She blushed.

“You know it’ll be harder to steal kisses like that with everyone around later.” she smiled against his lips

“I like a challenge” he winked at her.

*******************************************************

“Alright if Rivani and I are going to keep taking all your money we need more drinks!” Varric waved his empty mug in the air. 

“Yeah alright, next round’s on me! May I take your orders?” Syl stood up, placing one hand on Fenris’s shoulder the other on Hawke’s. 

“Ah” Varric raised a finger and slid her a piece of paper, “I made this for such an occasion, a list of everyone’s favourite drink!....or at least something I could remember them liking.” he grinned.

“Well that’s handy. Isabela would you care to help me with these?” 

“Of course doll.” both women sauntered out, Hawke’s gaze followed the two women, he groaned and face planted on the table.

“Something wrong Hawke?” Anders poked him curiously

“What? No? Possibly? No…”

“Hawwwke?” Varric raised a brow, “What’s on your mind?”

“I may or may not have a thing for two women…”

“Oh? Do tell!” Anders leaned back in his chair “I mean we know one is Rivani, obviously, she’s all over you.”

“Hawke I swear to the maker, do not say who I think you’re going to say-” Varric pointed a finger at him

“Steel.” he rubbed his hands over his face, Fenris quietly snorted

“Dammit Garrett! You can’t do that! You’ll ruin the group! Don’t mess with two women in the group….at least not at the same time….” Anders reached across the table and smacked him in the back of the head.

“I know! ...I know….uhhhg I don’t know what to do”

“Well, you know Rivani is always going to be up for it, try things with Steel? Though she is way classier than you..”

“I don’t know Blondie, Hawke doesn’t seem like he’d be able to balance that. You know, not pissing off the pirate and knocking boots with the elf” Varric shrugged. Fenris coughed, choking on his drink. “You okay Broody?”

“Hm? Yes, I just swallowed wrong.” the thought of Hawke and Syl together made his stomach twist in knots. Though it was amusing for him to watch the human get so bent out of shape when one of his options wasn’t even an option. “I am going to see if the ladies need any help.” He stood, gathering some of the empty mugs on the table and taking them to the bar. Shortly after Isabela came back with fistfuls of mugs

“Right, ale for Blondie and Hawke. Rum for myself. Bordeaux for Broody. Hard cider for Steel. And dwarven piss for Varric!” she set the mugs down

“Oh you wound me Rivani, dwarven ale is the only kind of ale.” Varric took a swig “Where’s Steel?”

“Oh she was talking to a group of guys at the bar, they looked like miners that might have a job for us. Broody was out there too, helping Corff with new cases of booze or something” 

“Alright, while we’re waiting I’m gonna deal yeah?” Hawke shuffled the cards.

************** _meanwhi_ _le_ **********

She turned away from the miners and started off towards Varric’s suite. When she got to the door an arm snaked around her waist and pulled her further into the dark hallway. 

“What the hel- ooh” she tilted her head back and closed her eyes as Fenris kissed her neck, and then captured her lips in his. They parted just long enough to speak

“Told you I like a challenge.” he grinned, and pushed her against the wall and kissed her again.

“Mmmmm and you certainly succeeded with said challenge...how long do you suppose we have before the others realize we’ve been gone a while?”

“If I heard correctly Rivani just told them you were talking to miners, and I was carrying crates for Corff….I would say we have a fair amount of time.” he raised a brow

“Good” she grabbed his hand and dragged him around the corner where empty wine barrels were stored and roughly yet playfully pushed him against the wall, causing his tattoos to spark to life and caused him to give her a wicked grin and let out a growl that was swallowed by Syl as she crushed her lips against his. Their lips parted and their tongues tangled together. He grabbed her by the hips and lifted her up onto one of the barrels, running his hand up her thigh. She slid her hands to the front of his pants and pulled a deep moan from his throat. Fenris hoisted up her skirt as she pulled the front of his pants open and he pulled her closer to him, thrusting into her making her gasp. 

“Venhedis amatus, te sentire prodigiosus” _(you feel amazing)_ he breathed, capturing her lips again and swallowing her moan as he thrust into her again and again, each time more vigorous than the last until he carried them both over the edge into bliss. They sat there for a couple minutes adjusting their clothes. Syl gave him another kiss and headed back toward Varric’s room stumbling slightly. Hearing a quiet whisper from Fenris saying something about continuing later.

She walked back in and sat in her chair between Hawke and Fenris’s empty chair. 

“So? How’d it go?” Anders nodded at her

“Excuse me?” Syl raised a brow and took a sip of her cider

“Did the miners offer a job?”

“Oh, Sorta? They think the mine has dragons that ran from the Bone Pit. They’re going to look around more tomorrow and then get back to me. Where’s Fenris?” 

“I was moving barrels” Fenris announced casually from the doorway, he took his seat and picked up his cards. Eyeing her with an amused look 

“Alright we’re all back let’s get this game going!” Varric played the first hand. 

********************

“So what can we start betting if we’re out of money?” Anders held his hands up in question

“Oh! I second that!” Syl also raised a hand

“I vote sexual things!” Isabella wiggled her brows

“Of course you do…” Fenris muttered and Syl laughed

“I second Rivani’s vote! Let’s make things saucy!” Hawke high fived her

“SO we have two votes for sexual things, two votes for grumbling and laughing which I’m counting as not sexual though with Broody you never know. Blondie my friend, I deem you the tie breaker.” Varric looked at him ignoring Fenris who was flipping him off

“Hmmmm don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy a good grumbling and laugh, but I have to take the side of fun.”

“Sexual things it is! How extreme are we getting here?” Hawke looked at everyone and rubbed his hands together

“I vote we start small and work our way up?” Anders responded. Everyone nodded in agreement. 

As the night carried on Hawke, Anders, Isabela, and Syl had lost their shirts. As Syl was taking hers off Varric caught sight of the mark on her neck.

“Steel! What is that my friend?” he pointed it out for all to see “Who gave you that I wonder?”

“Ah a proper lady never kisses and tells.” she winked at him

“Since when are you proper?” She ignored Anders’s snide comment

“So you have a man friend and didn’t tell us?” Hawke blurted out mildly hurt

“I said nothing of the sorts, who’s to say I’m not a whore like Isabela?” She gave another sultry wink. Fenris snorted at her playfully “Yeah alright we all know that’s bullshit, but still!” They continued playing. Her and Fenris decided they didn’t want to say anything about the two of them right away since their friends liked to meddle and neither of them wanted prying eyes on them. But that didn’t stop Fenris from running his hand up her thigh when no one was looking, or her doing the same to him for that matter.

Another round had passed and Fenris and Varric had been tied for winner, Varric now just barely passed the elf.

“Dammit Varric! I swear you cheat!” Hawke threw his cards down

“Hawke! How dare you!” Varric chuckled “ I do nothing of the sorts. Now if I remember the bets correctly, Rivani owes Blondie an oral exam” he wiggled his brows and she giggled, Anders turned red “ And she owes Hawke a lap dance and Blondie owes Hawke a good kiss. Hawke owes Steel a back rub, lame. Steel owes me and Broody a kiss. Broody owes Steel a nice long makeout session, can’t wait to see how that goes down. And I owe all of you jack shit.” Varric sat back with a smug grin.

“How the hell are we going to keep track of all this?” Hawke ran a hand through his hair

“I’ve been writing it down….we could take a break if you like and get some of these small favours out of the way….” Varric grinned devilishly. Without warning Anders reached across the table and kissed Hawke.

“Well that takes care of my tab” he smiled, Hawke sat back in surprise and Varric crossed it off the list.

“Well come on Warden, we’re gonna go borrow Varric’s bedroom” Isabela dragged him into the other room of the suite, Syl flinched at the name Warden. She quickly turned it into a shrug and stood up and walked over to Varric and planted a kiss on him.

“And that’s part my tab. Alright Garrett where’s my back rub, and if you grope me I’m punching you in the throat” she sat back down in her chair. Varric eyeing her, then her mug as she took a swig of cider. She had been drinking cider all night…..if she had been drinking that all night, then why did he taste wine on her lips as well as cider, the only person who had wine was…. He shifted his gaze to Fenris who was giving Hawke the slightest dirty look as he gave Syl a back rub, which judging by her face she was not enjoying in the slightest. He shook his head, there’s no way, Broody hates everyone and Steel had spent the night with someone…..a new thought popped into his head. Fenris grabbed his mug and Hawke’s and went for refills, grazing Syl’s shoulder, her face softening. 

"Honestly though I never noticed it, it's lovely though."

"Thanks, Fenris actually did it for me."

"No shit?" Hawke looked closer at the details in the wolf's eyes on her back

“Alright Steel, question for you….why do you taste like wine? You’ve been drinking cider all night….” Varric gave her a her a wicked grin.

“I stole Fenris’s drink when Anders went for refills and didn’t get me one. Why? What did you think?” she raised a brow

“Nothing, just wondering is all.”

“Ha! Varric you’re full of shit! You totally thought she had kissed Fenris, which is ridiculous, he hates everyone….and hates touching people!” Hawke laughed

“Why do you think I want to know how all his bets end up this evening?!” 

“How whose bets end up?” Fenris said from the doorway as he walked back into the room, setting down Hawke’s mug.

“Thanks, and yours Mr. I hate everyone and will rip your arm off if you touch me.”

“We shall see.” Fenris took a sip of his drink, Syl scrunched her nose up

“What are you drinking?” she gave him a mildly disgusted look

“A sauvignon blanc, in hopes you do not steal it this time” he winked at her, having heard her comment while in the hall, she stuck her tongue out at him.

Hawke had gotten up and was now banging on the door to the bedroom

“Oi, Rivani how long does it take to blow someone?! We got a game to play” Isabela and Anders stumbled out seconds after his yelling

“Sorry, got a little carried away” she grinned, sitting back in her seat, “Right next round yeah? Who starts?”

**********************

Another three rounds had passed and they were into the wee hours of the morning. And everyone’s tab of favours was growing rapidly.

“Alright, as the tabs stand I owe Hawke a kiss. Blondie- you owe me one lapdance, lucky me. You owe Rivani 3 makeout sessions and 4 lays.And you owe Hawke another kiss. Rivani you owe Blondie 7 more blow jobs, and 3 lays.You owe Hawke 9 blow jobs and 3 more lapdances bringing that total to 4 as well as 6 lays. You realize you lose more when sex is on the line? Hawke you owe Rivani 5 lays. And you owe Steel a kiss. And you owe me a kiss...again lucky me. Steel you owe me another kiss. And you owe Broody a good groping, 3 total kisses, and a lay. Broody you owe Hawke a hug. And you owe Steel a kiss, and a lay and still a long makeout session. Again, can’t wait how all that turns out.” Fenris gave him a scowl as the others laughed. Isabela grabbed Anders and started off toward Varric’s room again “Hey hey no! Get your own room! I am not sleeping in a bed you’ve defiled!” He pointed at the two of them. They scampered out to Isabela’s room, Isabela giving Hawke an invite in the way out. 

“Hmmmm, to whore or not to whore!” Hawke mumbled. Fenris started to button his shirt. Hawke shrugged and reached over next to him grabbing Syl and kissing her passionately. He paused for a minute and then pulled her closer running his hands all over her, Fenris growling under his breath. Syl squirmed in Hawke’s arms, trying to break free. Fenris feigned a coughing fit forcing Hawke to break the kiss.

“You okay Broody?” Varric nudged him. Fenris nodded

“What the hell was that for?!” Syl pushed Hawke away, her voice laced with disgust her face growing pale.

“Um...I owed you?” he rubbed the back of his neck “And I’ve kinda been wanting to do this for a while”

“Excuse me?” she raised her brows

“I...um...I….well I think I love you” Hawke pulled her into another kiss, one hand on her lower back the other running up her thigh through the slit in her skirt, grinding his hips into her and she shoved him away, harder this time. She punched him in the throat, he crumpled to the ground gasping for air. She grabbed her shirt from the table and stormed out. Varric, Hawke, and Fenris looked at the door in silence. 

“Well I don’t think she’s coming back, Broody will you go try and catch up with her and make sure she gets home safe? There were several sketchy characters in the bar earlier. I’m going to yell at Hawke.” Varric pointed to the door with a look of a scornful old man who was sick of everyone’s shit. Fenris nodded as he was already following her out the door, closing it behind him, lingering outside to listen. He could hear Varric tearing into Hawke.

“What the hell is wrong with you man?! You’re drunk as hell, she’s certainly not sober. You can’t just grab people and kiss them! Even with the bets, there’s this thing called not letting your hands wander!”

“I know but I-” Hawke rasped still trying to find air

“Dammit Hawke!-” Fenris walked away and pushed through the crowd of people in the bar. When he got outside he saw her dart around the corner of the tavern and he followed her. He turned the corner to see Syl doubled over, bracing herself on the wall, throwing up violently. She heard his footsteps behind her and looked up at him wiping her lips on her wrist, tears streaming down her face.

“Syl?” he whispered, she looked down. “Are you alright?” she shook her head

“Hawke...he’s a mage...I could feel it when he kissed me….the memories from Tevinter came flooding back, things I’ve tried to forget. Being passed around from magister to magister being rap-” her voice was a broken whisper, Fenris pulled her into a hug, silencing her against his chest.

“Shhhhh” he ran a hand through her hair “Never again love….it will never happen again. As long as I am around I will never let it happen” she sobbed into his chest. 

Neither of them heard him, but Hawke walked passed the alley they were in, pausing at the end looking at them. Seeing Syl and Fenris in an embrace, something he’d never thought he’d see was Fenris hugging someone. And then he saw why, Fenris pulled away from the hug, and he could see her face, he watched as the elven man wiped the tears away from her face, he could’ve sworn he kissed her forehead as well but his vision was starting to blur from the alcohol. Hawke’s stomach twisted in knots, he felt the need to hurl, though he couldn’t tell if it was because of how drunk he was, or at the fact that someone else was comforting the girl he was pretty sure he’d fallen for. When they looked as if they might turn around he stumbled back over to the door of the bar and plopped down on the bench outside. Varric came out moments later to light up a cigar. 

“You okay?” 

“Yeah…” Hawke ran his hands over his face as the two elves walked out from the alley. 

“You sure…” Varric paused raising a brow at Fenris as he blew a smoke ring. Fenris shook his head at the dwarf and continued to lead Syl home with his arm around her. Varric took note of her red eyes and quivering lip. “Dammit Hawke!” he aggressively muttered and hit him on the back of the head

“I know! Apparently that was more upsetting to her than I thought….I should apologize….” He started to get up and then immediately sat back down at the loss of balance. 

“Yeah maybe in the morning, they looked like they were headed towards Broody’s place, you’ll probably be able to find her there. C’mon, you can crash with me tonight. You’re too drunk to walk home without getting your ass kicked by some random thug.” Varric put out his cigar and started to go in, Hawke waved him off

“Thanks Varric. I’ll be in in a bit, I’m gonna sit here for a while longer.” Varric nodded and muttered something about not getting stabbed. 

After a while Hawke stumbled back into The Hanged Man, heading back up to Varric’s suite. He placed his hand on the doorknob, as he was about to go in he saw Anders coming up the stairs carrying drinks heading back to Isabela’s room. He gave a Hawke a nod and a motion for him to join. Hawke hesitated for a moment and then followed the copper haired man.

*********************************** 

“Thank you Fenris” she looked over her shoulder as she changed out of her ale soaked shirt and into one of his. Kicking off her skirt as well

“For what dear?” he murmured from the doorway of his room.

“Subtly getting Hawke away from me”

“He shouldn’t go around kissing another man’s woman.” He looked her up and down, smirking. He sauntered over to her, wrapping his arms around her.

“Ah but he’s unaware I’m yours” she smirked, planting a light kiss on his lips.

“I suppose that is true. Hmmm...”

“What’s on your mind?”

“I am nowhere near tired, are you?”

“Not really no.” 

“Well” he pulled her closer, running his hands along her back, “We have both run up quite a tab with each other.” he winked

“Oh you’re feeling quite dirty tonight. First the bar? And again now?” she kissed him

“What can I say? You are the most beautiful woman, and I am the luckiest man ever to have you.” He picked her up and laid her of his bed stripping her as he went. 

“I love you”

“I love you too” she reclaimed his lips after he spoke. 

******************** _early the next morning_ ***********

Fenris woke up with Syl resting her head on his chest. He smiled down at her, wrapping his arm around her, trailing his fingers along her shoulder. She stirred at his touch, stretching her arms out, tilting her head up to see his face. Fenris stretched and placed his other arm behind his head.

“Morning” She smiled, adjusting the covers to cover her shoulders more.

“Morning love. How did you sleep?”

“Hmhm well you tired me out quite a bit, so pretty well. You?” 

“You certainly tired me out as well” he smiled, she shifted to be more on top of him and met him with a kiss. He wrapped his arms around her as she straddled him, teasing him as she did so. A loud knock threatened to interrupt their fun. “Venhedis” he hissed and groaned as she slid down onto him, his fingers digging into her sides.

“Fenris? Are you awake?” Hawke yelled 

“No” Fenris called back, rolling his eyes. He reluctantly slunk out of her grip and slipped into a loose set of pants and his tunic from the night before. “ why did I say anything.. I will be back” He muttered and walked out to meet Hawke in the main hall.

“Hey, is uh….is Steel here? I want to apologize for last night.” Hawke looked down in shame

“She is.” Fenris nodded for Hawke to follow him upstairs. He knocked on the door to his room waiting for her to answer.

“Isn’t this your room?” 

“Yes. She fell asleep while we were talking.” It wasn’t a complete lie, she fell asleep during their conversation after their previous activities. He knocked again. Syl came to the door dressed in her clothes from the night before. 

“Shhh, not so loud” she mumbled, “Uhg it’s bright as hell out here” She swung the door open to Fenris’s much darker room. She hadn’t realized how hungover she was until she got up. Fenris walked in, Hawke following. She turned around

“Can you give us a minute Broody?” he nodded and stepped into the hall. 

“Why are you here?” she sat on the edge of the bed, holding her head. 

“I want to apologize for last night. Steel I was really really drunk. I uh...it really wasn’t okay. I’m sorry.” she glowered at him “Though in the interest of honesty… There’s one part I don't regret… I do have feelings for you...I-”

“Don’t. Don’t finish that thought. Garrett you were getting handsy with me and wouldn’t let me go! I’m not going to easily forgive that!”

“I know I know! I’m sorry! I would never do that to you, ever! You’re one of my dearest friends and I could never hurt you that way... But I think I love you!”

“You’re still drunk” she scoffed

“Possibly? But I do, I can’t get you out of my head! I hate it when you’re not around, I can’t stand not seeing you for a few days. Hell I’d bend over backwards if it means making you smile.” he sighed

“Garrett....you and Isabela-”

“Are nothing! She has rejected me so many times when I ask for something more than just one night stands”

“If you think you love someone else why did you spend the night with the pirate?” Fenris said from the doorway, arms crossed

“What?”

“Varric just stopped by, said you never came in last night. He saw you go into her room and has not seen you since.”

“Uhg Garrett! You..uhg come on! I thought you were better than this!”

“I was really wasted! I didn’t intend on spending the night with them it just sorta happened!”

“You just claimed to love me yet you were just banging some other girl- wait….them?”

“I never said-”

“Garrett.” she grumbled, he sighed

“Yeah alright Anders was there too.” 

“I don’t believe you! You were trying to have your way with me, and then not twenty minutes later you were having a threeway with a slut and a demon!” she wrinkled her nose in disgust “Go away.” she felt disgusting, she wasn’t as mad with him before, but finding out he was trying to get with her as well as others like it was nothing...he reminded her of the magisters and slavers.

“Oh come on Steel, why is this such a big deal? I’ll admit I was kind of a slut last night, but you never get this upset with Isabela, and she’s so much worse!” 

“I-”

“Get out of my house.” Fenris’s stern voice came out from the doorway. 

“What?”

“Get out of my house. I was fine with you coming in here to apologize, but all you are doing is making her irritated with you. Get out.” He growled at Hawke

“Oh come on Fenris” Hawke pleaded

“Do not make me force you out.” He growled again

“I-.....fine! We have work later, you two are not welcome to tag along this time. I don’t want to deal with this at the moment.” Hawke stormed out, slamming the front door behind him

“Why is he being such a dick lately?!” Syl grumbled

“No idea.” Fenris sat down next to her “He has been acting out of character.” 

“Yeah….I’ll talk to him later, I promised Leandra I would come by to help her plan Satanalia food and what not.” 

“Please tell me you are making apple pie again.” 

“Haha of course! I didn’t realize you liked it so much” She gave him a strange look, he shrugged

“The one you made last year was incredible.”

“Haha I’ll have to make two this year, Sebastian ate half of it last year.”

“Shall we get ready then so you can start planning?”

“I guess...you wanna come with? I’m sure she’d love to see you.”

“Of course dear” 

**************************

They donned their coats and wandered through the High Town streets toward the Amell, Hawke, estate. They had not expected to see Varric walking toward the estate as well.

“Varric? What are you doing here?

“Steel, Broody? I’m looking for Hawke...what are you doing here?”

“I’m here to meet Leandra...and find Garrett.” she tilted her head. 

“Huh, I still haven’t seen him today” Varric gave them a concerned look. Fenris furrowed his brow and knocked on the door to the estate. No one answered. He knocked again and seconds later was met by Bodahn.

“Ah hello sirs and madam. What can I do for you?”

“Bodahn, have you seen Hawke?” Varric asked eagerly

“Yes sir, he’s inside. Would you like to come in? I’ll let him know you’re here” the three of them walked in and waited in the main hall by the fireplace. 

“Bodahn, where is Leandra?” Syl asked, taking off her coat. She was taken aback at the glare the dwarf gave her as he went upstairs to get Hawke. The three of them waited in silence. A short while later Hawke appeared at the railing above them. 

“Yes?” he slurred

“Hawke where the hell have you been? I’ve been looking for you all morning!” Varric waved his hands in the air “We have shit to do!” 

“Go without me” Hawke took another swig of whatever it was he was drinking “Why’re you two here? You here to argue with me again?” 

“Garrett what the hell is going on with you lately?!” Fenris asked. Hawke just grumbled and drank more

“Alright, I don’t have time to deal with this right now, Hawke are you coming with me or not?” Varric threw his hands up in frustration. Hawke shook his head and Varric stormed off grumbling about having to work alone. Hawke moved to sit on the steps. Syl walked up the stairs to sit next to him, placing a hand on his back.

“What’s going on Garrett, I’ve never seen you like this…” He shook his head. Fenris moved to sit a few steps below them. The three of them sat there in silence for awhile. “I can see you don’t want to talk about whatever it is right now...but you know I’m here for you Garrett, so when you’re ready, I’m here.” she stood, “If I may, where is Leandra? I haven’t seen her in a while and I’m supposed to meet her to talk about Satanalia this year.” she looked down at him, and saw the glimmer of light in his eyes die, glassing over. “Garrett?” she sat back down and he fell into her arms, sobbing. Fenris had a startled look as the weeping man dropped the bottle he was holding and it went crashing down the stairs, shattering at the bottom. “Garrett, talk to me” she gave him a slight shake.

“She’s ….gone...mother’s gone…..she’s dead….” he whimpered 

“What?!” both elves gasped

“She’s dead...the white lilies...he got her….Aveline and I...we were too late...fucking necromancer...this...this is why I can’t stand being a mage...everything bad that has happened in my life is because of a fucking mage!”

“I...I don’t know what to say….why didn’t you say anything?” Hawke shrugged and let out a deep breath, Syl wrinkled her nose “Alright, I’m going to go make you some tea...or coffee..something without alcohol” she trotted down the stairs and into the kitchen. Fenris and Hawke sat there in silence.

“Please just say something….the silence since she’s been gone kills me.” Hawke muttered. Fenris thought for a moment before speaking.

“They say death is only a journey.”

“Makes you wonder, journey to where”

“And that is a secret that only the dead know the answer to” 

Syl brought three cups of tea and the three of them drank in silence. They sat on the stairs making idle chat for a couple hours. Fenris and Syl decided not to leave Hawke alone that night. When they turned in for the night Hawke pointed them to the guest room.

“Last time I checked there were two beds in there.” he wandered back to his room and shut the door. The two elves shrugged and entered the guest room. Syl sat on one of the beds as Fenris knelt before the fireplace to start a fire. He then sat next to her.

“I can’t believe she’s dead.”

“It is quite a shock…” Neither of them spoke another word the rest of the night. They curled up together in bed and fell asleep.

***********************

Fenris and Syl woke before anyone else in the estate and made their way to the kitchen. He made tea and she set out breakfast for when Hawke woke up. The two of them then walked through the market on their way back to their mansion, picking up a few groceries as they went. Both of them with the same thought in their mind, the rest of the year was going to be long.

***************************

Breathe. Wind in the trees, combing through the blades of grass. The rustling of dead leaves brushing against the stone walls of the courtyard. Breathing. The gentle drumming of the wings on a dragonfly as it lands on a twig that fell from the willow. Another breath. The rich smell of walnut and slight decay of plants. The faint echo of bells from the docks. More breathing. Faint scuffing of leather and flesh on stone. The chirp of a latch steadily opening. Hitched breath. The sweet smell of cinnamon from the bakery down the street floats by, carrying sandalwood with it. Breathe in… Breathe out…. Breath in… Suddenly in one swift and fluid motion she stood, spinning on her heels, right arm extended with her dagger in hand. A startled yelp come from the end of the blade. 

“You can let that breath out” she smiled, gently sliding her blindfold down so it hung around her neck. 

“And you could put the knife down, unless I have done something to offend?” Fenris pressed down on the blade with a finger. “I am sorry if I startled you while you were…. What were you doing?”

“Don’t worry, I knew you were home about 20 minutes ago.” she winked “I was training… I guess that’s how i’d describe it anyway. When Ali and I were in the deep roads we couldn’t see half the time, it was so dark, so whenever we stopped to rest I would listen, trying to be able to hear our surroundings better...I got pretty good at it, and I kept up with the practice. It helps..I always know where people are during a fight, or what’s going on behind me.”

“Huh….that is, admirable. And explains your reactions during the expedition…” she nodded

“Would you like to try?” She resumed her position on the ground motioning for him to do the same.

“I suppose so yes” He smiled and sat in front of her.”

“Close your eyes. Now tell me what you hear, not just the sound, but what’s making it, where it’s coming from. Tell me what you smell, what you feel.” she smiled, he closed his eyes and did as she said

“I hear branches scraping the walls of the courtyard. Chatter from the markets, the smell of the bakery and the air...it smells like the beginning of Autumn. Bells of some kind, I am not sure if they are from the chantry or the dock..”

“The deeper ones are the chantry and the lighter sounding ones are the docks”

“Your voice” He smiled “And on that subject, your scent, sandalwood and juniper.” he smiled again

“I have to say you’re pretty good at this, Ali was terribly unobservant when I tried making him do this with me...though it was really hard to listen past the darkspawn screaming in our heads… eh. Anyway what about feel?”

“The cool stone from the shade on my left and warm from the sun on my right. The subtle breeze, a sense of calm and connection to my surroundings…” he smirked to himself “Your breath as your lips are a fraction of an inch away from mine”

“Ha, Fen my lips are no where near yours at the mome-” he leaned forward and kissed her

“I suppose I can feel the future” he smirked

“Haha I suppose so!” she gave him a playful swat on the shoulder

“So, what do you notice about our surroundings? I wish to see how terribly unobservant I am as well” he laughed, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath

“The faint giggling of children as they’re running outside the chantry. Banana muffins, breath, muffins from the bakery, the creaking of wood as a ship just scraped, breath, the dock on it’s way out, the rustling leaves on the willow, the dragonfly that, breath, was on it's own earlier now has a friend, Varric, Hawke and Sebastian just knocked on the front door”

“There is no way you can tell that!” 

“Since we didn’t answer, breath, they’ll wait approximately 30 seconds before coming in anyway, Iron latch, breath, unhinged, the echo of the front door, breath, the wind shifted and now there’s a smell of decaying maple and walnut, Hawke just tripped over the rug in the kitchen, deep breath, the ferocity of your gaze as I am saying all this, breath, Sebastian is going to open that door in 3...2...1” the door behind her opened with the same chirp as before.

“Found him! And Steel.” Hakwe and Varric followed Sebastian into the courtyard

“How! How could possibly tell it was them?”

“Varric smells of cigars, ale, and the oil he uses on Bianca’s string, which today seems to be grape seed. His duster also scrapes along the back of his boots when he walks. Sebastian’s bow strongly smells of cherrywood and he smells of the incense from the chantry. He has no footstep but occasionally his quiver gets caught on the left buckle of his chest-plate and makes a slight noise as it fixes itself. Hawke is probably the loudest person of all time and I could hear him the second he stepped foot outside. Also he smells like apples and basil and I can’t figure out why because he’s too ashamed to admit it but he uses lavender and lily scented soap. His staff blade also clanks against his boots when he walks, and his cloak drags on the ground too much, that’s why he tripped in the kitchen.”

“And every time you said breath?” 

“I could tell when you were going to and felt the need to point it out” she smirked, taking off the blindfold again to see his dumbfounded face

“I have no idea what’s going on but that was impressive Steel” Varric clapped

“How did you know my quiver gets caught?”

“ I hear everything my friend” she smiled. Fenris stood and offered her a hand up. 

“So, I assume my help is needed?”

“Yeah...Patrice is being terrible again, no offence Sebastian, but she really is the worst. Anyway, trying to make sure she doesn't start a war...maybe get her killed in the process! Who knows? Syl care to join? You always like seeing her squirm!” Hawke clapped excitedly. The two elves nodded and followed Hawke as he filled them in.

*************************************** 

Fenris woke up to find the other half of his bed empty. He frowned at the cold air as he got up, taking a deep breath and stretching as he did, grimacing at his injured ribs from the day before. He meandered downstairs to the kitchen, finding Syl hunched over the counter beating the contents of a bowl with a spoon, singing softly, he always loved catching her do that. Two steaming apple pies on the counter. Fenris stepped quietly over to her, startling her as he wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder

“Maker Fenris! You scared the hell out of me!”

“My apologies love.” he looked into the bowl to see the crumble for the top of the pies “You know I would have helped if you had woken me” she spun around in his arms to face him.

“Ah but you needed sleep, yesterday wasn’t exactly a good day for you. How are you feeling by the way?”

“Fine, a little sore” She frowned at him, he sighed “Alright the stab wound on my side is causing me a lot of pain, and the bruising on my ribs has darkened.”

“Off with your shirt” she tugged at it

“Pardon?”

“Well I can’t really clean your wound and look at your ribs through your shirt now can I love?” he rolled his eyes at her and sat on the island counter, removing his shirt as she put the crumble on the pies and then washed her hands. Syl retrieved clean rags and bandages. She gently pulled off the bloody bandages and prodded at his wound, he hissed at her in pain.

“Watch it!” he hissed through his teeth, markings glowing faintly

“Relax, I’m just making sure it’s a clean wound” she pressed against the wound, he tightened his core. 

“AHG stop stabbing me will you?!” he hissed again

“I’m not… are you okay Fenris?” He noted her hands that were wringing out a wet rag, he looked down at his front left side at the stab wound just above his hip. “Fen?”

“It feels like something is stabbing me again” he clutched at his side, wincing in pain.

“Lay down”

“What?” his face contorted in pain again

“On the counter, lay down. I think Anders may have missed something when he stitched you back up.” 

He laid down as he was told and she pulled the stitches open and he growled. She poked at the open wound a little before giving him a look. His eyes went wide and he shook his head but before he could protest more she plunged her fingers into the wound. 

“AhG DAMMIT SYL!” he half yelled half growled at her as she dug her fingers around in his torso, Fenris’s markings pulsed with each of his breaths.

“The hell is going on in here?” Aveline gave them a confused look

“We didn’t mean to intrude, it’s just we heard him yell” Sebastian appeared next to her

“I think...hang on” Syl dug her fingers around more “Ah! I got it! Give me one- Fenris hold still will you?!” she placed her other hand on his chest trying to calm him as she carefully pulled out a shard of glass from his side. “How the hell did Ander’s miss this?! Please try not to go through anymore windows yeah?” she tossed the shard of glass on the counter and started sewing the wound shut.

“Well that was interesting….anyway are you two ready to head over to Hawke’s?” Aveline half laughed. Syl finished bandaging up Fenris and nodded.

“Yeah we need to get dressed though. We’ll meet you there?” Syl pointed out the pies to Sebastian “Will you bring these with you? They should still be warm by the time you get there, if not put them near the hearth.” he nodded and followed Aveline out the door. “You okay?” she held a hand out to Fenris and helped him off the counter.

“Yes. Thank you love. I am sorry that I swatted your hand away a couple times.”

“That’s alright, I was kinda hurting you…” she waved her bloody fingers at him and he smirked, grabbing a damp towel and wiped her fingers’ clean. 

“Shall we get changed?” she nodded and followed him upstairs. Fenris dressed in a navy silk tunic with long sleeves and a black vest and matching trousers. He donned a pair of deep brown leather boots and belt. He ran his hands through his silvery white hair as he turned around to see Syl, his jaw dropped. 

“O factorem…” _(oh maker)_ he breathed. Syl had dressed in a dark forest green silk dress that had a deep v neck, three quarter sleeves and a slit up the side to her mid thigh. Over it she wore a black under bust corset that had outlines of roses embroidered in white. She wore a pair of black ankle high leather boots. Her hair pulled back into a loose braid that fell over her shoulder. “You look incredible” he walked over to her and placed his hands on her hips.

“I can say the same to you” she threw her hands around his neck and kissed him. “We should probably get going.”He nodded, kissing her again, she giggled and wiped her crimson lipstick from his lips with her thumb. He took a deep breath as he let go of her to retrieve her coat, smiling to himself. He held out her leather trench coat for her to stick her arms through. He shrugged into his trench coat as well as they walked down stairs and out the front door, both of them picking up duffel bags on their way out. The two of them walked out into the snowy Kirkwall streets. As they started walking Fenris offered his arm to Syl who took it as Varric met them as they came down the stairs to the platform Hawke’s estate was on.

“Such a gentleman, escorting the lady through the ice.” the dwarf smiled

“I believe in good manners.” the elf said 

“So I see. Wait Steel….I see no pies... I heard you made pies”

“Ha have no fear my dwarven friend, I sent Sebastian with them earlier.” she laughed and knocked on the door. Aveline opened the door greeting them as she held the door open for them, Bodahn taking their coats. The two of them set their bags near the pine tree that Isabela, Merrill and Sebastian had decorated the day before. Syl followed Aveline and Hawke into the kitchen and Fenris helped Varric stock the bar next to the fireplace for the evening. The three from the kitchen reappeared bringing a variety of food to the table that Sebastian was setting. Another knock at the door announced the arrival of Isabela, Merrill and Anders.

“By the maker!” Syl exclaimed, everyone looking at her as she pointed to Isabela “Rivaini is wearing actual clothes!” she stuck her tongue out at the pirate who was flipping her off. Isabela had found a burgundy and cream dress to wear, a deep v down the front with slits up both sides and a black sash around her waist.

Everyone sat around the table, Hawke at one end, Varric at the other. Fenris, Syl, Bodahn, Sandal and Sebastian sat on one side, Aveline, Merrill, Isabela and Anders on the other. Together they feasted and talked, enjoying their night off. Enjoying the holiday, enjoying that they were all here together. Towards the end of the meal Hawke raised his glass

“I would like to raise a glass to Merrill, Anders, and Sebastian all of whom had this wonderful idea for us to dress up tonight and spend the evening like royalty...and Aveline for getting me out of helping the Viscount this evening so we could all have some fun! And again to Bodahn and Sandal for preparing this delicious feast!” He was about to take a sip “OH! And of course to Vermethys for making apple pie again!” they all laughed and cheered in agreement taking a drink. Syl then stood, gathering everyone’s attention

“I would also like to make a toast before the night goes on. This year has not been kind to a lot of us, some more than others, yet we still end this year the same way we have for the past few, together. One person adamant that we do so no matter what, so I would like to raise a glass to Leandra, she started this tradition and forced us all to participate, and I believe we are all better for it. She and her son welcomed all of us, a group of outcasts, thieves, blood mages, tortured souls and monsters into their family, to become part of said family. And for that I am forever grateful, I could not ask for a better family than all of you.” she raised her glass in the air, Varric standing as well

“I couldn’t have said it better myself” he raised his as well. Everyone else following suit, Hawke being the last one to stand, his eyes looking glassy.

“To family” he smiled and everyone drank.

After they brought the food back to the kitchen and refilled their drinks the group of them piled into main room near the tree and fireplace. Hawke, Fenris, Anders, Sebastian and Aveline bringing a couple more chairs and an end table down from the library. Hawke and Isabela sat on the love seat in front of the fire. Anders, and Aveline sat in over sized armchairs to their left, Merrill and Sebastian doing so on their right. Fenris and Syl sat on the chaise lounge across from them, Varric right next to the elves in another chair. 

“Right so how we doing this? One person hands out their gifts and we open them?” Varric asked placing a cigar in his mouth

“Sounds fine to me- Varric not inside” Hawke frowned

“Relax ‘m not gonna light it...f’r now.” Varric’s words were slightly slurred due to the cigar. Hawke rolled his eyes then got up, walking to the tree and retrieving a stack of small boxes.

“I would like to go first, as Steel’s lovely speech set me up perfectly.” He made his way around the group handing everyone a box and then sat back down, placing his arm around his pirate. “Go ahead” he nodded, they all opened the boxes to reveal forged Hawke crests. “Like she said earlier, we’re a family. I am the last one alive in my family as far as blood goes. But family can go farther than blood, and I wanted all of you to have a symbol of that, the Hawke family crest.” he smiled, Syl and Isabela gave him a hug. Sebastian and Anders were helping each other figure out how they could attach the crest to their armor.

“Thank you Garrett” Fenris nodded

“Thank you Hawke” Aveline genuinely smiled

“Oh thank you Hawke! It’s so pretty” Merrill squealed

“Thanks man...hey I think this’ll fit on the sigil spot on Bianca!” Varric got overly excited and immediately pulled out Bianca, fastening the crest to her. “Now that’s what I’m talking about”

“My turn!” Merrill jumped up and handed everyone little woven bands with elven words in the design. “I made Dalish prayer bands, I found a prayer that reminded me of each one of you so they’re all different! I hope you like them” she beamed with pride

“Aw they’re beautiful Kitten”

“Thank you Daisy”

“Thank you Merrill, it is very thoughtful.” Merrill’s eyes lit up with happiness, Fenris had never called her by her name before. Then she caught Syl’s expression, noticing her tearing up slightly. Before she could speak Syl did.

“Thank you Merrill...not that you knew this but this was the prayer my father used to tell me as a child. It means a lot to me.” Merrill hugged her

“Awwww… okay time for mine!” Isabela handed out her gifts. She gave Varric a bottle of rum from Antiva, Hawke a ship in a bottle she made, Merrill was given a captain’s hat, Sebastian a book of sea shanties, Syl a deep burgundy and black velvet tailcoat that had roses embroidered throughout, Fenris a bottle of bordeaux from Nevara, Anders a book on medical remedies at sea, and Aveline a magenta roll of fabric, to which she received a questioning look.

“I thought you could use something girly Big Girl…..nah I’m just fucking with you, there’s a sword I thought you would like wrapped up in there” She gave Aveline a pat on the shoulder

“Thanks Rivani!” Syl put on the coat, loving how soft it was. 

“Thank you Isabela” 

“Thank you whore” Fenris raised the bottled to her, she laughed at the nickname that was once an insult, that had turned into a more friendly banter.

“You’re welcome stud” she winked at him and he rolled his eyes.

“Alright, my gift to you all is those crates over there!” Anders pointed to the stack of crates that were stacked up the side of the stairs “Obviously the one of dwarven ale goes to Varric, the cider is for Steel, and Broody the wine is for you. Since you three don’t believe in health potions. The rest of you, pick a crate! I know you hate traveling to Darktown so that should hold you all for quite awhile.”

“Yeah! Thank you Anders!”

“Thanks Blondie”

“Thanks Anders”

“It is appreciated mage”

“So, I have a little something special for you lot.” Varric held up a variety of gold amulets and started handing them out to everyone, each one different than the last. Hawke’s had a dragon pendant, Isabela’s a ship wheel, Merrill’s was a beautiful daisy, Sebastian's was a circle with his favourite prayer engraved in it, Aveline’s was a coin, one side with the templar sigil and the other with the Kirkwall crest, Anders’s had a cat, Fenris’s was the head of a tiger with it’s teeth bared, and Syl’s was a delicately crafted easel.“These my friends, were made from the last of the Deep Roads treasure I had melted down, and turned into something that I think of when I think of each of you.” He held one more in his hand that he handed to Hawke, a pendant of a shield with a unique crest on it. “I uh...had this one made too, Junior deserved one.” Hawke smiled.

“Thank you Varric, these are wonderful!”

“Thank you Varric!”

“Turn and face the tiger….thank you dwarf” Fenris smirked at him

“Alright, mine gift to you all short and sweet...mostly. The guard will ignore all of you for the most part, as long as you aren’t doing anything too nefarious” Aveline paused as Hawke, Anders and Varric hooted and hollered “Don’t make me regret that. Lastly, Fenris this is for you.” she handed him a piece of paper, he didn’t need to be able to read well to recognize it as a house deed. “Yes, that is the deed to the mansion you have been staying in...I pulled a few strings, congratulations, you are now an official homeowner in Kirkwall.” 

“Thank you Aveline...I am speechless” he gave her a genuine smile, to which most everyone gasped and laughed. As Fenris read the deed more carefully Sebastian handed out his gift to everyone, chantry amulets with prayers inscribed on the back of them.

“Thanks choir boy!”

“Thank you Sebastian”

“Thanks Vael!”

“Okay my turn!” Syl smiled, she was looking forward to seeing everyone’s reaction. She’d thought long and hard about what to give most of them. She started with Varric, she handed him three leather bound books and a glass inkwell and pen. For Anders she had found an old book of Wynne’s potion recipes. For Aveline she had called in a few favours with her old templar order and managed to get a hold of her husband’s ceremonial sword. She gave Isabela a set of golden wrist cuffs that had krakens engraved on the surface. She gave Merrill her old Dalish armor that didn’t fit her anymore but would fit Merrill perfectly. For Sebastian she still had one of Leliana’s old enchanted bows, it was a beautiful bow, but the redhead discarded it after a falling out before she died, she knew Sebastian would give it a good home. For Hawke she had a staff, a beautifully carved staff, it hummed at his touch. And for Fenris she had made a chest piece boots and matching bracers out of leather that was so jet black it was almost hard to look at. It matched her armour that she wore on a daily basis that never seemed to get dirty or need repair. He stared at the armor and then it hit him, he finally knew what it was made of and he was stunned. 

“Holy shit Steel, these are incredible!” Varric thumbed through the empty pages of the books “I can’t wait to write in these!” 

“There’s a...well a bit of a story behind all of these, if I may” they nodded “Well for starters, Varric I have had those books for years, always wanting to fill them. But I never knew what to write. I had forgotten about them until recently, I knew you’d like them, the paper in them is an old Dalish recipe and if I remember correctly the leather binding is Halla hide.”

“I...wow, thank you Steel.” she nodded and continued

“Anders, that book belonged to a very old, very powerful friend of mine a long, long time ago. She was a very talented mage, I hope you find some of the things in there useful...she made a lot of new potions and spells that people had never heard of.”

“I’m stunned thank you, I will take good care of it.”

“I’m glad. Aveline I-”

“How! How did you manage you get your hands on this?!” Aveline was baffled, Syl smiled

“I used to be a templar remember? I called in a few favors with my old order.”

“Thank you...I...thank you…” she ran her fingers over the inscription on the blade.

“Isabela, to be honest I stole those off a bandit when I was a kid and found them when I found the books for Varric ha.” Isabela laughed with her

“Well I love them so thank you!”

“Merrill, that was my old armor when I was still with my clan” well sorta...she shook her head, “It doesn’t fit me anymore and I know you refuse to wear non-Dalish armor, so it is all yours Daisy”

“Oh my, thank you Steel, it’s beautiful armour!”

“Sebastian, that bow has some pretty powerful enchantments on it. It also belonged to one of my old friends, however I found it discarded after a falling out. I thought you would be the one to appreciate it and give it a nice home”

“It is a gorgeous bow, I’m rather looking forward to testing it. Thank you.”

“Garrett I can see you giving me a questioning look, that staff belonged to one of my charges when I was in the order. As you know our circle fell, I wasn’t there when it happened though. But before I was thrown out I had actually become friends with this girl, she was very kind, a good person. In fact the only person I didn’t despise there. She was one of the mages that died in the uprising that got us thrown out, me and several others were actually fighting for the mages” she shuddered “My friend died protecting me. As she was dying she gave me her staff….told me it was a family heirloom, she wanted me to have it since she knew she’d never be able to see her family again, and I was the closest thing she had.”

“Wow...I-”

“I’m not finished. Her name was Surana…..Surana Amell.” Hawke’s eyes went wide

“I….holy hell….Thank you Steel….this is seriously the best gift anyone has given me ever.”

“You’re welcome, I’m glad it’s back where it belongs.” she smiled

“What’s the story behind Broody’s….what did you give Broody anyway?” Varric looked at the elf who held up the armor he was given. “Holy shit! What is that made out of?!” 

“Ha, that is an old secret that I can’t tell you. What I can tell you is that it is a special treatment I learned a while ago. And I can tell you that I made that from dragonhide.” she gave Fenris, who was still in disbelief as to what he was holding, a wink. 

“Well damn, that’ll certainly protect you better than what you’re currently wearing.” Hawke mused

“Indeed. Thank you Steel. I do not know what to say.” he ran his fingers over the wolf that was engraved into the chest piece.

“You needn’t say anything. None of you do.” they smiled at her

“Well, that will be quite hard to follow, but I believe I am the last one.” Fenris stood and picked up his bag. For Varric he pulled out a cigar box that was indeed filled with cigars, unlike any the dwarf had seen before. For Aveline he pulled out an intricate looking blade. For Isabela he had fancy bottle of Antivian tequila he’d acquired. For Hawke he pulled out a very unique staff blade. For Sebastian he had a book on the old gods, the two of them would talk about such things often and Sebastian found the concepts fascinating even if some of it went against his own beliefs. For Merrill he pulled out a mirror with silver filigree around it. Surprisingly he did have something for Anders, a small statuette of a cat made from a strange looking stone. And lastly for Syl, he pulled out something that had been carefully wrapped in silk.

“ Broody you followed that quite well...I’ve never seen cigars like this”

“Ah, yes I suppose some of this needs explaining. Those cigars are from Tevinter, as a warning they may not be legal here in Kirkwall” Varric chuckled at Aveline who was shaking her head “Aveline, I am sensing we all need to talk about your gifts next year as you have now been given three swords.” she laughed “The one I gave you is a Tevene gladiator’s blade, it is technically seven blades yet it appears as one, they are very nimble and hurt like hell” she gave him a look “Another time. The bottle of tequila was something I found my wine cellar, I cannot stand it but you might enjoy it as you seem to drink the stuff by the gallon Rivaini” 

“Ha! That’s very true! Thanks Broody!” he nodded

“Garrett that staff blade is imbued with lyrium….it should act as a power source….like my tattoos”

“How the hell-”

“I would prefer not to say. Sebastian-” he looked at the man who had already buried his nose in the book “Ha, nevermind. Merrill, I could not think of anything for you, but I thought a mirror that is not dangerous might be a good idea” she laughed and thanked him “And that” he pointed to Anders “even though the person carving the statuettes had no idea, is a piece of depleted lyrium has been carved into a cat.”

“That’s fantastic! I will name him Mr. Grumpy Pants, after you.” Fenris rolled his eyes at the mage who then laughed at him.

“And that is more than just fabric you know” he nodded at Syl

“I thought so, I just wanted to see what you were going to say” she smirked at him, he shrugged

“Well in that case all I am going to say is that I paid more attention to the pleasant things.” he gave her a sly grin and sat back, sipping his wine.

“Well, let’s see it!” Hawke motioned to her. She pulled the fabric away from the item inside, revealing a mahogany lute that had swirls of silver inlaid on the entire thing. Syl gasped in amazement, he wasn’t lying. Fenris had leaned forward at this point so he could see her face and she held the lute out to Varric who carefully took it from her with a confused look, she then turned to Fenris and wrapped her arms around him, startling him. He was not expecting her to do that, he wrapped his free hand around her. 

“Thank you so much” she said muffled by his shoulder

“You are quite welcome Steel.” 

“Andraste’s ass! Broody knows how to hug!” Hawke pointed at the elf who flipped him off

“I am not a savage Garrett, I just do not enjoy most people touching me.” he said as Syl pulled away, taking the lute back from Varric.

“I didn’t know you could play” he said as he gave it back.

“Oh I loved playing the lute! It’s just been years since I was able to do so. I’m probably horribly out of practice but I’ll give it a try.” She strummed the instrument and brought a few chords to life, tuning it slightly before going at it again. She was able to play his favourite song from the bard at the Hanged Man off the top of her head and she did so perfectly. The group was silent the entire time she played, Fenris unable to stop himself from giving her a loving look, unknowingly was seen by Hawke who slightly tilted his gaze to look more at the two of them. Fenris’s left arm was on the back of the lounge, stretching to behind Syl, and he didn’t sit distanced from her because he was uncomfortable like everyone else he sat near, he distanced himself so he could take in the sight before him. The way he reacted when she hugged him, he didn’t stiffen and turn to stone at her touch, he jumped back because he wasn’t expecting her to hug him like that. And the look, the look he was giving her, his face was stoic but you could tell he was smiling on the inside, the way his gaze softened when he looked at her. That...all of that lead to one conclusion in Hawke’s mind, Fenris was madly in love with this woman. Before he could further his thought he was interrupted by Syl ending her song and the others clapping.

“That was beautiful serah. I’m sorry to interrupt but my boy and I have something for you all, if you’d get your coats and follow me.” he waved for them to follow him into the massive courtyard. The nine of them did as they were told and stood out in the snowy courtyard.

“What’s this about Bodahn? It’s almost a blizzard out here!” Hawke shivered shaking the snowflakes from his hair. The only response from Bodahn was him pointing to the sky, as he did so bursts of fiery colours appeared out of nothing, dancing across the sky. 

“Sandal’s version of fireworks my friends” Bodahn said, across the courtyard they could see Sandal concentrated on different runestones. It was a beautiful display, that conveniently ended as they were starting to get uncomfortably cold. Everyone filtered back into the house, Hawke carrying Sandal on his shoulders. Fenris turned around to see Syl still standing in the middle of the courtyard staring up at the sky. He closed the door and silently walked back to her, snaking an arm around her waist as he reached her, she leaned into him.

“Thank you for the lute. I’m stunned you actually remembered that from the story I told you forever ago.”

“You are very welcome. When it comes to you it is hard to forget anything. I...ehm, I do have something else for you as well, I wanted to give it to you while we were alone. But one question first.”

“Yes?” she turned to face him more and he wrapped his other arm around her as she wrapped hers around him. 

“The armor you gave me, that happens to match yours, it is not specially treated dragonhide is it?” he raised a brow

“....Not exactly no….also yes?...Does the taint count as a treatment?”

“Hmmm, so it is the hide of an Archdemon.” he whispered and she smiled

“Indeed it is.” he snorted a laugh

“You are amazing” he gave her a squeeze before putting a hand in his pocket, “Close your eyes” she did “Open them” he held out an amulet that was a silver wolf’s head, emeralds in the eyes. “A token if you will….I would like you to have it.” she took it from him, running her fingers over the wolf admiring it.

“This is beautiful Fenris…” she slid the amulet over her head, the pendant resting on her sternum at the start of her cleavage.

“It...ehm..represents me I suppose….my name means ‘little wolf’.”

“I love it even more now….you know it’s funny, the shortened version of my name means ‘night’. Wolves and the night go quite well together.” Fenris gave her a loving look, placing his hand on the side of her neck, thumb tracing her jaw.

“This wolf certainly fell in love with the night” he tilted her face towards him more, capturing her lips in his. She parted her lips as he pulled her closer, allowing their tongues to intertwine as she tangled and hand into his hair. After a few minutes they broke the kiss, resting their foreheads against each other. For anyone watching it was quite a romantic sight, the silhouettes of the two elves in the courtyard, the black branches of the dead trees against the tan walls of the courtyard, everything covered in snow, even them. Syl started shivering and Fenris ran his hands up her arms rapidly in attempt to warm her up.

“I love you Fenris….”

“I love you too Sylendra...Come, we should go inside before you freeze.”he steered her towards the door. Unknown to both of them their entire display of affection was seen through the window by Anders and Hawke, both of whom were stunned.

“Did...did we really just see that?” Anders looked at Hawke in disbelief. 

“I uh...well that’s interesting” Hawke couldn’t say more, apart of him was in shock, apart of him was upset because he still harbored feelings for her. And another part of him felt sick. The two of them walked back to the main hall to see everyone else had resumed their seats, Syl and Fenris hanging up their coats. Varric waltzed over to them to get his matches from his coat pocket.

“The hell took you two so long? It’s freezing out there.”

“Settling a debt” Fenris shrugged casually

“Ah I see” Varric winked “You did say you were going to be a gentleman about that.” he gave the elf a pat on the back. Anders elbowed Hawke in the arm acknowledging what they just heard, Hawke nodded, but he couldn’t shake the feeling it was something more. The five of them rejoined the group, Fenris and Syl sitting ever so slightly closer to each other. Though it didn’t last long as they all moved up into the library, sprawling out on the floor with a variety of cushions and blankets for a game of Wicked Grace.

“So are we continuing our bets from last time?” Isabela asked suggestively as she looked at the hand she was dealt. There was a collective groaning coming from the group “I’ll take that as a yes!”

****************************

“Rivani, your tab is too long for me to read in any decent amount of time, but you owe Hawke, Blondie, Choir Boy, and Broody a kiss for starters, and it just escalates from there.” She held a hand up to Varric who paused as she kissed Hawke and Anders on the lips, she gave Sebastian a peck on the cheek as to not make him exceedingly uncomfortable. She went to kiss Fenris but he caught by the shoulder

“Come any closer and you will be missing fingers” he gave her a warning look

“Aw come on Broody, just a kiss!” she tried again and his grip tightened “Okay okay fine. You’re no fun”

“That was too much touching as is, consider your debt settled.” he muttered

“Alright well that takes care of that. Choir Boy you also owe kisses, one to Steel, one to Daisy and one to Big Girl” Sebastian gave them each a peck on the cheek, Merrill giggling. “Alright Blondie and Hawke have the same tab, you both owe a kiss to the ladies, and myself...how the hell does that keep happening?” Anders made his rounds, stopping when Syl held up a finger, he shrugged, grabbing her hand in his moving it aside and gave her a light kiss on the lips, she wrinkled her nose in disgust and rubbed her mouth with the back of her hand, she hated mages touching her, Anders rolled his eyes as she did so and Fenris glared at the man. Hawke also made his rounds and again Syl held up a hand to stop him but instead he pulled her up

“Garrett.”

“Oh come on, you let the others”

“One of which was very unwelcome”, she shot Anders a glance who just gave her a smug grin, Hawke tried to kiss her and she dodged it.

“Why are you being so stubborn? It’s just a kiss” he noticed Fenris tense up, clearly not enjoying his behavior, wondering if his earlier thoughts were right he decided to see how far he could push the man

“Garrett knock it off” she gave him a stern look

“Aw come on it’ll be fun, I’ll even make it special...I learned this magic thing that-”

“NO!” she hissed

“Garrett” Fenris said sternly

“You’re being ridiculous”

“Don’t you remember what happened last time?”

“Hawke” Varric gave him a warning

“Quit dancing around and just let me kiss you

“Alright you know what fine, go ahead, kiss me, see how well that works for you.” she half muttered half teased. Hawke grinned and planted a kiss right on her lips, immediately falling to his knees

“Ahhhhg what the fuck” he rest his palms on his temples then sitting back confused as to why he actually felt decent for once. Syl plopped back down in her seat

“Relax, all I did was silence you. It’ll wear off.”   


“What did you do that for?!” Anders almost yelled at her

“I don’t like mages touching me, it makes me want to vomit and my skin crawl. I’m also a templar, so I have ways of making them stop touching me” she bit back

“That’s still uncalled for! He’s a mage and you took his power away how-”

“It’s not permanent!”

“I don’t think I’d mind if it was” Hawke interrupted them “I feel...better? Like I’m not dead inside.”

“Oh great” Syl muttered, just what she needed, a mage that likes being silenced “I forgot, you hate being a mage, so yes you probably would enjoy the feeling of not having magic gnawing at your insides….however that’s going to make it hurt more when it wears off.”

“Huh?”

“Anders I silenced you yes?” he nodded “Does it hurt when it wears off?” he shook his head “Exactly, because your mind working how it should if you’re a mage...i guess. You embrace magic therefore the thought of it being taken away or having it taken away causes you distress. Hawke your mind works in reverse, you constantly reject and suppress magic, so the thought of being free of it causes you relief. The thought of it coming back though is probably less pleasant and you will most likely fight it, thus causing you pain. I apologize for that, it didn’t really cross my mind”

“How long can it last? He looked at her, amazement in his eyes

“It’ll be wearing off shortly.”

“Yes, but how long can you make it last?”

“I’m not going to tell you that. Because I know what you’re thinking and the answer is no.” he started to protest “No. And if you ever ask me again I will punch you in the throat again” she snapped. She took a deep breath, tossing her cards to Varric “I had a lovely day with all of you, and I appreciate the gifts. But I’m going to go home, I don’t want to risk ruining the rest of your night.” she got up and made her way to the main hall. 

“Alright, Choir Boy or Broody walk her home. I would but I am far too drunk.” Varric was interrupted by the sound of the front door closing, echoing through the house. Sebastian started to stand then sat back down, a look of puzzlement taking over his face. 

“I have no idea where she lives….” he stated. Fenris rolled his eyes

“I got her” he tossed his cards to Varric as well, “I was going to leave after the next round anyway. I will see you all tomorrow I am sure, have a good rest of your night.” he stood and left the rest of them as well. He grabbed his bag that he had previously placed the gifts he received in and donned his coat. Leaving the Hawke estate, door closing loudly behind him.

He looked to the ground and started following her footsteps, he had a feeling she wasn’t going to go straight home. He followed them through the streets of High Town to a secluded garden near the chantry. And that’s where he found her sitting alone on a bench, her back facing him with her head down. He walked up behind her, snow crunching beneath his boots.

“If you’re anyone other than Fenris, go away.” she muttered through her teeth, he could tell by the tone in her voice she was crying. 

“ I am here love” he stepped over the bench and sat beside her, wrapping an arm around her. 

“You know, Garrett is one of my dearest friends, but maker I hate him sometimes.”

“Yes he is quite rowdy at times”

“It’s not even that...it’s not even his fault really. It’s my own...he just reminds me of how much I hate myself sometimes.” He squeezed her tighter “Purely because he just doesn’t understand. He doesn’t understand what it is to silence someone. He certainly doesn’t understand why it makes my skin crawl when a mage touches me. And I can’t blame him, I’ve been in his shoes...on a much larger scale, but still, he has an entire city depending on him without them even knowing it really, so it’s not like we can hold it against him if he doesn’t notice the little things….in my case the little things happen to affect me severely but still…I… I’m glad you understand Vhenan.”

“I am glad you trusted me enough to tell me, I cannot imagine you having to put up with him and the abomination alone. Both of them seem to have no boundaries”

“Fenris you are the one I trust the most. Don’t get me wrong the others are wonderful people, or used to be, and they mean the world to me, but damn they drive me insane...mostly my doing since I have yet to come clean to them about my past” 

“Used to be?” he raised a brow

“Hm? Oh yeah, I told you I knew Anders from the Wardens yeah? Actually I’m the one who made him go through the joining…..” she shook her head “However when I met him he wasn’t merged with Justice. He was just a cocky mage who loved chasing girls and loved cats more than anything, ‘I just want a decent meal, a pretty girl and the right to shoot lightning at fools’, that was one of the first things he ever said to me. Don’t get me wrong he was always stuck up with his beliefs about mage freedom, but we actually got along really well….and then he merged with Justice and that’s when things went downhill. I also think that’s why he doesn’t remember me from back then. I think Justice is blocking it out.” she chuckled “You actually may have gotten along with him back then, yes he was still an annoying mage, but he was very polite to everyone. And absolutely ruthless towards slavers, we ran into a camp of them outside Amaranthine and he jumped right into the middle of the fight, nearly got himself killed, but he was determined to save them.”

“Ha, that does sound better than the version we are stuck with.” he thought for a moment “If I may, why did you storm out?”

“Hawke was just pushing my buttons...the whole silencing thing. The easiest way to explain how to silence a mage is you basically learn to throw part of your life force into theirs for a second, it messes with the magic, sort of tricks them into being tranquil for a while, minus the lack of emotions thing. Anyway the longer you silence them the more you have to be willing to risk, if you’re not careful it can easily kill you….Something they don’t ever tell the new recruits. I’ve almost died from it twice, I was trying to silence the keeper from the dalish clan i went to when I was calling on the Warden treaties. He was extremely powerful and was using blood magic, I nearly killed myself trying to silence him, as it takes a lot more out of a templar to control who’s being silenced when you aren’t doing it by contact. Luckily Alistair was able to help and Morrigan stood far enough away to not be affected. And then again when we were in the Deep Roads and I silenced Anders and Justice”

“I can see why you would be frustrated with him…”

“Yeah….speaking of, I need to get home….I can feel the withdrawals gnawing at me.” she wrinkled her nose

“Of course love” he held an arm out for her again and she gladly took it. The two of them walked home in silence, enjoying the falling snow.


	13. How Did We Get Here...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You know towards the end of our time in Kirkwall a lot of dumb shit happened, some good things, but mainly dumb shit. Some of which can be attributed to a few ignorant mages, and of course some of it can me attributed to our 'lovely' Knight Commander... this, this is when limits were pushed... for everyone..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Act 3, enjoy

************ _sometime later_ ************** 

“Steel?” Sebastian’s voice echoed from behind her

“Hey Seb!” she greeted him with a hug

“What brings you to the chantry? It’s very unlike you” she gave him a shy smile

“Yeah...um...it’s just….well with everything that happened with the Arishock and Hawke having to separate Meredith and Orsino the other day...I’m just concerned…..I thought maybe a little faith couldn’t hurt…”

“You say that as if you’ve lost your faith”

“I did”

“What caused that? I mean you were a templar, you served the maker, where did you lose your faith?” he took her hand and lead her over one of the benches upstairs as she spoke

“Honestly….it was so long ago…” she sat down next to him

“Do you wish to tell me about it?”

“I guess...I haven’t really talked to anyone about it...I guess I feel like the maker abandoned me… I mean I dedicated my life to being a templar when I was still a kid pretty much… and I served him...but when I needed him...there was nothing….it’s hard to continue to have faith when you’re alone in your darkest times, praying for him to help me in some way….and there’s nothing.” she hadn’t realized she started to cry until Sebastian handed her a handkerchief from his pocket. “Thanks. Heh sorry.”

“You have no need to apologize. But I must say, I do not believe the maker abandoned you.”

“Oh really? So when I begged for help and received none, when I was a pure servant of the maker and turned corrupt, when I lost everything even my lif-” she stopped herself “You’re saying he didn’t abandon me? That was all part of his plan?”

“Perhaps he let those things happen for a reason. Perhaps he did not abandon you but was leading you down a specific path for a reason, even if getting to the end of that path is rough.” he paused for a moment “Would you like to share any of those things with me?”

“I...I don’t know….”

“It was only a suggestion. Is there anyone else you could share them with?”

“Sorta….” she didn’t want to tell him that she had told Fenris everything, she wasn’t ready for that yet.

“No worries. But if I may, consider confession. I feel as though it would be a good way to vent more of these frustrations, you may seek advice, or just have someone listen, it is up to you.”

“Thank you Sebatian...I just might do that.” he looked down the hall by the door to see Fenris jogging towards them.

“I am glad you are both here, Hawke wants us to go with him to the keep.” they nodded and followed him out of the chantry, Sebastian eventually taking the lead. 

“So why are we going to the keep?” Syl looked at Fenris, he shrugged

“Something about the king wanting to meet Hawke, and by default us.” she stopped dead in her tracks “Syl?”

“The king?” she looked at him

“Of Ferelden yes…” he looked at her for a minute and then it sunk in “Oh...right...when was the last time you saw him?”

“Years ago….when I was on my way here... but he never saw me…” she started walking again and they quickened their pace to catch up with Sebastian as he ascended the steps to the keep, Hawke, Varric and Isabela waiting at the top. 

“Hey! You guys ready?” Hawke held the door open and they all filtered in, following him to the throne room where Alistair and Teagan were waiting for them. Syl shifted to stand a bit more behind Fenris. 

“Ah Champion! It’s good to finally meet you!” He reached forward to shake Hawke’s hand 

“You as well your majesty” 

“Oh please, call me Alistair, I’m glad you could meet with me I- Isabela?!” 

“Well it took you long enough to notice me!” She gave him a hug “How are you these days Warden?”

“Ah pretty good, busy as ever.” He smiled

“Have you found the Hero yet?” she looked at the floor, toeing the edge of the rug. Syl looked at Alistair and then quickly back at the floor.

“No...I haven’t.” His voice had an unfamiliar edge to it “I have a rough idea where she might be though.”

“Oh? Anyway we can help?” Hawke put an arm over Isabela’s shoulder “I mean it would certainly improve your chances of finding her, we get around a lot.” 

“Well...she was on her way here actually?”

“WHAT?!” Varric spit out the flask he was drinking from “Here as in Kirkwall?!” 

“Yes. She was on her way here. I haven’t heard from her though so I’m not entirely sure if she made it or not.” He looked over the group in front of him, catching a glimpse of grey eyes peering out from behind a tall white haired elf. He shook his head and faced Hawke. “Anyway, I’m here to discuss the viscount situation….”

“Ha, I could do it!” Hawke laughed, his smile turned into a more serious face when Alistair didn’t. 

“That is not as far-fetched or as much of a joke as you may think. Many people in this city depend on you, you have saved them, become their champion. It would not be a terrible fit. Think about it Serah.” Teagan tapped him on the shoulder, signaling that they had to leave. 

“Well...that’s an interesting idea...I’ll think about it.”

“Good! Unfortunately I have to take my leave. It was nice meeting all of you” he shook hands with Hawke and Isabela, reaching for Varric and Sebastian’s “I’m sorry I didn’t catch your names”

“Sebastian Vael...Yes that one”

“Prince of Starkhaven! Well damn, you must come visit sometime! And you ser?”

“Varric Tethras, dashing rogue and renowned author”

“HA! Oh I remember Syl reading me one of your books! Hawke you certainly keep interesting company!”

“Oh you think we’re interesting? You should meet Broody and Steel” Varric turned to the elves to see Syl almost to the door. “Where’s she going?” Fenris shrugged “Steel where you going?” she didn’t answer just kept walking “Verm! Vermethys what gives?” She turned around as she slipped through the door, seeing Alistair’s eyes go wide before she closed it behind her. 

“Maybe she still isn’t feeling well since yesterday, Anders said that the venom might linger.” Hawke looked to Varric

“Yeah probably”

“I will go to make sure she is alright. It was a pleasure meeting you your majesty” Fenris gave a curt nod and followed her.

“Your majesty. Are you alright? You look as though you’ve seen a ghost...Sir? Alistair!” Teagan hit him on the shoulder.

“Hm? Oh yes, I’m fine… Well he is also an interesting fellow, tall for an elf… wait, Anders? As in Grey Warden?”

“Yeah he’s part of my strange company….” Hawke looked at Alistair

“Huh...well, give him my best. Farewell champion, I hope to see you back in Ferelden sometime” Alistair smiled and left them standing there in the empty throne room. Hawke looked up at the monstrous throne, shivering slightly

“Aw come on Hawke don’t tell me you’re getting cold feet...wait...you...you’re actually considering this aren’t you!” Varric poked the human in the ribs

“Why not? Everything he said was true, I practically run the damn city anyway, might as well have it be official…” Hawke looked down and snorted a laugh to himself “Viscount Hawke….now that’d be something…” he shook his head and lead the way out of the keep.

***************************************

“Pardon me” Syl looked up at the voice, seeing a well dressed elven woman in front of her “Would you be able to tell me where the Hanged man is?” she pushed a fiery red strand of hair behind her ear.

“Of course, I actually need to be heading there myself” Syl put her sketchbook in her knapsack and slung it over her shoulder as she got up from the bench she had been sitting on. 

“Thank you miss.” the woman next to her spoke with a soft bell like voice.

“No problem...is this your first time in Kirkwall?” she glanced to the woman as she lead her through the streets.

“Yes actually….it is...an interesting place.”

“HA! That’s a nice way of putting it.” the elf smiled at Syl’s musings “So tell me madam, what brings you to this lovely hellhole?” she threw her hands in the air and spun around, gesturing to the city around them as they descended into Lowtown.

“I’m meeting someone….” the elf looked up at the tavern sign as Syl stopped walking

“You don’t sound too thrilled about that, business related?”

“No” she shook her head “Family…” Syl’s eyes went wide

“Varania?” the elf stepped back

“How do you know that?” an unsavory edge entered her voice as she stepped back, looking as if she was going to leave

“Your brother! I know your brother!”she held up her hands in defense, Varania stopped moving, glancing briefly behind Syl and then back to her.

“You know my brother?” Syl nodded “Well enough for him to tell you of me?”

“I was actually the first person he told…” Syl put her hands down, noting how Varania’s behavior had changed.

“You’re close then?”

“Very…”

“Good” Syl froze at the chilling voice that came from behind her, she spun around, reaching for a dagger but her hands shot up to the hand that immediately grabbed her by the throat. An elegantly robed man with grey hair and well kept beard stood before her. She noticed the staff on his back, feeling the blood drain from her face. “I must say, it is so refreshing to hear my little wolf has become more social”

“D-...Danarius…” she choked on her words as he tightened his grip. He ran his eyes over her

“Tell me, what is that I feel in your blood?” he leaned close to her and inhaled “Is that Lyrium?” he tightened his grip more and Syl gasped, choking “What does that tell you little one?” he looked to Varania.

“She’s a templar!” she spat

“Not only that, but a templar with an addiction…. That is a lot of lyrium you’ve been taking.” he smirked at her “I wonder what would happen…” he pulled at the lyrium within her, causing her blood to burn cold “Well what do you know, it’s as much fun as I thought it would be. Take your place inside little one, I will be in with my guards shortly.” he grinned as he pulled at the lyrium again, harder this time, Syl screamed, choking as she did. The pain was excruciating. Danarius threw her aside at one of his guards

“Rough her up, then bring her inside with you. Let’s see how cooperative my little Fenris will be when he sees that I have something he wants” he pulled at the lyrium again and didn’t let go, using it as a form of sedation to keep her from fighting.

*************************************

“She’ll be here Broody. If she said she would she would. You know that. Why is it such a big deal anyway?” Varric gave the elf a pat on the arm. 

“It...it is important that she is here….to me..” Fenris ran a hand through his hair

“C’mon let’s go in now, she’ll come in when she gets here.” Hawke pushed him towards the entrance to The Hanged Man. Syl had promised him that she would be here with him when he met his sister. She was never late...something wasn’t right. The three men walked into the bar, an elven woman in fancy clothes looked at them.

“Varania...I remember you...We played in the courtyard while mother worked...you called me-” Fenris gave her a curt nod

“Leto...that was your name before” She looked to the side “I was afraid you wouldn’t show”

“Well, here I am.”

“I hope life is treating you well brother” her eyes darted to the side and back again

“Surprisingly so.”

“Fenris...we need to leave. NOW.” Hawke put a hand on his shoulder. Fenris looked around, noticing several Tevinter guards appearing.

“No-” his eyes went wide

“Ah my little Fenris...so predictable”

“ DANARIUS!” Fenris hissed and drew his sword. 

“The word is Master, or have you forgotten?” Danarius snapped his fingers and one of his guards stepped forward, holding Syl with a knife at her throat, her hands tied, he noticed the blood trailing down her fingertips and the brand new white streak in her hair. 

“No…” he whispered, his heart sank, he knew what had been done...Danarius had tortured her by activating the lyrium within her veins as he used to do to his markings “Let her go!” he growled his markings flaring up with a blinding intensity.

“Perhaps. Perhaps not. Are you going to be good and come back where you belong? Or am I going to have to start drawing blood?” the guard pressed the knife into her throat more, a trail of blood running down her neck, bleeding onto the wolf pendant she wore.

“Alright I think we can work something out here. Something that makes all important parties happy.” Hawke stepped forward, Fenris glared at him

“Oh is this your new master? I’m offended that you’d replace me” Danarius said wryly 

“I AM NO ONE’S MASTER!” Hawke spat “No more niceties for you”

“Just give me back what is mine and I will leave”

“Not gonna happen, as you own nothing here, Fenris is a free man!” Hawke snarled as he unbound his staff and stepped slightly in front of Fenris, Fenris was grateful for him, truly. 

“Well you leave me no choice then” Danarius summoned bodies through the floorboards and sent his guards to attack. Isabela and Anders, who were drinking at the bar, joined the fight. The guard holding Syl stabbed her between the neck and shoulder, angling the blade toward her lungs, she screamed, blood pouring down the front of her as the guard lodged her own two daggers into her, one into her side and the other in her back. She doubled over, struggling to get down the stairs to the others, falling as she took a step, Hawke lunged forward and caught her as she collapsed, throwing her at Anders.

“Anders get her the hell out of here!” Hawke yelled. He nodded and half dragged half carried her out while casting barriers around them. The other four dispatched all of the magister’s guards quite easily. Denarius held his hands up and started to back away from Fenris who was descending upon him.

“Now now my little Fenris, there’s-” he was cut short by a glowing fist in his chest. Fenris wrapped his fingers around the heart and tightened his grip, blood gurgling from the vile mage’s mouth. With one swift motion he pulled his still beating heart from his chest and tore it to shreds, tossing the remnants at the magister’s crumpled heap of a body.

“I am no longer your slave” he growled. He turned back to his sister, grabbing her by the throat and slamming her into the wall.

“Leto please! I-”

“Do not poison my name with your voice you bitch! You lead him here!”

“Leto-”

“Stop calling me that!”

“I’m so sorry! He...he said he’d make me a magister if I helped him! He’d train me! I didn’t know he-” she pleaded

“Enough! You are no better than the rest of them.I could have helped you! I would have given you everything! But now?” His voice was laced with more and more disgust, his grip tightening.

“Wait brother please don’t kill me! I...I’ll leave! You’ll never see me again!” She reached into her pocket, retrieving an envelope “Here, mother wanted you to have this. She missed you dearly you know.” He shoved it into his pocket, glaring at her.

“And if I let you go? You will do what?”

“I don’t know yet! Please brother…” he looked over his shoulder at Hawke, Varric, and Isabela, who all had the same ‘do what you wish’ expression. Fenris looked past them to the door of the tavern, where he last saw Syl disappear through...bleeding profusely.His stomach tied in knots and his heart sank. He didn’t even look at Varania again, and he snapped her neck with one hand.

“You are no sister of mine” he let her body fall to the ground as he pushed past the others to leave. He shoved the door open to see Anders and Syl sitting in the middle of the street, him healing her stab wounds. She was still absolutely covered in blood, bleeding and bruising, her eyes lit up when she saw him start running to them, when he reached them he fell to his knees, wrapping his arms around her, and her him.

“Amatus” he whispered “Bene es amica mea?” _(Are you okay my love?)_ he pulled back and ran a hand through her hair, the white streak slipping through his fingers. He looked her over, her left cheekbone was darkening with a bruise, and her split lip had been recently healed. He wiped blood from her face as she spoke.

“Etiam, tu es?” _(yes, are you?)_ He nodded and looked into her steely eyes. Fuck it, they’d kept the two of them quiet but right now he didn’t care anymore, he was too relieved that she was alive. He put a hand around her neck and pulled her into a deep kiss. Hawke, Varric, Anders, and Isabela looked at each other as their jaws dropped.

“That is clearly not part of a bet” Varric finally spoke. They broke the kiss and Fenris helped her up, standing with an arm around her waist, pulling her to him in such a way that she felt weightless. 

“Very observant of you dwarf”

“Sooooo you two…?” Anders trailed off as Fenris pulled her closer as she started to sway, he kissed her forehead, moving her hair from her face with his free hand.

“How long has that been going on?!” Hawke almost yelled, the two elves looked at each other

“A few years…” Fenris said casually. 

“...almost six actually” she winced

“WHAT?!?!” Varric roared with disbelief “I don’t believe it….that explains so much! And here I thought you two were just really good friends….my life...everything I thought I knew is wrong”

“After the events that just happened you’re certainly being dramatic about THIS Varric” Syl stuck her tongue out as she swayed a bit, dizzy and pale from blood loss.

“Alright, we are all going back to my house and we’re going to talk about several things, like what happened in there….and that!” he pointed to the elves “And drink!” Hawke laughed, they agreed, except for Varric.

“Why don’t we go to Steel’s place instead? This way she can rest” he gave her a sly smirk, she shrugged.

“Alright if we must” she figured if the still didn’t know where she lived they were just plain oblivious at this point. Fenris scooped her up into his arms and lead the way.

“Non enim satis vinum?” _(do we have enough wine)_ Syl whispered to Fenris, she smiled

“Spero ita” _(I hope so)_ he chuckled

“Ooh fancy! We’re in Hightown” Isabela teased, Hawke looking around.

“Wait, why the hell are we here?” he blurted out

“What do you mean why?” Syl fired back. Fenris unlocked the door and everyone entered. He helped Syl into one of the chairs in the main hall.

“Non te nullius egeo amor?” _(do you need anything my love)_

“Lustus societatis et potum” _(just a drink and your company)_ she smiled. Fenris set down his greatsword and headed to the cellar. Isabela plopped down on Hawke’s lap who had settled down in the chair next to Syl’s. Varric and Anders dragged over a bench and sat down.

“No seriously, why are we here? Varric asked

“You wanted to drink at my place?” Syl raised a brow

“Exactly, why are we at Broody’s mansion?” she looked at him with utter confusion and sighed

“I swear I’m surrounded by idiots sometimes. You do know I live here right?” she kicked off her boots, wincing at her wounds

“What?! Since when?” Hawke all but squeaked 

“When did you find me outside in the dirt?”

“About seven years ago”

“ Well there you have it. I’ve been living with Fenris ever since.”

“Why have neither of you mentioned this?” he ran a hand through his hair

“Honestly? We thought you knew”

“Just like you thought we knew you two were banging?” Isabela wiggled her brows

“Actually we did not mention that on purpose. Specifically for that reason.” Fenris stated, acknowledging Isabela’s crude gestures, placing six bottles on the table, taking one and opening it, handing it to Syl. They adjusted in the chair so she was half sitting half laying on his lap. 

“Gratias tibi, Fenris” _(thank you_ )

“Enim, domine mi. Nunc autem requiem. I portare post te in lectulo” _(anything for you my dear. Rest now. I will carry you to bed later.)_ he kissed the top of her head as Varric started dealing cards.

****************************

Many hours and bottles of wine later Anders left, Varric had fallen asleep on the bench. Isabela fell asleep in Hawke’s lap and Syl hand fallen asleep in Fenris’s. Hawke looked at Fenris, in all the time he’d known him he never knew him to show any emotion, or to really care for anyone. But he could see the way he looked at her, he really and truly cared for her. He remember when he and Anders saw them in the courtyard, that was no debt being settled...

“You really love her don’t you?” he murmured. The amount of emotion he saw in the elf’s eyes was overwhelming and for the first time ever, he saw Fenris smile with such emotion he thought the man’s face might crack

“Yeah...I do. You know in Tevinter I never thought I would find anyone, be able to have a family, never though I could be loved... But with her...I feel I can have any of these things….I feel free.”

“I’m glad. You two are good for each other”

“Ha, you have no idea.”

“You know I kinda thought there was something between you two”

“Oh?” 

“Yeah… Anders and I saw you in the courtyard after Sandal’s fireworks.” Hawke raised his brows in surprise as Fenris blushed

“Ah….saw that did you… honestly that is one of my favourite memories with her.”

“It looked quite special…..wait all this time you two have been together and we had no idea….there must have been more times like that!” 

“You would be correct.”

“Care to share?” Fenris rolled his eyes “Oh come on! You guys never said anything I’m allowed to be curious! Tell me, what is your absolute favorite memory with her?” He thought for a moment

“The first time I kissed her. It was Hallows Eve. And that is all you are getting from me tonight” he ran his hand through Syls hair, mildly frowning at the white strands.

“How did that happen by the way?” 

“Danarius.” he looked at Hawke, then back to Syl “He pulled at the lyrium within her….tortured her…..he used to do it to me if I disobeyed...and if the whim struck him. As soon as I saw her hair I knew what had been done….my stomach ties in knots just thinking about it. I am not sure where I would be without her… and I do not wish to think about it.” he ran his hand through her hair again and kissed her forehead.

“I miss that...having a family that is. Don’t get me wrong, you’re all my family….but you know what I mean”

“What about Rivani?” Hawke sighed at his question

“Sadly, I don’t think she’s as serious as I am…. She’s a wonderful person, if you can look past the way she presents herself sometimes...but she doesn’t stop flaunting herself, it’s like she enjoys having me around...just not as much as others. I don’t know….have I ever told you about my sister?” Fenris shook his head “Bethany. She was Carver’s twin. She was also a mage. She was so sweet, so pure. Kind to everyone. While....while we were running from Lothering, running here, we encountered darkspawn...an ogre...it killed her, crushed her like she was nothing. Mother always blamed me, as did Carver...it was my job to protect them...and I failed. You know I promised myself that if I ever had a family like I wanted, my first daughter would be named after her….I couldn’t even keep that promise…” Fenris raised a brow “I uh...Anders was helping me with my arm last week….he gave me a once over and did some tests, making sure I was healthy as ever. We discovered I can’t have kids...being everyone’s savior has taken a toll on me...It sucks you know…. To always want something like that, and then to be told it’s impossible. It hurts…” he paused “Sorry, that got really heavy really fast. I should get Bela home.” He scooped up Isabela and left without another word. Fenris carefully picked up Syl and tossed a blanket over Varric. He padded up the stairs to their room and lay Syl in bed. He took off his armor and crawled in next to her 

“Te amo, ut aliquando spondere dabo omnia, quae dedisti mihi libertas. Et absque hoc non ego autem hic maneant tibi I...latus tuum ego sum.” _(i love you, and i promise someday i will give you everything, for you have given me my freedom. And without that, I wouldn’t be here with you...to remain at your side, I am yours)_ he closed his eyes and let sleep take him.

****************************************

She stared at the woman in front of her, frozen in a strange state of happiness, shock and fear.

“Miss?” the woman snapped her fingers

“Hm? Oh yes...sorry...just...surprised is all… You’re sure?”

“Positive miss. By about three and a half months now I’d guess…. Possibly four...you elves are kinda different you know”

“Right….Um...thank you…I’m sorry but I need to go….”

“No worries miss, we’re all done here.” The woman turned away to let her leave. Syl closed the door behind her and started heading towards the Hanged man to meet the others. She crossed through the markets of Hightown and decided to get her armor first so they could just leave from the bar. On her way out of the mansion she ran into Fenris.

“Ah there you are dear.” He gave her kiss on the cheek “How has your afternoon been so far?

“Pretty decent… how has yours been?” she laced her hand into his and smiled

“Pretty decent, I read for a bit by the lake after trying your meditation thing again, I believe I can pick out the difference between a hawk and raven now…”

“I’m glad!” Syl stopped walking and looked at the chantry, Fenris turned to face her, squeezing her hand.   


“What is bothering you?” 

“Hm? Oh, nothing...a while ago I went to seek help, Sebastian suggested confession. Though I never went….but I think...I think I might be ready now….” she turned to him, rising on her tiptoes and kissing him, he let go of her hand “I’ll meet you at the Hanged Man?”

“Of course love.” he nodded and watched her walk into the chantry, continuing towards Lowtown when she slipped past the doors. Syl meandered over to the Grand Cleric since she didn’t see Sebastian anywhere

“Your Grace.” she nodded her head

“Ah hello child, what can I help you with.”

“I was hoping to give confession. One of the chantry brothers suggested it to me and I think it’s wise.” 

“Of course my dear, come, follow me.” she lead Syl over to the confession booth and opened the door, motioning for Syl to sit on the small bench inside. “May peace find you.” she closed the door, moments later, a small board ws shifted on the wall next to Syl’s face, signalling that someone was on the other side.

“I’m...well I’m not sure where to start with one of these so I’m just going to dive right in. I was here not too long ago, looking to restore my faith. I felt as though the maker had abandoned me...and after everything I’ve been through...why shouldn’t I feel that way? I…” she paused, debating on whether or not to continue, she swallowed hard and took a deep breath and continued “It’s hard for me to have faith. I used to be a templar, but was removed from my branch of the order. I was a faithful servant, and even after I was removed I still had faith, I believed in the maker even when my life started turning from faithful to faithless. After I was removed I was recruited by a new order...the Grey Wardens to be exact….I was...am...a Grey Warden….I was at the battle of Ostagar, I was one of two people to survive that nightmare...to survive the betrayal to the king...the swarms of darkspawn… I was somehow in charge of stopping the blight. Alistair and I, we dealt with the dalish, and got stabbed in the back, we sought the help of the mages and templars...and that was also a fucking mess. We thought maybe the dwarves would make good on their treaty? But nooo that ended up with us in the fucking deep roads and getting stabbed in the back again. I fought off several assassination attempts on my own life, I dealt with demons, Redcliffe and Haven falling apart, I fought endless amounts of darkspawn. I fought for the innocent people in Denerim, I fought off a blighted fucking dragon! I...I died. Someone knew a way for a Grey Warden to survive the slaying of an archdemon but, well I guess it worked...but I still died….I sacrificed my life to end that damned blight, dealt with more fucking darkspawn and became the damned Commander. And how well did that work out for me? How did the world repay me? While I was on my way to visit a dying friend I got kidnapped by slavers. I….I was a slave...my master noticed I could fight….that I was undefeated whenever they decided to pit us slaves against each other for entertainment...he forced me to kill people, to kill other magisters….and when I became a sign of hope to other slaves, a sign that maybe their master would be the next kill….that hope lead to an uprising...which ended in death….all of those innocent people that just wanted their freedom was killed...by my hand…..I was tortured, beaten, starved, raped, experimented on, and used….but none of those things were as bad as having to kill all of them. And every night, I prayed...for years I begged the maker every night to end my pain, my suffering. That if I was going to die then that was fine but the least he could do was get it over with...but my prayers went unanswered. I was alone. I became a templar when I was still a kid, and they taught us that as long as we believed in the maker and prayed to him that he would believe in us and watch over us, guide us and save us if need be. I gave up on him then. I abandoned my faith because it was a useless hope that I couldn’t afford. My faith had done nothing for me in my life, not helped or bettered me at all, the only thing it did was cause pain and weigh me down. And now, I find myself in another situation, where a little faith could be helpful. I’ve prayed a few times since I’ve settled down in this city, since I’ve been free, since I’ve found a good cause to fight for, to believe in. I’ve prayed for Hawke’s safety, but what has that done? I prayed we would all come back safely from the bloody deep roads...and look how that worked out. I prayed that Fenris would finally be able to take his guard down and be free of his old self, and right when it seemed like he might be able to he woke up out of the fade with his hand in my chest. When he was finally able to breathe and not be on edge all the time, he almost killed the girl he loves. And when it seemed like he might actually have more of a family than he thought, he was stabbed in the back by his sister and again watched the girl he loves almost die. And now, things seemed like they might be going well, he might be able to settle down...I might be able to settle down….the mages and templars are at each other’s throats. That faith I used to have has come back to bite me in the ass. Constantly making sure the templars...my former brethren don’t go too far and kill my friends….my family” she choked up a bit “How….how can I bring a new life into this world, when the maker finds it more pleasing to spit in my face than to show a speck of kindness…..how can I have faith when everything falls apart….how can I have faith when everything I’ve ever prayed for or had faith in takes the completely opposite path…” she broke down and started sobbing. She hadn’t intended on going in to a full blown rant about her life, but it was a confession right? She confessed….everything...but still. Several minutes of her sobbing had passed before she spoke again. “As I said...I’m not sure how these normally go….but isn’t this the part where you say something?” the small board slid back into place on the wall and the door on the other side opened and closed. Whoever was listening, wasn’t anymore. “That’s reassuring…” she started to stand and the door in front of her opened, Sebastian standing on the other side of it. “Oh..” she wiped her eyes “hey Choir Boy, I uh...finally took your advice..” she feigned a smile

“I know…..I was on the other side….” His voice was full of sympathy and sorrow and his eyes were glassy

“Fuck…..” she whispered under her breathe and looked down, had she thought about it she probably should’ve asked the Grand Cleric who was listening. Before she could say anything more he pulled her into a hug.

“Thank you. For everything you’ve done….and I feel as though you should know, as a brother of the chantry I cannot speak of anything you said in there, your secret is safe with me.” she nodded, still trapped in his hug “You think the maker has abandoned you, not heard your calls… I believe he has smiled upon you, seen that you are strong enough to slay the evils within his creations. And while your life may be rough now, when the maker’s work is done, you will be at peace. I believe that you never stopped serving him. He has a special place for you at his side, there is no denying that.” she nodded again. “Does...does Fenris know?”

“About?”

“All of it”

“Yes….I told him years ago.”   


“Good….ehm..are you actually?” 

“Yes….and no he doesn’t know yet….”

“Very well...I am happy for the two of you.”

“Thank you Seb” he gave her a tight squeeze before pulling away from her

“Do you hear that?” he looked toward the doors “Sounds like an angry mob”

“Ten sovereigns says Garrett is standing outside right now….” she muttered and started following him towards the door, “Thank you by the way….I’m...I’m glad it was you and not a stranger who heard me.”

“You are most welcome Steel, tell me, did it help?”

“I think so yeah.” she looked down as they reached the door “Ah dammit, I left my daggers up in the confessional, I’ll be out in a minute” she turned on her heels and went to fetch her daggers, hearing the loud voiced as Sebastian opened the door.

****************************** _meanwhile_ ******************************

“Ah I see you lovebirds are at it again.” Hawke rolled his eyes

“Do not jest champion, this foul mage is harboring blood mages!”

“Oh please, my people cannot sneeze without you accusing us of blood magic!”

“This is ridiculous!” Hawke threw his hands up, turning to his party while the other two continued to bicker “Honestly, when did this city go to hell? Can someone pinpoint the exact moment? I want to know.”

“Well that depends on what you consider hell…” Varric muttered and then proceeded to count said moments on his fingers. Fenris rolled his eyes and Isabela chuckled, waving at Sebastian who veered around the bickering group and made his way to them, standing between Isabela and Anders.

“What’s going on out here? Steel and I could hear you all the way in the back of the chantry!” Sebastian asked them as he pulled ten sovereigns out of his pocket, then looked at Meredith and Orsino

“Oh can’t you tell? A classic case of, ‘Blood magic!’ ‘No Blood magic!’ ‘Blood Mages!’ 'No Blood Mages!' and so on” Hawke rubbed his temples “Where is Steel by the way?” 

“Inside, she left her daggers in the confessional and went back for them.”

“Enough of this Commander! I’m getting the Grand Cleric!” Orsino snapped

“She has no part in this!”

“I’d like to think otherwise! Wouldn’t she want to know her templars are at the end of their leash?”

“Champion! Get over here! You must be a voice of reason!” Meredith barked at him

“Oh for the love of- Why do I have to be reasonable!? At this point you’re both insane and I don’t care!” Hawke spat at Meredith and Orsino.

“There you have it Meredith! He refuses to help, so I will get the Grand Cleric and she can settle this!”

“The Grand Cleric cannot help you now…” Anders’s somber voice called out over their spat

“Anders?” Hawke turned to him

“An example needed to be made….” the sound of the chantry door being opened echoed through the courtyard

“Anders what did you do?” Hawke’s voice was urgent, before he could say anything else the chantry erupted in a massive explosion, a red beam of light shot into the sky, huge chunks of rubble were launched into the sky, dust and ash filling the air along with a fiery blaze.

“There can be no peace…”Anders murmured. 

“NO!” Fenris darted towards the ruined building, Hawke caught him by the arm pulling him back

“Fenris wait!” There was another smaller explosion as the rubble came crashing back down.

“Let go of me!” Fenris spat, ripping Hawke’s hand way, running up the broken stairs, Hawke right behind him “She...she was in there Garrett…” he whispered to the man beside him. He stopped at the top of the stairs, the smoke was too thick to see through, and even harder to breathe. “Syl!” he looked for any sign of her

“Steel!” Hawke yelled and stepped further towards the building, immediately taking a step back as a few bricks came tumbling down on top of already dead chantry sisters

“Syl!” Fenris’s voice was frantic, he heard a faint coughing behind him and whipped around to see Syl pinned under one of the massive doors

“Over-” she coughed “Over here” Fenris and Hawke raced over to her, Fenris picking up the door enough for Hawke to pull her out from under it. “Thank you…” Fenris helped her to her feet and pulled her into a death grip of a hug

“Never scare me like that, ever again…” he murmured just loud enough for her to hear. Hawke came back to them “Anyone else?” Hawke shook his head and the three of them went back to the others, Syl heavily leaning on Fenris. Hawke helped her sit on a crate that Varric had dragged over as Fenris looked over her leg.

“Hey Seb...I take back what..I said...earlier…I’m not sure it helped” She grit her teeth “What….ah.. What the hell happened….” She winced as Fenris prodded, Sebastian put a hand on her shoulder and slipped her the ten sovereigns, she snorted a laugh

“There could be no peace….” Anders murmured again Hawke spun around on his heels

“Anders! What the fuck?!” Hawke shoved him back “You just screwed ALL of us! You bastard!” he spat in his face “You….that’s why you needed my help….that’s why you needed me to distract the Grand Cleric!” Hawke’s eyes went wide in horror “You used me…” he staggered back a few steps

“YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS?!” Meredith shot up from where she was tending one of her fellow templars on the ground

“NO!” Hawke spat

“He had nothing to do with this! It was only me” Anders placed himself between Hawke and Meredith

“Enough of this. It ends tonight, as Knight Commander of Kirkwall I invoke the Rite of Annulment this city must be purged!”

“No!” Orsino cried out “Go! Warn the others!” he pointed to one of his fellow mages who took off towards the gallows.

“Well Champion you are in this now, help us fulfill the rite, or die with your fellow mages” Meredith bit her words, Orsino started to argue

“ENOUGH! I despise magic, I hate that I am one of them! You…” he pointed to Anders “ Mages like you are the reason for the hatred!” Hawke ran a hand over his face “We’re helping the templars purge this city.”

“Meet me in the Gallows.” Meredith motioned for the templars with her to chase after Orsino who took off, she then looked to Anders “He is your companion, I will leave his judgement up to you.” she followed after her templars. Hawke faced Anders with an icy glare. 

“You have two options. You will help and try to atone for the chaos you’ve created or you will die by my hand right now.” 

“And what after? If I help?”

“I’m still going to rip out your insides with my bare hands and strangle you with them. You are not coming out of this alive, but we’re outnumbered and need another body in this fight you fucking started” Hawke shoved past him to follow Meredith to the gallows.

***************************************

Everyone had gathered in the gallows front courtyard, Hawke spoke to each of his companions, saving Isabela for last. While he was speaking with her Syl looked to Fenris. He stood tall, his jaw set, staring straight ahead, his shoulders back. His markings ever so slightly glowing, he looked fearless. But she could see it in his emerald eyes, he was nervous for what was about to happen. A few of her own fears ran through her head, what if they don’t make it out of this? Her hand went to her stomach. The thoughts in her head made her insides turn….if they didn’t make it...he’d be all alone… she darted off to the small garden to their right, bracing herself against the tree as she emptied the contents of her stomach.

“Syl? Are you alright?” Fenris ran a hand down her back, pulling her to him when she was finished. She looked up at him, words falling apart at her lips

“I…” she shook her head “I… there’s something-” she was cut off my Meredith’s voice

“Are you ready Champion?” Meredith shouted at him from the steps.

“Whatever it is can wait love. You will not be rushed to tell me after all of this is done.” he gave her a smile and pulled her into a searing kiss before they walked back to the rest of their group. Hawke let go of Isabela and turned to his other companions

“I um...if...if you aren’t comfortable with this decision I will not hold it against you if you leave...otherwise...thank you...I think...let’s try not to die..” His voice was shaky as he turned from the group of them, nerves and terror settling in. He ran his hands over his face and started to walk forward, stopping after a couple steps. “Maker I don’t think I can do this…” he whispered, he looked up at the building in front of him, knowing he was about to go in there and kill everyone. Mages who had been corrupted as well as those who weren’t...men, women...children.... “I...I can’t..I can’t do this” Thoughts of Bethany filled his mind, if she was here she would be screaming at him, begging him to stop and do what’s right...but this….this was right…..”Right then...no choice….” He went to take another step forward and was stopped by a hand on his shoulder, he looked down to see Syl.

“Whatever you choose to do Hawke, I stand with you” she said firmly, looking up at him.She glanced at a bleeding cut on the back of her hand and ran her finger through it, then dragging it across her face, mimicking the red stripe he always had on his face.

“As will I” Fenris called out from behind them, they turned around to see him graze part of his palm along his blade and striped his face as well and step forward towards him, Syl walking back to his side.

“You will always have my blade Hawke” Aveline gave him a smile as she striped hers as well.

“I’m offended that you would ever think to doubt our loyalty” Varric raised his brows with a smirk and striped his face, as well as Bianca along the Hawke crest that was embedded in her..

“No place I’d rather be than with you” Isabela ran a bloodied finger across her face

“You have my bow” Sebastian nodded, dragging a bloody finger along his face

“I’m not really sure what to say...but I will follow you” Merrill said sheepishly as she too striped her face

“I don’t deserve to….but I will stay with you until the end” Anders had also put a red stripe on his face. Hawke looked at all of them. Completely and utterly amazed, this was the absolute last thing he ever expected any of them to do. 

“I….” he looked at all of them, the stripes on their faces...and it became clear “I can’t do this. I can’t ask any of you to do this...you’re all too important to me...I can’t….I am going to be known forever in this city as the man who killed hundreds and hundreds of people….my name will forever be slandered...when people hear the name Hawke they will no longer think of the Champion who saved them, they will think of the man who slaughtered hundreds of people...and I cannot let your names be tainted by this as well….please...leave.” he looked down and away from them, walking towards Meredith. “Let’s do this” she nodded and started leading them further into the gallows. Hawke looked dead ahead, trying to clear his mind of emotion. He heard footsteps behind him, glancing over his shoulder he saw Fenris.

“While that is a kind thought Garrett, we cannot let you do this alone. Tonight, you are not the only Hawke” he raised his greatsword with one arm, leading all of them up the stairs to Garrett’s side with a warcry as the templars charged and kicked down the door, storming the gallows.

********************************

“Hurry! If you leave now I’ll cover for you!” Cullen yelled “GO! RUN!” They scattered 

“Rendezvous at the three barrels!” Hawke yelled. The barrels was their secret meeting point on the wounded coast. They all took off in separate directions, Aveline, Anders and Merrill went off in one direction. Hawke and Sebastian were carrying a bloody and broken Fenris another direction. Syl tried to follow them but Varric grabbed her hand and pulled her towards where Isabela had run off.

************************ 

She stumbled into the cove with the barrels, Hawke, Anders, Merrill, Sebastian, and Aveline were already there. Varric and Isabela ran in after her, Isabela straight to Hawke and was caught in an embrace.She scanned the crowd and didn’t see him.

“Garrett, where’s Fenris?” She asked, panic in her eyes, sorrow filled his.

“I’m so sorry Steel...there was a group of slavers that him and I ran into...we got rid of most of them but...well he ran after the rest, he said to tell you ‘Me paenitet, habuerunt pingereque picturamtui. Tu autem insidiaris animae sunti non ego te sera fecunditas. Spondeo revertemur ad vos. Te amo amatus.” _(I’m sorry, they had a picture of you, they were hunting you, I couldn’t let them find you. I promise I will come back to you. I love you)_ I assume you know what that means? They also mentioned about revenge on the Death Shadow? Whatever that means...” She closed her eyes, she couldn’t help but let her hand float to her abdomen, she knew what he was doing was best,but she needed him right now, though she knew he would come back. But she was also filling with rage. Her eyes shot open, blazing with anger, a faint shimmer of Lyrium within them.

“You. You absolute bastard! This is your fault!” she stabbed Anders in the chest with a finger “We would have been fine if it weren’t for that stunt you pulled! Abominations like you are the reason I became a templar. To prevent you filthy mages from doing shit like this!”

“How is it my fault?! He ran into slavers, they were here for him!” he growled back at her

“No they fucking weren’t! He has no one to send them after him! Denarius is dead! If something happens to him it’s on you!” she took a swing and hit him square in the jaw, Justice flared up and Hawke tried to hold her back.

“Let go of me Garrett! Let me kill him!” she spat

“NO! Justice back down! Vermethys stop! I don’t know about the rest of you but I need to lay low for a good ever. I can’t have you killing each other!” 

“What?!?! You were about to kill him earlier! Why can’t I kill him now?!” she snarled at the bearded man

“I said no!” he snapped. She grabbed him by the shoulder and flipped him over her shoulder and onto the ground. She picked up her daggers and stormed off “Where are you going? Steel? Come back! Vermethys where are you going?” he called after her as she marched from the cove into the rain. 

“To find Fenris! And get away from you” she half muttered half yelled. And with that she stormed off, it was the last she saw of any of them for a good while. A long long while.

*****************************

“Madam I am sorry but you cannot go in there at this time! Especially not with a child!” Syl pushed passed the guard, ignoring his incessant yammering, the child following her “Madam!” the guard yelled after her as she pushed open the gilded doors to the throne room, walking towards the throne, stopping when she got three quarters of the way there.

“I’m sorry but isn’t the point of having guards outside is that they’re supposed to, oh I don’t know guard! Which means not letting anyone in when there is a bloody trial going on!”

“My apologies your majesty, but she fought her way past us” 

“You just let some woman and a child fight past you?”

“She was very determined sir….” the king rolled his eyes and looked at the cloaked woman, her hood covering her face, the child behind her also cloaked in a similar fashion, he looked back to the woman. 

“Well? What is so important that you felt the need to swoop in here and interrupt a trial.” he leaned forward on the throne, hands clasped together, resting his elbows on his knees. Syl smirked at his choice of words, knowing exactly what to say.

“I thought swooping was bad?” she paused “It was not my intention to interrupt your majesty, I was going to wait to speak with you after the trial...just not out there. Please, continue.” She smirked at him, amused with the shocked look on his face. He cleared his throat and continued with the trial, finishing it minutes later. He immediately got up and walked over to Syl, wrapping his arms around her.   


“Oh it’s been too long my friend! Come, we’ll head up to my private quarters, no one will bother us there.” he let go of her and lead her upstairs, waving off his guards as he did. As he closed the door behind them she pulled back her hood and took off her cloak, being enveloped in a bear hug once again. “I missed you!”

“I missed you too Ali, haven’t seen you since I was on my way to Kirkwall if I remember correctly.”

“That sounds about right….mostly because you hid from me when I came to talk to the Champion.” she swatted him on a shoulder “So, what brings you here?!” he looked at the child behind her, his heart pounding

“Well for starters.” she turned and held her hand out to the child who took it and stepped up to her, pulling away his hood revealing jet black hair and tanned skin and pointed ears. His face was angular with sharp features like his parents. His big sage green eyes looked directly at Alistair. “This is Leto, my son.” she smiled, noticing Alistair take a deep breath of relief. 

“Nice to meet you” Leto held his hand out

“Ha! Nice to meet you too Leto.” Alistair shook his hand. “So you know what my next question is going to be” he motioned for them to sit on the couch that was facing an armchair as he sat in the chair.

“Why yes I would love some tea!” she stuck her tongue out as she plopped on the couch, Leto sitting next to her. 

“Oh you know what I mean….Alright, start with Kirkwall. How was your time there? What happened?”

“That is honestly a good question…. Well when I arrived there it wasn’t exactly how I thought I would. I ended up running from slavers out on the Wounded Coast. I’m not really sure what happened but I woke up in a mansion in Hightown… that’s when I met Hawke, Varric, and Fenris.”

“Fenris?” he raised a brow “I’ve met the other two...and of course I remember Isabela and Anders, and the royal one… Sebastian! That was his name! However I haven’t formally met this Fenris character.” he gave her an amused look

“No you haven’t, I’m quite sure you remember seeing him though. He’s...special.”

“Oh tell me about this dreamy man” Alistair batted his eyes at her and she laughed

“He’s incredible. He’s tall...quite tall for an elf actually. He has beautiful tanned skin, bright white hair and the most stunningly emerald green eyes you’ve ever seen. He’s an escaped slave, actually we killed his former master, thank the gods. He also has these beautiful swirling tattoos all over his body”

“Ooh saucy!”

“That are made of pure lyrium.”

“Oh...that’s...something…”

“Like I said...he’s special. He uh…..he is also the love of my life….and Leto’s father….he just doesn’t know about the second part of that.”

“Oh?” 

“Yeah, back to what happened in Kirkwall, I met them, followed Hawke around on his travels, went to the Deep Roads, yay, helped deal with a variety of problems the city had, seriously if it weren’t for Hawke that place would’ve fallen apart a long long time ago. We stopped the Qunari invasion as you know. And then….that’s when it all went down hill...the mages and templars...I’ve seen a lot of things in my day..,,but nothing like that. The bitterness between them….the templars were split between rioting against the Knight Commander and helping her hunt mages. She was a lunatic, seeking out blood magic where there was none, blaming mages for everything….slaughtering them for no reason. Then the mages….they naturally tuned to blood magic….they created the fear….Anders….Anders made things worse...right at the peak of all hell about to break loose….he blew up the chantry….. We purged the city…..Hawke was the deciding and ending force of the rebellion, he teamed up with the templars to purge the the mages….and we followed him without hesitation. And when we were through, we had to deal with the Knight Commander, we killed her too….then fled….we had civilians rioting, the guards not sure whether to arrest us or not...the templars ended up helping us escape the masses...all the fighting that still remained...we all got separated...and not all of us made it to the rendezvous point… Fenris got caught up by fighting slavers near the city….I haven’t seen him since. I got a letter to and from him once and that was it….he’ll come back when he finishes what he’s started. Which I hope is soon. Anyway to get back to your original question, I never told Fenris I was pregnant….and when I finally was able to, I couldn’t. There was no time. I was too scared of what would happen if he knew...if anyone knew. Meredith thought he was magic of some sort and wanted his head, but was too afraid of us to act on it...if she’d learned I was with child, his child…. I fear what may have happened.” she put her arm around Leto and gave him a squeeze. They sat there for a few moments in silence.

“Well...that’s...Kirkwall is worse than I thought...Where...where are they now?”

“I...can’t say”

“Can’t or won’t.”

“Both. I’m not sure where Merrill, Aveline, or Anders are. And I refuse to say where the others are.”

“I see….so, if I may, what brings you here? Don’t get me wrong, it is wonderful to see you again, but something tells me there’s more to this than a friendly visit.”

“Ah...yeah...We’ve outrun some slavers...not by much mind you, but I’m afraid they’re still not too far away. I’m actually on my way to the Conclave…..but with slavers all over….I don’t want to risk Leto being in danger. I was wondering if he may stay here with you for a little while.” she looked at her son, her eyes glassing over a bit. She didn’t want to leave him, but she also had no choice. 

“Of course Syl, he can stay here as long as he needs to. You know you are always welcome here, and by extension so is your family.” he gave her a warm smile and leaned forward, taking her hand in his.

“Thank you.” she whispered, they sat in silence for a while before Alistair spoke again.

“So..I have two questions for you….have you heard from….heard from Morrigan at all.” he paused, clearly thinking of his next words carefully even though she knew what he was getting at, “She was the only one we hadn’t heard from since the Archdemon battle.” she shook her head “I see….secondly, when do you have to leave?”

“Tonight… I want to make it to Haven a day before the Conclave if possible...the potential of certain people being there is high and I want to find them beforehand.” he nodded.

The talked for the remaining few hours before she had to leave. Alistair asking Leto all kinds of questions. Syl briefly dozed off and woke to Alistair gently shaking her shoulder.

“Hey, it’s probably time.” she nodded and slowly got up from the couch, putting on her cloak as Alistair then woke Leto. The three of them took the back passage that lead to a hidden entrance at the back of the castle. Syl looked up at the night sky and frowned, not ready to leave. She turned back to face Leto and knelt down in front of him   
“Promise me you’ll behave for Alistair?” she moved some of his hair from his eyes, he reminded her so much of Fenris, it made her heart ache. 

“I promise mother...you won’t be gone long will you?” he wiped a few of her tears away, she hadn’t noticed that she was crying until he did so.

“I shouldn’t be more than two weeks dear. And if the people I’m hoping are there are actually there then I’ll come get you. I’ll send you a letter if that changes.” she reached into her bag and pulled out her daggers she first had when she arrived in Kirkwall, the ones she’d used until Fenris gave her new ones. She handed them to Leto “You’ve been doing well with training, I think you’ve earned these” she smiled, he beamed as he took them from her and examined them before hugging her. “Alright, I really do have to leave now dear.” she stood up and ruffled his hair. “Thank you again Alistair.” 

“Of course….let me know how it goes yeah?”

“Of course” she gave him and Leto a hug before she mounted her horse and started off towards Haven. She hoped she’d be able to find Varric, his letters going through her head the entire way there.

  
  


*******************************

_ Dear Steel, _

_ H and I haven’t heard from you in a while. Did you find Broody yet? Big Girl is back in Kirkwall, Daisy found a new clan. Choir Boy went back to Starkhaven. Rivani is still with H. No one has seen Blondie since you stormed off. Maybe he’ll be at the Conclave? You heard about that right? I figured you would be at that, what with your templariness and all. Anyway, it would be nice to hear from you. _

_ -V _

_ Dear Steel, _

_ I’m gonna be in the area around the time of the Conclave. If you’re going let’s meet up. I miss you, H misses you...we all do. You heard from Broody? _

_ -V _

***********************************

“And here I thought we’d be ass deep in demons forever” the dwarf turned around. “It’s good to see you again Steel” he grinned. She stepped forward towards him and fell to her knees, tears streaming her face. Varric pulled her into a hug.

“Varric...oh maker….it’s so good to see you. We- I’ve been so alone.” she sobbed, stopping herself from revealing Leto just yet

“You mean you never found Broody?” she shook her head

“I got a letter to and from him once...he promised me he’d come back to me when he finished” Varric wiped away some of her tears “I’m so glad you’re here”

“Me too Steel. We’ll talk more later yeah? For now, we’ve got demons to kill.”

***************************************

“Wow...so that’s it then. He’s killing off an entire slaver ring...and you have no idea where he is or when he’ll be back?”

“All of that is correct yes.”

“Wow...so now what?”

“I bide my time with the Inquisition I guess. Cassandra isn’t really giving me a choice.” she thought about mentioning Leto, but now was not the time.

“Well, let’s save the world again, shall we?” they raised their mugs and drank.

*****************************


	14. Numb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And now we rejoin our heroes at the exalted council meetings...."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to take this moment to say that I started this way before Dragon Age 4 was announced (yay)

“It is getting worse…” his voice was thick with concern

“I’m fine Fenris...there’s no need to worry” she winced as her hand sparked up “I’m...ugh...fine…” she clutched her left hand to her chest. Opening and closing her fingers, wincing at the pain and how stiff it felt.

“It does not appear to be that way…” he took her hand, noticing it felt abnormally cold. He frowned at her. “I am worried about you.”

“I know amatus I know. However I’m not what’s important right now. If these meetings don’t go well we could all end up in prison...or maybe exiled...they really aren’t happy with me right now.” 

“Everything will be okay love. I promise.” he pulled her into a hug.

"Inquisitor!" a scout burst through the doors with bloody hands, "You must come with me at once!"

************************************

“Ahhhhggggggggg” she screamed, collapsing to the ground as Solas let go of her, letting her fall before him.

“I don’t understand...your marks….they’ve tainted it” he scowled at her left hand “No matter, what’s done is done...the veil will fall.” he turned his back, waving his hand at the eluvian

“No...you...you can’t” Syl’s voice came out in a mumble, she tried to stand and failed

“I’m sorry it came to this, truly.”

“If you were sorry you wouldn’t do it…” she spat, hissing at the pain remaining upright caused her as she finally made it to her feet. “You’ll destroy everything...is it even worth it if that is the cost?” 

“That is irrelevant. The world is not right, destroying what is wrong with the world that isn’t supposed to be?” he waved his hand at her forcing her to stop walking “I will not allow you to stop this.” he looked at the eluvian as it crackled and shimmered “Goodbye Sylendra, take care of yourself” he turned his back. She refused to let him walk away, she allowed her markings to flare to life, breaking through his holding spell, the brighter they became the more the anchor reacted to them, crackling, glowing, the energy radiating from it began to crystallize shattering at her fingertips, scattering on the ground at her feet. The lyrium in her left forearm began glowing green, absorbing the power behind the tainted anchor. Solas spun around, eyes wide baffled by what was unfolding before him. Syl steeped toward him, unsheathing her daggers, the left one sparking to life with the energy swirling around it.

“You’re not leaving” she growled. He held out his hands and tore open the veil right between them, only instead of her walking into the fade, she walked right through the tear, closing it behind her. She raised an arm to throw one of the daggers, knowing she wouldn’t make it to him before he stepped into the eluvian, with one swift movement she whipped the dagger at him. Solas waved his hand and cast the dagger back at her as he stepped back through the mirror, having it start closing behind him. Behind her the other eluvian sparked to life, Fenris, Leto, and Hawke coming through, scanning the area. Fenris’s eyes landed on Syl as she dragged her feet towards the closing eluvian in front of her. 

“SYL NO!” he bolted down the hill towards her as she stepped into the mirror after Solas, eluvian shimmering shut as she passed. Fenris’s pace picked up “NO!” he stopped in front of the mirror placing a hand on it..it was solid and cold, the last of the light fading from it. “NO!” he slammed his fist into its frame. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“Fenris?” Hawke asked, finally having caught up to him, Leto right behind him

“Father?” Leto placed a hand on his shoulder, looking at the eluvian

“She is gone….” Fenris’s broken voice was a pained whisper, his breathing picked up...he could feel a panic attack coming on and tried shaking it off. The eluvian behind them crackled again as Varric, Cullen, Cassandra, and Larethia stepped through, Varric instantly reading the situation below, grabbing Larethia’s hand before she could run down there

“Varric?” she looked at him with confusion

“You ah...look you should probably stay here Forest…” Varric looked down at the three down below, Fenris turned around, his shoulders slumped. He looked up to the group above, waving them down. “Or maybe not” they walked down and met the three men.

“What happened?” Cassandra ran a hand over the eluvian 

“It closed...we need to open it again if there is any chance of catching up to them” Fenris’s shoulders straightened and his jaw set, despite his strong demeanor Varric could see the pain and worry in his eyes. 

“How?” Cassandra stared at him with a raised brow. Fenris looked at the eluvian, circling it once before nodding slightly.

“Magic.” he said sternly

“WHAT?!” Hawke faced him “Did you of all people just suggest that?”

“Yes.” Fenris ignored the shock on everyone’s faces and continued “We are lucky, this one can be moved. We need to take it back to the Winter Palace….we’re going to need every mage available to work on this….and this is not exactly a resourceful location.” he looked back at the group of people before him “What?” 

“That’s quite the plan Broody...it’s kinda insane...but it’s still a plan.” Varric shook his head as he walked to the side of the eluvian to help guide it down as Cassandra and Cullen pushed on it, Fenris, Hawke and Leto ready to catch it as Larethia kept watch. Once the eluvian was on it’s side Fenris, Cullen and Hawke carried it through the other ones back to the palace.

**************************

“You brought that here?! What in the world possessed you to do such a dangerous thing!” One of the council members yelled at them as they leaned the upright eluvian against a wall in the main courtyard 

“I agree! As a member of the Exalted Council I must -”

“You must get out of our way” Hawke snapped at them 

“You have no right! As I was saying as a member of the Exalted Council I must protest! These are the dangers and reckless behavior the inquisition must be reprimanded for! They must-”

“As the acting Inquisitor while she is currently working to save your privileged ass, I suggest you shut the hell up and get the fuck out of our way” Fenris growled standing before the nobleman, his brands flashing. The council members scurried away as Dorian and Sera came running over to them.

“What the hell is this?” Dorian poked at the mirror

“We need to get this open” Varric pointed at it “And it’s going to be all you magic folk on deck for that. That means you Sparkles. Get Iron Lady too, she knows weird magic stuff right?” Sera took off to go find Vivienne and Dalish. “Hawke, what do you think so far?” 

“I...uhg...I think we need Solas or Merrill!” he ran a hand over his face. “Without them I think we’re completely fucked...and not in a fun way…”

“Perhaps we can be of some assistance?” Hawke and Fenris whipped around to see Morrigan and a child walking up the steps, Anders, Sebastian, Merrill and Aveline behind them. 

“Oh tis good to see you lot” Morrigan smiled as Dorian and Fenris gave her a hug, followed by Leto and Larethia. Fenris gave Sebastian a hug as well as Hawke was swarmed by Merrill and Aveline. 

“How?” Cullen looked at them all

“When I heard about the Council meetings I figured it could get messy...decided to round up some help before I came.” Sebastian smiled    
“You have wonderful timing brother.” Fenris smiled at him. Once everyone had gathered Varric caught them up on what needed to happen, Fenris filling in the gaps. Morrigan and Merrill cast a few spells on the eluvian to get a feel for it before they formed a plan. Around twenty minutes later they had a plan.

“Okay listen up!” Morrigan stood on bench “I believe we found a way to open the eluvian, twill be difficult, but it should work….it will indeed require magic as Fenris guessed….a lot of it...of every kind we can possibly do… Madam Vivienne, focus as many of your battle mage protection tactics on it as you can. Dorian, try to raise it from the dead. Hawke, blast it with force magic. Dalish, freeze it and burn it. Merrill….however you do your blood magic...do it. Anders, spirit magic...channel Justice if you have to. Larethia as strange as it sounds hit it with that healing magic you’re so exceptional at.”

“And what are you going to do?” Hawke raised a brow with a smirk

“I know some ancient magics…. Shape shifting and things.” she grinned.

“How long is something like this going to take?” Anders looked at her

“Tis a thing I do not know...could be instant...could also take hours.”

"What an odd way to say no fucking idea!" Hawke laughed nervously

“I don’t know about you but I don’t have the mana to try this for hours…no offence.” Dorian rubbed the back of his neck nervously. 

“We’ll just have to try it and see. It’s not like we have a choice” Merrill snapped. Dorian nodded and the mages stood in front of the mirror. Hawke and Morrigan standing in the middle, Anders, Dorian and Larethia on Hawke’s right. Vivienne, Dalish and Merrill on Morrigan’s left, all of them forming a semi-circle aimed at the eluvian. 

“On three” Hawke called out “One” the air started to shift “Two” Ander’s eyes started to flicker as Justice begged to come out “ **THREE** ” all eight of them cast their spells at the eluvian, causing the surface of it to spatter and crackle as they tried forcing it open. The intensity of their magics started to fade after around thirty minutes of continuous casting. 

“Hey Buttercup, let’s go scrounge up a bunch of lyrium potions, they’re going to need them pretty soon.

“No need.” Fenris called over to them as he unsheathed his sword, markings flickering to life as he walked to stand in the center of the mages, facing the eluvian.

“Fenris what are you-” Hawke yelled over the fizzling rush of magic, getting cut short in shock as Fenris channeled his brands through his greatsword as he was known to do in battle, before taking a knee and plunging it into the ground through the stone. The lyrium on his skin flared up and burned so bright he was almost impossible to look at. After a few seconds the mages’ magic matched the same intensity. 

“What the hell?” Leto whispered under his breath, Varric nudged him in the ribs with his elbow

“You know I’ve known your father for many years...and I’ve seen him do a lot of impressive and crazy shit...but this takes the cake.” a high pitched noise started to gradually fill the air as the eluvian resonated “Holy shit… IT’S WORKING!” Varric yelled over all the noise, the resonating sound continued to get louder, almost deafeningly so, until the magic barrier locking the mirror shattered, sending out a shockwave, throwing everyone backwards in a violent manner. 

“Ahg Fuck...what happened?” Hawke propped himself up on his elbows looking at the eluvian. Leto ran to his sister who was stumbling as she tried to stand. Anders helped Morrigan up and she took an exhausted step towards the mirror. Sebastian held a hand out to Fenris who had been thrown into the marble railing behind them and was struggling. 

“Are you alright brother?” he pulled the elven man to his feet, offering a shoulder for support.

“I will be fine. Thank you….did...did it work?” he looked at Morrigan as she let her hand phase into the mirror before pulling it out again

“Yes...we….we did it…..we forced open an eluvian….to my knowledge this has never been done before…” she stared in wonder. 

“So now that we’ve done the impossible… what’s next?” Varric looked at Fenris, as did Sebastian and Hawke….and soon the rest of them.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he glanced at everyone in front of him

“You said it yourself Broody, you’re acting Inquisitor while she’s away. None of us are going to argue with you.” 

“I only said that so those nobles would go away...You are really looking to me right now?” he panted, his back throbbing in pain. The lyrium in his skin screaming at him. 

“Fenris, we were all willing to follow you into the Arbor Wilds when the sky was spitting demons to fight an infected godlike creature… so yeah we’re looking to you man, what’s the plan?” Hawke gave him a slap on the back and his spine sent shockwaves of pain through his entire body. 

“Okay...first….we rest a minute or two….then gather the rest of our companions, any of them who are available...then we go through and find Syl.” Sebastian helped him onto a bench as Larethia came over to him 

“Will you let me?” she held her hands up, a white glow at her fingertips, he nodded and she started healing him.

“So Hawke you were there right a way, any idea what Chuckles had to do with any of this?” Varric started giving Bianca a once over.

“No clue, Fenris was there first, so maybe he knows. But I’m sure we’ll be able to get something out of Sol-”

“Solas is to be killed on sight” Fenris gritted through his teeth as he stood, looking to Larethia “Thank you dear” she nodded and started on anyone else who needed it.

“What do you mean?” Cassandra looked bewildered 

“I mean if you see him, kill him. Fen’harel is not to be spared” He pulled his sword from the ground, giving the group a look, challenging them to say different. “Now let us go find the others” he looked to some of the Inquisition scouts “If anyone aside from us even breathes near this eluvian, kill them. If anyone comes out of the eluvian that is not Sylendra, kill them. Fail, and I kill you. Understood?” they saluted and he lead the group into the main ballroom away from the council meetings, waiting for anyone who was available to meet them there. Leto and Larethia and Kieran stood off to the side of Fenris. Hawke, Varric, Morrigan and Sebastian to his other side. Cullen and Cassandra talked battle strategy. Anders, Dorian and Vivienne worked on making some quick Lyrium potions. Moments later Iron Bull, Sera and the chargers came filtering in. Followed by Blackwall, Leliana, Josephine and Cole. Aveline came in shortly after with Merrill bounding in with excitement. 

“What’s got you so cheery Daisy?” Varric raised a brow, her response was to step to the side and point to the door as Isabela walked through. “Rivaini?!” 

“Oh come now, you didn’t think I’d miss something like this did you?” she laughed and hugged her friends from Kirkwall, she then turned to Morrigan, Anders and Fenris “Though you three are going to love who walks in the door in about 15 seconds.” she grinned

“Whore what are you talk-” Fenris’s mouth snapped shut and his eyes went wide in disbelief. A rather short elven male with a few strands of blonde hair peeking out from behind his mask walked in the door, dressed in armor similar to that of a raven or crow. He was followed by a red headed dwarf with a battle axe bigger than he was slung over his shoulders. Behind the dwarf was a dalish elf woman with blonde hair in a neat bun on top of her head. Following the elf was a female dwarf with a casteless brand on her face. A tall hornless qunari with a mane of white braids followed the female. A raven haired man with a bow strapped to his back and glowing rock golem brought up the rear of the group. The room went silent.

“We were originally coming for a different reason, but it seems something has happened and you could use some assistance no?” the elven man spoke with a thick antivian accent as he removed his mask, revealing a rather smug grin.

“Zevran?! I don’t believe it!” Morrigan darted over to him and gave him a hug, doing the same to Ohgren and Sten and strangely Shale as well.

“Anders is this where you’ve been hiding?!” Nathaniel came over to the man and gave him a hug “It’s good to see you again.”

“You as well Nathaniel.”

“I...I don’t believe this…” Fenris ran a hand over his face. Stunned by the group who walked in the door

“How?” Hawke was also in shock

“Just because we no longer travel with the Hero, doesn’t mean we haven’t kept tabs on her once she was relocated.” Zevran grinned “We heard about this council and what some of the outcomes could be, how could we not show up to give some support. Though I do not see Syl...I’m guessing some things have changed?”

“Indeed they have, one thing first for everyone else in the room, Inquisition, meet the companions to the Hero during the Blight. This is Zevran Ariani, Ohgen, Sten, and Shale.” Morrigan pointed to each of them as she introduced them.

“And this is Velanna, Sigrun, and Nathaniel Howe. They are Grey Wardens….all recruited by Syl the same time she recruited me.” Anders did the same as Morrigan. Varric then stepped towards the center of the room 

“A pleasure to meet all of you, and for your benefit I’m going to introduce the rest of us, I am Varric Tethras” He grinned before pointing around the room “ Over on this side we have Commander Cullen Rutherford, Miss Leliana who some of you already know, Josephine Montilyet, Divine Victoria...or Cassandra not even going to say her full name Pentaghast as the rest of us normal folk call her. There’s Sera, or Red Jenny depending on who you know, Thom Rainer, Cole, and Madam Vivienne De Fer, The Iron Bull and his Chargers” they all did the horns up thing they were so fond of doing and Varric chuckled “Then Dorian Pavus. Then on this side we have Merrill, Guard Captain Aveline Vallen, Isabela, Prince Sebastian Vael, and the Champion of Kirkwall Garrett Hawke. This young man is Kieran. And the best for last” he looked at Fenris “This is Fenris, Syl’s husband” he then turned to their kids “The this fine young man is Leto, and this beautiful young lady his little sister Larethia. Syl and Fenris’s children.” 

“Varric I believe that is the first time you’ve ever called us by anything other than our nicknames….” Sebastian snickered a bit

“Well it’s a special occasion Choir Boy, don’t get used to it” he winked. 

“Well if people are done swooping in I suggest we start to get a plan together and fast.” Morrigan walked toward the table in the center of the room.

“Swooping is bad” Leto chuckled and she gave him a smile

“Yes… Swooping is bad” a new voice echoed through the semi quiet room, everyone parted to see who was standing in the doorway. Morrigan froze. "Though I'd like to think I'm the exception"

“Alistair!” Leto bolted for the man and enveloped him in a hug “Thank the maker you could be here.” he muttered into the man’s shoulder. 

“It’s good to see you again my friend.” Zevran gave Alistair a pat on the back as he walked by, heading towards Fenris, stopping when he saw Larethia, he crouched in front of her 

“Well you must be Larethia” she giggled and nodded her head “Leto has told me much about you.”he took her hand and kissed it before standing again as she giggled once more. “How are you Fenris?” he gave the man a brief hug

“Honestly, I could not be more happy you are here.” he gave him a weak smile

***********************

After a few hours of debating and trying to come up with a plan the large group took a break. 

“Leto!” Larethia came skipping over to her brother with Kieran in tow. “Kieran and I are having a disagreement and we want you to settle it!”

“Are you now? And what might that be?” he raised a brow

“Kieran says since you are Alistair’s heir and I’m your sister that makes me a princess. But I don’t believe him! I’m not an heir!”

“Ha...you know what, I’m not sure what the answer to that is…” Leto rubbed the back of his neck

“What the answer to what is?” Alistair came over to them, handing Leto a glass of water

“Larethia and Kieran were debating on if the fact that I’m your heir, if she is a princess since she’s my sister. Kieran says yes, Lare says no. What say you your majesty?” he raised a brow, Alistair thought for a moment

“You know what, I believe your friend is correct, you are indeed a princess. I’m sorry what was your name again?” he looked to the boy standing next to Larethia, finally looking at him for more than a glance. The boy had a mix of raven black and auburn hair, with amber eyes that had a gold tint to them. His skin was relatively pale, and his clothes simple. The boy smiled at him

“Kieran, my name is Kieran. It’s a pleasure to meet you sir!” Kieran held out a hand, in doing so his outer shirt shifted and Alistair caught glimpse of what looked like a pair of familiar wings embossed on his chestplate. 

“You as well...I assume your parents are here somewhere and that you aren’t here alone? You look a bit young to be a warrior” he raised a brow and chuckled and Kieran laughed

“Aye sir, my mother is around her somewhere.” he nodded.

“Speaking of parents, Lare did you get father to agree to letting you come with yet?” Leto asked

“No… I should go do that I guess…” She ran a hand through her hair and started walking over to Fenris, Kieran following her. 

“I’m going to go check in with Hawke, it’s been a while. You coming?”

“Nah I’m going to stay here” Leto shook his head Alistair took a few steps over to where Hawke was talking to Varric as Morrigan came over to Leto.

“Leto” she gave him a nudge with her shoulder

“What can I do for you Morrigan?”

“Looking for Kieran, tell me do you know where my son ran off to?” She said with a smile, which immediately faded when she saw Leto’s face “Did I say something to offend?” he didn’t answer “Leto?” he still didn’t respond, instead he grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her around to face Alistair who had whipped around to face her. “Oh fuck….”

“Kieran is YOUR son?” he asked, she nodded slowly Alistair looked at the boy and then back to her, she was fiddling with the hem of her shirt, he’d never seen her so nervous  “Morrigan….is...is he…” he trailed off until she brought her eyes to meet his “Is he…” he trailed off again

“Kieran is your son….” she whimpered

“Pardon?” he took a step forward, Morrigan sighed

“Kieran is your son Alistair” she said louder this time

“What now?” Zevran overheard and immediately turned to face them. 

“Hold on, did she just?” Varric and Hawke looked at each other and the the two of them. 

“He...he’s my son?” 

“That is what I just said isn’t it?” she snapped. He looked at the young man standing next to the elven girl. He’d clearly grown up well. He looked back at Morrigan, feeling a weird pang in his chest as her golden eyes stared into his. “Alistair?” he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in the crook of her neck. She hesitated momentarily before returning the hug. 

“We can’t get into this now...but after we bring back Syl….Morrigan knowing what happened between us and never seeing you until I brought Leto to the Inquisition….we need to talk...please? Promise me after this is through we can talk….” his words were muffled by her shoulder. 

“Okay Alistair...we can talk…” her words were soft, of all the things she expected him to say that was not it. He pulled away from the hug as Larethia and Kieran came back over

“Father says as long I stay with you I can come with.” Larethia chirped, directing her words at Leto

“Alright, well let’s get you some more armor then, if I’m guarding you I don’t care if you’re a mage and can have rocks for skin or not, you’re wearing armor.” He motioned for her to follow him to the armory to see what they could find. “Kieran are you going to fight with us as well?” he looked to Kieran then Morrigan and Alistair. 

“That’s up to my mother I think.” he looked at her with questioning eyes.

“Stay with Larethia and Leto.” she looked at Leto who nodded as he took off, the other two following him.

***********************

“Everyone ready?” Fenris scanned over the crowd in front of him. They responded with a battle cry and he lead them through the eluvian. When they reached the other side they found themselves in the fade, as wretched as it was before. “Oh no…”

“Are we back in the fade?” Hawke paused for a minute “Fuck, ANDERS!” he darted over to the man who was doubled over, clutching the sides of his head, begging for it to stop. “Anders hey look at me, look at me Anders!” Hawke grabbed him by the shoulders

“NO!” Anders’ voice was tainted with Justice who was trying to force his way out “NO stop! PLeAsE!” 

“ANDERS!” Hawke shook him once 

“HaWKe PLeaSe...MakE...mAke It sTOp! It’S….I CaN’T….AHHHHHHGggghhhhhHGGG” Anders screamed, his voice fluctuating. 

“Garrett what the hell is going on with him?!” Fenris came over to help Hawke hold him still.

“I don’t know?! It’s never like this when Justice tries to take over!” 

“That fool bound himself to Justice?!” Nataniel spat “The Idiot…” he growled

“Criticize later, keep him from turning into an abomination now!” Fenris spat right back at him

“From turning into one? He already is one!” Nathaniel drew back his bow and let an arrow fly towards Anders without blinking, Fenris phased in front of him and took the hit, looking back at Nathaniel with fury in his eyes, marching towards him, markings ablaze as he pulled the arrow out.

“I do not care if you have known him longer, or that you are both Grey Wardens, or that you see him as the monster he is, right now you are MY army. And I will NOT have you killing each other. And if you attack him again, I WILL put my hand through your chest and feed you your still beating heart. Am I clear?” Fenris snarled at the man in front of him who nodded and looked down, unable to meet his eyes as he shoved the arrow back at him. He turned back to Anders to see Hawke holding him still and Larethia standing in front of him casting a calming spell trying to soothe him.

“Fenris…” Morrigan looked to the sky, Cullen standing next to her looking at their surroundings 

“Hm?”

“We are not in the fade….” she murmured

“This...this the mountain leading to the temple of sacred ashes…” Cullen point to the peak. 

“If this isn’t the fade...then what the fuck?” Alistair muttered

“Ah that explains things” Hawke grunted “Forest crank it up a notch will you?” she nodded, a blinding white light coming from her hands, Anders falling limp in Hawke’s grip. “Thank you.” he slung the man over his shoulders and carried him over to a rock before leaning him against it. “The veil...feels distant here..”

“That is because there is no veil here…” Dorian looked at Morrigan, both of them thinking the same thing but neither of them wanting to say it. Without warning demons and spirits alike swarmed the group. They were outnumbered three to one. 

“Fall back!” Cullen and Cassandra yelled over the battle. Fenris was slowly but surely becoming a blue streak on the battlefield, slicing down any demon that crossed his path. As they were fighting a massive black wolf with six eyes filled the sky. “FALL BACK NOW!” they yelled again looking at the wolf

“Gods help us! That’s the Dread Wolf!” Merrill screeched. Fenris stumbled and Hawke caught him

“Fenris? You okay?” Fenris shook his head

“I...feel wrong…”

“Hey look at me, you can’t be out of this fight too,there’s a fucking god in the sky! We need you!” Hawke pulled back from Fenris as his eyes started glowing again, he did feel weird “Fenris...what the hell?”

“What?....”

“I...I can feel you…”

“Perhaps because you’re holding my arm?” he raised a brow

“No smartass like feel YOU. Like we could feel Larethia….” Fenris gave him a bewildered look “Fenris hold your hand out”

“Garrett we don’t have time for this!” he hissed

“Just give me your fucking hand!” Hawke took Fenris’s hand and held it out in front of him “Go like this” he waved his own hand a certain way “And think about ice” Fenris rolled his eyes and did as he was told, a blizzard shot out of his fingertips, freezing a horde of demons and spirits in place. He pulled his hand back.”Maker help us…”

“What the fuck?!” Fenris hissed.

“All ancient elves used to have magic, it’s rumored that they still do, and that it’s being silenced by something, that’s why elven mages are naturally stronger….” Morrigan looked at the sky above “My guess would be the veil is what was preventing the magic from being there.” she murmured.

“Hallows you realize you just told the guy who hates mages and magic more than anything else in the existence of Thedas that he is now a mage….” Varric looked at Fenris who was scowling, whether that scowl was directed at the magic he held or the giant wolf in the sky that was a mystery. Another swarm of demons and spirits surrounded them, the wolf spitting words at them as they fought, 

“Leave! This is no place for you!” he roared through the clouds

“Not until we get what we came for” Cassandra grit through her teeth, slaying a despair demon as two pride demons took its place.

“Ha the Inquisitor?” the wolf howled with laughter “She fought well… they all did” Fenris stopped in his tracks, glaring at the wolf 

"Don't believe him! Fen'Harel is the god of trickery and lies remember?" Merrill call over the noise of battle

“Where is she?” Alistair snarled from beside him

“Who? Your Inquisitor?” the wolf howled with laughter again “Your Inquisitor is dead!” Fenris’s blood ran cold. He glared at the wolf, feeling his blood freeze, feeling the lyrium burn his skin from being ignited 

“Oh fuck, EVERYBODY DOWN!” Hawke screamed, pulling Varric and Isabela to the ground as everyone but Fenris dropped, an icy snow storm radiating from him, stopping everything in its path. The wolf reached into the ruins of the Temple of Sacred Ashes, pulling several limp forms from rubble. Fenris could feel nothing but anger, agony and panic as the figures were tossed aside in their general direction. The wolf cackled and the sky around them started caving in, chunks of rock and raw magic crashing down. Fenris’s storm was so powerful, they couldn’t stand to get back to the eluvian. “Fenris! FENRIS!” The elf glared at the human yelling at him, Hawke had crawled over to him, managing to stand once he was next to him. “Fenris come on….we can’t….”

“I am not leaving here without her Garrett” he snarled

“I know, I don’t want to go either but we aren't’ prepared for this… we’ll get her I promise. But now is not the time.” The storm around them calmed briefly, everyone quickly standing. Alistair and Varric running to one of the bodies to see if they were alright. Fenris glanced at the wolf again, the storm around him picking up, magical energy radiating off of him, shards of ice whipping through the air, snow drifts piling around them. “Fenris...Fenris NO!” Hawke picked up his staff and struck the lyrium branded elf in front of him, hitting him with a calming spell to put him to sleep, catching him as he fell.

“RETREAT! BACK THROUGH THE ELUVIAN!” Leto called out over crowd, nobody questioned him, he cast fire at a few demons as they all took off through the eluvian. Hawke half carrying half dragging Fenris with him. Shale picking up Anders as she ran through.

“What...the...fuck...happened…..What was...that thing?” Nathaniel panted, bent over with his hands on his knees. Shale set down Anders as he started to stir, Hawke doing the same with Fenris.

“Garrett” Fenris spat the man’s name

“I know I know!” he held up his hands “And you know we’ll go back, we just need to figure out how the hell to deal with something like that!”

“You want to go back?!” Nathaniel raised his brows

“I certainly am, I do not care if anyone else is or not!” Fenris bit

“There’s no need” Morrigan’s voice was lost amongst the arguing, Hawke and Fenris continued screaming at each other. Slowly the others quieted down, their eyes turning to Alistair.

“Guys…” Varric said flatly, they continued arguing “Guys…” he said a bit louder, they ignored him, “GUYS!” his raspy voice bellowed over their argument

“WHAT?!” they both turned to him, Fenris’s scowl immediately fell into horror. In his arms Alistair had a broken and bloody body. The limp form of an elven woman was clutched to his chest, jet black armor stained with blood, pure white hair also spattered with blood hanging loosely at his side.

“No….” Fenris stumbled forward, tears threatening his eyes. Alistair took a few steps towards Fenris, handing him the body as he collapsed to the ground. He looked at the woman whose body he held. Her pale face was cut and bruised, her armor soaked in her own blood. Her once crimson hair now completely white like his own, a result he guess, from her left arm. The lyrium lines on her skin trailing down her left arm were still glowing...glowing a glimmering green with the power from the anchor. Crystalized energy still crackling and shattering at her fingertips, crystalizing around her wedding ring. Her eyes...her steely grey eyes looked empty. Her once metallic, shimmering eyes that lit up like lightning when she smiled, that burned with the ferocity of molten metal when she was angry now stared into an abyss of nothingness. Fenris’s heart broke, shattered, tore in half, ripped itself apart. He hugged her to his chest, letting tears fall, his body shaking with despair. Larethia started to walk over to him but Kieran pulled her into him and held her, letting her weep. Leto mimicked his father, falling to his knees, Hawke at his side with an arm around him. Everyone wept, their hero, their Inquisitor, their commander, their friend, their mother, their wife….she was gone. Alistair took a knee, Morrigan and Cullen following suit, and soon everyone else. They stayed silent as they were at a loss for words, the only sounds filling the air were the muffled cries of Larethia, Leto’s sobs, and Fenris’s near hyperventilating shaky gasps for air as he mourned. Merrill cried into Isabela’s shoulder, Anders caught a collapsing Varric as the dwarf let himself break down, she’d meant more to him than he ever let on. Alistair held Morrigan as she cried into his chest, he rested his chin on the top of her head and ran a hand through her hair. Sebastian boldly approached Fenris, placing a hand on his shoulder, Fenris didn’t even react as Sebastian immediately pulled his hand away, the elf’s brands were ignited more than they’ve ever been, burning with extreme cold. Ignoring the pain Sebastian put his hand back on his shoulder before speaking loud enough for only Fenris to hear

“She is with the maker now brother…”he whispered. Fenris choked on his response, rendering it unintelligible. Fenris leaned into Sebastian’s hand, slowly but surely falling into the man’s arms, exhaustion and grief taking its toll on him, his sadness could be felt in the air around him. No one knows how long they’d been sitting there, at some point Josephine stepped away to send letters, send for an undertaker and cancel the council meetings. Varric had put on a brave face and stepped in to usher people away but what still clearly breaking on the inside, giving Fenris space to grieve. He started to take Larethia’s hand to lead her inside and paused when she refused

“Forest come on…”

“No! I want to see her! I want to see my mother!” she tried pulling away but Varric didn’t let go.

“No doll that’s not a good idea….you...you don’t need to see her like this….”

“Varric!” she tried breaking free of his grip, punching him in the shoulder “Varric let me see my mother!” without warning Kieran wrapped his arms around her waist and picked her up, carrying her away. “NO! NO let go of me! Kieran put me down! Let me see my mom! Kieran let go of me!!” she screamed the entire time he took her away. Varric moved to take Cole inside as well, tilting his head when the boy wouldn’t move.

“You okay kid?” Cole shook his head “What-”

“Empty, despair, nothingness. A void in my heart and darkness in my soul. Pain, loss….world crumbling around me...my nightmares...fear….falling into the abyss…..” he mumbled

“”Uh...you normally don’t speak, well for lack of a better word normally...but that was dark, even for you…” Varric took a step closer to the boy

“Death...pain, sorrow, broken….pit in my stomach...sick and nauseous at the thought….hollow shell….why...why her...brave, loving, caring, kind, gentle soul, strong, love,happiness, joy, life….why her…..why wasn’t it me...nothing, worthless, monster, weak, lost, hopeless…” he mumbled again Varric’s eyes went wide as he realized Cole was feeling Fenris’s pain, his thoughts. He looked at the broken elf and sighed, looking back to Cole who was now clutching the sides of his head “Stop...make the emptiness go away…too much Varric...it’s too much…” he squeezed his eyes shut, still not moving

“Blondie...get him out of here...I’ve never seen him like this….” Varric gave the mage a concerned look as he came over to pick up and drag Cole away. Leto took a few shakey steps toward his father, stopping, he looked at Varric who shook his head. Leto hung his head and turned to go inside and find his sister. He knew he had to give his father space, and his stomach lurched into his throat at the thought of seeing his mother’s body. Varric walked over to where Fenris and Sebastian were, kneeling beside them. “Fenris...the undertaker is here…” he whispered. Fenris squeezed his eyes shut, more tears sliding down his face.

“Has a decision been made as to where she will rest?” An elderly woman stood off behind them. Fenris tried to speak and failed. Varric shook his head. “May I at least clean her up? And what would you like her to be in?” Varric looked at Fenris

“Her armor?” he whispered, Fenris slowly nodded “Her armor is fine.” The undertaker nodded 

“Very well. Follow me please.” Sebastian and Varric stood, then Fenris did, still with Syl in his arms. The three of them followed the undertaker into a secluded room in the basement of the palace. Nobles peering out their windows trying to catch a glimpse of Inquisitor. She tapped the top of a stone table and Fenris laid Syl on top of it, shaking as he stepped back. “I will come find you when she is presentable, it will take a while as I will have to clean and polish her armor.” they nodded and Sebastian pulled Fenris from the room leading him back up to his room. Pausing at the door.

“Do you want me to stay with you awhile?” 

“No….thank you.” Fenris shook his head and rested a hand on the door

“Let me know if there is anything I can do for you brother.” Fenris nodded and Sebastian started walking down the hall

“Check on Leto and Larethia...I….I cannot at the moment.”

“Of course” Sebastian nodded and started off again. Fenris entered his room, resting with his back against the door. He let himself go even more, letting his body tremble with fear, letting the pain wash over him, desperately wishing to wake up from this nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O.o Please don't hate me....

**Author's Note:**

> Always happy to answer questions and take suggestions :)


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